BF2S Forums LAD Moments

Uni Lad wrote:

You walk into a crowded house party.

Look around.

There is a cornucopia of clunge awaiting you.



MEET PENELOPE

Penelope, to your left, is sporting the kind of mussed blonde hair, liquid eyeliner, and strategic black leggings clearly aimed to distract your gaze from the stone she swiftly gained after arriving at Uni, or as we like to say, the breeding grounds of alcoholism. She knows she’s got a bit fat, so she wears dark, tight-fitting clothes to keep her silhouette looking slim, and also to show off the tits that suddenly sprouted after a few months of vodka, kebabs, and giant meals in halls.


PROS

1. Her boobs will most likely be scrumptious, but you’ll need to give them a thorough visual appraisal so as to ensure they’re good-looking enough to distract you from the beer belly she’s also probably sporting.

2. She’s likely to be really insecure because she knows she could be much fitter, so she’ll appreciate your attention enough that you’ll definitely get a blowjob. And chubby insecure girls are REALLY good at blowjobs. They’ve spent ages being too shy to get out their vajayjays, resorting instead to the good old cock-sucking move of desperation. Also, all of them at some point have probably had a bit of a self-induced vom, so their gag reflex is probably shot. Hello deep throat!

CONS

1. Depending on just how chubby she is, she won’t be the type you can throw around in the sack. You might have to roll her over a bit, and be wary of girl on top, there is the potential that she will literally crush you. On the bright side, this element of danger might add a little extra naughty to your night.

2. Unfortunately, it’s easy to mix up a chubster for a preggers, so you could possibly end up prodding a poor innocent fetus with your giant willy. At least you’ll finally be able to claim a threesome.



MEET VICTORIA


The next girl you spy might be a little less chubby and a little more glam. We will call her Victoria. Victoria is very fit. Victoria knows she is very fit. In fact, pretty much everyone knows Victoria is fit because she often disrobes at parties, her standard clubbing outfit consists of a skirt short enough to ensure that every time she bends over a peep show ensues, and her boobs are never, ever put away.

But while Victoria might at first appear to be the girl of your wildest sex dreams, upon closer examination you will find that she is very similar to a lot of other fit girls, but sporting a few more cold sores on the corners of her mouth (yes, herpes) and a sex tally that could rival those of most amateur porn stars.



PROS

1. Victoria is not only a sure thing, but also very hot. She’ll know what she’s doing in bed and you’ll feel like you’re having your own porn star experience. And with her bleached blonde locks, heavy makeup, and cocaine-toned body it’s more than likely that she will resort to ‘modeling’ (porn) after realizing that books just aren’t her thing. You could be screwing the next Jenna Jameson.

CONS

1. There’s a large chance that you could (a) catch something or (b) get lost in the abyss that is Victoria’s vagina.

2. Also, given that Victoria is a massive whore, it’s more than likely that she’s slept with quite a few of your mates, and even your enemies, and probably even a few random dweebs from that Thursday lecture. So your cock is effectively gathering the juices of countless other cocks belonging to your friends and possibly even family. Can you really look at yourself in the same way knowing that through some sick kinky logic, you’ve effectively had a cock fest with most males in your university?

I hope not.



MEET FELICITY

After you pass the chubbster and the whore, into your vision will strut Sussex Barbie. This made-up monster inherited the sharp features that have distinguished generations of Fitzgeralds and Cavendishes from their inferior yet slightly more aesthetically pleasing maids and minions. So she will most likely be sporting an incredibly thick layer of bronzer, enough fake tan to drown a small child, and more peroxide than any one should use, ever. Her hair will be mussed, her bod will be bony, and her eyes will be encircled with thick lines of black that remind you of a raccoon.

Felicity has a feeling she’s quite unfortunate looking, but she’s decided to mask the ugliness with all the tools that our beauty-obsessed society can offer. In other words, Felicity is fake. So fake that she almost blends in with the hoards of other girls who once were quite good-looking, but chose to transform themselves from mere mortals into crusty yellow clones.


PROS

1. All the horse riding, tennis matches, and country rambles will have toned up that tight little body into something flexible and hot enough to ensure you very much enjoy yourself in the sack. And it’ll be so much fun watching Mr. MP her Daddy on the 10 o’clock news, knowing you were inside his beloved daughter less than twenty-four hours before. Score.

CONS

1. Unless you can convince her to engage in a night of only reverse-cowgirl and doggy-style (if you manage this, you are a Sex God) you’re going to have to stare at that ugly mug for as long as it takes you to get in and out of there. So paper-bag it. If you succeed: you are a legend.

Last edited by lrishpride (2011-08-28 03:42:08)