Kerry katona just gave me a handjob
made me laughCookies by Douglas Adams (author: "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy")
This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I'd gotten the time of the train wrong.
I went to get myself a newspaper to do the crossword, and a cup of coffee and a packet of cookies. I went and sat at a table.
I want you to picture the scene. It's very important that you get this very clear in your mind.
Here's the table, newspaper, cup of coffee, packet of cookies. There's a guy sitting opposite me, perfectly ordinary-looking guy wearing a business suit, carrying a briefcase.
It didn't look like he was going to do anything weird. What he did was this: he suddenly leaned across, picked up the packet of cookies, tore it open, took one out, and ate it.
Now this, I have to say, is the sort of thing the British are very bad at dealing with. There's nothing in our background, upbringing, or education that teaches you how to deal with someone who in broad daylight has just stolen your cookies.
You know what would happen if this had been South Central Los Angeles. There would have very quickly been gunfire, helicopters coming in, CNN, you know. . . But in the end, I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do: I ignored it. And I stared at the newspaper, took a sip of coffee, tried to do a clue in the newspaper, couldn't do anything, and thought, what am I going to do?
In the end I thought, nothing for it, I'll just have to go for it, and I tried very hard not to notice the fact that the packet was already mysteriously opened. I took out a cookie for myself. I thought, that settled him. But it hadn't because a moment or two later he did it again. He took another cookie.
Having not mentioned it the first time, it was somehow even harder to raise the subject the second time around. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice . . ." I mean, it doesn't really work.
We went through the whole packet like this. When I say the whole packet, I mean there were only about eight cookies, but it felt like a lifetime. He took one, I took one, he took one, I took one. Finally, when we got to the end, he stood up and walked away.
Well, we exchanged meaningful looks, then he walked away, and I breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. A moment or two later the train was coming in, so I tossed back the rest of my coffee, stood up, picked up the newspaper, and underneath the newspaper were my cookies.
The thing I like particularly about this story is the sensation that somewhere in England there has been wandering around for the last quarter-century a perfectly ordinary guy who's had the same exact story, only he doesn't have the punch line.
So I was thinking I'd be home alone for a week or two, but now it turns out my mom and sis aren't going on vacation. fuck.
Damn, guess you'll have to whack off in your room instead of in the kitchen.
Insert masturbation joke here
'moted! I got that in there way before you bro. Nice try though
yeahmtb0minime wrote:
Damn, guess you'll have to whack off in your room instead of in the kitchen.
oi matty
that ital tek album that you're listening to
worth getting their earlier album, cyclical?
that ital tek album that you're listening to
worth getting their earlier album, cyclical?
Haven't listened to it yet, but it probably is. Do you already have Midnight Colour? Because it's awesome. Uzi recommended it a long time ago and I've only just now gotten around to it.
yus, and i quite like itmtb0minime wrote:
Haven't listened to it yet, but it probably is. Do you already have Midnight Colour? Because it's awesome. Uzi recommended it a long time ago and I've only just now gotten around to it.
maybe grooveshark has it
off to see
it's alright. A lot more dull than midnight colour imoBevo wrote:
oi matty
that ital tek album that you're listening to
worth getting their earlier album, cyclical?
/interject
cheers lucy
grooveshark has it, listening now
grooveshark has it, listening now
You guys need to listen to Eelke Kleijn. I remember constantly spouting off about his first album Naturally Artificial. Well now his second one is due out, called Untold Stories.
But it's not similar to ital tek. It's prog house, though maybe a little downtempo-ized.
But it's not similar to ital tek. It's prog house, though maybe a little downtempo-ized.
Ganking lowbies with your brother Aaron
he's right annoying sometimes.
he's right annoying sometimes.
a little too much house for me matty
got anything else for rec?
got anything else for rec?
everyone go listen to MED from stones throw records
go shut up gooners
VHS Head - Trademark Ribbons of Gold
Another uzi recommend that I actually got around to a bit earlier, but have been revisiting.
Another uzi recommend that I actually got around to a bit earlier, but have been revisiting.
wow, red pandas are fucking cute
fuck you firefox
fuck you firefox
can someone translate that first line?Finray wrote:
Ganking lowbies with your brother Aaron
he's right annoying sometimes.
"im a stupid scott"Hurricane2k9 wrote:
can someone translate that first line?Finray wrote:
Ganking lowbies with your brother Aaron
he's right annoying sometimes.
Ooh, listen to the Berlin Calling soundtrack by Paul Kalkbrenner.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you'recrazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
yes