So I'm in need of advice. I am currently in Ireland attending a one month program. There are about 250 kids attending this program at the college, the majority of the kids are juniors here for their semester abroad, and they've taken advantage of this program to become acclimated to the Irish method of study, and just to take some classes which don't necessarily support their majors but that they can still get credit for. Well one of my friends (we'll call her Mary) has recently had issues with one of the guys here (we'll call him Mark). So let me describe the situation. Mary and Mark are both in the same set of adjacent dorms and we all hang out with the same group of 10 or so friends. Well Mark and Mary ended up making out in Mary's room on the first night we all went out to get trashed. Mark ended up staying the night in Mary's room. Well the two nights later, after denying Mark entrance to her room when he showed up drunk the night before, Mary went out again with our friends, including Mark, and ended up walking back with me to her room, I left her at the stairway, at my floor, kissed her on the cheek and bid her goodbye, I saw Mark following me and my roommates(also in the group of friends) up the stairway. I thought nothing of it and moved on.
The next night we went out again(yeah I know but it's Ireland!!!!) But by this time Mary had expressed her regret in hanging out with Mark the first night and letting him stay over, and I found out that the night before last he had gone up to her room and had spent the night in her room again(according to her words,"I'm not the same person when I'm drunk, I just can't say no when he comes up,")and as far as I know their hookups had not gone beyond making out, but I do not know for sure(however I trust Mary and do not believe should would lie about it). So myself and a friend in our group did our best to make sure that he did not end up at her room, but he inevitably came back and showed up in her room, even though he doesn't live in the same building, and basically said he was staying when it was just me and him in the apartment(Mary was walking my friend, who we'll call Mike) back to his room.
I did my best to persuade Mark to leave Mary's room and go pass out in his own room in the next building, but he wouldn't budge. Well Mike came back with Mary(them walking back to Mike's was just a way to get me and Mark alone) and Mike tried to talk to him with me and Mary in the hall, but it came down to Mary having to kick him out of her room. But she was seriously distressed about having to resort to this because of his membership in our fairly tight nit group of friends, afraid that she would be viewed as a tease and unreasonable.
He ended up leaving and I shared a cig with him outside and he seemed congenial, but I think it was more because he was drunk than anything(I forgot to mention, Mark is a total alcoholic, he depends on alcohol completely in order to have fun when going out). This made me think that Mary might have been too soft on him about leaving her room. Soooo basically what I'm asking is what should Mary do or what should I advise Mary to do?
I understand you may say just tell her to kick his ass out, but it's just not that simple, he is a big drunk guy who seems to think it's reasonable to come wailing on her door at 2 in the morning because he wants a hook up, and yet he is still an established member of our network of friends, and I really don't want to do anything that will make people take sides, though I'm sure most people would take Mary's side of things, so any advice on what to say or do would be GREATLY appreciated.
Thanks.
The next night we went out again(yeah I know but it's Ireland!!!!) But by this time Mary had expressed her regret in hanging out with Mark the first night and letting him stay over, and I found out that the night before last he had gone up to her room and had spent the night in her room again(according to her words,"I'm not the same person when I'm drunk, I just can't say no when he comes up,")and as far as I know their hookups had not gone beyond making out, but I do not know for sure(however I trust Mary and do not believe should would lie about it). So myself and a friend in our group did our best to make sure that he did not end up at her room, but he inevitably came back and showed up in her room, even though he doesn't live in the same building, and basically said he was staying when it was just me and him in the apartment(Mary was walking my friend, who we'll call Mike) back to his room.
I did my best to persuade Mark to leave Mary's room and go pass out in his own room in the next building, but he wouldn't budge. Well Mike came back with Mary(them walking back to Mike's was just a way to get me and Mark alone) and Mike tried to talk to him with me and Mary in the hall, but it came down to Mary having to kick him out of her room. But she was seriously distressed about having to resort to this because of his membership in our fairly tight nit group of friends, afraid that she would be viewed as a tease and unreasonable.
He ended up leaving and I shared a cig with him outside and he seemed congenial, but I think it was more because he was drunk than anything(I forgot to mention, Mark is a total alcoholic, he depends on alcohol completely in order to have fun when going out). This made me think that Mary might have been too soft on him about leaving her room. Soooo basically what I'm asking is what should Mary do or what should I advise Mary to do?
I understand you may say just tell her to kick his ass out, but it's just not that simple, he is a big drunk guy who seems to think it's reasonable to come wailing on her door at 2 in the morning because he wants a hook up, and yet he is still an established member of our network of friends, and I really don't want to do anything that will make people take sides, though I'm sure most people would take Mary's side of things, so any advice on what to say or do would be GREATLY appreciated.
Thanks.