specops10-4
Member
+108|6961|In the hills
Found this on stumble upon.

Skyscraper Height

The following question appeared in a physics degree exam
at the University of Copenhagen:
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with
a barometer."
One enterprising student replied: "You tie a long piece of string
to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the
roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus
the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the
student was failed immediately. The student appealed, on the
grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the
university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.
The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did
not display any noticeable knowledge of physics; to resolve the
problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six
minutes in which to verbally provide an answer which showed at
least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in
thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to
which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant
answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
"One, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the
skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes
to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked
out from the formula H =3D 1/2gt squared (height equals half times
gravity time squared). But bad luck on the barometer.
"Two, if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the
barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow.
Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and
thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work
out the height of the skyscraper.
"Three, if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a
short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum,
first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The
height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring
force (T = 3D 2 pi sqr root of l over g).
"Four, if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it
would be easy to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper
in barometer lengths, then add them up.
"Five, if you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of
course, you could use the barometer to measure air pressure on the
roof of the skyscraper, compare it with standard air pressure on the
ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the
height of the building.
"Six, since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence
of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would
be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'I will give you this
nice new barometer, if you will tell me the height of this skyscraper.'"

The arbiter re-graded the student with an 'A.'
rammunition
Fully Loaded
+143|6079
here is one


Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
rammunition
Fully Loaded
+143|6079
here is another, well aint a joke but still funny

Husband and wife

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last!I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
Winston_Churchill
Bazinga!
+521|6956|Toronto | Canada

rammunition wrote:

here is another, well aint a joke but still funny

Husband and wife

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last!I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
lol, good one +1
bugz
Fission Mailed
+3,311|6529

An elderly British gentlemean of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the Fench customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
'You have been to France before monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
'Then you should know to have your passport ready'.
The elderly gentleman said, 'The last time I was here, I didnt have to show it.'
'Impossible', the customs officer says, 'the British always have to show their passports on arrival in France'.
The man gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then quitely explained,

Spoiler (highlight to read):
'When I came ashore on the beach on D-Day in 1944, I couldnt find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to'.

Last edited by ebug9 (2008-12-07 11:25:41)

Gooners
Wiki Contributor
+2,700|6850

Butthole of the world

The sheriff of the small town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone. The wealthy man behind the wheel was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the butthole of the world!"

The magistrate looked at him and replied, "And you must be what's passing through."
Ryan
Member
+1,230|7061|Alberta, Canada

https://www.fohguild.org/forums/attachments/screenshots/95895d1229374265-funny-strange-random-pics-24mcj1g.jpg
Nintendogamer
Member
+72|6805|Chelmsford, UK
A man's wife hits him across the head

"what's that for?" he asks

She replies "I've found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it".

Quick as a flash he replies

"That's the name of a horse I had a bet on today you silly moo" and she duly apologises.

A week later she hits him over the head with a frying pan.

"Bloody hell woman, what's that for?" he demands

She replies "Your fcukin horse just phoned!"
blah
macaroni with cheeseeee
+111|5965|Croatia
Paddy and Donald Trump are chatting,talking about who got what for their wives for Christmas.Donald Trump says:
-"I got her a dress and a BMW!"
Paddy is looking at him and says:
-"I understand about the dress but why did you buy her a bloody BMW?!"
Trump replies:
-"Well,if she doesn't like the dress she can ride the BMW downtown and replace the dress for a better one.But,what about you?What did you get for your wife for Christmas?"
-"I got her a hairbrush and a vibrator."
-"Why would you buy your wife a vibrator for God's sake?"
Paddy calmly replies:
-"If she doesn't like the hairbrush she can go fuck herself!!!"
Nintendogamer
Member
+72|6805|Chelmsford, UK
Thread cannot die.

What did the woolworths workers get for christmas?...the sack!

An englishman, an irishman, a scottishman a jew, a priest, a rabbi, an elephant, seven dwarves, a donkey, 10 hells angels, a monkey, a woman with 3 breasts and tony blair walk into a bar.
The barman looks up and says "Is this some kind of joke?"

A man walks upto a librarian at his local library and asks,
"do you have a good book on how to commit suicide"?
"f*** off", replies the librarian "you won't bring it back"!!

There was this kid dressed as a pirate on Halloween. The guy gives him a piece of candy and says "that's a good costume, but where are your buccaneers?"
the kid points to his ears and replies: "here are my buccaneers. where's your buckin' brain?"
Phatmatt
Vroom Vroom
+298|6407|Canada

Proof That Men Have Better Friends


A woman fails to come home one night. When she gets home the next morning she tells her husband she stayed at a friend's house. The husband calls ten of her best friends and none of them know anything about it.

A man fails to come home one night. When he gets home the next morning he tells his wife he stayed at a friend's house. The wife calls ten of his best friends. Eight of them confirm it and two say he's still there.






took this from kontraband. made me lol

Last edited by Phatmatt (2009-01-24 13:26:50)

blah
macaroni with cheeseeee
+111|5965|Croatia
What do get if you duct tape a bicycle and a slingshot?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
-Palestinian tank

Why does Albania not have submarines anymore?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
-Their rowers drowned
blah
macaroni with cheeseeee
+111|5965|Croatia
An ambitious young blonde, in need of money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type. She began door by door canvassing a wealthy neighborhood for work. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said "how about 50$?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the 50$.
"Oh, and by the way" The blonde added, "It's not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”



A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
bad-man
now say you sorry
+34|6065|one windy city
Leaving the poker party, late as usual, two friends compared notes. "I can never fool my wife," the first complained. "I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."

"You’ve got the wrong technique, my friend," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on my wife’s ass, and ask, ’How ’bout a little?’ and she pretends to be asleep."
covenant
Member
+4|6432
1. what's so good about 52 year olds ?

there's 50 of them.


2. why did the girl fall of the swing ?

she had no arms.


3. Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."

His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."
FatherTed
xD
+3,936|6718|so randum
What's blue, black and screaming?

Spoiler (highlight to read):
a baby being beaten to a pulp
Small hourglass island
Always raining and foggy
Use an umbrella
Lai
Member
+186|6369
The following is a French joke which I've tried to translate into English as good as possible:



Little Nicolas barters a trade with a local farmer to buy a donkey. However, when he goes to the farm to pick up the donkey, the animal has died. Little Nicolas now wants his money back, but the farmer says he already spent all of it. So, little Nicolas asks the farmer if he still has the donkey. The farmer tells him yes, but asks what the boy intends to do with a dead donkey. "Don't worry, I'll just put it up as a lot in the tombola (lottery machine)" says little Nicolas. The farmer notes that you can't put a dead donkey as a lot in the tombola, but little Nicolas insists.

A few weeks later the two bump into eachother again, and the farmer asks if the dead donkey tombola has worked out. "Surely", replies little Nicolas, "I've sold three thousand tickets for ten Francs each!". "And the participants weren't unsatified with the price turning out to be a dead donkey?", asks the farmer. "Nah,.." replies little Nicolas, "only the guy that won. I gave him back his ten Francs and then he was satisfied."

A few decades later, "little" Nicolas became president of the Republic. He is still duping everyone and is still surrounded by donkeys.
bad-man
now say you sorry
+34|6065|one windy city
“Doctor,” the embarrassed man said, “I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.”
“Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.”
The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife.

“Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,” the doctor says. “Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on.” The doctor took the husband aside. “You’re in perfect health,” he said. “Your wife didn’t give me an erection either.”
Kmar
Truth is my Bitch
+5,695|6818|132 and Bush

Old but one of my favorites.
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets and, when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.

But also, being a practical leader, he decided to seek advice from experts.

He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it still going to be a cold winter?" he asked.

"Yes," the man at the National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter. The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" he asked for a third time.

"Absolutely," the weatherman replied. "In fact, it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever!"

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are gathering wood like crazy."
Xbone Stormsurgezz
blah
macaroni with cheeseeee
+111|5965|Croatia
A young Irish lad had fallen in love with a girl and felt the relationship had gone far enough to take her home to meet his family.

So, one fine Sunday evening the lad, his lady friend and the rest of the family (17 or so people) were gathered around the dining room table. The matriarch or the family asked the lad's girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"
The girl hesitated and said, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."
Immediately the lad's mother fainted and was surrounded by a dozen family members who splashed her face with water which brought her back around. She returned to her seat and the family calmed down and resumed the meal. At that point the mother asked again, "Forgive me, dearie. I don't think I heard you correctly.... what is your occupation?"
Again the girl answered, "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."
The mother laughed and said, "Oh my, dearie, for a moment there I thought you said you were a PROTESTANT!"
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. Because it is soooooo much cheaper. So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!
You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!”
In the USA a man driving a car is trapped in a traffic jam.
Suddenly someone is knocking at his window. He`s lowering the window and asks "What`s up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped President Bush. They`re demanding 10 million dollars, otherwise they will soak him with petrol and burn him."
"Aha!" responds the man in the car.
"You see," the other man repeats, "we-re now going from car to car, collecting for him."
"And how much are people donating, on average?"
"Approximately 5 liters."
The Real Skywalker Lineage

(Setting: A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand. It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down....)

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No, Luke... I am your father!
Luke: No! It's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio? Darth Vader : Yes, C-3PO. I built him -- when I was only seven years old.
Luke: No!
Darth Vade : Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself: No lightsaber, no hand, no job and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.
Luke: I destroyed the Death Star!
Darth Vader When you were 20! When I was ten, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... “Poor me! My father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!”
Luke: Shut up.
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor...! Listen, ten years old and winner of the Boonta Eve Open, the only human to ever fly a Pod Racer -- right here, baby!
(Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.)
Darth Vader : I was wrong. You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine. (Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.)
Darth Vader : AND GET A HAIRCUT!'
Late one night in Washington, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money!" he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this. I'm a
United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me my money!"
THE MALE-FEMALE GAME - A GUIDE TO HOW IT WORKS

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

THE MISSION: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's just the way the game's played.

Here's a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ...............................+1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up....................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty... 0
When the toilet paper has run out, you resort to Kleenex...-1
You go out to buy her extra-light pant liners with wings...+5
> > in the snow.....................................+8
> > but return with beer............................-5
> > and no liners..................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.........0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something...+5
> > You pummel it with a six iron...................+10
> > It's her cat....................................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire evening......... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
chat with a drinking pal........................-2
> > Named Tiffany...................................-4
> > Tiffany is a dancer............................-10
> > With breast implants...........................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday............................... 0
You buy a card and flowers.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
> > Ok, it is a sports bar................................-2
> > And it's all-you-can-eat night.........................-3
> > It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night,
> > and your face is painted the colors of your favourite team...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a male friend................................ 0
> > Who is happily married...............................+1
> > Who is single........................................-7
> > And drives a Ferrari................................-10
> > With a personalised license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a see a film..........................+2
You take her to a see a film she likes................+4
You take her to a see a film you hate.................+6
You take her to a see a film you like.................-2
> > It's called Death Cop III.............................-3
> > Featuring Cyborgs that eat humans.....................-9
> > You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly....................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get
rid of it.............................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."......-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
> > You hesitate in responding......................-10
> > You reply, "Where?".............................-35
> > You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".........-100
> > Any other response..............................-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
> > You listen, displaying a concerned expression.............0
> > You listen, for over 30 minutes..........................+5
> > You relate to her problem and share a similar experience...+50
> > You're mind wanders to football and you suddenly hear her
> > saying "well, what do you think I should do?".........-100
> > You have fallen asleep.............................-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
> > You talk.........................................-100
> > You don't talk...................................-150
> > You spend time with her..........................-200
> > You don't spend time with her....................-500
> > You are seen to be enjoying yourself...........-5,000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE
Three nuns are gossiping in the hall of a monastery. The first nun says "I was cleaning Father O'Flannigan's room last week, and do you know what I found? A pornographic managzine!" The other nuns gasp, and the second nun asks "What did you do?"
The first nun replies "I took it out into the yard and burned it! May that filth never pollute anyone again!"
"That's nothing," says the second nun. "When I was cleaning Father O'Flannigan's room just this past monday, and do you know what I found? A box of condoms!"
"What did you do?" asked the third nun.
"Well I took out a straightpin and poked a dozen holes in each one of them!"
To which the third nun replies: "Oh shi..."
A man goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of Pepsi, a bag of tortilla chips, and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"
Sarcastically the guy sneers, "How’d you guess?"
She replies, "Because you’re fucking ugly."
Paddy was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Paddy gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do you know this, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so."

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous--of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Paddy goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no! It's not that Nun again is it?"
1927
The oldest chav in the world
+2,423|6891|Cardiff, Capital of Wales
Apologies if posted before

there's a ring of the doorbell at no.42..the bloke upstairs shouts "do us a favour sweety, get the door.."

to which his wife replies "ah, come on, i'm only in my nightie.."

"go on babe, i'm trying to take a dump up here.."

"ok,if i have to..." came the reply. She answers the door to see Bob from number 41 stood there, hands in pockets.."hello bob" says the woman "what can i do for you..?..."well, to be honest" says Bob "it's a touch embarassing really, i've always been attracted to you, be it from afar, but your womanly curves are simply devine, and i was wondering..if i give you this £50 note, will you show me your tits..?"

the woman replies.."£50 you say..? ok then, lets make it quick.." so she looks upstairs, turns and flashes Bob her double DD's..

"cheers" says Bob, and she shuts the door...

"who was that at the door darling..?" shouts the bloke from upstairs..

"only Bob from number 41" says the women..

"oh great" replies her husband.."did he give you that £50 he owes me...?"


A man is taking a monkey back to the zoo as he no longer wants it, when he gets a phone call, please come quick your wife is in labour, panicking the man runs up to a guy in a van and says heres £50 take my monkey to the zoo...

when the man is later leaving the hospital he sees the man with his monkey, I thought i told you to take him to the zoo, to which the guy replies, i did, i have £30 left so im taking him to the cinema coat
blah
macaroni with cheeseeee
+111|5965|Croatia
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
What makes up 100% in life?

If A is represented by 1, B by 2, C by 3, ..., X by 24, Y by 25 and Z by 26 then we have:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far this will take you:

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard
Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there,
Bullshit and Ass-kissing will put you over the top!
Lord_Palm-Of_Doom
Member
+11|5761|San Diego, California
Corny joke (lol): How do you get pikachu on a bus?
                         You poke'em-on  (poke him on)....

Chuck Norris jokes!----    http://www.thechucknorrisfacts.com/
nativejam
Member
+17|5760|Australia
LOL, there are some good jokes here. I shall share with you the lamest joke ever, so lame that it will make you laugh:

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
A: Spoiler (highlight to read):
Get down from there!!

Q: What did the cow say to the farmer on the ground?
A: Spoiler (highlight to read):
Mooooo...... cows can't speak,
Hope_is_lost117
Psy squad
+49|6214|Belgium

nativejam wrote:

LOL, there are some good jokes here. I shall share with you the lamest joke ever, so lame that it will make you laugh:

Q: What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
A: Spoiler (highlight to read):
Get down from there!!

Q: What did the cow say to the farmer on the ground?
A: Spoiler (highlight to read):
Mooooo...... cows can't speak,
It broke on me

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