my god that is gay.
shes kinda cute
Time for another Caruso moment!
lul
lul
Baba Booey
Going outside for something other then work today. So afraid.
'Ziq got me jamming to some Luther Vandross, John Legend, Marvin Gaye, and Al Green, <3 Soul
ZoMG!! GHOST TRAIN!!!
the fuck is that
Baba Booey
Probably the most hilarious music vid made in Finland. Couldn't find it translated in English tho Would make more sense to you in Eng. It's our music vid funny kinda like Beastie Boys - Sabotage.
Ah. Quality A shit.
Ah. Quality A shit.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! My eyes!!!!! Volcano is on TV...
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120461/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120461/
what?
Hai guise, i just ate the most epic peach eva.
pussy
What what, in the butt!Gooners wrote:
what?
lol you're happyUltrafunkula wrote:
What what, in the butt!Gooners wrote:
what?
GTFO GooniesGooners wrote:
pussy
A bit, yes (:Gooners wrote:
lol you're happy drunkUltrafunkula wrote:
What what, in the butt!Gooners wrote:
what?
lel
<3 copypasta
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7 You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7 You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
lolmenzo2003 wrote:
<3 copypasta
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7 You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,you will go metric with immediate effect and conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer,and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. The substances formerly known as American Beer will henceforth be referred to as Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine. This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
Nature is a powerful force. Those who seek to subdue nature, never do so permanently.
It all started when our (former porn) star, Chucky, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling very worried, Chucky slapped a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before anyone could take off their pants, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his parole officer, Madonna. Chucky had known Madonna for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were striking ones. Madonna was unique. She was ingenious though sometimes a little... oafish. Chucky called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Madonna picked up to a very glad Chucky. Madonna calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths turn red before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually earnestly sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Chucky. Why was Madonna trying to distract Chucky? Because she had snuck out from Chucky's with the diary only eleven days prior. It was a enticing little diary... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Chucky got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Madonna yawned. Relunctantly, Madonna invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Chucky grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Madonna realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Chucky took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, she had take at least nine minutes before Chucky would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Madonna would be scarcely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Madonna was interrupted by five selfish Care Bears that were lured by her diary. Madonna grimaced; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she carefully reached for her gerbil and skillfully grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Chucky.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Chucky was out of the time machine and went explosively jaunting toward Madonna's front door. Meanwhile inside, Madonna was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. Madonna was exasperated but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Madonna scandalously purred. With a apt push, Chucky opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted beer-sloshed tool in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Madonna assured him. Chucky took a seat alarmingly close to where Madonna had hidden the diary. Madonna belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Chucky was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Madonna noticed a oafish look on Chucky's face. Chucky slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Madonna felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Chucky asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Chucky's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chucky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Madonna could react, Chucky skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Chucky stared at Madonna for what what must've been eight microseconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, Madonna groped sassily in Chucky's direction, clearly desperate. Chucky grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Madonna let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chucky,' she rebuked. Madonna always had been a little annoying, so Chucky knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Madonna did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Madonna looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Chucky. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Chucky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Madonna walked over to the window and looked down. Chucky was gone.
Just yonder, Chucky was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Madonna's place. Chucky had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Chucky. Already weakened from his injury, Chucky yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Chucky's diary. Feeling angered, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His time machine and blasted away with the fortitude of 2,000 South American hissing sloths running from a huge pack of South American hissing sloths. Chucky vomited with joy when he saw this. His diary was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet contraceptive'). Chucky was giddy. And so, everyone except Madonna and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
Madonna picked up to a very glad Chucky. Madonna calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths turn red before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually earnestly sigh *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Chucky. Why was Madonna trying to distract Chucky? Because she had snuck out from Chucky's with the diary only eleven days prior. It was a enticing little diary... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Chucky got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Madonna yawned. Relunctantly, Madonna invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Chucky grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Madonna realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if Chucky took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, she had take at least nine minutes before Chucky would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Madonna would be scarcely screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Madonna was interrupted by five selfish Care Bears that were lured by her diary. Madonna grimaced; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she carefully reached for her gerbil and skillfully grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the lemur-infested moor, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Chucky.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of ripened avocados, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Chucky was out of the time machine and went explosively jaunting toward Madonna's front door. Meanwhile inside, Madonna was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of dull pencils and then slid the box behind her hippopotamus. Madonna was exasperated but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Madonna scandalously purred. With a apt push, Chucky opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted beer-sloshed tool in a pimp fresh, candy-painted 'Lac,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Madonna assured him. Chucky took a seat alarmingly close to where Madonna had hidden the diary. Madonna belched trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Chucky was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Madonna noticed a oafish look on Chucky's face. Chucky slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Madonna felt a stabbing pain in her kidney when Chucky asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A insensitive look started to form on Chucky's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dangerous oil-soaked rags from when she used to have pet disease-carrying chipmunks. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Chucky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Madonna could react, Chucky skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.
Chucky stared at Madonna for what what must've been eight microseconds. A few freaknasty minutes later, Madonna groped sassily in Chucky's direction, clearly desperate. Chucky grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Madonna let out a electric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Chucky,' she rebuked. Madonna always had been a little annoying, so Chucky knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Madonna did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. Suddenly inspired by the wise teachings of Confuscious, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Madonna looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Chucky. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame two days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Chucky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Madonna walked over to the window and looked down. Chucky was gone.
Just yonder, Chucky was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Madonna's place. Chucky had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Chucky. Already weakened from his injury, Chucky yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.
But then God came down with His congenial smile and restored Chucky's diary. Feeling angered, God smote the Care Bears for their injustice. Then He got in His time machine and blasted away with the fortitude of 2,000 South American hissing sloths running from a huge pack of South American hissing sloths. Chucky vomited with joy when he saw this. His diary was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in seven minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet contraceptive'). Chucky was giddy. And so, everyone except Madonna and a few weapon of mass destruction-toting Indonesian devil cats lived blissfully happy, forever after.
I know fucking karate
AAAAAAAARGH my girlfriend is driving me fucking mental!
1-0 mother fuckers
|----| this close to breaking up with her
What's she done?bennisboy wrote:
AAAAAAAARGH my girlfriend is driving me fucking mental!