Pages: 1 … 26 27 28 29 30 … 38

 

2010-04-16 23:11:55
ROGUEDD
BF2s. A Liberal Gang of Faggots.
+452|5604|Fuck this.
So America, England, Australia, Mexico, and France walk into a bar.
Ireland and Scotland are bar-tending while Wales tells stories in his awesome accent.

Well America walks up to the bar, and sees Iran, North Korea, and China looking at him from across the bar.
So the three start talking and one of them says, "Hey, hey. I think we could take him."
Well then Japan and Germany walk up and Germany says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. They may be lazy and stupid, but they're also bored and nuts."
Make X-meds a full member, for the sake of 15 year old anal gangbang porn watchers everywhere!
2010-04-29 18:51:11
13urnzz
Banned
+5,830|6712

what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?
2010-04-29 19:02:25
Dauntless
Admin
+2,249|6957|London

gooners
https://imgur.com/kXTNQ8D.png
2010-05-27 14:08:38
Gooners
Wiki Contributor
+2,700|6847

Sweet Revenge

Now, I’m sure many of you have encountered little sh*ts in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little c*nts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.

Okay, here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the f*cking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little sh*t’s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little c*nt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming “SH*T! SH*T!.”

Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting “F*CK! MAYBE HE DIDN’T GET IT! F*CK!.” By now, the kid is scared sh*tless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.

Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, “Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m F*CKING HIV POSITIVE.”

And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just f*cked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed.

I walk away from them, buy my sh*t from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just s we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the c*nt she is. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
2010-05-27 21:27:23
ROGUEDD
BF2s. A Liberal Gang of Faggots.
+452|5604|Fuck this.
epic
Make X-meds a full member, for the sake of 15 year old anal gangbang porn watchers everywhere!
2010-06-01 06:02:10
Shem
sɥǝɯ
+152|6742|London (At Heart)

Epic indeed.
2010-06-02 22:58:11
Sup3r_Dr4gon
Boat sig is not there anymore
+214|6542|Australia
What happened when a woman walked backwards into an airplane propeller?

Disaster!

2010-06-04 16:29:16
Kez
Member
+778|5918|London, UK
16 shots, 12 on target, its a shame capello didnt take derrick bird to south africa


or whatever number of shots it was

Last edited by Kez (2010-06-04 16:29:39)

2010-06-13 15:46:40
PrivateVendetta
I DEMAND XMAS THEME
+704|6406|Roma
A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Bankers are,' he
says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'

The Banker looks down in horror.

'FUCKING HELL!' he screams........





'Where's my Rolex????...
https://static.bf2s.com/files/user/29388/stopped%20scrolling%21.png
2010-06-13 17:19:36
pace51
Boom?
+194|5388|Markham, Ontario

PrivateVendetta wrote:

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: 'My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters it'll simply never be the same again!'

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

'I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Bankers are,' he
says. 'You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life.'

'How can you say such a thing at a time like this?' sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, 'Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you.'

The Banker looks down in horror.

'FUCKING HELL!' he screams........





'Where's my Rolex????...
2010-06-13 21:07:01
tazz.
oz.
+1,338|6389|Sydney | ♥

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha,
everything i write is a ramble and should not be taken seriously.... seriously. ♥
2010-06-15 07:07:16
steelie34
pub hero!
+603|6596|the land of bourbon
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”
https://bf3s.com/sigs/36e1d9e36ae924048a933db90fb05bb247fe315e.png
2010-06-15 07:17:57
FloppY_
­
+1,010|6501|Denmark aka Automotive Hell

steelie34 wrote:

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFL

ROFL*

Last edited by FloppY_ (2010-06-15 07:18:14)

­ Your thoughts, insights, and musings on this matter intrigue me
2010-06-15 07:21:48
Chou
Member
+737|7006

steelie34 wrote:

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”
Wow, now that's Pwnd to a whole new level

Last edited by Chou (2010-06-15 07:22:05)

2010-06-15 07:27:27
Winston_Churchill
Bazinga!
+521|6954|Toronto | Canada

Chou wrote:

steelie34 wrote:

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”
Wow, now that's Pwnd to a hole new level
Ba-dum-tss
2010-06-21 10:51:11
pace51
Boom?
+194|5388|Markham, Ontario
What do an actor, a wrestler, and a politician have in common?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
They each use each other as references on their resume's
2010-06-21 10:54:40
FloppY_
­
+1,010|6501|Denmark aka Automotive Hell

pace51 wrote:

What do an actor, a wrestler, and a politician have in common?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
They each use each other as references on their resume's
idungetit
­ Your thoughts, insights, and musings on this matter intrigue me
2010-06-21 10:57:08
pace51
Boom?
+194|5388|Markham, Ontario
What do an actor, a wrestler, and a politician not have in common?

Nothing!

(Shorter version)
2010-06-21 10:59:38
FloppY_
­
+1,010|6501|Denmark aka Automotive Hell

pace51 wrote:

What do an actor, a wrestler, and a politician not have in common?

Nothing!

(Shorter version)
...

k...

...

laugh now or?

...
­ Your thoughts, insights, and musings on this matter intrigue me
2010-06-24 07:46:08
jay_courage
Alive in a sea of mediocre
+131|6174|Carnoustie
50°F
People in Southern England turn on the central heating
People in Edinburgh put out bedding plants

40°F
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs

35°F
Cars in the South of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down

20°F
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a t-shirt; girls start wearing mini-skirts

15°F
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee swim in the River Tay at Broughty Ferry

0°F
Life in the South grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold

-10°F
Life in the South ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket

-80°F
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers

-100°F
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'

-173°F
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut

-297°F
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold hands

-460°F
All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands

-500°F
Hell freezes over
Scotland will support England in the World cup
I Friggin Love The Nhs
2010-06-27 11:00:57
Rohirm
Fear is a Leash
+85|6386|New Austin, Not
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me”

Doctor: "I have the perfect medicine for that" he said. "When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet water and start swishing it around in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."



Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet water,swished and swished, and sure enough he didn't touch me!"


Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
2010-07-08 07:00:41
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,813|6321|eXtreme to the maX
3 girls decide to get drunk in a barn. After being there for some time they notice the farmer coming to see what's going on. The redhead jumps into a box. The brunette jumps in a crate. The blond jumps into a sack...The farmer sees this movement and checks around. He kicks the box, and the redhead responds with "meow". The farmer figures its a cat and moves on to kick the crate. The brunette responds with, "woof"...the farmer moves on and kicks the sack, where the blond responds with, "potato".
Fuck Israel
2010-07-08 12:58:59
pace51
Boom?
+194|5388|Markham, Ontario

Dilbert_X wrote:

3 girls decide to get drunk in a barn. After being there for some time they notice the farmer coming to see what's going on. The redhead jumps into a box. The brunette jumps in a crate. The blond jumps into a sack...The farmer sees this movement and checks around. He kicks the box, and the redhead responds with "meow". The farmer figures its a cat and moves on to kick the crate. The brunette responds with, "woof"...the farmer moves on and kicks the sack, where the blond responds with, "potato".
I've heard that one before, a variation though.
2010-07-08 15:40:06
-Sh1fty-
plundering yee booty
+510|5688|Ventura, California
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
And above your tomb, the stars will belong to us.

 

Pages: 1 … 26 27 28 29 30 … 38

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2024 Jeff Minard