GodFather
Blademaster's bottom bitch
+387|6230|Phoenix, AZ
So I'm at my girlfriends ultra-conservative Christian grandparents house who's screensaver is, "God is good" 's house for the first time yesterday. I've been dating her a year on the 7th of next month and I traveled all the way down to Michigan to see them and spend some time with her, I did see her other grandparents also but this is the other side.


Anyway, first impression, day went okay, until I feel the need to shit for the second time in 9 days. I tried to hold it the whole trip because I tend to clog toilets. Good fucking idea, Cole.

So, I go upstairs and drop a 10x3 inch log in their toilet and flush. What do you know, it goes down no problem. So after that test I shit some more, a lot more, and then wipe my ass vigorously because hey, their toilet can handle my shit for some reason.

What do you know, it didn't handle my log. Quite the opposite really... The fucking tank starts leaking water. But hey, it happens I'll keep flushing till it goes down because these assholes DONT HAVE A PLUNGER.

Me being smart, figure it's best not to have a first impression, "Hey I just shit like a rhino up stairs, can I carry the plunger past my girlfriend, her sister whom Ive just met, your wife and yourself? I mean I did jut take a HUGE fucking dump in your toilet"

An hour and a quarter later I don't let the water drain quite so far down enough and the water starts coming over the bowl (clean water besides toilet paper) and Fuck fuck fuck I can't make it stop. No worries, I'll just mop it up with their towel. And ill let the towel dry, they won't know...


*knock knock knock*

"Hey, Cole, are you in there?"
uhh, yeah, it's me.
"Are you having problems in there?"
Sort of, I'm not feeling too hot. *lie, what am I going to say, I took a hugggge shit in your toilet and now the bowl is over flowing?*
"Well, the kitchen is flooded, is the water going over the bowl?"
Uhh, no, well, it is coming out of the tank, I didn't notice that before. *as I'm frantically mopping the floor with the towel*

basically I lied and said I was sick which resulted in basically me being quarentined for a day.

I mopped up most, hid the towel, came back later took a shower and said I dropped it in the shower because there was no floor mat and I didn't want to get the floor wet.


Well, great impression.

Lesson learned:  If you feel a big shit coming on, sneak outside and shit in the woods.


Fuck. Why the fuck didn't they have a Fucking plunger in the fucking BATHROOM?

- GF out
-MetaL*
Sup guies
+157|5644|Southern California
It's gonna be k man.
GodFather
Blademaster's bottom bitch
+387|6230|Phoenix, AZ

-MetaL* wrote:

It's gonna be k man.
I shit my intestines out and leave tomorrow morning.

So yes, it will be okay, thank fuckig god, no lore awkwardness.



man I can't wait to fuck my girlfriend
Nappy
Apprentice
+151|6240|NSW, Australia

never clogged a toilet tbh?
never even seen a plunger either
Flaming_Maniac
prince of insufficient light
+2,490|6717|67.222.138.85

Nappy wrote:

never clogged a toilet tbh?
never even seen a plunger either
are you a 13 year old female?
GodFather
Blademaster's bottom bitch
+387|6230|Phoenix, AZ

Flaming_Maniac wrote:

Nappy wrote:

never clogged a toilet tbh?
never even seen a plunger either
are you a 13 year old female?
Yeah, really.


Man the fuck up, I've been clogging toilets since I was 7.
AussieReaper
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
+5,761|6163|what

GodFather wrote:

Anyway, first impression, day went okay, until I feel the need to shit for the second time in 9 days.
Well there's your problem. Eat more fibre!

Glad it turned out okay though. lol
https://i.imgur.com/maVpUMN.png
Gawwad
My way or Haddaway!
+212|6695|Espoo, Finland
Artist's rendition of todays events:
some_random_panda
Flamesuit essential
+454|6401

GodFather wrote:

Flaming_Maniac wrote:

Nappy wrote:

never clogged a toilet tbh?
never even seen a plunger either
are you a 13 year old female?
Yeah, really.


Man the fuck up, I've been clogging toilets since I was 7.
I swear toilets in America are meant to take less than ours.  You have the ones that spiral round when they flush, right?  Ours just dump water down a large hole until it all goes.  No spiralling.

And honestly, it's really hard to clog ours.  You can fill it almost all the way with tissue paper and it'll still go down (I know this because I'm too lazy to throw tissue paper into the bin and just toss it into the toilet.  Only clogged twice.).
Mitch
16 more years
+877|6536|South Florida
Copypasta. Ive read this before.
15 more years! 15 more years!
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6481
It's like that scene from Dumb N Dumber.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
GodFather
Blademaster's bottom bitch
+387|6230|Phoenix, AZ

some_random_panda wrote:

GodFather wrote:

Flaming_Maniac wrote:


are you a 13 year old female?
Yeah, really.


Man the fuck up, I've been clogging toilets since I was 7.
I swear toilets in America are meant to take less than ours.  You have the ones that spiral round when they flush, right?  Ours just dump water down a large hole until it all goes.  No spiralling.

And honestly, it's really hard to clog ours.  You can fill it almost all the way with tissue paper and it'll still go down (I know this because I'm too lazy to throw tissue paper into the bin and just toss it into the toilet.  Only clogged twice.).
Oh yeah I had those when I was in French Polynesa. They are sick.

And yes we have the shitty toilets with the water twisting around


At my old house my parents knew I took huge shits so we ended up buying a crazy American standard toilet as soon as we bought it.

That thing was advertised to be able to flush like 16 golf balls effortlessly. That motherfucker  clogged.



And lol'd hard @ the copy pasta

I guarentee you never read that until now, if you find it on the interwebs as copy pasta dated before my post I will buy you a first class ticket all the way to Phoenix so you can punch me in the face
Macbeth
Banned
+2,444|5596

GodFather wrote:

I guarentee you never read that until now, if you find it on the interwebs as copy pasta dated before my post I will buy you a first class ticket all the way to Phoenix so you can punch me in the face
Sounds like a bet.
Poseidon
Fudgepack DeQueef
+3,253|6548|Long Island, New York
first thing I thought of:

JahManRed
wank
+646|6638|IRELAND

Dude, go see a doctor asap. It isn't normal to do dumps that fucking huge! More fibre ffs!
I'm Jamesey
Do a Research Noob
+506|6143|Scotland!
MY GIRLFRIEND
MadDogs&RunningMen
I'm back
+25|5430
Everyone poop.
trex1210
I am Canadian
+72|6269|B.C. Canada
You can hold a shit in for 9 days? Thats fucked. I shit every fucking day, if I went 9 days without taking a shit I would explode.
nickb64
formerly from OC (it's EXACTLY like on tv)[truth]
+77|5621|Greatest Nation on Earth(USA)

some_random_panda wrote:

GodFather wrote:

Flaming_Maniac wrote:


are you a 13 year old female?
Yeah, really.


Man the fuck up, I've been clogging toilets since I was 7.
I swear toilets in America are meant to take less than ours.  You have the ones that spiral round when they flush, right?  Ours just dump water down a large hole until it all goes.  No spiralling.

And honestly, it's really hard to clog ours.  You can fill it almost all the way with tissue paper and it'll still go down (I know this because I'm too lazy to throw tissue paper into the bin and just toss it into the toilet.  Only clogged twice.).
Toilet that shoots an air jet to push the water down ftw. Damn near impossible to clog.
MadDogs&RunningMen
I'm back
+25|5430
who poop on chest?  sick. what wrong with you?
Ultrafunkula
Hector: Ding, ding, ding, ding...
+1,975|6484|6 6 4 oh, I forget

Yer crying about no plunger? I don't have a plunger in my bathroom, since we silly Euros have shitters and plumbing THAT WORK!!!
1stSFOD-Delta
Mike "The Spooge Gobbler" Morales
+376|5989|Blue Mountain State

MadDogs&RunningMen wrote:

who poop on chest?  sick. what wrong with you?
https://www.itwirx.com/other/hksignature.jpg

Baba Booey
..teddy..jimmy
Member
+1,393|6660
Tell them you coughed out the demons...that'll give you shag points with granny and grandpa
MadDogs&RunningMen
I'm back
+25|5430

1stSFOD-Delta wrote:

MadDogs&RunningMen wrote:

who poop on chest?  sick. what wrong with you?
I don't poop on chest no.  Someone poop on my chest they said so.
1stSFOD-Delta
Mike "The Spooge Gobbler" Morales
+376|5989|Blue Mountain State

MadDogs&RunningMen wrote:

1stSFOD-Delta wrote:

MadDogs&RunningMen wrote:

who poop on chest?  sick. what wrong with you?
I poop on chest. Someone poop on my chest.
https://www.itwirx.com/other/hksignature.jpg

Baba Booey

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