What follows are not official party positions. Rather, this is an inquiry into your personal beliefs to determine where you fall in the political spectrum.
Key to abbreviations in test questions that follow:
CONS: Conservative (Archconservative)
LIBL: Liberal (Leftwing Wacko)
LBRT: Libertarian (Antigovernment Libertine)
COMM: Communist (Commie Sympathizer)
1: Government's practice of stealing from the rich to give to the poor is...
CONS: a crime.
LIBL: a brave, generous and heroic deed.
LBRT: a foolish, misguided attempt at social engineering.
COMM: an inspiration to us all.
2: The most egregious example of government waste is...
CONS: the Department of the Interior's $600,000 outhouse.
LIBL: the Department of Defense's $600 toilet seat.
LBRT: the $100,000,000 in emergency funds to buy air conditioners for poor people during the blistering heat wave of 1998. Although, I'm sure there are people who honestly believe that if all those air conditioners saved just one life, then it was indeed a small price to pay.
COMM: the Department of Commerce's entire budget.
3: Why do people contribute money to political campaigns?
CONS: To get a good return on their investment.
LIBL: To buy access to corruptible legislators.
LBRT: To support candidates who have views similar to their own.
COMM: To advance the needs of The Party.
4: How do you feel about artificially created food products?
CONS: I gobble them up!
LIBL: I think they might pose a potential health risk.
LBRT: Way back in the late 19th century Congress turned its learned attention on a new food product. A huge ruckus was raised by people who eyed this new creation with a deep heartfelt suspicion.
To quell this firestorm of protest (and promote the general welfare) Congress took quick and decisive action--it taxed oleomargarine.
COMM: If Mother Nature can be improved upon, for the greater good of all, go for it.
5: What is your favorite quotation?
CONS: "The entire graduated income tax system structure was created by Karl Marx," by Ronald Reagan.
LIBL: "Taxes are the price we pay for civilization," by Oliver Wendell Holmes.
LBRT: "In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another," by Voltaire.
COMM: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need," by Karl Marx.
6: What are your personal beliefs about endangered species?
CONS: Spending inordinate sums on hi-tech efforts to save an endangered species is very noble, but sometimes you've just got to know when to let go.
LIBL: Let no species on life-support pass from this Earth unless every means at our disposal is spent on intensive resuscitation efforts.
LBRT: Let those who religiously believe that every species is sacred, spend their own personal funds to purchase vast tracks of virgin habitat where they and all of Charles Darwin's creatures can live together in peace, harmony and normal healthy predator/prey relationships.
COMM: For the sake of our children, and those of future generations, meticulously preserve dead endangered species specimens in formaldehyde in the major metropolitan natural history museums.
7: The Center for Public-Health Dietary Self Control releases a study that says eating just one jelly donut is as harmful to human health as smoking 10,000,000 cartons of cigarettes. Do you...
CONS: keep eating jelly donuts.
LIBL: demand that jelly donuts be removed from vending machines, and public school cafeterias.
LBRT: hoard jelly donuts before they are regulated off grocer's shelves.
COMM: hoard jelly donuts so you can sell them on the black market.
8: The proper response for jelly donut manufactures regarding the public's concerns over jelly donut's deleterious health effects is to...
CONS: hold a televised press conference, wherein the manufacturers eat jelly donuts, and feed them to their children.
LIBL: institute a nationwide jelly donut recall.
LBRT: let any consumers worried about eating jelly donuts simply stop eating them.
COMM: give total control of jelly donut manufacturing to the government.
9: My drugs of choice are...
CONS: ethyl alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine.
LIBL: marijuana, cocaine, and ecstasy.
LBRT: whatever is the latest newly discovered fad drug that the D.E.A. is screaming and wailing about in the press, and warning the public not to experiment with, lest some stupid sorry soul suffer the worst of all possible fates: scrambled brains and deep fried gonads.
COMM: vodka, cigarettes, and reds.
10: What techniques are best for maintaining discipline in the classroom?
CONS: If just one student misbehaves, severely punish the entire class.
LIBL: Force boys who refuse to settle down to take psychotropic drugs, such as Ritalin and Prozac.
LBRT: Anyone who doesn't want to be in class can leave.
COMM: Anyone who doesn't want to be in class can be made an example of.
11: Endangered spotted owls are spotted nesting in New York City's Central Park. Do you...
CONS: call for an immediate return for to unfettered logging in the Pacific Northwest.
LIBL: call for an immediate moratorium on all new building construction within a 500-mile radius of Central Park, until a comprehensive Spotted Owl Habitat Management Plan has been drafted by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, and approved by the Sierra Club.
LBRT: call for Central Park, and all U.S. Forest Service land to be sold to the highest bidder.
COMM: call for Central Park to be confiscated by the U.S. National Park Service.
12: What are the greatest books of all time?
CONS: - "More Guns, Less Crime: Understanding Crime and Gun Control Laws", by John Lott
- "Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News", by Bernard Goldberg
- "The Skeptical Environmentalist: Measuring the Real State of the World", by Bjorn Lomborg
- "The Roosevelt Myth: A Critical Account of the New Deal and Its Creator", by John T. Flynn
- "America the Way it Ought to Be", by Rush Limbaugh
LIBL: - "The Feminine Mystique", by Betty Friedand
- "Unsafe at Any Speed; The Designed-in Dangers in the American Automobile", by Ralph Nader
- "The Population Bomb", by Paul R. Ehrlich
- "Eco-Catastrophe!", by Paul R. Ehrlich
- "End of Affluence: A Blueprint for Your Future", by Paul R. Ehrlich
- "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations", by Al Franken
LBRT: - "Free to Chose", by Milton and Rose Friedman
- "Defending Pornography: Free Speech, Sex, and the Fight for Women's Rights", by Nadine Strossen
- "Separating School and State: How to Liberate America's Families", by Sheldon Richman
- "Facts, Not Fear: A Parents Guide to Teaching Children About the Environment", by Michael Sanera and Jane S. Shaw
- "Waiting to Inhale: The Politics of Medical Marijuana", by Alan W. Bock
COMM: - "Communist Manifesto", by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engles
- "Quotations from Chairman Mao Tsetung", by Mao Zedong
- "Free Land:Free Love: Tales of a Wilderness Commune", edited by Don Monkerud
13: What are the greatest sexual manuals of all time?
CONS: - "The Joy of No Sex: Handbook for Higher Pleasure", by Swami Bhaktipada
LIBL: - "The Joy of Sex", by Alex Comfort
LBRT: - "The Joy of Solo Sex", by Harold Litten
- "Recreational Sex: An Insiders Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle", by Patti Thomas
COMM: - "Group Sex", by Ann Arensberg
- "The Ins and Outs of Orgies", by Jack S Margolis
14: What should people not be allowed to do in public?
CONS: Offend the sensibilities of others.
LIBL: Offend the sensitivities of others.
LBRT: Offend the sensibilities of yourself.
COMM: Offend the sensitivities of the authorities.
15: What extremist groups have you joined?
CONS: - The American Association of Retired Persons
- The Gray Panthers
- The Chamber of Commerce
- The National Rifle Association
LIBL: - Greenpeace
- The National Organization for Women
- The A.F.L./C.I.O.
- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
- Queer Nation
LBRT: - The American Civil Liberties Union
- The Center for Consumer Freedom
- The Hell's Angles
- The American Medical Marijuana Association
- Families Against Mandatory Minimums
COMM: - The Bolsheviks
- The Red Guard
- The Sandinistas
16: A cup with that only contains half a cup of water is...
CONS: half full.
LIBL: half empty.
LBRT: an example of shortages caused by government control of our water supply.
COMM: an example of inequitable wealth distribution caused by the inherent social injustice in free enterprise.
17: For what offenses should unlimited asset forfeiture become standard operating procedure?
CONS: Drug dealing.
LIBL: Insider securities trading.
LBRT: Nothing. Excessive fines are unconstitutional.
COMM: Being too successful in the marketplace.
18: We need to get government...
CONS: out of the boardroom, and to loosen government's stranglehold on America's businesses.
LIBL: out of the bedroom, and to loosen government's stranglehold on America's genitals.
LBRT: all of the above.
COMM: none of the above.
19: Cloning human beings...
CONS: must be outlawed. The only person who should be creating human beings is God.
LIBL: must be outlawed. The only permissible nontraditional ways to produce offspring are in vitro fertilization, hiring a surrogate mother, and wife swapping.
LBRT: is a perfectly acceptable method of reproduction, and is a wonderful source of identical twins.
COMM: may one day produce the perfect comrade.
20: What's the best way to stop people from illegally crossing our borders?
CONS: Seal the borders so no one can get in.
LIBL: Do nothing to beef up security at the borders, and offer illegal aliens a wide array of free services.
LBRT: Allow unrestricted passage across the borders.
COMM: Seal the borders so no one can get out.
21: How would you define the word "profit"?
CONS: What business owners earn by selling a quality product at a competitive price.
LIBL: What business owners RIP-OFF from their customers.
LBRT: What business owners are rewarded with for risking the loss of their own money.
COMM: What business owners RIP-OFF from their employees.
22: How do you feel about nude sunbathing?
CONS: Never tried it. Never will.
LIBL: Did it a lot in my college days.
LBRT: Do it so often, I no longer need sunscreen.
COMM: It repulses me. You see, for some mysterious reason, God made naked communists rather unsightly.
23: What are your thoughts on castrating (either through chemical or traditional means) repeat sex offenders?
CONS: It's about time we gave those perverts a punishment that fits the crime.
LIBL: That kind of sentence is certainly prohibited by that pesky little clause in the Constitution banning cruel and unusual punishment.
LBRT: Excuse me, but what if the guy is innocent? Is the procedure reversible if years latter the person who really committed the crime confesses?
COMM: Megadittos to the conservative response.
24: Global warming...
CONS: doesn't exist. And even if it does, its harmful effects are easily remedied by cranking up the air conditioning to full blast.
LIBL: is already upon us. The sky is warming! The sky is warming!! We must tell Sixty Minutes!!!
LBRT: is the Ecological Calamity of the Month.
COMM: could have one silver lining, if efforts to combat global warming adversely impact The West's industrialized economies.
25: What government acronyms would you redefine?
CONS: - BAFT Bureau of Alcohol, Firearms and Tobacco
- BAFT Bureau of America's Favorite Things
- IRS Internal Revenue Service
- IRS Income Redistribution Service
LIBL: - BLM Bureau of Land Management
- BLM Bargain Leases for Miners
- CIA Central Intelligence Agency
- CIA Cocaine Importer's of America
- USFWS United States Fish and Wildlife Service
- USFWS Union of Sport Fishermen and Wildlife Shooters
LBRT: - FTC Federal Trade Commission
- FTC Founded to Thwart Competition
- FICA Federal Insurance Contribution Act
- FICA Federal Income Confiscation Act
- USDA United States Department of Agricultural
- USDA Unimaginable Subsidies for Dairymen and Agribusiness
COMM: - BLS Bureau of Labor Statistics
- BLS Better Lying through Science
26: Should gay teachers be allowed in the classroom?
CONS: No. Teachers must be held to strict standards of decorum, because through their example they shape the moral values of their students.
LIBL: Yes. As compensation for centuries of employment discrimination in academia, gays and lesbians must be given preferential hiring treatment when filling all new teaching vacancies.
LBRT: Yes. Learning academic subjects from gay teachers are not going to turn students into homosexuals. If that were possible, homosexuals could be "cured" by forcing them to enroll in classes taught by flaming heterosexuals.
COMM: No, because it might result in a student with confused loyalties.
27: Do you think cigarette smoking is addictive?
CONS: No. Although they can become habit-forming, many people quit successful, without suffering the agony of drug withdrawal, so quitting is just a matter of personal willpower.
LIBL: Yes. We have nearly 700,000 acres of American farmland being used to produce a "crop" that can't be eaten, and that has no real economic value outside of its unique pharmacological properties, which is why it is so important to shield young people from cigarette advertising.
LBRT: Yes. The mere fact that nicotine is addictive provides all the more reason to eliminate laws that prohibit minors from smoking. After all, products whose accesses are restricted to "Adults Only," only makes young rebellious teenagers want to use those products even more!!!
COMM: No. People who find themselves unexpectedly thrown into the walls of Soviet Gulags, and are who thereby forced to quit smoking Cold Turkey exhibit no obvious withdrawal symptoms–-indeed the lack of tobacco products seems to be the least of their worries!
28: What is your position on sex education?
CONS: People should learn about "The Birds and The Bees" at home from their parents.
LIBL: The schools must teach this subject, above all others. Woefully far too many parents aren't comfortable even talking about sex, other than advising that boys only want one thing--let alone explaining to their kids how to properly insert a diaphragm, fully loaded and primed with globs of slippery spermicidal jelly.
Not to mention the difficulties that often arise the next morning trying to pull the diaphragm out--assuming you're even lucky enough to locate the damn thing, even after several hours of intensive Search-and-Rescue efforts.
LBRT: The parents should decide when their children are ready to learn about sex, and how to present the subject to their kids.
COMM: Let students learn about such topics by using the skills of gifted peer-tutors.
29: What things should have mandatory warning labels?
CONS: - Movies, books, and records with lots of sex
- Museums with sacrilegious works of art
- The City of San Francisco
LIBL: - Artificial sweeteners
- Tobacco products
- Genetically modified/polluted foods
LBRT: - Books whose contents don't live up their provocative covers.
COMM: - Books, movies, and songs that glorify individualism
30: Are warning labels a good thing?
CONS: Yes, forewarned is forearmed.
LIBL: Yes, scary warning labels are an important first step in damaging the public's acceptance of worrisome products, before banning those products completely.
LBRT: No, although I do use them for guidance when I'm looking for an effective non-prescription alternative to Viagra.
COMM: Not really. It is far better to keep objectionable material from even being produced in the first place.
31: Have you ever owned one of these bumper stickers?
CONS: - Conservatives do it within the bonds of Holy Matrimony.
LIBL: - Liberals do it liberally.
- Support progressives who hate progress.
LBRT: - Libertarians do it without The State's permission.
- Dedemonize deregulation.
COMM: - Communists do it communally.
32: What is the meanest most low-down thing a person can do during a kid's soccer game?
CONS: Cheat.
LIBL: Keep score.
LBRT: Play the game in a municipal park.
COMM: Hog all the glory by not being a team player.
33: Remember the good old days when...
CONS: - if someone owed you money, and he couldn't pay you back, you could throw him in Debtor's Prison.
LIBL: - man had not yet developed his addiction to technology.
LBRT: - brassieres were politically incorrect.
- men could whistle at attractive women, and not get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit.
COMM: - people respected big government.
34: When filling out my income tax form, I prefer to discover that...
CONS: I owe money to the IRS, because that means the government gave me an interest free loan.
LIBL: I'm getting a sizable refund from the IRS. Having a little extra income tax withheld from each paycheck is just as good as saving money in a bank, and a relatively painless, yet financially astute method of saving a sizable nest egg by the end of the year.
LBRT: I owe the maximum amount permitted without incurring penalties.
COMM: my income is so low I owe no taxes, and qualify to receive food stamps.
35: Who should be required to register with local police authorities?
CONS: - Convicted sex offenders
- Communists
LIBL: - Gun owners
LBRT: - No one
COMM: - Rabble-rousers
- Clergymen
36: What should be the highest law in the land?
CONS: God's Law
LIBL: The U.S. Constitution
LBRT: The Law of the Jungle
COMM: The Party Chairman's
37: This country arrests over 100,000 teenagers a year for curfew violations. Do you think teenagers should have curfews?
CONS: Yes. Children need limits, or they will walk all over you.
LIBL: No. Curfews cause young people to disrespect the law.
LBRT: No. Curfews are a government intrusion into parental responsibilities.
COMM: Yes. Curfews are good for young and old alike.
38: The purpose of a military base is to...
CONS: protect and defend the country.
LIBL: stimulate the local economy of the congressmen's legislative districts where the bases are located.
LBRT: save up enough toxic waste to qualify for an all expenses paid Superfund cleanup.
COMM: sway public opinion.
39: Television is saturated with far too much...
CONS: sex, nudity, and underwear advertising.
LIBL: gratuitous violence.
LBRT: PBS programming.
COMM: consumerism.
40: How do you feel about nuclear weapons?
CONS: I love them! Just thinking about them really gets my testosterone flowing!!!
LIBL: They scare the crap out of me.
LBRT: They are wrong to use and the best foreign policy is isolationism.
COMM: Like most things in life, size matters.
41: Should women be allowed to breastfeed in public?
CONS: No. Women should use baby bottles, rather than flashing their boobs for all the world to see.
LIBL: Yes. It's beautiful, and it's the best food for the baby.
LBRT: Yes. The Founding Father's were obviously referring to public breastfeeding in that "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" clause.
COMM: Yes. A young mother publicly breastfeeding her baby creates a special communal bond between herself and her coworkers.
42: Who should be the World's policeman?
CONS: The United States
LIBL: The United Nations
LBRT: No one
COMM: The Communist Superpowers
43: What would you consider a valid reason for releasing a convict from prison before he has served his entire sentence?
CONS: - He is dead.
LIBL: - He is dying.
- His sentence was cut in half for not committing any other notably heinous crimes while serving his current sentence.
- He has found God.
- A famous celebrity thinks the convict is rehabilitated.
LBRT: - He is innocent.
COMM: - He has found Lenin.
44: The best things in life...
CONS: have a substantial membership fee.
LIBL: need price controls.
LBRT: are subject to the whims of supply and demand.
COMM: have a substantial waiting list.
45: What is your vision for America?
CONS: Two Maine lobsters in every pot, and a BMW in every three-car garage.
LIBL: Clean air, clean water, clean energy, clean food, clean underwear, and dirty movies.
LBRT: Make America a place where government institutions don't micromanage people's lives.
COMM: Implement a fresh, new and revolutionary redesign of corporate hierarchies in America's businesses.
46: What Tort reform measures do you support?
CONS: - Put ceilings on damage awards.
- Abolish declaring bankruptcy.
- Ban class action lawsuits against businesses, where each "victim" is awarded a coupon for a $5 discount on their next purchase of the offender's product, while the "victim's" attorneys collect millions in legal fees.
LIBL: - Recall judges who make insensitive comments from the bench.
LBRT: - Replace costly litigation with duels to the death. This will substantially reduce the number of people screaming at the top of their lungs that they have been "wronged" by another.
COMM: - Put ceilings on access to the courts. Sadly, in America's current tort system, "The People's Court" has been replaced with "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
47: The Communist Manifesto lists ten goals that the party faithful should try to establish in their own countries. Which of those goals do you think should be established in America?
CONS: - Requiring everyone to work
LIBL: - A free public school education
- A severely progressive income tax
LBRT: - None
COMM: - Abolishing private property
48: What kind of tattoo would you get?
CONS: An American flag on my heart.
LIBL: A peace sign on my left arm.
LBRT: A marijuana leaf on my butt.
COMM: A hammer and sickle on my belly.
49: How would you define acts of true compassion?
CONS: Tough love.
LIBL: Rewarding irresponsible behavior.
LBRT: Letting people learn from their own mistakes.
COMM: Forcing thoughtless children to share their candy with the entire class.
50: What is the single most important factor influencing someone's personal success in America?
CONS: What you know.
LIBL: Who you know.
LBRT: What you do.
COMM: Who you oppress.
51: A business cheats a customer. The government should...
CONS: ask the industry to regulate itself.
LIBL: regulate the industry.
LBRT: let the injured customer use any means at his disposal to get restitution from the unscrupulous business.
COMM: transfer ownership of the business to its workers.
52: What is your paradigm of the ideal society?
CONS: The United States during the 1950's
LIBL: The Welfare-State democracies in Western Europe.
LBRT: The Wild West before "lawmen" ruined it for everybody.
COMM: The Soviet Union during the 1950's.
53: What are your favorite slogans?
CONS: - In God we trust.
LIBL: - Don't put profits ahead of people.
- Put critters ahead of people.
LBRT: - Do not tread on me.
COMM: - Workers of the World, unite.
- Embrace groupthink.
- Misery loves company.
54: What do you think of Rush Limbaugh?
CONS: Megadittos from across the fruited plain.
LIBL: He is a misguided megalomaniac sorely in need of an FCC investigation.
LBRT: It is the height of hypocrisy for someone who is so fervently opposed to excessive government intrusion into our daily lives, and who so vehemently defends the rights of smokers, and is an admitted consumer of "adult beverages", to oppose the legalization of drugs.
COMM: He is the antithesis of the collectivist way.
55: What is your version of the golden rule?
CONS: The neighbors who invest the gold rule, in direct proportion to the amount of gold they invested.
LIBL: Love poor neighbors more than wealthy ones.
LBRT: Do unto your neighbors as they do unto you.
COMM: Love your neighbors more than yourself.
56: What are the responsibilities of all good citizens?
CONS: - Pay some taxes, begrudgingly.
- Obey the letter of the law.
- Military service (as long as they are not gay or lesbian).
LIBL: - Pay lots of taxes for the betterment of all mankind--without whinny.
- Military service (as long as they don't tell anyone they are gay or lesbian).
- Vote.
LBRT: - Fight foreign invaders on American soil.
COMM: - Unquestioned obedience.
57: Our national energy policy should be...
CONS: - whatever is good for Standard Oil is good for America.
LIBL: - Ban nuclear power.
- Outlaw offshore oil exploration.
- Prohibit mining on federal lands.
- Don't build new hydroelectric dams, and demolish existing ones.
- Mandate electric cars.
- Put price caps on energy prices.
LBRT: - Abolish all government regulation of energy pricing. The law of supply and demand clearly dictates that buyers must accept the risk of fluctuating prices in exchange for stable supplies. Legislated attempts to mandate stable prices means accepting the risk of fluctuating supplies, indeed--even severe shortages.
Which ironically only increases the likelihood of a sudden pent up explosion of skyrocketing prices--the very thing that price controls are supposed to prevent in the first place.
COMM: - Nationalize all oil, gas, and utility companies.
58: List your most popular forms of energy, in order of decreasing preference.
CONS: - Nuclear. Enriched uranium produces three million times more energy than the same amount of coal.
- Fossil fuels. According to David Deming, a geology and geophysis professor at the University of Oklahoma, the world has enough known oil reserves to last 500-years.
- Hydroelectric. Dams are inexpensive sources of electricity.
LIBL: - Solar
- Wind
- Costly, experimental, alternate energy sources, that once finally perfected, no self-respecting environmentalist is ever going to permit his precious Earth to be despoiled to mass-produce.
LBRT: - Whatever is the cheapest.
COMM: - Manual labor
59: What is the opiate of the masses?
CONS: Television
LIBL: Valium
LBRT: Federal funding
COMM: Religion
60: What's the best way to get people to give money to charity?
CONS: Give contributors a tax deduction
LIBL: Embarrass all the stingy rich people who don't contribute by publishing their names in the press.
LBRT: Let donating money be its own reward.
COMM: Countries under communist rule have no poor people. Therefore, the most charitable thing anyone can do is to join the Communist Party.
61: The way to relieve prison overcrowding is to...
CONS: throw everybody into solitary confinement.
LIBL: parole offenders who promise to try to be good, and never, ever be bad again.
LBRT: legalize recreational drug use.
COMM: give prisoners a chance to get outside those confining walls, by working on a community service work details.
62: What three big lies that must be exposed?
CONS: - Poverty causes crime.
- Freedom of religion is freedom from religion.
- Quotas insure equality.
LIBL: - Morality can be regulated.
- The private sector is more efficient than the public sector.
- Raising taxes hurts the economy.
LBRT: - Laws increase freedom.
- The government can manage the economy.
- Voting for a third party candidate is wasting your vote.
COMM: - Individual citizens can make a difference.
- Labor unions alone can improve the plight of workers.
- Capitalism works.
63: During the 1992 Los Angeles riots, the rioting was done by...
CONS: vile hoodlums, who were raised in a moral vacuum. The people who really should be arrested and put on trial are the rioters' parents.
LIBL: political protesters who were voicing their outrage about the Rodney King verdict, police brutality, Reaganomics, and spending cuts on inner-city social programs during the 1980's.
LBRT: opportunistic thugs solely responsible for their own conduct.
COMM: America's victimized proletariat revolting against their bourgeoisie, capitalist oppressors.
64: What rights and freedoms should a reasonable person give up in exchange in for greater personal security?
CONS: Privacy.
LIBL: Self-defense, by making guns so difficult to obtain that no one can afford the enormous time and expense required to obtain a firearm.
LBRT: None. I would rather exchange less security for more freedom.
COMM: Freedom of choice.
65: What are your dietary preferences?
CONS: Carnivore and proud of it.
LIBL: Strict vegan fundamentalist.
LBRT: Omnivore.
COMM: Omnivore.
66: The speed limit should be...
CONS: 75 MPH on Interstate highways.
LIBL: reduced to 15 MPH to save lives, and resources.
LBRT: abolished. This will result in an immediate 50 percent reduction in highway fatalities, because a motorist barreling along at 150 MPH only spends half the time exposed to the hazards of the road, as someone plodding along at 75 MPH.
COMM: irrelevant, because after the revolution everyone will commute in public transportation.
67: How do you feel about the death penalty?
CONS: Three big benefits. First, rids the world of one less scumbag. Second, deters other scumbags from committing heinous crimes. Third, provides emotional comfort and solace to victim's families, knowing their loved one's death has been avenged.
LIBL: If killing is wrong, then The State should not be allowed to get away with murder.
LBRT: I just don't have enough faith in any government to give it the power to kill people.
COMM: Public executions are an extremely effective deterrent to crime, however midnight disappearances work equally as well.
68: Do you think infamous criminals should be allowed to profit from their crimes by writing books about their dastardly deeds?
CONS: No. People who gain notoriety by committing horrendous crimes do not deserve to profit economically from their actions.
LIBL: Yes. Writing one's autobiography is a tremendous catharsis and is usually the first step an offender makes in turning his life around.
LBRT: Yes. Freedom of speech means freedom of speech.
COMM: No. No one should be allowed to profit from anything.
69: Can a person known to have cheated on their spouse, still be considered a viable candidate for high office?
CONS: No. If a candidate can't keep a simple promise to his spouse, how can anybody trust that candidate to keep a promise to the voters?
LIBL: Yes. Just as long the president doesn't appoint the little trollop to a high level cabinet position, such as Secretary of the Interior, or Secretary of Health and Human Services.
LBRT: Yes. Perhaps they've been into swapping from day one of their marriage.
COMM: Sure, no problem. The candidate's affair probably came to light after a nosey newspaper reporter publicized the indiscretion. It is sad to live in a country where the press can so callously destroy the political careers of a nation's best and brightest leaders, without any fear of retribution.
70: Masturbation...
CONS: is a sin.
LIBL: is an AIDS era survival technique. Mutual masturbation must be taught in schools as an acceptable alternative to high-risk intercourse, and also to stem the rising epidemic of gonorrhea of the throat, due to the growing popularity of oral sex among our young people.
LBRT: spells relief.
COMM: is difficult when you have no privacy.
71: Who were antitrust laws written to protect?
CONS: Competitors of companies accused of violating antitrust laws.
LIBL: Consumers
LBRT: The political careers of the politicians who created the laws.
COMM: The corporate status quo
72: Do critics of your beliefs accuse you of being a supporter of...
CONS: the politics of greed.
LIBL: the politics of envy.
LBRT: the politics of anarchy.
COMM: the politics of communism.
73: How do you feel when you see news reports that say a very small percentage of Americans own a disproportionately large percentage of America's wealth?
CONS: It thrills me, because it means America still has a healthy business climate.
LIBL: It angers me, because those greedy wealthy people probably got that way by cheating the little guy, committing corporate misdeeds, and earning annual salaries many, many, many times more than the average annual salary earned by the average American worker.
LBRT: It thrills me, because it means if I really work hard, maybe one day I'll be wealthy too.
COMM: It angers me, because it demonstrates one of the most glaring failures of capitalism.
74: There is a lot of male bashing going on today. Why do so many women think men are scumbags?
CONS: Penis envy.
LIBL: Because men are scumbags.
LBRT: Women have nothing to complain about. The human male of today is the direct culmination of millions of years of intensive selective breeding by countless generations of women, when deciding who should father their children. If men truly are scumbags, women only have themselves to blame.
COMM: Because men only want one thing, a woman who is great in the kitchen.
75: What does the term "school choice" mean to you?
CONS: Give parents vouchers redeemable for an education at any school of the parent's choice, including public, private, and parochial schools.
LIBL: Give students a choice of free publicly funded dry, lubricated, ribbed, or ultra-sensitive condoms, and have expert, caring school administrators decide which school is best for each student.
LBRT: Abolish compulsory education. Don't make schools maximum-security prisons where unruly children are held against their will!
A teacher cannot force feed course material into the brain of a child who does not want to learn. Let students have the option of skipping school entirely, and entering the workforce instead!!!
COMM: Let The State make all educational decisions for its students, because The State knows best.
76: What bizarre practices conducted by some human cultures do you find particularly barbaric?
CONS: - Human sacrifice.
- Cannibalism.
- Matriarchal societies.
LIBL: - Animal sacrifice.
- Carnivorism.
- Female circumcisions.
LBRT: - Arranged marriages.
- Shaming people living in torrid tropical climates into wearing clothes.
COMM: - Free enterprise.
77: The most convincing evidence that brainwashing exists in this country is the fact that some people truly believe...
CONS: there really is a vast rightwing conspiracy.
LIBL: Supply-Side/Trickle-Down/Voodoo Economics works.
LBRT: Social Security is a retirement savings and investment program.
COMM: the Domino Theory.
78: What are the most abused and misused buzz words that you are sick and tried of hearing?
CONS: - Homophobia
- Probable cause
- Gender neutral
LIBL: - Political correctness
LBRT: - Inappropriate behavior
COMM: - Communist plot
- Majority rules
79: What's your interpretation of these words from the second amendment of the U.S. Constitution, "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed"?
CONS: The second amendment was established at a time when the average citizen owned a firearm comparable to the weapon used by the average soldier. These weapons were virtually identical in terms of technological advancement, and firepower. Therefore, citizens today have the right to own the same rifles that are currently issued to U.S. Army infantrymen.
This means all those gun control laws banning fully automatic assault rifles with fixed bayonets are totally unconstitutional!!!
LIBL: The second amendment means that the only arms citizens have a right to own are the actual flintlocks and muzzle loading muskets used by soldiers during the Revolutionary War, but only if those guns are retrofitted with trigger locks, and other modern safety devices.
LBRT: Consider the circumstances under which the second amendment was written. America had just fought a war for its freedom, and its people had a deeply rooted visceral distrust of despots.
Clearly, "the security of a free State" that the people's right to bear arms is necessary to insure, means that if, perish the thought, America ever became an un-free state, the citizens would have within their means, the capacity to carrying out a successful rebellion. The second amendment is an insurance policy, and another shining example of one of those checks and balances that were so popular with the framers of the Constitution.
Therefore, the second amendment means that citizens have the right to personally own even the most sophisticated military hardware. Because until the firepower possessed by all the citizens as a whole, equals or exceeds the firepower possessed by all branches of the U.S. Military, our freedoms will forever remain under a cloud of jeopardy.
COMM: The second amendment means citizens have a right to bear arms while serving in the military.
80: What 1960's predictions about the future are you thrilled did not come true?
CONS: - World War III
LIBL: - The oceans were not dead by the 1980's.
- The population explosion and resulting global famine did not wipeout the entire human race. Thank God, the godless communists in Red China had the fortitude and political courage to pass laws limiting each family to just one child.
LBRT: - Big Brother may be watching, but at least he's a lot more bumbling than portrayed in George Orwell's novel "1984".
COMM: - America's Yankee imperialism was unable to remove Fidel Castro from power in Cuba.
81: What 1960's predictions about the future are you deeply saddened did not come true?
CONS: Atomic power never became so plentiful and inexpensive it could be given away for free.
LIBL: The Earth did not run out of crude oil.
LBRT: Clothing optional beaches never really become mainstream.
COMM: The world's workers never established communist governments in every nation on Earth.
82: What is your solution to the lack of affordable housing?
CONS: - Eliminate labor unions from the building trades.
- Repeal requiring Environmental Impact Reports.
- Repeal the Endangered Species Act.
LIBL: - Force developers to build affordable housing units in exchange for getting building permits.
- Fight urban sprawl by protesting against all new housing projects.
- Tax rich people to finance government funded housing developments to provide shelter for high school dropouts, derelicts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and the chronically unemployed.
- Rent Control.
LBRT: - Ban zoning regulations.
- Repeal building codes.
- Eliminate requiring building permits and building inspections.
- Repeal laws governing contractor licensing.
COMM: - Force owners of large, spacious homes to share their homes with high school dropouts, derelicts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and the chronically unemployed.
83: What types of scientific research should be prohibited?
CONS: - Fetal tissue transplants.
- Genetic origins of sexual orientation.
- Medical marijuana.
LIBL: - Transplanting animal organs into humans.
- Genetic engineering.
- Medical research that treats lab animals as if they are merely guinea pigs.
- Anti-Ballistic Missile defense systems.
LBRT: - Anything funded using tax dollars.
COMM: - Anti-Ballistic Missile defense systems.
84: The primary purpose of carpool lanes is to...
CONS: punish the evil, Earth unfriendly commuters.
LIBL: reward the good, self-sacrificing, resource conserving commuters.
LBRT: demonstrate the illogic of The State. The worst thing any agency responsible for building a road system could possibly do, is to deliberately design roads that impede the flow of traffic.
While some might think carpool lanes protect the environment by enticing people to use fewer natural resources, carpool lanes are actually an unmitigated ecological disaster. By forcing non-carpooling commuters to spend more time inching their way through gridlocked traffic, the environmental impacts of all those commuters are magnified. More smog is produced. More offshore oil is imported. Cars wear out sooner. And, there is a dramatic rise in stress related road rage.
COMM: make people in carpool lanes feel like they are special, which sadly runs counter to government's mandate to treat all citizens equally.
85: What are unfair business practices?
CONS: Boycotts by incensed customers.
LIBL: Merging with your competitors.
LBRT: Filing a complaint with the Justice Department in which you accuse your competitors of using unfair business practices.
COMM: Treating employees inhumanely.
86: What is the best method for a sitting president to handle negative press coverage?
CONS: Accuse the media of being liberally biased, and then reassure the American people by telling them that their president is not a crook.
LIBL: Accuse the media of being duped into reporting a false and slanderous story concocted by an embittered person with an axe to grind, and then reassure the American people by telling them that their president did not have sexual relations with that woman.
LBRT: Admit he screwed up.
COMM: Round up the reporters and send them to reeducation camps.
87: What's your opinion concerning estate taxes?
CONS: Estate taxes are imposed to punish the wealthy.
LIBL: Estate taxes are necessary to level the playing field, by preventing rich families from accumulating too much undeserved wealth over the course of several generations. And thank God, we know no longer live in the Dark Ages, when the firstborn son inherited everything!
LBRT: Estate taxes are an unseemly revenue source--money collected on the backs of widows and orphans!
COMM: The State can certainly put large sums of money to much better public use than some Fat Cat's heirs. In fact, abolishing the right of inheritance is one of the major goals discussed in the Communist Manifesto. But until that glorious day arrives, estate taxes will just have to fill the void.
88: What forms of adult entertainment should be legal?
CONS: - Drinking, except on the Lord's Day
- Gambling, in the form of raffles and Bingo to raise money for schools, and charities.
LIBL: - Drinking
- Casino Gambling
- Prostitution (as long as the prostitutes stay within special red light districts zoned for such business activities. However, these businesses must submit to inspections by local health officials, use double-hulled industrial-strength condoms, and obtain a seal of approval from the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia.)
LBRT: - Every decadent pleasure conceivable by the human mind should be legal.
COMM: - Drinking, hey,it just doesn't get any better than that!
89: What do you think about all the raunchy daytime television talk shows in America?
CONS: There is no better documentation of the moral decay in this country, than the deviants publicly parading their perversions on national daytime television.
LIBL: Daytime TV talk shows provide a needed service, by educating the public about the wide diversity of viable alternate lifestyles.
LBRT: TV networks do not exist to perform a public service. Television is a business whose bottom line profitability is directly related to how well their shows attract and hold a loyal audience. And if some stations choose to attract that audience by creating shows that appeal to the lowest common denominator, I can only applaud their marketing genius.
COMM: Frankly, they make a government of the people, by the people, and for the people a rather scary proposition.
90: During the presidential campaign in the year 2000, Green Party nominee, Ralph Nader; Reform Party nominee, Patrick Buchanan; and Libertarian Party nominee, Harry Browne were not allowed to participate in the nationally televised debates. Should nominees from all the political parties on the ballot be permitted to participate in televised debates?
CONS: No. It would be a tremendous waste of our nation's time and energy to have mainstream political candidates share the podium with candidates that have extremist views.
LIBL: No. Giving minority political parties equal access to the national media might poison the minds of the unschooled viewers, who are so easily swayed by the pleas to emotion and the irrational fear-mongering tactics so often employed by candidates from the fringe.
LBRT: Yes. Voters should hear all opposing views, and then be trusted to make a rational decision.
COMM: Absolutely, at least until the Communist Party gains control of the election process.
Click here to continue.
Key to abbreviations in test questions that follow:
CONS: Conservative (Archconservative)
LIBL: Liberal (Leftwing Wacko)
LBRT: Libertarian (Antigovernment Libertine)
COMM: Communist (Commie Sympathizer)
1: Government's practice of stealing from the rich to give to the poor is...
CONS: a crime.
LIBL: a brave, generous and heroic deed.
LBRT: a foolish, misguided attempt at social engineering.
COMM: an inspiration to us all.
2: The most egregious example of government waste is...
CONS: the Department of the Interior's $600,000 outhouse.
LIBL: the Department of Defense's $600 toilet seat.
LBRT: the $100,000,000 in emergency funds to buy air conditioners for poor people during the blistering heat wave of 1998. Although, I'm sure there are people who honestly believe that if all those air conditioners saved just one life, then it was indeed a small price to pay.
COMM: the Department of Commerce's entire budget.
3: Why do people contribute money to political campaigns?
CONS: To get a good return on their investment.
LIBL: To buy access to corruptible legislators.
LBRT: To support candidates who have views similar to their own.
COMM: To advance the needs of The Party.
4: How do you feel about artificially created food products?
CONS: I gobble them up!
LIBL: I think they might pose a potential health risk.
LBRT: Way back in the late 19th century Congress turned its learned attention on a new food product. A huge ruckus was raised by people who eyed this new creation with a deep heartfelt suspicion.
To quell this firestorm of protest (and promote the general welfare) Congress took quick and decisive action--it taxed oleomargarine.
COMM: If Mother Nature can be improved upon, for the greater good of all, go for it.
5: What is your favorite quotation?
CONS: "The entire graduated income tax system structure was created by Karl Marx," by Ronald Reagan.
LIBL: "Taxes are the price we pay for civilization," by Oliver Wendell Holmes.
LBRT: "In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to another," by Voltaire.
COMM: "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need," by Karl Marx.
6: What are your personal beliefs about endangered species?
CONS: Spending inordinate sums on hi-tech efforts to save an endangered species is very noble, but sometimes you've just got to know when to let go.
LIBL: Let no species on life-support pass from this Earth unless every means at our disposal is spent on intensive resuscitation efforts.
LBRT: Let those who religiously believe that every species is sacred, spend their own personal funds to purchase vast tracks of virgin habitat where they and all of Charles Darwin's creatures can live together in peace, harmony and normal healthy predator/prey relationships.
COMM: For the sake of our children, and those of future generations, meticulously preserve dead endangered species specimens in formaldehyde in the major metropolitan natural history museums.
7: The Center for Public-Health Dietary Self Control releases a study that says eating just one jelly donut is as harmful to human health as smoking 10,000,000 cartons of cigarettes. Do you...
CONS: keep eating jelly donuts.
LIBL: demand that jelly donuts be removed from vending machines, and public school cafeterias.
LBRT: hoard jelly donuts before they are regulated off grocer's shelves.
COMM: hoard jelly donuts so you can sell them on the black market.
8: The proper response for jelly donut manufactures regarding the public's concerns over jelly donut's deleterious health effects is to...
CONS: hold a televised press conference, wherein the manufacturers eat jelly donuts, and feed them to their children.
LIBL: institute a nationwide jelly donut recall.
LBRT: let any consumers worried about eating jelly donuts simply stop eating them.
COMM: give total control of jelly donut manufacturing to the government.
9: My drugs of choice are...
CONS: ethyl alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine.
LIBL: marijuana, cocaine, and ecstasy.
LBRT: whatever is the latest newly discovered fad drug that the D.E.A. is screaming and wailing about in the press, and warning the public not to experiment with, lest some stupid sorry soul suffer the worst of all possible fates: scrambled brains and deep fried gonads.
COMM: vodka, cigarettes, and reds.
10: What techniques are best for maintaining discipline in the classroom?
CONS: If just one student misbehaves, severely punish the entire class.
LIBL: Force boys who refuse to settle down to take psychotropic drugs, such as Ritalin and Prozac.
LBRT: Anyone who doesn't want to be in class can leave.
COMM: Anyone who doesn't want to be in class can be made an example of.
11: Endangered spotted owls are spotted nesting in New York City's Central Park. Do you...
CONS: call for an immediate return for to unfettered logging in the Pacific Northwest.
LIBL: call for an immediate moratorium on all new building construction within a 500-mile radius of Central Park, until a comprehensive Spotted Owl Habitat Management Plan has been drafted by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, and approved by the Sierra Club.
LBRT: call for Central Park, and all U.S. Forest Service land to be sold to the highest bidder.
COMM: call for Central Park to be confiscated by the U.S. National Park Service.
12: What are the greatest books of all time?
CONS: - "More Guns, Less Crime: Understanding Crime and Gun Control Laws", by John Lott
- "Bias: A CBS Insider Exposes How the Media Distort the News", by Bernard Goldberg
- "The Skeptical Environmentalist: Measuring the Real State of the World", by Bjorn Lomborg
- "The Roosevelt Myth: A Critical Account of the New Deal and Its Creator", by John T. Flynn
- "America the Way it Ought to Be", by Rush Limbaugh
LIBL: - "The Feminine Mystique", by Betty Friedand
- "Unsafe at Any Speed; The Designed-in Dangers in the American Automobile", by Ralph Nader
- "The Population Bomb", by Paul R. Ehrlich
- "Eco-Catastrophe!", by Paul R. Ehrlich
- "End of Affluence: A Blueprint for Your Future", by Paul R. Ehrlich
- "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations", by Al Franken
LBRT: - "Free to Chose", by Milton and Rose Friedman
- "Defending Pornography: Free Speech, Sex, and the Fight for Women's Rights", by Nadine Strossen
- "Separating School and State: How to Liberate America's Families", by Sheldon Richman
- "Facts, Not Fear: A Parents Guide to Teaching Children About the Environment", by Michael Sanera and Jane S. Shaw
- "Waiting to Inhale: The Politics of Medical Marijuana", by Alan W. Bock
COMM: - "Communist Manifesto", by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engles
- "Quotations from Chairman Mao Tsetung", by Mao Zedong
- "Free Land:Free Love: Tales of a Wilderness Commune", edited by Don Monkerud
13: What are the greatest sexual manuals of all time?
CONS: - "The Joy of No Sex: Handbook for Higher Pleasure", by Swami Bhaktipada
LIBL: - "The Joy of Sex", by Alex Comfort
LBRT: - "The Joy of Solo Sex", by Harold Litten
- "Recreational Sex: An Insiders Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle", by Patti Thomas
COMM: - "Group Sex", by Ann Arensberg
- "The Ins and Outs of Orgies", by Jack S Margolis
14: What should people not be allowed to do in public?
CONS: Offend the sensibilities of others.
LIBL: Offend the sensitivities of others.
LBRT: Offend the sensibilities of yourself.
COMM: Offend the sensitivities of the authorities.
15: What extremist groups have you joined?
CONS: - The American Association of Retired Persons
- The Gray Panthers
- The Chamber of Commerce
- The National Rifle Association
LIBL: - Greenpeace
- The National Organization for Women
- The A.F.L./C.I.O.
- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
- Queer Nation
LBRT: - The American Civil Liberties Union
- The Center for Consumer Freedom
- The Hell's Angles
- The American Medical Marijuana Association
- Families Against Mandatory Minimums
COMM: - The Bolsheviks
- The Red Guard
- The Sandinistas
16: A cup with that only contains half a cup of water is...
CONS: half full.
LIBL: half empty.
LBRT: an example of shortages caused by government control of our water supply.
COMM: an example of inequitable wealth distribution caused by the inherent social injustice in free enterprise.
17: For what offenses should unlimited asset forfeiture become standard operating procedure?
CONS: Drug dealing.
LIBL: Insider securities trading.
LBRT: Nothing. Excessive fines are unconstitutional.
COMM: Being too successful in the marketplace.
18: We need to get government...
CONS: out of the boardroom, and to loosen government's stranglehold on America's businesses.
LIBL: out of the bedroom, and to loosen government's stranglehold on America's genitals.
LBRT: all of the above.
COMM: none of the above.
19: Cloning human beings...
CONS: must be outlawed. The only person who should be creating human beings is God.
LIBL: must be outlawed. The only permissible nontraditional ways to produce offspring are in vitro fertilization, hiring a surrogate mother, and wife swapping.
LBRT: is a perfectly acceptable method of reproduction, and is a wonderful source of identical twins.
COMM: may one day produce the perfect comrade.
20: What's the best way to stop people from illegally crossing our borders?
CONS: Seal the borders so no one can get in.
LIBL: Do nothing to beef up security at the borders, and offer illegal aliens a wide array of free services.
LBRT: Allow unrestricted passage across the borders.
COMM: Seal the borders so no one can get out.
21: How would you define the word "profit"?
CONS: What business owners earn by selling a quality product at a competitive price.
LIBL: What business owners RIP-OFF from their customers.
LBRT: What business owners are rewarded with for risking the loss of their own money.
COMM: What business owners RIP-OFF from their employees.
22: How do you feel about nude sunbathing?
CONS: Never tried it. Never will.
LIBL: Did it a lot in my college days.
LBRT: Do it so often, I no longer need sunscreen.
COMM: It repulses me. You see, for some mysterious reason, God made naked communists rather unsightly.
23: What are your thoughts on castrating (either through chemical or traditional means) repeat sex offenders?
CONS: It's about time we gave those perverts a punishment that fits the crime.
LIBL: That kind of sentence is certainly prohibited by that pesky little clause in the Constitution banning cruel and unusual punishment.
LBRT: Excuse me, but what if the guy is innocent? Is the procedure reversible if years latter the person who really committed the crime confesses?
COMM: Megadittos to the conservative response.
24: Global warming...
CONS: doesn't exist. And even if it does, its harmful effects are easily remedied by cranking up the air conditioning to full blast.
LIBL: is already upon us. The sky is warming! The sky is warming!! We must tell Sixty Minutes!!!
LBRT: is the Ecological Calamity of the Month.
COMM: could have one silver lining, if efforts to combat global warming adversely impact The West's industrialized economies.
25: What government acronyms would you redefine?
CONS: - BAFT Bureau of Alcohol, Firearms and Tobacco
- BAFT Bureau of America's Favorite Things
- IRS Internal Revenue Service
- IRS Income Redistribution Service
LIBL: - BLM Bureau of Land Management
- BLM Bargain Leases for Miners
- CIA Central Intelligence Agency
- CIA Cocaine Importer's of America
- USFWS United States Fish and Wildlife Service
- USFWS Union of Sport Fishermen and Wildlife Shooters
LBRT: - FTC Federal Trade Commission
- FTC Founded to Thwart Competition
- FICA Federal Insurance Contribution Act
- FICA Federal Income Confiscation Act
- USDA United States Department of Agricultural
- USDA Unimaginable Subsidies for Dairymen and Agribusiness
COMM: - BLS Bureau of Labor Statistics
- BLS Better Lying through Science
26: Should gay teachers be allowed in the classroom?
CONS: No. Teachers must be held to strict standards of decorum, because through their example they shape the moral values of their students.
LIBL: Yes. As compensation for centuries of employment discrimination in academia, gays and lesbians must be given preferential hiring treatment when filling all new teaching vacancies.
LBRT: Yes. Learning academic subjects from gay teachers are not going to turn students into homosexuals. If that were possible, homosexuals could be "cured" by forcing them to enroll in classes taught by flaming heterosexuals.
COMM: No, because it might result in a student with confused loyalties.
27: Do you think cigarette smoking is addictive?
CONS: No. Although they can become habit-forming, many people quit successful, without suffering the agony of drug withdrawal, so quitting is just a matter of personal willpower.
LIBL: Yes. We have nearly 700,000 acres of American farmland being used to produce a "crop" that can't be eaten, and that has no real economic value outside of its unique pharmacological properties, which is why it is so important to shield young people from cigarette advertising.
LBRT: Yes. The mere fact that nicotine is addictive provides all the more reason to eliminate laws that prohibit minors from smoking. After all, products whose accesses are restricted to "Adults Only," only makes young rebellious teenagers want to use those products even more!!!
COMM: No. People who find themselves unexpectedly thrown into the walls of Soviet Gulags, and are who thereby forced to quit smoking Cold Turkey exhibit no obvious withdrawal symptoms–-indeed the lack of tobacco products seems to be the least of their worries!
28: What is your position on sex education?
CONS: People should learn about "The Birds and The Bees" at home from their parents.
LIBL: The schools must teach this subject, above all others. Woefully far too many parents aren't comfortable even talking about sex, other than advising that boys only want one thing--let alone explaining to their kids how to properly insert a diaphragm, fully loaded and primed with globs of slippery spermicidal jelly.
Not to mention the difficulties that often arise the next morning trying to pull the diaphragm out--assuming you're even lucky enough to locate the damn thing, even after several hours of intensive Search-and-Rescue efforts.
LBRT: The parents should decide when their children are ready to learn about sex, and how to present the subject to their kids.
COMM: Let students learn about such topics by using the skills of gifted peer-tutors.
29: What things should have mandatory warning labels?
CONS: - Movies, books, and records with lots of sex
- Museums with sacrilegious works of art
- The City of San Francisco
LIBL: - Artificial sweeteners
- Tobacco products
- Genetically modified/polluted foods
LBRT: - Books whose contents don't live up their provocative covers.
COMM: - Books, movies, and songs that glorify individualism
30: Are warning labels a good thing?
CONS: Yes, forewarned is forearmed.
LIBL: Yes, scary warning labels are an important first step in damaging the public's acceptance of worrisome products, before banning those products completely.
LBRT: No, although I do use them for guidance when I'm looking for an effective non-prescription alternative to Viagra.
COMM: Not really. It is far better to keep objectionable material from even being produced in the first place.
31: Have you ever owned one of these bumper stickers?
CONS: - Conservatives do it within the bonds of Holy Matrimony.
LIBL: - Liberals do it liberally.
- Support progressives who hate progress.
LBRT: - Libertarians do it without The State's permission.
- Dedemonize deregulation.
COMM: - Communists do it communally.
32: What is the meanest most low-down thing a person can do during a kid's soccer game?
CONS: Cheat.
LIBL: Keep score.
LBRT: Play the game in a municipal park.
COMM: Hog all the glory by not being a team player.
33: Remember the good old days when...
CONS: - if someone owed you money, and he couldn't pay you back, you could throw him in Debtor's Prison.
LIBL: - man had not yet developed his addiction to technology.
LBRT: - brassieres were politically incorrect.
- men could whistle at attractive women, and not get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit.
COMM: - people respected big government.
34: When filling out my income tax form, I prefer to discover that...
CONS: I owe money to the IRS, because that means the government gave me an interest free loan.
LIBL: I'm getting a sizable refund from the IRS. Having a little extra income tax withheld from each paycheck is just as good as saving money in a bank, and a relatively painless, yet financially astute method of saving a sizable nest egg by the end of the year.
LBRT: I owe the maximum amount permitted without incurring penalties.
COMM: my income is so low I owe no taxes, and qualify to receive food stamps.
35: Who should be required to register with local police authorities?
CONS: - Convicted sex offenders
- Communists
LIBL: - Gun owners
LBRT: - No one
COMM: - Rabble-rousers
- Clergymen
36: What should be the highest law in the land?
CONS: God's Law
LIBL: The U.S. Constitution
LBRT: The Law of the Jungle
COMM: The Party Chairman's
37: This country arrests over 100,000 teenagers a year for curfew violations. Do you think teenagers should have curfews?
CONS: Yes. Children need limits, or they will walk all over you.
LIBL: No. Curfews cause young people to disrespect the law.
LBRT: No. Curfews are a government intrusion into parental responsibilities.
COMM: Yes. Curfews are good for young and old alike.
38: The purpose of a military base is to...
CONS: protect and defend the country.
LIBL: stimulate the local economy of the congressmen's legislative districts where the bases are located.
LBRT: save up enough toxic waste to qualify for an all expenses paid Superfund cleanup.
COMM: sway public opinion.
39: Television is saturated with far too much...
CONS: sex, nudity, and underwear advertising.
LIBL: gratuitous violence.
LBRT: PBS programming.
COMM: consumerism.
40: How do you feel about nuclear weapons?
CONS: I love them! Just thinking about them really gets my testosterone flowing!!!
LIBL: They scare the crap out of me.
LBRT: They are wrong to use and the best foreign policy is isolationism.
COMM: Like most things in life, size matters.
41: Should women be allowed to breastfeed in public?
CONS: No. Women should use baby bottles, rather than flashing their boobs for all the world to see.
LIBL: Yes. It's beautiful, and it's the best food for the baby.
LBRT: Yes. The Founding Father's were obviously referring to public breastfeeding in that "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" clause.
COMM: Yes. A young mother publicly breastfeeding her baby creates a special communal bond between herself and her coworkers.
42: Who should be the World's policeman?
CONS: The United States
LIBL: The United Nations
LBRT: No one
COMM: The Communist Superpowers
43: What would you consider a valid reason for releasing a convict from prison before he has served his entire sentence?
CONS: - He is dead.
LIBL: - He is dying.
- His sentence was cut in half for not committing any other notably heinous crimes while serving his current sentence.
- He has found God.
- A famous celebrity thinks the convict is rehabilitated.
LBRT: - He is innocent.
COMM: - He has found Lenin.
44: The best things in life...
CONS: have a substantial membership fee.
LIBL: need price controls.
LBRT: are subject to the whims of supply and demand.
COMM: have a substantial waiting list.
45: What is your vision for America?
CONS: Two Maine lobsters in every pot, and a BMW in every three-car garage.
LIBL: Clean air, clean water, clean energy, clean food, clean underwear, and dirty movies.
LBRT: Make America a place where government institutions don't micromanage people's lives.
COMM: Implement a fresh, new and revolutionary redesign of corporate hierarchies in America's businesses.
46: What Tort reform measures do you support?
CONS: - Put ceilings on damage awards.
- Abolish declaring bankruptcy.
- Ban class action lawsuits against businesses, where each "victim" is awarded a coupon for a $5 discount on their next purchase of the offender's product, while the "victim's" attorneys collect millions in legal fees.
LIBL: - Recall judges who make insensitive comments from the bench.
LBRT: - Replace costly litigation with duels to the death. This will substantially reduce the number of people screaming at the top of their lungs that they have been "wronged" by another.
COMM: - Put ceilings on access to the courts. Sadly, in America's current tort system, "The People's Court" has been replaced with "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
47: The Communist Manifesto lists ten goals that the party faithful should try to establish in their own countries. Which of those goals do you think should be established in America?
CONS: - Requiring everyone to work
LIBL: - A free public school education
- A severely progressive income tax
LBRT: - None
COMM: - Abolishing private property
48: What kind of tattoo would you get?
CONS: An American flag on my heart.
LIBL: A peace sign on my left arm.
LBRT: A marijuana leaf on my butt.
COMM: A hammer and sickle on my belly.
49: How would you define acts of true compassion?
CONS: Tough love.
LIBL: Rewarding irresponsible behavior.
LBRT: Letting people learn from their own mistakes.
COMM: Forcing thoughtless children to share their candy with the entire class.
50: What is the single most important factor influencing someone's personal success in America?
CONS: What you know.
LIBL: Who you know.
LBRT: What you do.
COMM: Who you oppress.
51: A business cheats a customer. The government should...
CONS: ask the industry to regulate itself.
LIBL: regulate the industry.
LBRT: let the injured customer use any means at his disposal to get restitution from the unscrupulous business.
COMM: transfer ownership of the business to its workers.
52: What is your paradigm of the ideal society?
CONS: The United States during the 1950's
LIBL: The Welfare-State democracies in Western Europe.
LBRT: The Wild West before "lawmen" ruined it for everybody.
COMM: The Soviet Union during the 1950's.
53: What are your favorite slogans?
CONS: - In God we trust.
LIBL: - Don't put profits ahead of people.
- Put critters ahead of people.
LBRT: - Do not tread on me.
COMM: - Workers of the World, unite.
- Embrace groupthink.
- Misery loves company.
54: What do you think of Rush Limbaugh?
CONS: Megadittos from across the fruited plain.
LIBL: He is a misguided megalomaniac sorely in need of an FCC investigation.
LBRT: It is the height of hypocrisy for someone who is so fervently opposed to excessive government intrusion into our daily lives, and who so vehemently defends the rights of smokers, and is an admitted consumer of "adult beverages", to oppose the legalization of drugs.
COMM: He is the antithesis of the collectivist way.
55: What is your version of the golden rule?
CONS: The neighbors who invest the gold rule, in direct proportion to the amount of gold they invested.
LIBL: Love poor neighbors more than wealthy ones.
LBRT: Do unto your neighbors as they do unto you.
COMM: Love your neighbors more than yourself.
56: What are the responsibilities of all good citizens?
CONS: - Pay some taxes, begrudgingly.
- Obey the letter of the law.
- Military service (as long as they are not gay or lesbian).
LIBL: - Pay lots of taxes for the betterment of all mankind--without whinny.
- Military service (as long as they don't tell anyone they are gay or lesbian).
- Vote.
LBRT: - Fight foreign invaders on American soil.
COMM: - Unquestioned obedience.
57: Our national energy policy should be...
CONS: - whatever is good for Standard Oil is good for America.
LIBL: - Ban nuclear power.
- Outlaw offshore oil exploration.
- Prohibit mining on federal lands.
- Don't build new hydroelectric dams, and demolish existing ones.
- Mandate electric cars.
- Put price caps on energy prices.
LBRT: - Abolish all government regulation of energy pricing. The law of supply and demand clearly dictates that buyers must accept the risk of fluctuating prices in exchange for stable supplies. Legislated attempts to mandate stable prices means accepting the risk of fluctuating supplies, indeed--even severe shortages.
Which ironically only increases the likelihood of a sudden pent up explosion of skyrocketing prices--the very thing that price controls are supposed to prevent in the first place.
COMM: - Nationalize all oil, gas, and utility companies.
58: List your most popular forms of energy, in order of decreasing preference.
CONS: - Nuclear. Enriched uranium produces three million times more energy than the same amount of coal.
- Fossil fuels. According to David Deming, a geology and geophysis professor at the University of Oklahoma, the world has enough known oil reserves to last 500-years.
- Hydroelectric. Dams are inexpensive sources of electricity.
LIBL: - Solar
- Wind
- Costly, experimental, alternate energy sources, that once finally perfected, no self-respecting environmentalist is ever going to permit his precious Earth to be despoiled to mass-produce.
LBRT: - Whatever is the cheapest.
COMM: - Manual labor
59: What is the opiate of the masses?
CONS: Television
LIBL: Valium
LBRT: Federal funding
COMM: Religion
60: What's the best way to get people to give money to charity?
CONS: Give contributors a tax deduction
LIBL: Embarrass all the stingy rich people who don't contribute by publishing their names in the press.
LBRT: Let donating money be its own reward.
COMM: Countries under communist rule have no poor people. Therefore, the most charitable thing anyone can do is to join the Communist Party.
61: The way to relieve prison overcrowding is to...
CONS: throw everybody into solitary confinement.
LIBL: parole offenders who promise to try to be good, and never, ever be bad again.
LBRT: legalize recreational drug use.
COMM: give prisoners a chance to get outside those confining walls, by working on a community service work details.
62: What three big lies that must be exposed?
CONS: - Poverty causes crime.
- Freedom of religion is freedom from religion.
- Quotas insure equality.
LIBL: - Morality can be regulated.
- The private sector is more efficient than the public sector.
- Raising taxes hurts the economy.
LBRT: - Laws increase freedom.
- The government can manage the economy.
- Voting for a third party candidate is wasting your vote.
COMM: - Individual citizens can make a difference.
- Labor unions alone can improve the plight of workers.
- Capitalism works.
63: During the 1992 Los Angeles riots, the rioting was done by...
CONS: vile hoodlums, who were raised in a moral vacuum. The people who really should be arrested and put on trial are the rioters' parents.
LIBL: political protesters who were voicing their outrage about the Rodney King verdict, police brutality, Reaganomics, and spending cuts on inner-city social programs during the 1980's.
LBRT: opportunistic thugs solely responsible for their own conduct.
COMM: America's victimized proletariat revolting against their bourgeoisie, capitalist oppressors.
64: What rights and freedoms should a reasonable person give up in exchange in for greater personal security?
CONS: Privacy.
LIBL: Self-defense, by making guns so difficult to obtain that no one can afford the enormous time and expense required to obtain a firearm.
LBRT: None. I would rather exchange less security for more freedom.
COMM: Freedom of choice.
65: What are your dietary preferences?
CONS: Carnivore and proud of it.
LIBL: Strict vegan fundamentalist.
LBRT: Omnivore.
COMM: Omnivore.
66: The speed limit should be...
CONS: 75 MPH on Interstate highways.
LIBL: reduced to 15 MPH to save lives, and resources.
LBRT: abolished. This will result in an immediate 50 percent reduction in highway fatalities, because a motorist barreling along at 150 MPH only spends half the time exposed to the hazards of the road, as someone plodding along at 75 MPH.
COMM: irrelevant, because after the revolution everyone will commute in public transportation.
67: How do you feel about the death penalty?
CONS: Three big benefits. First, rids the world of one less scumbag. Second, deters other scumbags from committing heinous crimes. Third, provides emotional comfort and solace to victim's families, knowing their loved one's death has been avenged.
LIBL: If killing is wrong, then The State should not be allowed to get away with murder.
LBRT: I just don't have enough faith in any government to give it the power to kill people.
COMM: Public executions are an extremely effective deterrent to crime, however midnight disappearances work equally as well.
68: Do you think infamous criminals should be allowed to profit from their crimes by writing books about their dastardly deeds?
CONS: No. People who gain notoriety by committing horrendous crimes do not deserve to profit economically from their actions.
LIBL: Yes. Writing one's autobiography is a tremendous catharsis and is usually the first step an offender makes in turning his life around.
LBRT: Yes. Freedom of speech means freedom of speech.
COMM: No. No one should be allowed to profit from anything.
69: Can a person known to have cheated on their spouse, still be considered a viable candidate for high office?
CONS: No. If a candidate can't keep a simple promise to his spouse, how can anybody trust that candidate to keep a promise to the voters?
LIBL: Yes. Just as long the president doesn't appoint the little trollop to a high level cabinet position, such as Secretary of the Interior, or Secretary of Health and Human Services.
LBRT: Yes. Perhaps they've been into swapping from day one of their marriage.
COMM: Sure, no problem. The candidate's affair probably came to light after a nosey newspaper reporter publicized the indiscretion. It is sad to live in a country where the press can so callously destroy the political careers of a nation's best and brightest leaders, without any fear of retribution.
70: Masturbation...
CONS: is a sin.
LIBL: is an AIDS era survival technique. Mutual masturbation must be taught in schools as an acceptable alternative to high-risk intercourse, and also to stem the rising epidemic of gonorrhea of the throat, due to the growing popularity of oral sex among our young people.
LBRT: spells relief.
COMM: is difficult when you have no privacy.
71: Who were antitrust laws written to protect?
CONS: Competitors of companies accused of violating antitrust laws.
LIBL: Consumers
LBRT: The political careers of the politicians who created the laws.
COMM: The corporate status quo
72: Do critics of your beliefs accuse you of being a supporter of...
CONS: the politics of greed.
LIBL: the politics of envy.
LBRT: the politics of anarchy.
COMM: the politics of communism.
73: How do you feel when you see news reports that say a very small percentage of Americans own a disproportionately large percentage of America's wealth?
CONS: It thrills me, because it means America still has a healthy business climate.
LIBL: It angers me, because those greedy wealthy people probably got that way by cheating the little guy, committing corporate misdeeds, and earning annual salaries many, many, many times more than the average annual salary earned by the average American worker.
LBRT: It thrills me, because it means if I really work hard, maybe one day I'll be wealthy too.
COMM: It angers me, because it demonstrates one of the most glaring failures of capitalism.
74: There is a lot of male bashing going on today. Why do so many women think men are scumbags?
CONS: Penis envy.
LIBL: Because men are scumbags.
LBRT: Women have nothing to complain about. The human male of today is the direct culmination of millions of years of intensive selective breeding by countless generations of women, when deciding who should father their children. If men truly are scumbags, women only have themselves to blame.
COMM: Because men only want one thing, a woman who is great in the kitchen.
75: What does the term "school choice" mean to you?
CONS: Give parents vouchers redeemable for an education at any school of the parent's choice, including public, private, and parochial schools.
LIBL: Give students a choice of free publicly funded dry, lubricated, ribbed, or ultra-sensitive condoms, and have expert, caring school administrators decide which school is best for each student.
LBRT: Abolish compulsory education. Don't make schools maximum-security prisons where unruly children are held against their will!
A teacher cannot force feed course material into the brain of a child who does not want to learn. Let students have the option of skipping school entirely, and entering the workforce instead!!!
COMM: Let The State make all educational decisions for its students, because The State knows best.
76: What bizarre practices conducted by some human cultures do you find particularly barbaric?
CONS: - Human sacrifice.
- Cannibalism.
- Matriarchal societies.
LIBL: - Animal sacrifice.
- Carnivorism.
- Female circumcisions.
LBRT: - Arranged marriages.
- Shaming people living in torrid tropical climates into wearing clothes.
COMM: - Free enterprise.
77: The most convincing evidence that brainwashing exists in this country is the fact that some people truly believe...
CONS: there really is a vast rightwing conspiracy.
LIBL: Supply-Side/Trickle-Down/Voodoo Economics works.
LBRT: Social Security is a retirement savings and investment program.
COMM: the Domino Theory.
78: What are the most abused and misused buzz words that you are sick and tried of hearing?
CONS: - Homophobia
- Probable cause
- Gender neutral
LIBL: - Political correctness
LBRT: - Inappropriate behavior
COMM: - Communist plot
- Majority rules
79: What's your interpretation of these words from the second amendment of the U.S. Constitution, "A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed"?
CONS: The second amendment was established at a time when the average citizen owned a firearm comparable to the weapon used by the average soldier. These weapons were virtually identical in terms of technological advancement, and firepower. Therefore, citizens today have the right to own the same rifles that are currently issued to U.S. Army infantrymen.
This means all those gun control laws banning fully automatic assault rifles with fixed bayonets are totally unconstitutional!!!
LIBL: The second amendment means that the only arms citizens have a right to own are the actual flintlocks and muzzle loading muskets used by soldiers during the Revolutionary War, but only if those guns are retrofitted with trigger locks, and other modern safety devices.
LBRT: Consider the circumstances under which the second amendment was written. America had just fought a war for its freedom, and its people had a deeply rooted visceral distrust of despots.
Clearly, "the security of a free State" that the people's right to bear arms is necessary to insure, means that if, perish the thought, America ever became an un-free state, the citizens would have within their means, the capacity to carrying out a successful rebellion. The second amendment is an insurance policy, and another shining example of one of those checks and balances that were so popular with the framers of the Constitution.
Therefore, the second amendment means that citizens have the right to personally own even the most sophisticated military hardware. Because until the firepower possessed by all the citizens as a whole, equals or exceeds the firepower possessed by all branches of the U.S. Military, our freedoms will forever remain under a cloud of jeopardy.
COMM: The second amendment means citizens have a right to bear arms while serving in the military.
80: What 1960's predictions about the future are you thrilled did not come true?
CONS: - World War III
LIBL: - The oceans were not dead by the 1980's.
- The population explosion and resulting global famine did not wipeout the entire human race. Thank God, the godless communists in Red China had the fortitude and political courage to pass laws limiting each family to just one child.
LBRT: - Big Brother may be watching, but at least he's a lot more bumbling than portrayed in George Orwell's novel "1984".
COMM: - America's Yankee imperialism was unable to remove Fidel Castro from power in Cuba.
81: What 1960's predictions about the future are you deeply saddened did not come true?
CONS: Atomic power never became so plentiful and inexpensive it could be given away for free.
LIBL: The Earth did not run out of crude oil.
LBRT: Clothing optional beaches never really become mainstream.
COMM: The world's workers never established communist governments in every nation on Earth.
82: What is your solution to the lack of affordable housing?
CONS: - Eliminate labor unions from the building trades.
- Repeal requiring Environmental Impact Reports.
- Repeal the Endangered Species Act.
LIBL: - Force developers to build affordable housing units in exchange for getting building permits.
- Fight urban sprawl by protesting against all new housing projects.
- Tax rich people to finance government funded housing developments to provide shelter for high school dropouts, derelicts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and the chronically unemployed.
- Rent Control.
LBRT: - Ban zoning regulations.
- Repeal building codes.
- Eliminate requiring building permits and building inspections.
- Repeal laws governing contractor licensing.
COMM: - Force owners of large, spacious homes to share their homes with high school dropouts, derelicts, alcoholics, drug addicts, and the chronically unemployed.
83: What types of scientific research should be prohibited?
CONS: - Fetal tissue transplants.
- Genetic origins of sexual orientation.
- Medical marijuana.
LIBL: - Transplanting animal organs into humans.
- Genetic engineering.
- Medical research that treats lab animals as if they are merely guinea pigs.
- Anti-Ballistic Missile defense systems.
LBRT: - Anything funded using tax dollars.
COMM: - Anti-Ballistic Missile defense systems.
84: The primary purpose of carpool lanes is to...
CONS: punish the evil, Earth unfriendly commuters.
LIBL: reward the good, self-sacrificing, resource conserving commuters.
LBRT: demonstrate the illogic of The State. The worst thing any agency responsible for building a road system could possibly do, is to deliberately design roads that impede the flow of traffic.
While some might think carpool lanes protect the environment by enticing people to use fewer natural resources, carpool lanes are actually an unmitigated ecological disaster. By forcing non-carpooling commuters to spend more time inching their way through gridlocked traffic, the environmental impacts of all those commuters are magnified. More smog is produced. More offshore oil is imported. Cars wear out sooner. And, there is a dramatic rise in stress related road rage.
COMM: make people in carpool lanes feel like they are special, which sadly runs counter to government's mandate to treat all citizens equally.
85: What are unfair business practices?
CONS: Boycotts by incensed customers.
LIBL: Merging with your competitors.
LBRT: Filing a complaint with the Justice Department in which you accuse your competitors of using unfair business practices.
COMM: Treating employees inhumanely.
86: What is the best method for a sitting president to handle negative press coverage?
CONS: Accuse the media of being liberally biased, and then reassure the American people by telling them that their president is not a crook.
LIBL: Accuse the media of being duped into reporting a false and slanderous story concocted by an embittered person with an axe to grind, and then reassure the American people by telling them that their president did not have sexual relations with that woman.
LBRT: Admit he screwed up.
COMM: Round up the reporters and send them to reeducation camps.
87: What's your opinion concerning estate taxes?
CONS: Estate taxes are imposed to punish the wealthy.
LIBL: Estate taxes are necessary to level the playing field, by preventing rich families from accumulating too much undeserved wealth over the course of several generations. And thank God, we know no longer live in the Dark Ages, when the firstborn son inherited everything!
LBRT: Estate taxes are an unseemly revenue source--money collected on the backs of widows and orphans!
COMM: The State can certainly put large sums of money to much better public use than some Fat Cat's heirs. In fact, abolishing the right of inheritance is one of the major goals discussed in the Communist Manifesto. But until that glorious day arrives, estate taxes will just have to fill the void.
88: What forms of adult entertainment should be legal?
CONS: - Drinking, except on the Lord's Day
- Gambling, in the form of raffles and Bingo to raise money for schools, and charities.
LIBL: - Drinking
- Casino Gambling
- Prostitution (as long as the prostitutes stay within special red light districts zoned for such business activities. However, these businesses must submit to inspections by local health officials, use double-hulled industrial-strength condoms, and obtain a seal of approval from the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia.)
LBRT: - Every decadent pleasure conceivable by the human mind should be legal.
COMM: - Drinking, hey,it just doesn't get any better than that!
89: What do you think about all the raunchy daytime television talk shows in America?
CONS: There is no better documentation of the moral decay in this country, than the deviants publicly parading their perversions on national daytime television.
LIBL: Daytime TV talk shows provide a needed service, by educating the public about the wide diversity of viable alternate lifestyles.
LBRT: TV networks do not exist to perform a public service. Television is a business whose bottom line profitability is directly related to how well their shows attract and hold a loyal audience. And if some stations choose to attract that audience by creating shows that appeal to the lowest common denominator, I can only applaud their marketing genius.
COMM: Frankly, they make a government of the people, by the people, and for the people a rather scary proposition.
90: During the presidential campaign in the year 2000, Green Party nominee, Ralph Nader; Reform Party nominee, Patrick Buchanan; and Libertarian Party nominee, Harry Browne were not allowed to participate in the nationally televised debates. Should nominees from all the political parties on the ballot be permitted to participate in televised debates?
CONS: No. It would be a tremendous waste of our nation's time and energy to have mainstream political candidates share the podium with candidates that have extremist views.
LIBL: No. Giving minority political parties equal access to the national media might poison the minds of the unschooled viewers, who are so easily swayed by the pleas to emotion and the irrational fear-mongering tactics so often employed by candidates from the fringe.
LBRT: Yes. Voters should hear all opposing views, and then be trusted to make a rational decision.
COMM: Absolutely, at least until the Communist Party gains control of the election process.
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Last edited by sergeriver (2006-11-07 04:34:41)