This is definitely a thread for the ex-military (and I guess current) members of the forum.
Remember when you were in and there was always that one little thing that you had to do each day that really irked you off or seemed pointless, but you had to do it none the less because some fat fucking officer thought it to be necessary (even though he never had to do it himself)? Or perhaps a classic mistake that someone made while in boot camp that pretty much ruined their career? Or maybe just a leet hazing experience you would like to share. I know I have plenty.
Hazing:
Mattress Exchange
While in tech school, we decided it would be funny to pull the old "Mattress exchange" on the rainbow flights. We told them that it was the end of the month and they needed to turn their old mattresses in to CQ and get a new one. 40 minutes later, there are 20 mattresses piled up at the CQ desk and the squadron MTL gets a phone call at 1 in the morning because all of the rainbow flights are piling mattresses up at the front desk.
Reward: 2 weeks of weekend discipline training.
Exercise Exercise Exercise!!!
Tech school once again, we tell the new flight of rainbows that today is combat exercise day and that they need to show up to formation in full flak gear. The MTL's thought that was pretty funny. So funny we got to scrap bird shit off the sidewalks for a week.
Grass Waivers
All the time in tech school, people ordered delivery pizza. The poor pizza guys had to go through a ton of shit to get on base in the first place but one common mistake they always made once on base was cutting across the grass to get to the CQ from the parking lot. Now, tech schoolers are always told to stay off the grass and one night we got the brilliant idea on how to get free pizza. We would wait until dark to order our pizza and wait in the dark corner of the building until the pizza man showed up. One of us dressed up in our BDU's and as soon as the Pizza Man stepped on the grass, the guy in BDU's would run out and start yelling
"HEY YOU, FREEZE! You got a grass waiver?"
"uhh......no?"
"Then why are you on the grass?"
"I didn't know it was against the rules.."
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you a citation and you will need to report to the base commander immediately."
"But....I'm just the pizza guy, I'm not in the military.."
"Ohh, well in that case, we need to talk to your manager about your blatant disregard for military property."
"DUDE, come on, I'm just trying to deliver this pizza on time, I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"I'm afraid sorry isn't going to cut it."
"Look...I said I'm sorry, I didn't know, I won't do it again, please, just let me deliver the pizza and I'll leave."
"Ok, but if I catch you on the grass again I'm going to have to arrest you."
"Ok, jeez, I'm sorry."
The point was to stall the pizza man. When he finally got through CQ and found our room it was too late. We got free pizza every weekend like that.
Pet Peeves
Base Cleanup
Ohh noes, the General is coming, we must have the entire squadron go pick bubblegum wrappers off the side of the road so the general doesn't see it through the 5% window tint on his car. Don't forget the wrappers in the gutters that run underneath the road, we wouldn't want the general to find trash in our gutters if he decides to do a surprise inspection!
As if a General flies all the way from Washington to check the gutters for bubblegum wrappers and cigarette butts in shithole Oklahoma.
Military
Military. The whole thing is kind of annoying.
Mistakes
Saluting
Biggest lie EVER. In boot camp they tell you to salute if you are not sure whether or not it is an officer. Yeah right. I come out of the command post ( a building with A LOT of officers in it) one day and it is raining extremely hard, the wind is howling and there are people all over the place. As soon as I come out of the building I see hands flying up in every which direction. Someone starts walking towards me and the wind is hitting me in the face so hard I can not see who it is, so I salute.
Standing in a puddle, soaking wet, getting yelled at by a CMSgt because you saluted him sucks.
Joking Around At The Gate
Me and a group of friends are coming through the base gate on day and someone in the back gets the brilliant idea to jokingly say "Hide the weed". Deet da dee.
4 hours later we get to leave. After 4 guards, our supervisor and a drug dog search our car while we lay facedown on the ground.
DO NOT BREAK RED
One windy day I am at the smoke pit at the Radio Comm building. One of the guys hat blows off and fly's across the flightline and he decides to go chase it. People......there are red lines on the tarmac for a reason. Allow me to illustrate:
O O O O O <-----Armed guards.
P o <-----Hat (including the moron chasing it.)
----------------- <-------Red Line
o o o o <-----Us.
Man chase hat.
Man grab hat.
Guard tackle man.
Guard place M16 to back of mans hatless head.
Man gets to ride in patrol car.
As always, please share your stories.
Remember when you were in and there was always that one little thing that you had to do each day that really irked you off or seemed pointless, but you had to do it none the less because some fat fucking officer thought it to be necessary (even though he never had to do it himself)? Or perhaps a classic mistake that someone made while in boot camp that pretty much ruined their career? Or maybe just a leet hazing experience you would like to share. I know I have plenty.
Hazing:
Mattress Exchange
While in tech school, we decided it would be funny to pull the old "Mattress exchange" on the rainbow flights. We told them that it was the end of the month and they needed to turn their old mattresses in to CQ and get a new one. 40 minutes later, there are 20 mattresses piled up at the CQ desk and the squadron MTL gets a phone call at 1 in the morning because all of the rainbow flights are piling mattresses up at the front desk.
Reward: 2 weeks of weekend discipline training.
Exercise Exercise Exercise!!!
Tech school once again, we tell the new flight of rainbows that today is combat exercise day and that they need to show up to formation in full flak gear. The MTL's thought that was pretty funny. So funny we got to scrap bird shit off the sidewalks for a week.
Grass Waivers
All the time in tech school, people ordered delivery pizza. The poor pizza guys had to go through a ton of shit to get on base in the first place but one common mistake they always made once on base was cutting across the grass to get to the CQ from the parking lot. Now, tech schoolers are always told to stay off the grass and one night we got the brilliant idea on how to get free pizza. We would wait until dark to order our pizza and wait in the dark corner of the building until the pizza man showed up. One of us dressed up in our BDU's and as soon as the Pizza Man stepped on the grass, the guy in BDU's would run out and start yelling
"HEY YOU, FREEZE! You got a grass waiver?"
"uhh......no?"
"Then why are you on the grass?"
"I didn't know it was against the rules.."
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you a citation and you will need to report to the base commander immediately."
"But....I'm just the pizza guy, I'm not in the military.."
"Ohh, well in that case, we need to talk to your manager about your blatant disregard for military property."
"DUDE, come on, I'm just trying to deliver this pizza on time, I didn't know. I'm sorry."
"I'm afraid sorry isn't going to cut it."
"Look...I said I'm sorry, I didn't know, I won't do it again, please, just let me deliver the pizza and I'll leave."
"Ok, but if I catch you on the grass again I'm going to have to arrest you."
"Ok, jeez, I'm sorry."
The point was to stall the pizza man. When he finally got through CQ and found our room it was too late. We got free pizza every weekend like that.
Pet Peeves
Base Cleanup
Ohh noes, the General is coming, we must have the entire squadron go pick bubblegum wrappers off the side of the road so the general doesn't see it through the 5% window tint on his car. Don't forget the wrappers in the gutters that run underneath the road, we wouldn't want the general to find trash in our gutters if he decides to do a surprise inspection!
As if a General flies all the way from Washington to check the gutters for bubblegum wrappers and cigarette butts in shithole Oklahoma.
Military
Military. The whole thing is kind of annoying.
Mistakes
Saluting
Biggest lie EVER. In boot camp they tell you to salute if you are not sure whether or not it is an officer. Yeah right. I come out of the command post ( a building with A LOT of officers in it) one day and it is raining extremely hard, the wind is howling and there are people all over the place. As soon as I come out of the building I see hands flying up in every which direction. Someone starts walking towards me and the wind is hitting me in the face so hard I can not see who it is, so I salute.
Standing in a puddle, soaking wet, getting yelled at by a CMSgt because you saluted him sucks.
Joking Around At The Gate
Me and a group of friends are coming through the base gate on day and someone in the back gets the brilliant idea to jokingly say "Hide the weed". Deet da dee.
4 hours later we get to leave. After 4 guards, our supervisor and a drug dog search our car while we lay facedown on the ground.
DO NOT BREAK RED
One windy day I am at the smoke pit at the Radio Comm building. One of the guys hat blows off and fly's across the flightline and he decides to go chase it. People......there are red lines on the tarmac for a reason. Allow me to illustrate:
O O O O O <-----Armed guards.
P o <-----Hat (including the moron chasing it.)
----------------- <-------Red Line
o o o o <-----Us.
Man chase hat.
Man grab hat.
Guard tackle man.
Guard place M16 to back of mans hatless head.
Man gets to ride in patrol car.
As always, please share your stories.
