Perv3rt
Lookin' through your Window
+193|6455|Man Diego

Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Senora...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
SplinterStrike
Roamer
+250|6626|Eskimo land. AKA Canada.

Perv3rt wrote:

Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband said so.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'

Maria: 'Your husband did.'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'

Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'

Maria: 'No Senora...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
Pricless

You may not karma the same person in a 24 hour period.
Reddhedd
trolawlawl
+188|6660|EE Chat
Since I'm going to hell already....

How do you confuse Helen Keller?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
Give her a basketball to read

Spoiler (highlight to read):
Put doorknobs on the walls

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
She's a woman

How long does it take to paint a wall?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
Depends how hard you throw the babies

How do you get 10 babies into a five gallon bucket?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
A Blender

How do you get them out?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
Doritos
DonFck
Hibernator
+3,227|6846|Finland

OK, I'll continue that theme:

You know what's awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
A barrel full of dead babies.
You know what's really awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
The one at the bottom is still alive.
You know what's even MORE awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
It eats its way out.
You know what's the most awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
It goes back for seconds.
I need around tree fiddy.
AussieReaper
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
+5,761|6368|what

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-three year olds?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
there's twenty of them
https://i.imgur.com/maVpUMN.png
=NHB=Shadow
hi
+322|6580|California
women
AussieReaper
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
+5,761|6368|what

Women's rights.
https://i.imgur.com/maVpUMN.png
=NHB=Shadow
hi
+322|6580|California
i was going to post that but that's been older than women were alive

Last edited by =NHB=Shadow (2010-02-15 01:19:00)

Eifa
Never regret anything that ever made you smile.
+923|6086|00770

DonFck wrote:

OK, I'll continue that theme:

You know what's awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
A barrel full of dead babies.
You know what's really awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
The one at the bottom is still alive.
You know what's even MORE awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
It eats its way out.
You know what's the most awesome?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
It goes back for seconds.
that joke's crap and yet i laugh every time i hear it

What's the difference between a pitbull and a woman with pms?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
Lipstick.
No, I don't need an attitude adjustment. You just need to fuck off.
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|6888|Cardiff, Capital of Wales
Staying on theme.

Whats the difference between a womans rights campaigner and a pencil?

One of thems got a point.
Finray
Hup! Dos, Tres, Cuatro
+2,629|6003|Catherine Black

CammRobb wrote:

If I were to stick both Call of Duty and FIFA 10 into my games console at the same time, What would appear on the TV screen?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
African Cup Of Nations.
It's Far Cry 2 and Fifa 10 moron.
https://i.imgur.com/qwWEP9F.png
Ghandi767
Member
+17|6837|Hanging in the Balance
Why don't blacks accept free cruises?




They're not falling for that one again.
artofsurvival
Idiot!
+33|6572|the Great British Queendom :)
An English man, a Scots man and an Irish man walk into a pub, walk to the bar. Where the bar man turns to see them and says "Is this some type of joke?"
Pug
UR father's brother's nephew's former roommate
+652|6757|Texas - Bigger than France
It's been a while...might have posted this one before:

Two Canadians are drinking beer.  They both finish their beers and find out there's only one left.  After squabbling a bit, they decide to settle who's going to get the last beer by playing a game of 20 questions.

So the first one thinks very hard.  What will my buddy never guess?  What will be impossible for him to get?  hmmmm....finally:

"Okay, I'm ready"

"First question: Can you eat it?"

"Ummm...well I guess.  I guess you could eat it"

"hmmmm....Is it Moose Cock?"

"Fuck"
Phatmatt
Vroom Vroom
+298|6404|Canada

Soo, I showed my gf my new tattoo...

It's of a $100 bill
And its on my penis.

She flipped the F*CK out and almost stormed out..
I tried my best to calm her down, and I told her
HONEY, please!
I like to play with my money,
I like to watch my money grow,
and if you want to blow $100, you wont have to go to the mall...
ROGUEDD
BF2s. A Liberal Gang of Faggots.
+452|5603|Fuck this.
Hah!
Make X-meds a full member, for the sake of 15 year old anal gangbang porn watchers everywhere!
CammRobb
Banned
+1,510|6345|Carnoustie MASSIF
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.   

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there.   

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.   

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'   

Boy - 'I have a football.'   

Man - 'That's nice.'   

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'   

Man - 'No, thanks.'   

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'   

Man - 'OK, how much?'   

Boy - '$ 250'   

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.   

Boy - 'Dark in here.'   

Man - 'Yes, it is.'   

Boy - 'I have football boots.'   

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?'   


Boy - '$ 750'   

Man - 'Sold.'   

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of   
soccer.   

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'   
The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?'   


The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a $ 1,000..'   

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sins.'   


They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.   

The boy says, 'Dark in here'...   

The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now'!!
The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!   Everything inside them is color coded." 

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in:  "You know, I like construction workers because those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC, shut them all up when he observed:  "You're all wrong.  Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and  the ass are interchangeable."

Last edited by CammRobb (2010-03-10 09:16:16)

PrivateVendetta
I DEMAND XMAS THEME
+704|6406|Roma

CammRobb wrote:

The first surgeon, from New York, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second, from Chicago, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!   Everything inside them is color coded." 

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in:  "You know, I like construction workers because those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC, shut them all up when he observed:  "You're all wrong.  Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and  the ass are interchangeable."
Politicians interchangeable with Frenchmen
https://static.bf2s.com/files/user/29388/stopped%20scrolling%21.png
Phatmatt
Vroom Vroom
+298|6404|Canada

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Larry's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Larry's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Larry sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday.

Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose pedals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do what ever you want."

So, Here I am.
PrivateVendetta
I DEMAND XMAS THEME
+704|6406|Roma
A teacher said to her pupil "There are 4 birds on a fence and a farmer shoots one of them, how many are left?"
He thinks for a moment and replies "None, they are all scared away by the bang"
The teacher shakes her head "No, there would be 3 left, but I like the way you are thinking!"
"Can I ask YOU a question now?"
The teacher nods her head.
"There are 3 women eating ice-creams, one is licking her ice-cream, another is sucking it, and another is taking bites of it. Which one is married?"
The teacher thinks.
"I guess it would be the one sucking the ice-cream.."

The little boy replies "Wrong! It's the one with a ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
https://static.bf2s.com/files/user/29388/stopped%20scrolling%21.png
Phatmatt
Vroom Vroom
+298|6404|Canada

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don't remember."
ROGUEDD
BF2s. A Liberal Gang of Faggots.
+452|5603|Fuck this.
If they have bomb sniffing dogs in Dallas and drug sniffing dogs in L.A., what do the dogs sniff for in Miami?


Spoiler (highlight to read):
Haitians.

Last edited by ROGUEDD (2010-03-22 20:30:59)

Make X-meds a full member, for the sake of 15 year old anal gangbang porn watchers everywhere!
Perv3rt
Lookin' through your Window
+193|6455|Man Diego

Jose and Carlos are both beggars.  They beg in different parts of town. Carlos begs for 4 hours a day, and Jose begs for 4 hours a day.  Carlos only brings home $10 - $20 each day, but Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten-dollar bills every day.  Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?"

Jose says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"  Carlos’ sign reads: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."  "What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him. "No wonder you only get $10 - $20 a day!" Jose responds.  Carlos says,  "All right, what does your sign say?"  Jose replies, "It says:  I only need ten more dollars to get back to Mexico."




Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white U.S. government official -

'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.

  The official continued

'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied -


  'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free.

Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled -


'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
h4hagen
Whats my age again?
+91|6567|Troy, New York
You Know what I just cant stand?

Cripples
steelie34
pub hero!
+603|6596|the land of bourbon

h4hagen wrote:

You Know what I just cant stand?

Cripples
https://southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com/images/shows/southpark/vertical_video/import/season_07/sp_0702_07_v6.jpg
https://bf3s.com/sigs/36e1d9e36ae924048a933db90fb05bb247fe315e.png

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2024 Jeff Minard