http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aB6Y2PBg … mp;search=
LOL @ IMMIGRANTS
LOL @ IMMIGRANTS
Shadow893 wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aB6Y2PBgLMs&mode=related&search=
LOL @ IMMIGRANTS
I know I shouldn't... but, *chuckle* ...burton wrote:
women's rights
A Texan, a Frenchman & a Canadian are out riding horses.
The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another. Then he throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air.
The Canadian looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan says, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap."
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Frenchman pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it.
The Canadian can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of champagne!"
The Frenchman says "In France there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap."
So a while later the Canadian pulls out a bottle of beer, he opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Frenchman.
The Texan, shocked, says, "Why did you do that? "
The Canadian says, "Well, in Canada, we have plenty of Frenchmen but beer bottles are worth a dime."
The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another. Then he throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air.
The Canadian looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"
The Texan says, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap."
A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Frenchman pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it.
The Canadian can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of champagne!"
The Frenchman says "In France there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap."
So a while later the Canadian pulls out a bottle of beer, he opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Frenchman.
The Texan, shocked, says, "Why did you do that? "
The Canadian says, "Well, in Canada, we have plenty of Frenchmen but beer bottles are worth a dime."
Last edited by Rygar (2007-01-12 07:58:31)
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the
food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
2 gay guys go out looking for employment, 3 hours later one guy comes home, depressed because he couldn't find a job. 2 hours after that his partner comes home, all excited saying "i got a job, lets go celebrate!" so they go out for dinner and drinks, then go home, and go to bed. in the morning the guy that got a job is getting ready for work, shit, shower and shaving. when he comes out of the bathroom, he sees his partner on the bed, jerking off with a rubber on his dick he asks "what are you doing?!" his partners reply was "seeing that its your first day on the job, i thought that i'd pack you a lunch."
if ya like the joke karma is always accepted
if ya like the joke karma is always accepted
oh god that is the worst joke ever ... omfg ....hate&discontent wrote:
2 gay guys go out looking for employment, 3 hours later one guy comes home, depressed because he couldn't find a job. 2 hours after that his partner comes home, all excited saying "i got a job, lets go celebrate!" so they go out for dinner and drinks, then go home, and go to bed. in the morning the guy that got a job is getting ready for work, shit, shower and shaving. when he comes out of the bathroom, he sees his partner on the bed, jerking off with a rubber on his dick he asks "what are you doing?!" his partners reply was "seeing that its your first day on the job, i thought that i'd pack you a lunch."
if ya like the joke karma is always accepted
what's wrong with my joke, i learned that bad boy when i was a sophomore in high school, way back in 1990., yes i'm an old fart, sort of.
An englishmen, irishman and a scotsmen were all together having a drink when God appeared. He sat down with them and started having a conversation with them. Suddenly the englishman goes "hey... you're the guy who can heal anything it touches.... can you heal my leg?"
"Sure" says god.. he touches his leg, and it is cured!
"Hey," says the scotsman, "can you do that for me as well... i've always had this problem with my back"
"Sure" says god.. he touches his back, and it is cured!
"Hey," says the irishman, "don't you come anywhere near me, i'm on disability benefits"
"Sure" says god.. he touches his leg, and it is cured!
"Hey," says the scotsman, "can you do that for me as well... i've always had this problem with my back"
"Sure" says god.. he touches his back, and it is cured!
"Hey," says the irishman, "don't you come anywhere near me, i'm on disability benefits"
Why is there no Disney Land in China?
Cause no ones tall enough to ride the good rides.
Cause no ones tall enough to ride the good rides.
15 more years! 15 more years!
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Do you think its mine?
Do you think its mine?
15 more years! 15 more years!
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death.
Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it." The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?" said the wife.
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with unfortunately died at the scene.
It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death.
Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it." The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?" said the wife.
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with unfortunately died at the scene.
*NEWS FLASH *
The drive of the train crash in Cumbria has been questioned by police.
He said it was caused by a paki. Police asked was he on the track?
Driver said no he was in the field but i got the bastard
The drive of the train crash in Cumbria has been questioned by police.
He said it was caused by a paki. Police asked was he on the track?
Driver said no he was in the field but i got the bastard
The Swansea manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Swansea. Two weeks later Swansea are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Swansea.
The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hello mum, I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters and all the while you were having such a great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Swansea in the first place!"
The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.
"Hello mum, I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."
Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters and all the while you were having such a great time."
The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Swansea in the first place!"
I'm Mexican so it's all good....
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom Is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. Mom, look, I'm a white boy."
His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says,Go show your grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says,Mira, abuelita,(Mira, abuelita mean look grandmother) I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See. Did you learn anything from that?" The boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and already I don't like you Mexicans!!!!
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom Is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. Mom, look, I'm a white boy."
His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says,Go show your grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says,Mira, abuelita,(Mira, abuelita mean look grandmother) I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See. Did you learn anything from that?" The boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and already I don't like you Mexicans!!!!
heres one...............A naked woman slips on the bathroom floor, does the splits, and ends suctioned to the floor by her c*nt. Her husband tries, but cant free her, so calls his neighbour. After accessing the situation, the neighbour says, 'I'll go get a hammer, and we'll smash the tiles around her." "Good idea" says the husband, "I'll lick her ear and play with her tits until you get back." "Why?" asked the neighbour. The husband replies, "If i get her wet, maybe we can slide her to the kitchen where the tiles are cheaper."
The Captain's Log
The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto."
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?" Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night." Well, everyone in the planes trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off. Half way down, she trips over an old ladies bag - SPLAT and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run dearie, he's got to go for a shit first."
The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto."
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?" Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night." Well, everyone in the planes trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off. Half way down, she trips over an old ladies bag - SPLAT and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run dearie, he's got to go for a shit first."
Guy stumbles into a bar, looks down the bar at a group of young lads and shouts:
"Oi, I just fucked your mother"
The boys ignore him,
"Oi", he says, "You deaf? I said I just fucked your mother, yea outside in the parking lot, she's a dirty bitch!"
The boys ignore him,
"Oi, Your mother's a dirty fuckin ho and I did her in the ass outside, what you gonna fucking do about it?"
One of the lads stands up and shouts down the bar,
"Shut up Dad you're pissed"
/Told this one at a team meeting infront of a very old waitress who when I paused before the rude bit said "Don't worry, I might be old, but I've heard some things in my time". She left with a very red face afterwards.
"Oi, I just fucked your mother"
The boys ignore him,
"Oi", he says, "You deaf? I said I just fucked your mother, yea outside in the parking lot, she's a dirty bitch!"
The boys ignore him,
"Oi, Your mother's a dirty fuckin ho and I did her in the ass outside, what you gonna fucking do about it?"
One of the lads stands up and shouts down the bar,
"Shut up Dad you're pissed"
/Told this one at a team meeting infront of a very old waitress who when I paused before the rude bit said "Don't worry, I might be old, but I've heard some things in my time". She left with a very red face afterwards.
15 sailors captured for straying into Iranian waters.
14 men, 1 woman.
Doesn't take a genius to work out who was reading the Fucking map!!!!!
14 men, 1 woman.
Doesn't take a genius to work out who was reading the Fucking map!!!!!
^^^LOL
ok...
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
Yup, leave it to a man to read the map....at least one of them had a brain.Richard2000 wrote:
15 sailors captured for straying into Iranian waters.
14 men, 1 woman.
Doesn't take a genius to work out who was reading the Fucking map!!!!!
/did i misinterpret ??