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Two good ol' boys in a Chipping Sodbury pikey camp were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer after signing on at the local Job Centre plus.
After a few beers, the first guy says to the second,
"If' I was to sneak over to your shack on Saturday and make love to your wife while you were off Dogging at Tog Hill and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
"Well, I don't know about related and all," the second guy finally answers...
"...But," he continues, "I reckon' it would make us even!"

A fellow walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, a Master Chief Petty Officer from the local Naval Air
Station walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'd like a line service
monkey, please."

The clerk nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a
monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it to the Chief,
saying, "That'll be $1,000." The Chief paid and left with the monkey.

Surprised, the fellow went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very
expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that
one cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that was a line service monkey. He can park,
fuel, and service all Naval aircraft, conduct all required ground ops
testing, rig aircraft flight controls, and all with no mistakes. He is also
trained in all carrier flight deck ops. He's well worth the money."

With his interest peaked, the fellow looked around and spotted a monkey in
another cage with a $10,000 price tag. "That one's even more expensive! What
can it do?"

"Oh, that one is a "Maintenance Supervisor" monkey. She can instruct at all
levels of aircraft maintenance, supervise all corrective and preventive
maintenance programs, supervise a crew of maintainers, and even do most of
the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.

The guy looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a
cage. The price tag read, "$50,000". Holy crap! What does this one do?"

"Well," the shopkeeper said, "I've never actually seen him do anything but
drink beer and play with his pecker, but his papers say he's a pilot."

Ferrari F1 Fire Pit Crew
» 14 Jan 2010, 12:54

“The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."

This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari a distinct advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Jensen Button's bird in the shower.

*ahem*...

I was going to tell you a joke about a bank, but you would lose interest
No?...
I was gonna make a joke about alzheimers, but I forgot how it went.
No?...
I was going to make an Asian joke, but its too short.
No?...
I was going to say a fat joke, bu they never work out.
No?...
I was gonna tell you a joke about my penis... but its too long
No?...
I was going to make a joke about Catholics, but there's nun.
No?...
I was going to tell you a gay joke, but cum on guys.
No?...
These joke reminds me about some other jokes about sheep....I've herd them all.

Last edited by Graphic-J (2012-07-09 16:01:34)

I may have Alzheimer's but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

What is it called when plumbers go clubbing?




























































Spoiler (highlight to read):
answer is below
























Spoiler (highlight to read):
PLUMBING

LOL!!

I've finally found out what DNA stands for!

Spoiler (highlight to read):
National Dyslexic Association

Jaekus wrote:

If you play a Nickelback song backwards you hear tittyfitty.

So a drug addict, a janitor, and a dead beat father walk into a bar. Which one is Jay's father?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
all of them

My dad was telling me that he had a doctors appointment tomorrow.
I inquired, "which doctor?"
He replies, "No, not a witch doctor. Cardiologist."

Clever bastard...

gran tusimo 6

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."