BF2S Forums Best best joke

Q - What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes?

A - Nothing, you've already told her twice.

Oops, perhaps that belongs on the best worst joke thread.

A blonde is sitting at home one day when she decides she's sick of hearing all those blonde jokes, so she decides to dye her hair brown. To see if it works, she goes to a farm.
She walks up to the farmer and says, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer kinda chuckles to himself, and then replies, "Sure, why not?"

The blonde pulls out a calculator and does a whole bunch of calculus and trig equations and comes up with a number. She says to the farmer, "There are 314 sheep out there."

The farmer looks at her with a shocked _expression and says, "You're right! Go take your pick".

The blonde takes a few minutes to pick a sheep, waves to the farmer, and leaves.

She's sitting at home the next day when she hears a knock on her front door. She opens it and finds the farmer standing there, holding his hat. He says to her, "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back

1.Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.

2.Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.

3.Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.

4.Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave

5.Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.

6.Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

7.Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.

Can we Post Yo Momma Jokes?

If so... Yo Momma smells so bad her teeth ran away.
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job:  Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!!

Yo momma so ugly that her face will make a freight train take a dirt road!

Yo momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.

Yo momma so ugly, she walked into taco bell and they all ran for the border!

Yo momma so ugly people go ask her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.  Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

I don't know if anyone have submitted this...
But i posted it once in the mIRC channel...


Its not a joke, but I think you like it.


there were 3000 tons of ham onboard Titanic when it sank.

Reposted from an email I recieved.  For all the Hunters out there.


HER DIARY:     
Tonight:  I thought my husband was acting weird.  We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.  Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.  He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing."  I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.  He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.  On the way home, I told him that I loved him.  He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."  When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.  He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.  To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love.  But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.  He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.     My life is a disaster.    


HIS DIARY:      
Missed a big deer today, but at least I got laid.

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Faluijiah when they came upon an
Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On
the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less
serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given
to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway
here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and
both took cover in the ditches along the road.
"I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he
yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for-nothing, fat, left wing
liberal drunk.
So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited
lesbian!" He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Mrs. Clinton!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck
hit us"

A young guy had been going out with with his girlfriend for 2 months, but still hadn't laid her. One day, she invited him round for dinner, with a promise that afterward, she would lose her virginity to him while her parents went out for the night. So the next day, he went to the pharmacist, and asked the guy behind the counter about purchasing condoms. The man was very helpful, pointing out the of the different types of condoms available, their specialties and the advantages of these different types. Afterwards, the guy settled on the variety pack, when the pharmacist asked him, 'what size? We have a small, regular and family size pack of condoms.' 'Better make it a family size, I think I'm gonna be busy' the guy replies.

Later that evening, the young guy made it round to his girlfriends house, where she greeted him at the door. 'We're just sitting down for dinner, your in time!' So they all sit down to dinner, when the guy quickly says he'll say Grace. However, after ten minutes, he's still bowing his head. His girlfriend leans over and whispers, 'I had no idea you are so religious!' And the guy replied, 'and I had no idea you dad is a pharmacist!'

(NOTE: Anyone else like the silly irony of a family size pack of condoms?)

Wots got 4 legs and 1 arm ?
A happy pit bull

Richard2000 wrote:

Wots got 4 legs and 1 arm ?
A happy pit bull

that is poor, out of order, but amusing

Whenever pinochio and his girlfriend have sex she complains about splinters, so the next day pinochio goes to see jepetto and jepetto suggests a bit of sandpaper, a week later jepetto sees pinochio and asks how the girlfriend is to which pinochio replies '' Girlfriend?, who needs one!!!!''