An unofficial petition to EA, to add more cool stuff to the game
[Disclaimer: Yes, I'm fully aware that this isn't the place to post game improvements. But as you'll see, they're not serious suggestions to EA, but rather are intended as a humorous break from all the whinging and whining, and "omg, why don't my stats update?" posts making up the majority of the rest of the forums at the moment. Please feel free to add your own suggestions, but do avoid anything sensible, won't you?]
Dear Electronic Arts/Dice
Since the weapons unlocks aren't all that special (and in fact, are often even less lethal than the standard weaponry... I mean, DAO? Who wants a shotgun that looks like it's been built from spare washing machine parts?), I respectfully ask that you add other unlockable rewards for my amazing combat prowess. Here are some ideas I've had.
Shades. After all, what better way is there to tell the world that you're a badass MOFO than wearing shades? Many of the maps are middle-eastern desert terrain, where the sun can be very strong. I don't see how my solider can function to the best of his (my) ability, without some expensive mirrored shades.
All the best ice-cold killers wear shades, I think I should get a pair too.
Cigar commanders only. Everyone knows that all the best commanders have to spit our their yankee drawl around the ends of a big fat cuban cigar. It's how they prove they're tough, even a nasty spluttery death by lung cancer doesn't scare them! Yes SMOKING KILLS!, but considering the average life expectancy of a soldier in BF2 is somewhere around a minute past insertion, I don't think the long term risks of cancer and heart disease is really going to be a problem for them.
Radio for my hummer. Nothing beats the feeling of flying over the crest of a hill guns blazing to the guitar rifts and screaming vocals of "War!" and other great themes from 'Nam. And some nice tunes to pass the time while camping..um defending.. some chokepoint somewhere would be good too. I could also play some really loud trance music when queuing up to get out of the base, queues just aren't the same if you can't make all the cars around you bounce to the beat of your oversized amp.
Rickshaw. Since when did the Chinese have cars and tanks? Anyone who has been there knows the only way to travel is to sit in a small cart and have a little man in a funny hat run around pulling it for you. These guys are fearless! If they can brave the streets of Beijing, they can certainly go up against a tank without breaking into a sweat. They're also cheap, built from 30 cents (or whatever the equivalent value is in Chinese money) worth of second hand wood, and the only running cost is that you continue to refrain from shooting the poor chap in the back of the head, and give him a bowl of rice every night.
I'm sure the brains behind this great game can come up with many more similar experience-enriching features for a future patch. I look forward to seeing myself on a battlefield shortly, looking like the badass killing machine that I am.
Regards,
Lance Corporal Sarum.
[Disclaimer: Yes, I'm fully aware that this isn't the place to post game improvements. But as you'll see, they're not serious suggestions to EA, but rather are intended as a humorous break from all the whinging and whining, and "omg, why don't my stats update?" posts making up the majority of the rest of the forums at the moment. Please feel free to add your own suggestions, but do avoid anything sensible, won't you?]
Dear Electronic Arts/Dice
Since the weapons unlocks aren't all that special (and in fact, are often even less lethal than the standard weaponry... I mean, DAO? Who wants a shotgun that looks like it's been built from spare washing machine parts?), I respectfully ask that you add other unlockable rewards for my amazing combat prowess. Here are some ideas I've had.
Shades. After all, what better way is there to tell the world that you're a badass MOFO than wearing shades? Many of the maps are middle-eastern desert terrain, where the sun can be very strong. I don't see how my solider can function to the best of his (my) ability, without some expensive mirrored shades.
All the best ice-cold killers wear shades, I think I should get a pair too.
Cigar commanders only. Everyone knows that all the best commanders have to spit our their yankee drawl around the ends of a big fat cuban cigar. It's how they prove they're tough, even a nasty spluttery death by lung cancer doesn't scare them! Yes SMOKING KILLS!, but considering the average life expectancy of a soldier in BF2 is somewhere around a minute past insertion, I don't think the long term risks of cancer and heart disease is really going to be a problem for them.
Radio for my hummer. Nothing beats the feeling of flying over the crest of a hill guns blazing to the guitar rifts and screaming vocals of "War!" and other great themes from 'Nam. And some nice tunes to pass the time while camping..um defending.. some chokepoint somewhere would be good too. I could also play some really loud trance music when queuing up to get out of the base, queues just aren't the same if you can't make all the cars around you bounce to the beat of your oversized amp.
Rickshaw. Since when did the Chinese have cars and tanks? Anyone who has been there knows the only way to travel is to sit in a small cart and have a little man in a funny hat run around pulling it for you. These guys are fearless! If they can brave the streets of Beijing, they can certainly go up against a tank without breaking into a sweat. They're also cheap, built from 30 cents (or whatever the equivalent value is in Chinese money) worth of second hand wood, and the only running cost is that you continue to refrain from shooting the poor chap in the back of the head, and give him a bowl of rice every night.
I'm sure the brains behind this great game can come up with many more similar experience-enriching features for a future patch. I look forward to seeing myself on a battlefield shortly, looking like the badass killing machine that I am.
Regards,
Lance Corporal Sarum.