Steam Forums random wrote:
Look, every era has its heroes. The secret is that they're all the same man, his story retold through the centuries by different people who have known him by different names. Samson was a hero to the Jews, Hercules was a hero to the Greeks, Beowulf was a hero to the Vikings, Paul Bunyon was a hero to American settlers, Sergeant York a hero to the allies in World War I, modern Americans have Chuck Norris, and the survivors of the zombie apocalypse will have Chicago Ted. Thus it has been, and thus it ever shall be. Chicago Ted has forged a legend throughout history fighting on the side of awesome, whether that has meant dragon kicking Adolf Hitler into the Milky Way or building a castle entirely out of the bones of dinosaurs he strangled to death with his bare hands; whether it has meant single-handedly turning back Napoleon's invasion of Russia or punching down every building in Hiroshima and Nagasaki to end World War II; whether that has meant jumping the English channel or killing all of the zombies in the apocalypse worth killing, you can trust that Chicago Ted, whether by that name or any of his dozens of others, will always be there to fight alongside the forces of awesome to make the world a better place for everyone he chooses not to cut in half with his beard.
So YOU are THE Chicago Ted, the avatar of awesome through the ages?!?!?!?!?
