Whats the similarity between George Michael and a pair of Wellington boots??
They both get sucked off in bogs
They both get sucked off in bogs
LOL. Nice one!
Did you hear that they had to stop teaching drivers ed and sex ed at the same time in Iraqi high schools?
It tires out the camels to fast.
Did you hear that they had to stop teaching drivers ed and sex ed at the same time in Iraqi high schools?
It tires out the camels to fast.
why dont you let cat on your homework?
you get paw marks....
you get paw marks....
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well hung...
For more laughs check out this thread..
KJ
http://forums.bf2s.com/viewtopic.php?id=5140
Well hung...
For more laughs check out this thread..
KJ
http://forums.bf2s.com/viewtopic.php?id=5140
What do micheal jackson and xbox have in common?....They're both made of plastic and children turn then on.
here's one, lol...
your house is so small, you triped threw the front door and fell out the back window
your house is so small, you triped threw the front door and fell out the back window
Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride
lol! your momma's so fat, she steped onto a weighing scale and it said, "To be continued"Adams_BJ wrote:
Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride
Holy crap this post is getting funnier by the minute! LOL!
Here is another: (Long sorry! But its funny)
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable."
Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."
Here is another: (Long sorry! But its funny)
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable."
Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."
^^^damn that a good 1
Ok im gonna say 1 but sum might get offended i.e. girls sorry
3 blondes were stranded on a desert island and a genie appears, he says " i will grant each of u 1 wish"
He turns 2 the 1st blonde she says i would like 2 be 25% smarter, so with a blink of the genies eye she turns into a red head, makes a crude raft and sails 2 the mainland.
the second blonde then made a wish she would like 2 b 50%smarter, so she turns into a brunette and makes a row boat, and rows back 2 da mainland
3 third blonde then wished she could b 100% smarter, so she turned into a man and walked across the bridge
Ok im gonna say 1 but sum might get offended i.e. girls sorry
3 blondes were stranded on a desert island and a genie appears, he says " i will grant each of u 1 wish"
He turns 2 the 1st blonde she says i would like 2 be 25% smarter, so with a blink of the genies eye she turns into a red head, makes a crude raft and sails 2 the mainland.
the second blonde then made a wish she would like 2 b 50%smarter, so she turns into a brunette and makes a row boat, and rows back 2 da mainland
3 third blonde then wished she could b 100% smarter, so she turned into a man and walked across the bridge
LOL! Nice one! The man part is the best. So true too...Adams_BJ wrote:
^^^damn that a good 1
Ok im gonna say 1 but sum might get offended i.e. girls sorry
3 blondes were stranded on a desert island and a genie appears, he says " i will grant each of u 1 wish"
He turns 2 the 1st blonde she says i would like 2 be 25% smarter, so with a blink of the genies eye she turns into a red head, makes a crude raft and sails 2 the mainland.
the second blonde then made a wish she would like 2 b 50%smarter, so she turns into a brunette and makes a row boat, and rows back 2 da mainland
3 third blonde then wished she could b 100% smarter, so she turned into a man and walked across the bridge
HOLY CRAP YOUR SIG IS A FREAKING NOVEL!
how many french soldiers does it take to defend paris?
none, it has never been done
none, it has never been done
haha Cyborg! +1!!!!
Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!
Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!
Q. what is the ultimate rejection?
A. When ur masturbating and ur hand falls asleep
A. When ur masturbating and ur hand falls asleep
ill post more as i think of them lol
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
A man went over to his girl's place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom -- gold, silver, or bronze.
"Silver," she said.
"Why not gold?"
"Because I want you to come second for once!"
"Silver," she said.
"Why not gold?"
"Because I want you to come second for once!"
lol these are getting good.
The Bathtub Sanity Test It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup!"
"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug to drain the water. Do you want a bed near the window?"
The Bathtub Sanity Test It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup!"
"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug to drain the water. Do you want a bed near the window?"
A man walks into a bar in Iraq
He's standing at the bar and although he thought that it was just him and the barman in there he sees two guys out the corner of his eye and thinks they look alot like Rumsfeld and Bush.
He looks at the barman who says " buy 'em a drink they're alright"
So he goes and introduces himself and gets them both a drink.
"So what are you both doing here"?
Bush and Rumsfeld both start laughing and look at each other.
Rumsfeld looks at Bush and says "go on tell him"
Bush says "we've found a way to win World War 3. We're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one blonde with really big tits"!
So the guy sits there thinking for a while and says, " why are you going to kill a blonde with really big tits"?
Rumsfeld and Bush crack up laughing, Bush puts 10 dollars on the table.
The guy's like what????
Rumsfeld looks at the guy and says "I told him no-one would care about the Iraqis"!
He's standing at the bar and although he thought that it was just him and the barman in there he sees two guys out the corner of his eye and thinks they look alot like Rumsfeld and Bush.
He looks at the barman who says " buy 'em a drink they're alright"
So he goes and introduces himself and gets them both a drink.
"So what are you both doing here"?
Bush and Rumsfeld both start laughing and look at each other.
Rumsfeld looks at Bush and says "go on tell him"
Bush says "we've found a way to win World War 3. We're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one blonde with really big tits"!
So the guy sits there thinking for a while and says, " why are you going to kill a blonde with really big tits"?
Rumsfeld and Bush crack up laughing, Bush puts 10 dollars on the table.
The guy's like what????
Rumsfeld looks at the guy and says "I told him no-one would care about the Iraqis"!
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
LOL!!!!dirtyepics wrote:
A man walks into a bar in Iraq
He's standing at the bar and although he thought that it was just him and the barman in there he sees two guys out the corner of his eye and thinks they look alot like Rumsfeld and Bush.
He looks at the barman who says " buy 'em a drink they're alright"
So he goes and introduces himself and gets them both a drink.
"So what are you both doing here"?
Bush and Rumsfeld both start laughing and look at each other.
Rumsfeld looks at Bush and says "go on tell him"
Bush says "we've found a way to win World War 3. We're going to kill 10 million Iraqis and one blonde with really big tits"!
So the guy sits there thinking for a while and says, " why are you going to kill a blonde with really big tits"?
Rumsfeld and Bush crack up laughing, Bush puts 10 dollars on the table.
The guy's like what????
Rumsfeld looks at the guy and says "I told him no-one would care about the Iraqis"!
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
q. What's better then winning a gold medal at the special olypics?
A. Not being retarded
A. Not being retarded
LOL! +1 Adam_BJ and capt.Fass1
ty ty