me, too. i've got athlete's tongue.Flecco wrote:
Also tend to put my foot in my mouth a lot. Say shit without thinking.
The other day i was on fire...
I was at the shopping center with my mate, and were were feasting on a 12 pack of donut (fail spelling) king, and there was one left... I'd already eaten 7.. he'd eaten 4... i couldnt fit anymore in, so i said do you want it? he said nah, gotta lay off the fatty foods.. and i'm like, You're a WOMAN!.. Sitting on the table right next to us are 2 teenage... women... drop dead hot.. surprised i hadn't noticed them, and they just stare me down... My mate starts howling with laughter... i start smiling at the situation i've got myself into... and start laughing myself...
Another time, we were in an elecronic store.. and the movie Wall-e was on... and i noticed all the people in it are obese.... so i'm like... Why are they all fat?
Standing maybe 5m from me are 2 absolutely HUGE mofos buying a TV.... Massive... 180kg... I look back to my mate... He's crouched, holding his stomach in laughter...
So tell me... Whats your experiences?
I was at the shopping center with my mate, and were were feasting on a 12 pack of donut (fail spelling) king, and there was one left... I'd already eaten 7.. he'd eaten 4... i couldnt fit anymore in, so i said do you want it? he said nah, gotta lay off the fatty foods.. and i'm like, You're a WOMAN!.. Sitting on the table right next to us are 2 teenage... women... drop dead hot.. surprised i hadn't noticed them, and they just stare me down... My mate starts howling with laughter... i start smiling at the situation i've got myself into... and start laughing myself...
Another time, we were in an elecronic store.. and the movie Wall-e was on... and i noticed all the people in it are obese.... so i'm like... Why are they all fat?
Standing maybe 5m from me are 2 absolutely HUGE mofos buying a TV.... Massive... 180kg... I look back to my mate... He's crouched, holding his stomach in laughter...
So tell me... Whats your experiences?
everything i write is a ramble and should not be taken seriously.... seriously. ♥
Hahahaha shiiiiit.
I cant think of any, really.
I cant think of any, really.
noice 
'What setting should we put the rotisserie on?'
Said to boss while fat chick was walking past. Didn't realise I'd said it quite that loud. She heard.
Said to boss while fat chick was walking past. Didn't realise I'd said it quite that loud. She heard.
Whoa... Can't believe these forums are still kicking.
Who just made a thread like this one?
My and my mates were sitting at this pizzeria after a soccer game and we were all telling jokes and i tell them this joke about gays. My mates suddenly start covering their mouths and laughing like crazy, and i thought it was because of the joke. Then one of them tells me to look at the table behind us, i turn around and two gay guys are having dinner...I shouted the Bill! in a millisecond.
Haahahahaa
everything i write is a ramble and should not be taken seriously.... seriously. ♥
We were having a squadron function. It was my first week on the job. One of our troops asked if anyone wanted the bottle of Coke that was sitting there unopened, because she was going to take it back to her room.
We were all joking around, so I asked "You got a bottle of Jack waiting for you or something?" Choruses of "ooo burn!" and laughter went up. Troop in question turned red and said no, her roommate just really liked Coke.
After she left, one of the guys who'd been around a while leaned over and said, sotto voce: We're in the process of discharging her for multiple DUIs.
Wow. That was a "Well don't I feel like the fucking asshole" moment.
We were all joking around, so I asked "You got a bottle of Jack waiting for you or something?" Choruses of "ooo burn!" and laughter went up. Troop in question turned red and said no, her roommate just really liked Coke.
After she left, one of the guys who'd been around a while leaned over and said, sotto voce: We're in the process of discharging her for multiple DUIs.
Wow. That was a "Well don't I feel like the fucking asshole" moment.
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
― Albert Einstein
Doing the popular thing is not always right. Doing the right thing is not always popular
― Albert Einstein
Doing the popular thing is not always right. Doing the right thing is not always popular
^^ Nice
Stuff I DID without thinking: Have an extra pin for a handgranade and fake dropping a live granade while you lecture troops about arms safety etc ... almost cost me my job as army instructor
Stuff I DID without thinking: Have an extra pin for a handgranade and fake dropping a live granade while you lecture troops about arms safety etc ... almost cost me my job as army instructor
Wait behind the line ..............................................................
WTF or Fucking A.
Not nice in front of teachers and professors!
Not nice in front of teachers and professors!
الشعب يريد اسقاط النظام
...show me the schematic
...show me the schematic
I was walking through a shopping centre a while ago, when I heard ticking. I noticed a cleaner had left his cart near a bin to grab some lunch, and next to it was a styrofoam box with the weird ticking noise coming from it. My friend noticed it too and asked me what I thought it was.
I said "Could be a bomb..."
Everyone in a 15-metre radius turned and stared at us.
I said "Could be a bomb..."
Everyone in a 15-metre radius turned and stared at us.
I did something similar with an abandoned backpack on a metro train. Wasn't too long after the 7/7 bombings either. Saw this backpack and said, 'Think its ticking?' Oh how silent the reactions were.Fenris_GreyClaw wrote:
I was walking through a shopping centre a while ago, when I heard ticking. I noticed a cleaner had left his cart near a bin to grab some lunch, and next to it was a styrofoam box with the weird ticking noise coming from it. My friend noticed it too and asked me what I thought it was.
I said "Could be a bomb..."
Everyone in a 15-metre radius turned and stared at us.
"Put your shoes back on" in the movie threatre.
Someone took their shoes off and could smell his/her foot odor. It was putrid. I didn't paid $20.00 to watch an IMAX film and smell some one's feet for two hours. Fook that.
Someone took their shoes off and could smell his/her foot odor. It was putrid. I didn't paid $20.00 to watch an IMAX film and smell some one's feet for two hours. Fook that.
Whilst walking through an airport scanner, when I got through without it beeping I siad 'Yes!' Much to the staffs disgust...I got searched after that.
- Superior Mind
- (not macbeth)
- +1,755|6954
I have a good one that a chick said that I was with.
A few years back I took a film workshop at Long Island University. Towards the end of the course which included film people, dancers, and actors, we all went out to see Rent on Broadway. So we have our seats in the theatre and I am sitting next to a friend I had made at the course, a girl from the acting class; she was from Oxford, England. She had a very posh accent. She asks me and a few others what the performance is about. So we tell her how it's about AIDS, homosexuality and poverty. Upon hearing this she yells out "Why didn't anyone tell me this was about gay homosexuals with AIDS?!?!!?" I was in bloody shock at how rude she was. Sitting in the row ahead of us was a clearly lesbian couple with looks on their faces like they were gonna crack some skulls. Stupid bitch.
A few years back I took a film workshop at Long Island University. Towards the end of the course which included film people, dancers, and actors, we all went out to see Rent on Broadway. So we have our seats in the theatre and I am sitting next to a friend I had made at the course, a girl from the acting class; she was from Oxford, England. She had a very posh accent. She asks me and a few others what the performance is about. So we tell her how it's about AIDS, homosexuality and poverty. Upon hearing this she yells out "Why didn't anyone tell me this was about gay homosexuals with AIDS?!?!!?" I was in bloody shock at how rude she was. Sitting in the row ahead of us was a clearly lesbian couple with looks on their faces like they were gonna crack some skulls. Stupid bitch.
Last edited by Superior Mind (2009-12-16 08:23:48)
On the bright-side she did not laugh like DeNiro in the movie Cape Fear, the Movie Theatre scene.Superior Mind wrote:
I have a good one that a chick said that I was with.
A few years back I took a film workshop at Long Island University. Towards the end of the course which included film people, dancers, and actors, we all went out to see Rent on Broadway. So we have our seats in the theatre and I am sitting next to a friend I had made at the course, a girl from the acting class; she was from Oxford, England. She had a very posh accent. She asks me and a few others what the performance is about. So we tell her how it's about AIDS, homosexuality and poverty. Upon hearing this she yells out "Why didn't anyone tell me this was about gay homosexuals with AIDS?!?!!?" I was in bloody shock at how rude she was. Sitting in the row ahead of us was a clearly lesbian couple with looks on their faces like they were gonna crack some skulls. Stupid bitch.
Me and a mate were in a mackshack up in london and it was real busy in there. So whilst waiting for the queue to move i ask my mate what he's gonna get. So he tells me and I ask what drink he is gonna get which happens to be Coca-Cola. We then both fall silent and I decide to start up a conversation with... "I think I'm addicted to coke.." at which point he looks at me like wtf are you doing. I didn't realise what i just said so i go on and say rather loudly "you know you can get addicted to coke" at which point he walks away tonother queue lol. Only after a minute or so did i realise what i said i felt very unsafe lol.
I called my friend a whore because she cheated on her boyfriend. I feel kinda bad about that now...
When I was like 12 my brother and I were at Wal-Mart and as we usually did went straight to electronics. The first thing I did was go to the head phones to listen to whatever it had on it and it was Ricky Martin. The music was pretty loud in the head set. My brother happens to be like right next to me so I say "it's ricky martin this guys gay". He smiles while promptly walking away like he doesn't know me. Me wondering wtf is going on chase after him and he then explains to me that while I might've thought I said it to where he could hear me, I screamed it to where other sections in Wal-Mart could hear and he saw at least 5 people staring including to what he described as 1 very flamboyant guy...
I remember thinking about why they call it "blue balls". The most recent to this event was in 9th grade we were talking about the excuses guys give to get there gf or some girl to sleep with them (that particular one came from the teacher assistant). In 10th grade in health class our teacher (pretty cute tilf? her and 8th grade sci teacher, other story...) was going over stuff about sex and some other student asked the teacher why they call it blue balls. She smiles and says she's not sure and some kids laugh and instead of laughing, my ass starts again seriously contemplating why the fuck it's called that and without thinking a few seconds later as I myself came to the realization about why they call it that say loud and and clear to where the whole class can hear in a very plain voice, "it's because their lonely..." and the teacher definitely heard it as I was in the front row (did I mention she was hot?). The whole class started busting out laughing and the teacher looking like she's embarrassed and laughing said "I don't think I needed to know that."
Wasn't really bad at all just one of those times...
I remember thinking about why they call it "blue balls". The most recent to this event was in 9th grade we were talking about the excuses guys give to get there gf or some girl to sleep with them (that particular one came from the teacher assistant). In 10th grade in health class our teacher (pretty cute tilf? her and 8th grade sci teacher, other story...) was going over stuff about sex and some other student asked the teacher why they call it blue balls. She smiles and says she's not sure and some kids laugh and instead of laughing, my ass starts again seriously contemplating why the fuck it's called that and without thinking a few seconds later as I myself came to the realization about why they call it that say loud and and clear to where the whole class can hear in a very plain voice, "it's because their lonely..." and the teacher definitely heard it as I was in the front row (did I mention she was hot?). The whole class started busting out laughing and the teacher looking like she's embarrassed and laughing said "I don't think I needed to know that."
Wasn't really bad at all just one of those times...
hahaha
A while back during a Halloween party it was about 50f out and one of my friends was in an Indian costume that consisted essentially of two flaps of cloth covering his dick and his ass held together by two bits of string. Any way, I call him over to talk to a couple of these hot girls I'm with, figuring I could help him out a bit. This plan failed epically as the first thing he said when he was within earshot of these girls was "Dude, my dick is so small right now".
Threads merged ...
Wait behind the line ..............................................................
my prof was like " Well fuck the other teachers ................ i mean um no"
Happened the same thing at the paris airport.M.O.A.B wrote:
I did something similar with an abandoned backpack on a metro train. Wasn't too long after the 7/7 bombings either. Saw this backpack and said, 'Think its ticking?' Oh how silent the reactions were.Fenris_GreyClaw wrote:
I was walking through a shopping centre a while ago, when I heard ticking. I noticed a cleaner had left his cart near a bin to grab some lunch, and next to it was a styrofoam box with the weird ticking noise coming from it. My friend noticed it too and asked me what I thought it was.
I said "Could be a bomb..."
Everyone in a 15-metre radius turned and stared at us.
We were waiting for our plane and as all italians we were playing with a small ball in the main lobby. Since we needed goal posts we put our backpacks as posts and then i start laughing and saying out loud "hey guys, it looks like we have put 4 bombs in the main lobby"....Dead silence and two french soldiers start running towards the bags with their Famas pointed at us...WE SHAT OUR SELVES.
lol'edaerodynamic wrote:
Happened the same thing at the paris airport.M.O.A.B wrote:
I did something similar with an abandoned backpack on a metro train. Wasn't too long after the 7/7 bombings either. Saw this backpack and said, 'Think its ticking?' Oh how silent the reactions were.Fenris_GreyClaw wrote:
I was walking through a shopping centre a while ago, when I heard ticking. I noticed a cleaner had left his cart near a bin to grab some lunch, and next to it was a styrofoam box with the weird ticking noise coming from it. My friend noticed it too and asked me what I thought it was.
I said "Could be a bomb..."
Everyone in a 15-metre radius turned and stared at us.
We were waiting for our plane and as all italians we were playing with a small ball in the main lobby. Since we needed goal posts we put our backpacks as posts and then i start laughing and saying out loud "hey guys, it looks like we have put 4 bombs in the main lobby"....Dead silence and two french soldiers start running towards the bags with their Famas pointed at us...WE SHAT OUR SELVES.