MaximumMayhem
Member
+27|6656|Mashtuur Boulevard
Executive: Our ears on the web say that the fans are at a fever pitch to see this game released. We've gotta drop it now.

Developer: But we're still working on the Laser designation, tweaking the accuracy on some of the infantry weapons, adjusting the AA tracking and . . .

Exec: If there is one thing that I learned in business school, you have to give them what they want while they want it, else they get it from someone else.

Dev: But we haven't added the European Army, or the highly requested maps on US soil yet.  Don't get me started on the "progress" over at DICE Canada.  Plus, there seems to be an issue where names appear red instead of . . .

Exec: That's what patches are for son.  Did I not annunciate?  This game is going out the door right now.  The only question is, "are you going out the door with it"?

A few months later.

Exec: We've been hyping this special forces expansion pack.  Where is it?

Dev: We've got the core system down, but we haven't finished most of the weapons or found a new "ability" for the medic or engineer yet.

Exec: Are you kidding me?  Do you know what season it is?  It's ****ing Christmas. Over half of our yearly revenue is generated during the last days of December and you're telling me that the follow up to the biggest FPS of the year isn't ready?

Dev: We've been working around the clock, but we don't want to do this half assed . . .

Exec: We're EA. "Half assed" is what we do.  Tell me, do you have the tier 2 unlocks yet?

Dev: All but 2.  We didn't include enough ranks in the initial release.

Exec: Well, have Armando make up some mumbo jumbo about "we felt that the (left out kits) had solid tier 1 unlocks and therefore, didn't need tier 2 unlocks".

Dev: But we still only have the Seal weapons partially finished.  We haven't even gotten started on the others.

Exec: Damn it.  What would my 3rd year professor do?  Got it.  Give one of the armies the tier 2 weapons as their defaults.

Dev: But Sir . . .

Exec: Just do it.  The other armies. . they're pretty close to the Middle East, give them all the MEC weapons.

Dev: Sir, the fans wont let us get away with that.

Exec: Ha!  How many patches has it been since we've "addressed" the red name bug? They'll let us Cleveland steamroll their mothers if we "address it" properly.

Dev: But what about the Special Forces Medic and Engie not having an exclusive ability?

Exec: Pretend we didn't notice.  They'll forget about it soon enough.

A New Year's Eve Party

Exec: Johnson?

Dev: It's "Joseph" sir.

Exec: Right.  What happened to that content that you didn't finish in time for the release of BF2?

Dev: The European Army and the Maps on US Soil?  They're in the archives.

Exec: I've had a stroke of genius.  My son asked for some trading cards over the holiday.  When I asked him what these different packages were called, he said they were "booster packs".  When I asked him what made them different from the big box of the same cards that he also got he said; now get this, "The booster packs don't have as much content as the big package.  Because they add only a few new things, the booster packs cost less".  Do you see where I'm going with this Johnson?

Dev: It's "Joseph."

Exec: We package the content that we’re going to include in the original game as a "booster pack".  Hell, make it TWO booster packs.  Then, we make them available only through online purchase via the EA downloader that we've been working on.  We'll get them used to buying stuff from us online and make money off of something they should have gotten with their initial purchase, all at the same time.  Genius!

Dev: That's one word for it.

Exec: You know what another word for it could be? . . . "You're fired!"

Dev: That's 2 words sir.
Found on the EA Forums
Thanks to BlacksCougars for the find

Last edited by MaximumMayhem (2006-05-30 05:47:26)

Ty
Mass Media Casualty
+2,398|6780|Noizyland

Worryingly true...

The other word is 'Exploitation"
Add an extra bit about the new patch.
[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon
polarbearz
Raiders of the Lost Bear
+-1,474|6794|Singapore

A.w.e.s.o.m.e
tinuzz
lead catcher
+4|6586|The Netherlands
how do you know its true?

you were there?
Sarrk
O-O-O A-O A
+788|6661|Brisbane, Australia

Gawd, that is too good to be true!

I could totally imagine that happening.......
Souljah
Member
+42|6673
somehow this wouldnt suprise me if this is what really happend lol
Speelbal
Member
+146|6758|Netherlands
Hahha:d
-Whiteroom-
Pineapplewhat
+572|6664|BC, Canada
sad.... but probably the horrifiying truth.
_The.Don_05
Im super serial
+58|6589|England
Lol that is great
DECEPTION_POINT
Banned
+17|6672|newcastle , N.S.W , Australia
i bet its true
DonFck
Hibernator
+3,227|6637|Finland

Definite +1 material!
I need around tree fiddy.
Sarrk
O-O-O A-O A
+788|6661|Brisbane, Australia

Feat Post?
whilsky
FUBAR
+129|6573|Bristol UK
oh its so true
DaReJa
BF2s US Server Admin
+257|6632|Los Angeles, California, US.
lol.
Battlelog: DaReJa
MyBFi/BF3i Admin

AKA DanielRJ
GameSurge IRC Network, Support Agent and Staff
Phuzion IRC Network, Support Director and Operator
Trixano-taa-
Member
+2|6554|NY
that just seems so real to me it has GOT TO BE true.  EA...if there was one thing you could have done it would definately be no to even think of the EA Downloader, ied rather go out and buy it at a store then download it and only have it work for one account and not my friends when they are playing on my computer.
ResDog1
Member
+51|6771|Netherlands
This is the only explination for all the little things that did not add up (Why was there no euro army, where did the laser designator go, why was the tier2 weapon system unfinished) and we the normal folk were pulled the wool over our eyes to cover up we were getting fucked big time...

Why did it have to be EA to release this family of games.... why didn't Dice sign with Valve... I tell you why... this is God's cruel joke to gaming humanity.
MarkyMark
Member
+5|6678|UK
LOL thats one of the greatest posts EVER!!!! Pure genius and hilarity rolled into one
Cbass
Kick His Ass!
+371|6700|Howell, Mi USA
"Exec: We're EA. "Half assed" is what we do." 

"Exec: That's what patches are for son."

im starting to see a pattern here.
https://bf3s.com/sigs/bb53a522780eff5b30ba3252d44932cc2f5b8c4f.png
Defiance
Member
+438|6676

Featured post request?
tahadar
Sniper!!
+183|6744|Pakistan/England
that is "teh Funnay" yet teh truth
RobinHood
Member
+21|6549|DUBLIN, IRELAND
This has 2 be true.
Nice find +1
skywalker107
Member
+2|6585
Executive: OK your predecessor was incompetent so we have a bunch of stuff that needs fixed before we can release the next booster pack.

Dev: OK i have been working on it but this vehicle drop thing is going to get abused and isn't a very smart Idea.

Executive: 5% of the people want it so it must be a good idea. Besides it should bring in a whole new group of customers for the booster pack.

Dev: Well 100% of the people wanted the Red/Blue bug Fixed..nevermind.

Executive: Do you have the Squad Leader respawn fixed?

Dev: Sir that is kinda stupid too. How are they Suppose to move across a map?

Executive: That is what the Booster pack is for "Armor" DUH!!!

Dev: OK well i should have it done by the beginning of June. We are having server browser problems and some of the servers are crashing for no reason.

Executive: JUNE!!!! i want it done tomorrow. Please Ignore the Server problems and get it out the door. oh and the Board of directors think we should reduce the medal requirements. After all who would want to buy 2142 if they are still missing half there medals in bf2.

Dev: If we wait till June i could also get the Red/blue bug out of the game and the server problems will be...

Executive: MOVE!!! I'll finish this shit myself...Your fired
Kung Jew
That one mod
+331|6751|Houston, TX
Funny stuff.  We should keep posting the Chronicles of EA boardrooms.  Make a book...

KJ

Anyone remember poor Bob from the threads about 5 months ago?
stryyker
bad touch
+1,682|6725|California

https://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e382/ticongeroga/seel.gif
Mohawks
Member
+0|6547
my contribution to the story

4 weeks ago

Exec: Johnson!! What's this news I've been hearing during the WT??

Dev: I'm Joseph!!! J-O-S-E-P-H

Exec: Whatever.  I'll just call you Jo the next time.

Dev: Whatever.

Exec: Why are players complaining about this mushroom tactic during WT?

Dev: Well that's part of the fun in BF2.  Dead players can pick any squads in the heat of the battle, spawn on them, and help them fight the enemies.

Exec: Wait Wait Wait... You're telling me that dead players can reappear in the middle of a firefight just like that???

Dev: Ya. That's how the game is played since day one.

Exec: You moron!! Battlefield is supposed to be realistic!!! Didn't you see my marketing presentation and press releases????  REALISTIC!!  How can a soldier just appear from nowhere to help his teammate?? The Squad Leader is not God y'know.... REMOVE THIS BUG RIGHT NOW!!!

Dev: But... but... it's not a bug.   It's a feature of the game..

Exec: It's a BUG!! Remove it and patch all the servers!!

Dev: .....

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