Every few Fridays me and some mates gather to watch a film or two. Classics as well as intriguing new ones and some arty festival type ones. Although this has lead to seeing quite a few excellent films it has also lead to seeing some of the worst films in existence.
Personally the one which rests proudly at the bottom is one called "I Will Walk like a Crazy Horse". It is the most fucked-up pretentious film in existence. It's a French film made in 1973.
So I think the plots somewhere like this. A bloke flees the authorities for some crime, I think killing his mother, although he didn't actually kill her or something, I think he just scared her and she had a heart attack, although I think she wanted it to happen... or.. something... anyway I think they were having sex...
So he goes off to the desert and meets this fucked up geezer who lives in the desert eating sand. they hit it off in a semi-homosexual way and the fleeing bloke goes back to civilisation.. for some reason and takes the geezer. What follows is a bunch of shitty symbolic nature-is-good-civilisation-is-bad crap. the fugitive guy goes to his old house and dresses up as his mother for some reason... the geezer married some chick for some reason... but she turns out to by a guy... and the geezer sticks a flower in his-er butthole and... eats it for some reason... but then the fugitive guy gets shot and they go back to the desert, (the shemale vanishes for some reason,) and the fugitive guy dies and for some reason the geezer eats him - graphically... and the film ends with the geezer morphing into the fugitive guy... for some reason...
Oh yeah, the above contained spoilers but if you even got through the first paragraph and thought "hey this is a film I want to see" then I don't care if I spoiled it for you. The whole time I was watching it I just said to myself "ten more minutes and if a plot hasn't emerged I'm fucking turning it off," but we kept watching it basically because it was like a rodeo type thing, you want to know how long you can last. It was so bad that we felt we had to have a detox and watch "28 Days Later" afterwards, (even Erin who's not a fan of zombie movies - she was even hesitant about watching Army of Darkness the other week.)
But yeah. Bad. Really fucking bad. There was a lot of REALLY BLATANTLY OBVIOUS symbolism in it too, i.e. the geezer sees some workers pruning a tree, the scene immediately switches to some woman getting her clothes ripped off and her tongue bitten out - we get it, the rape of mother nature, really subtle you dunce.)
Second place would go to the more recent "Tideland", a 2005 film by Terry Gilliam. It's a story about some girl who's irresponsible parents die, (the latter of which is left rotting in the house where the girl continues to live thinking that he's still "on vacation", (i.e., a drug trip.) She lives in a run down shack in the literal middle of nowhere where the only other inhabitants are some psycho she-bitch who hates bees and enjoys taxidermy and her retarded brother who thinks he's a captain of a ship trying to kill a giant shark, (and this guy very much goes "full retard".) I mean the rotting corpse in the living room is bad enough, (especially since the girl still sits on it's lap, tries to feed it and reads it stories,) but when the she-bitch decides to use her skill at taxidermy and, (poorly,) stuff it... and then live with it in a bizarre happy family... and then the retard blows up a train...
Look I'm not going to explain this one, the only thing really making it #2 instead of #1 is that it was in English and didn't include a scene with a guy eating a shit-covered flower. We watched six episodes of "Futurama" to detox ourselves from that one.
SO I'm curious as to what you guys reckon are truly bad movies. I know there's the Epic Movies and the Meet the Spartans but really they're pitiful rather than bad, (okay they're both bad and pitiful,) and compared to the two aforementioned films they are completely and utterly watchable. I'm interested in getting a list of bad movies and giving them to Robert, (my mate who picked both IWWLACH and Tideland,) and hopefully never having to see such crap again.
Personally the one which rests proudly at the bottom is one called "I Will Walk like a Crazy Horse". It is the most fucked-up pretentious film in existence. It's a French film made in 1973.
So I think the plots somewhere like this. A bloke flees the authorities for some crime, I think killing his mother, although he didn't actually kill her or something, I think he just scared her and she had a heart attack, although I think she wanted it to happen... or.. something... anyway I think they were having sex...
So he goes off to the desert and meets this fucked up geezer who lives in the desert eating sand. they hit it off in a semi-homosexual way and the fleeing bloke goes back to civilisation.. for some reason and takes the geezer. What follows is a bunch of shitty symbolic nature-is-good-civilisation-is-bad crap. the fugitive guy goes to his old house and dresses up as his mother for some reason... the geezer married some chick for some reason... but she turns out to by a guy... and the geezer sticks a flower in his-er butthole and... eats it for some reason... but then the fugitive guy gets shot and they go back to the desert, (the shemale vanishes for some reason,) and the fugitive guy dies and for some reason the geezer eats him - graphically... and the film ends with the geezer morphing into the fugitive guy... for some reason...
Oh yeah, the above contained spoilers but if you even got through the first paragraph and thought "hey this is a film I want to see" then I don't care if I spoiled it for you. The whole time I was watching it I just said to myself "ten more minutes and if a plot hasn't emerged I'm fucking turning it off," but we kept watching it basically because it was like a rodeo type thing, you want to know how long you can last. It was so bad that we felt we had to have a detox and watch "28 Days Later" afterwards, (even Erin who's not a fan of zombie movies - she was even hesitant about watching Army of Darkness the other week.)
But yeah. Bad. Really fucking bad. There was a lot of REALLY BLATANTLY OBVIOUS symbolism in it too, i.e. the geezer sees some workers pruning a tree, the scene immediately switches to some woman getting her clothes ripped off and her tongue bitten out - we get it, the rape of mother nature, really subtle you dunce.)
Second place would go to the more recent "Tideland", a 2005 film by Terry Gilliam. It's a story about some girl who's irresponsible parents die, (the latter of which is left rotting in the house where the girl continues to live thinking that he's still "on vacation", (i.e., a drug trip.) She lives in a run down shack in the literal middle of nowhere where the only other inhabitants are some psycho she-bitch who hates bees and enjoys taxidermy and her retarded brother who thinks he's a captain of a ship trying to kill a giant shark, (and this guy very much goes "full retard".) I mean the rotting corpse in the living room is bad enough, (especially since the girl still sits on it's lap, tries to feed it and reads it stories,) but when the she-bitch decides to use her skill at taxidermy and, (poorly,) stuff it... and then live with it in a bizarre happy family... and then the retard blows up a train...
Look I'm not going to explain this one, the only thing really making it #2 instead of #1 is that it was in English and didn't include a scene with a guy eating a shit-covered flower. We watched six episodes of "Futurama" to detox ourselves from that one.
SO I'm curious as to what you guys reckon are truly bad movies. I know there's the Epic Movies and the Meet the Spartans but really they're pitiful rather than bad, (okay they're both bad and pitiful,) and compared to the two aforementioned films they are completely and utterly watchable. I'm interested in getting a list of bad movies and giving them to Robert, (my mate who picked both IWWLACH and Tideland,) and hopefully never having to see such crap again.
[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon
