.:ronin:.|Patton
Respekct dad i love u always
+946|6779|Marathon, Florida Keys
Let me first start this off with saying this is highly personal...ive been wanting to write something like this for a long time....i was inspired by ATG's Suicide thread to write something that might help other people.

Ok well.......here it goes:
Ive probably had one of the worst days of my life today. I came home and did a great many things i regret now. One of them writing that PM to you. I am a immature asshole who takes video games to seriously. What can i tell you Tyler.....this is my life, the internet. I live to come home from school to spend 5 hours a day on my fat ass playing video games. It is really all i care about. I read in one of your topics somewhere that went along the lines of how you hate people who provide nothing to society, who leach off their parents. Well i am ashamed to say im one of those you speak about. You care about your future, i could give a shit if i was killed in a drive by tomorrow. The sooner im off this fucking planet the better. Im not going into why because i know how you hate internet drama and your prolly laughing at this right now and thinking "give me a fucking break". Im a failure at real life. And thats why i always bitch about that stupid game, because it is all i really enjoy in life. I dont even know why i PMed you in the first place. I probably was just using you as something to vent my anger. And being 3000 miles away and not even knowing you in real life and yelling at you makes me look like a faggot. Im sorry.
Guess who this is? Its me one year and 4 months ago, 3 quarters into my junior year, talking to my best friend Tyler, most of you knew him as Stryyker. He does not come on this site anymore. He was my best friend for nearly two years until he stopped with the internet life. This is what he wrote back to me.

I bet that felt good to say. Heres my advice to you. Take a week off. Unplug the computer. It will help alot, trust me.
That is the only advice i have ever taken from anyone in my life. And it worked. Except i didn't lay off the games for a week. I didn't turn a game on for a month and a half. It was painful, like going cold turkey to break a smoking addiction, but i did it. Since then i cannot sit down and play a game for more than 30 minuites without getting bored. Well it is not really boredom, it is just a feeling i get knowing that these games ruined the majority of my middle school and high school career.

/Intro

-----------------------------
I wrote that PM to Stryyker 1 year 4 months ago. I am a completely different person know. I owe it all to him.
What was i back then? I will tell you. I was an e-badass. An Internet Tough Guy. A 3 star general in a video game with over 1800 hours logged. A kid who played a video game for points so he could watch his name move up an imaginary leaderboard so he could get a cool looking 2 kilobyte image next to his name. A kid who started to shake out of nervousness when he talked to an attractive girl. A kid who had 2 real life friends. A kid who had never had a girlfriend before.
But you see, i didn't care then. I hated the real world. People, society, school, and the very physics of the universe itself.
I had my computer though, an escape like no other. Where i could tell people what i really thought about them without getting my face smashed in. A place where cowards like myself could sit and act cool all day while they are complete loosers in real life.

How did i come to get like this?
I would have to say with depression from when my mom passed away when i was in 7th grade. I had alot of friends back then. But they all stopped talking to me after that happened. We were all at a party a week ago and most of the 30 ppl there said they stopped talking to me because they didn't know how to approach me and thought i wanted to be alone. That was completely the opposite of what i needed. This isolation of mine lead to me spending lots of time sitting on my computer playing games. I would get so into it that i would completely forget about the outside world and become completely absorbed. My depression did not exist while absorbed in these games. I was in another world, another life. As soon as i hear dad yelling "Andrew time to go to bed" and i had to shut my pc off i would be back to my depressed self, dragging my feet as i walked hating everything.
At school i did not interact with anyone. I just sat there in my classrooms from the middle of 7th grade until halfway through 11th grade just keeping to myself. All i thought during school through 10th and 11th grade was coming home and getting 2500 points on my bf2 account after homework. Thankfully my grades never really suffered.

On the internet however, i was the cool guy. I used to connect to bf2 servers and make my own squad, and have random ppl come on and be like "Hey TOP Patton i heard your really good man i wanna stick with you this round". I loved placing 1st on the server by 30 points every round. Joining TOP when it was in its prime feel like i was one of the cool kids, because everyone knew about us and how we owned pretty much every server we went in.
What obsession does to you:
http://forums.bf2s.com/viewtopic.php?pid=823522#p823522

I look at that OP of mine and it makes me want to cry knowing i was like that. ITS A FUCKING GAME.

BEING A GENERAL IN BF2 OR A LEVEL 70 PALADIN IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT GETS YOU SHIT IN REAL LIFE KIDS.
It was ok for me at first, using the computer as an escape, it kept me off of drugs and violent activities, but it became an addiction. My entire life was video games. Being addicted to games at my level is just as bad as being addicted to a drug. Your teenage years are supposed to be when you learn how to interact in the real world and discover yourself, not sit living in an imaginary world for 10 hours every day and having no friends.

The last day i played bf2 on my general account was the day before my senior year started, which was last august 21st. It was reset some time in feburary and i shrugged like "whatever". If that happened a year earlier i would have shot myself.

I went into my senior year with a completely different attitude. Realizing i had wasted the last 5 years of my life infront of a computer instead of interacting with my peers, and that this was my last year i was going to know everyone i grew up with, i had a type of confidence behind me like i had never felt before. My depression went away. Although it comes back once every 2 or 3 months for a day or two at at time. The time i spent on the computer decreased probably 80%. For the past year friends have been my life. I play games no more than 2 hours a week now, oppose to the 6+ i used to do every single day. I come from a small school which has about 400 kids. I went from having 2 or 3 friends in real life to everyone worth being friends with in my grade, the junior, and the sophomore class. I went from going months without anyone calling my cell phone to 15 people calling me up everyday just to chat. I can talk to girls now. Actually, i talk to girls more than guys now. My outlook on life has taken a 180 degree turn. I am a changed person. All i can say is mission-fucking-accomplished.

I am now graduated from high school and start college at the end of next month. How do i feel right now? I have finally become what every teenager should be, a happy person with many good friends he/she can chill with. Unfortunately i became this person at the very end. I wasted so much time i wish i could go back with what i know now.

These past 3 weeks ive been alone ( see http://forums.bf2s.com/viewtopic.php?pi … 8#p2148948 ) ive done nothing but hang with people. Ive had a party almost every other night and i can easily say this the happiest time of my life. Parties are one of the best ways to meet people. They helped me alot. For starters, ask around on thursday and friday to see who is having a party during the weekend.


-----------------------------------------------
I hope if you are in a similar situation as i was in, that you will take my advice when i say GET OFF THE FUCKING COMPUTER. Go out and live it up. It may not seem like the real world is as inviting as a 10 hour gaming session might be but with work it is. I understand that i came from a small school and being accepted is easier than in a large school, but it does not matter. Find a group of people you can relate too and stick with them! Don't be a loner, change your ways if you are. Dump the internet life.

Games are for when you have nothing to do. They are for when it is a rainy day or you are sick, or if theres nothing good on TV. Games with ranking systems are a trap. If you can spend a ton of time on games and have a social life then.....well.......i honestly dont know how you do it.

If i had to put myself in a social group i would call myself preppy, except i am one of the few preppy kids that does not look down on anyone. I try to help them, because i know what it is to be an outcast. If I can go from being a no-one to someone who everyone knows and likes than you can get atleast halfway there. I mean that in a totally non-bragging way, I am the most modest person you will ever meet.

I hope anyone who has this type of problem takes my advice, and that they take it now before you are in my position....Getting to know everyone right when they are leaving.

You can do it.




Also, if theres anyone on here that i ever insulted or acted superior too when it came to video games i apologize. It does not matter how long ago i did it. This apology excludes bennet of course

Last edited by .:ronin:.|Patton (2011-04-16 21:11:03)

https://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g117/patton1337/stats.jpg
blademaster
I'm moving to Brazil
+2,075|6615
wow great post one of the best posts on bf2s I kind of had to hit the rock bottom too and stop playing bf2, in order to get out and be normal. Also the karma business is addictive too! lolz but yeah read ur whole post very interesting and a lot of stuff is true too.

My bf2 profile:
http://bf2s.com/player/61183610/

Last edited by blademaster (2008-07-12 18:07:37)

Doctor Strangelove
Real Battlefield Veterinarian.
+1,758|6438
Well video games are allot better than drinking, smoking weed, breaking stuff, lighting things on fire, robbing, and many, many, many other things that people who don't play video games all day do.

Ya see, one can make their live better if they work and not play video games, but the fact is if they are only playing video games then they aren't doing anything that is so stupid that they won't be able to get their lives back on track from.

If you play video games allot and don't do too well in school then you get a mediocre job and wish you did more work when you were younger. If you do something really stupid and get in trouble with the law, then you're fucked for life.
Cybargs
Moderated
+2,285|6686
Good post,


Btw how's stryyker doing? Haven't heard from you or him in fucking ages man, good to see you posting again.

Call me up on skype or drop me a pm dude.
https://cache.www.gametracker.com/server_info/203.46.105.23:21300/b_350_20_692108_381007_FFFFFF_000000.png
weerdfoo1
Banned
+26|6134|California
Yeah, I used to be in a somewhat similar situation, but it wasn't that I didn't want to interact with people...people didn't want to interact with me...bitches.  That is what happens when you grow up being a "good kid" in San Bernardino county, near LA country.

Eventually what happened to me though is that my sophomore year of high school I joined track.  I got along with most of those people and by the end of senior year we were all really good friends.  Now that I am in college, I really only play games when I either have too much time on my hands, really do not want to write an essay, or there is nothing on TV (which in my case I don't like TV anyways so yeah).  Oh yeah, and now that I am in college (just finished my first year), strangest thing happened, I'm not intentionally going out to look for people to talk to and yet I do...WTF is that shit, when I want to talk to people I can't, and when I honestly don't care, I end up talking to people.  And about the whole I talk to more girls than guys thing, same thing with me, I have three very good friends whom I still keep in touch with from high school (one of which is my GF) and I find I'm in less awkward situations when I talk to a stranger that is a girl.

Very good post good sir, and good luck in college, trust me, it's great.
Roger Lesboules
Ah ben tabarnak!
+316|6547|Abitibi-Temiscamingue. Québec!
All i can say after reading your wall of text.


You got balls Andrew! I dont know much people that have the balls to admit that they have a problem and actually do something about it. i went tru almost the same things as you...Was always in my shell, was not talking much to "outsider"...had many friend but i would stay home and play video game most of the time when i should have been out partying. Now i still spend much time in front of the monitor...but its not logging hours into games. I spend that time talking to people, getting to know new people each time i can....and as soon as the phone ring with a "Hey dude lets have a party!" Im the first to close the comp and run outside to have fun.

Also...Dont have yourself too much for that...it wont serve any purpose any other than draging you down. Enjoy your new life buddy!
XanKrieger
iLurk
+60|6628|South West England
I propose this be a sticky under the Suicide thread, as this is a very real issue
CommonSense
Banned
+51|5906|New York
My brother is exactly how you were(2 year ago) since the age of 11.

Stayed on the CPU for hours and hours failed so many classes. Took Summer school over and over again. He took an extra year of high school and is taking summer school right now and will still be short of a few classes to receive his Diploma.

I was headed in the same direction until I saw how badly he was messing up around the beginning of my sophomore year at high school.

Everything Patton said is true. Although most people will take his words for granted and act as if it meant nothing by denying everything he said.

There are other options besides the CPU/Video Games/TV. Join a club, play some sports(even if you don't know how to), find a job, help people in need, read a book etc.

Oh, and...

XanKrieger wrote:

I propose this be a sticky under the Suicide thread, as this is a very real issue

Last edited by CommonSense (2008-07-12 18:47:58)

Stingray24
Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy
+1,060|6415|The Land of Scott Walker
The high school popularity contest is seriously over-rated.  Most of the people I knew in high school weren't worth spending time with and their parties were lame.  As long as your grades are decent and you have some good friends, do what you want with your free time.
.:ronin:.|Patton
Respekct dad i love u always
+946|6779|Marathon, Florida Keys

Stingray24 wrote:

The high school popularity contest is seriously over-rated.  Most of the people I knew in high school weren't worth spending time with and their parties were lame.  As long as your grades are decent and you have some good friends, do what you want with your free time.
Thats not my point. Learning how to interact with people takes place in high school and sitting infront of your pc all day like i did will mess you up later in life.
https://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g117/patton1337/stats.jpg
CommonSense
Banned
+51|5906|New York

Stingray24 wrote:

The high school popularity contest is seriously over-rated.  Most of the people I knew in high school weren't worth spending time with and their parties were lame.  As long as your grades are decent and you have some good friends, do what you want with your free time.
It is not about being popular in high school. It is about doing something with your life and helping society and people in need.
Stingray24
Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy
+1,060|6415|The Land of Scott Walker

CommonSense wrote:

It is not about being popular in high school. It is about doing something with your life and helping society and people in need.
Precisely.  An equal amount of time can be wasted in front of the PC or hanging out.
2tuff
Positive Karma Here!
+357|6746
You the man Patton, you the man.
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,053|6741|PNW

.:ronin:.|Patton wrote:

OP
That's quite a bit of text. Inconsistent capitalization and punctuation, though.

At the same time, I can think of much worse things to spend a childhood addicted to.

Last edited by unnamednewbie13 (2008-07-12 19:15:16)

.:ronin:.|Patton
Respekct dad i love u always
+946|6779|Marathon, Florida Keys

unnamednewbie13 wrote:

.:ronin:.|Patton wrote:

OP
That's quite a bit of text. Inconsistent capitalization and punctuation, though.

At the same time, I can think of much worse things to spend a childhood addicted to.
Yeah i know im sorry, i was never really good in language arts


And im not talking about other addictions, as ive not experienced them. Im just talking about my own personal experience. I know there is worse out there.
https://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g117/patton1337/stats.jpg
usmarine2
Banned
+233|5761|Dublin, Ohio
"games are for when nothing is good on TV"

/truth
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,053|6741|PNW

.:ronin:.|Patton wrote:

And im not talking about other addictions, as ive not experienced them. Im just talking about my own personal experience. I know there is worse out there.
But I was. An addiction's an addiction. As compulsive gaming goes, it's bad, but yeah...not nearly as rending as others out there, like snorting crack up your ass. Gaming's easy to break yourself of it too, if you're so inclined. The best cure available is a full-time job with hefty, unpredictable hours. Almost acts as a calorie shift diet.

Go out and live it up. It may not seem like the real world is as inviting as a 10 hour gaming session might be but with work it is.
I would rather play Age of Conan, Guild Wars or Call of Duty 4 until my eyeballs bleed than attend some of the more vapid parties and activities my age group holds so dear to their hearts.

Last edited by unnamednewbie13 (2008-07-12 19:25:12)

MAGUIRE93
High Angle Hell
+182|6164|Schofield Barracks
In elementary school i had tons of friends but then i stayed back and all my friends wouldn't talk to me. I didn't have my friends after that. From the second grade to the beginning of eighth grade ( which i just left) i had no friends at all. The beginning of 8th grade i was in a homeroom where the only person i new was a kid i kind of new. and now me him and abunch of other kids hang out all the time. I used to be addicted all i would do is play xbox. I think about more than 700 hours of my life were spent infront of a tv or computer monitor. The real big thing that got me of games was my grades got bad so my parents took away my games. I hated myself when i was younger. I was a very emotional kid and if i couldnt do something right my dad would yell at me and i would just have a melt down. 6 times i almost killed myself. 6 fucking times. only because i coudlnt do something right i thought of myself as a failure at life. I dont remember what kept my from killing myself. And i don't want to remember. You guys are the only ones who know about this. It amazing how much a video game can change your life. Ive never even met any of you and you know my darkest secret.
wah1188
You orrible caaaaaaan't
+321|6430|UK

.:ronin:.|Patton wrote:

Stingray24 wrote:

The high school popularity contest is seriously over-rated.  Most of the people I knew in high school weren't worth spending time with and their parties were lame.  As long as your grades are decent and you have some good friends, do what you want with your free time.
Thats not my point. Learning how to interact with people takes place in high school and sitting infront of your pc all day like i did will mess you up later in life.
Very true there, you know Patton I used to think you were a cunt and really hated you. I like this thread it raises a good point in the last year of college my grades suffered very badly from BF2 addiction. I ended up resitting the entire year and just slept and played BF2 like an obsessive idiot. Gah I know how it feels though to look back and known you have missed out on so much.

Oh yeah I no longer think your a cunt.
.:ronin:.|Patton
Respekct dad i love u always
+946|6779|Marathon, Florida Keys

MAGUIRE93 wrote:

In elementary school i had tons of friends but then i stayed back and all my friends wouldn't talk to me. I didn't have my friends after that. From the second grade to the beginning of eighth grade ( which i just left) i had no friends at all. The beginning of 8th grade i was in a homeroom where the only person i new was a kid i kind of new. and now me him and abunch of other kids hang out all the time. I used to be addicted all i would do is play xbox. I think about more than 700 hours of my life were spent infront of a tv or computer monitor. The real big thing that got me of games was my grades got bad so my parents took away my games. I hated myself when i was younger. I was a very emotional kid and if i couldnt do something right my dad would yell at me and i would just have a melt down. 6 times i almost killed myself. 6 fucking times. only because i coudlnt do something right i thought of myself as a failure at life. I dont remember what kept my from killing myself. And i don't want to remember. You guys are the only ones who know about this. It amazing how much a video game can change your life. Ive never even met any of you and you know my darkest secret.
Wow dude, my little sister just got out of 8th grade and i cant imagine someone that young trying repeatedly to kill themselves. Dont do it again, your  way to young and haven't experienced anything of life yet. High school is a new beginning. Forget what happened and start the upcoming year off as a new person like i did.
https://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g117/patton1337/stats.jpg
XanKrieger
iLurk
+60|6628|South West England
Can't sleep now, got alot on my mind I need to digest currently, I think tomorow I'm gonna have a talk with Dad over what's going on, I'm at the end of the line here for future prospects.
MAGUIRE93
High Angle Hell
+182|6164|Schofield Barracks

.:ronin:.|Patton wrote:

MAGUIRE93 wrote:

In elementary school i had tons of friends but then i stayed back and all my friends wouldn't talk to me. I didn't have my friends after that. From the second grade to the beginning of eighth grade ( which i just left) i had no friends at all. The beginning of 8th grade i was in a homeroom where the only person i new was a kid i kind of new. and now me him and abunch of other kids hang out all the time. I used to be addicted all i would do is play xbox. I think about more than 700 hours of my life were spent infront of a tv or computer monitor. The real big thing that got me of games was my grades got bad so my parents took away my games. I hated myself when i was younger. I was a very emotional kid and if i couldnt do something right my dad would yell at me and i would just have a melt down. 6 times i almost killed myself. 6 fucking times. only because i coudlnt do something right i thought of myself as a failure at life. I dont remember what kept my from killing myself. And i don't want to remember. You guys are the only ones who know about this. It amazing how much a video game can change your life. Ive never even met any of you and you know my darkest secret.
Wow dude, my little sister just got out of 8th grade and i cant imagine someone that young trying repeatedly to kill themselves. Dont do it again, your  way to young and haven't experienced anything of life yet. High school is a new beginning. Forget what happened and start the upcoming year off as a new person like i did.
i know recently i put all my knives in a M-60 ammo box and tied it up now its in my closet.
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,053|6741|PNW

MAGUIRE93 wrote:

I think about more than 700 hours of my life were spent infront of a tv or computer monitor. The real big thing that got me of games was my grades got bad so my parents took away my games. I hated myself when i was younger. I was a very emotional kid and if i couldnt do something right my dad would yell at me and i would just have a melt down. 6 times i almost killed myself. 6 fucking times. only because i coudlnt do something right i thought of myself as a failure at life. I dont remember what kept my from killing myself. And i don't want to remember. You guys are the only ones who know about this. It amazing how much a video game can change your life. Ive never even met any of you and you know my darkest secret.
That's pretty lightweight, considering that some people have played several times that amount on Battlefield 2 alone, nevermind all their other games and computer time.

Again, the best thing people can do is to find alternative hobbies. You don't have to stop playing, but read a book, watch a movie, play with your pets, exercise or go garden for awhile. When you're at the point when you don't care which one you do, so long as you have time to do it, you're in a good place. I spent the latter part of my school years going to two different schools and a college, all at once. Find a way to keep busy.

Last edited by unnamednewbie13 (2008-07-12 20:00:08)

d4rkph03n1x
Member
+131|6719

Reserving this post for a massive reply i'm going to do. I read all of your post, and to sum it up, it pretty much illustrates my position right now. I will write in this later.
Doctor Strangelove
Real Battlefield Veterinarian.
+1,758|6438

Stingray24 wrote:

The high school popularity contest is seriously over-rated.  Most of the people I knew in high school weren't worth spending time with and their parties were lame.  As long as your grades are decent and you have some good friends, do what you want with your free time.
I very strongly agree. Most people who try to go for the popularity contest in HS end up doing something really stupid, such as the things I stated in my previous post.

Not only that but gaming itself has become increasingly social, with the rise of fast internets you can pleh games with friends or just random people and talk to them over the game's VOiP. Also some video games, such as RTS games and team based FPSes (like Battlefield and TeamFortress) require much communication, strategy, quick thinking and teamwork to play effectively, the previous are all useful skills that  Now compare that to another favorite time waster: watching television. TV is considered more acceptable than games simply because it's been around longer, even though TV is completely passive and doesn't develop any skills at all. Video games are in all ways preferable than television.

The other main time waster is sports. Now sports do develop strategy, communication, quick thinking and teamwork like video games do, very often more effectively than games do, not to mention the obvious advantage of developing physically from sports. However not everyone is strong, fast or balanced enough to play sports, so people are to small, to clumsy or to slow to play sports and video games are a good alternative. Also games can be played socially with your friends even if you aren't in the same location as them. MI haven't seen any of my friends since school ended over a month ago but we still play CnC3 or CS together.

I don't see any problem with playing allot of video games. So long as you still do your work for school they aren't going to negatively affect you. They also keep you from doing stupid shit and getting into trouble. For example, I haven't been able to get a job this summer because no one who would hire an unskilled 16 year-old has any positions available, so since I have nothing at all to do this summer I spend most time playing video games.

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