Well. In the light of the disappearance of 2 other forum members I've known since forever (Patton and Militant), ironically the time for me to go has come. I've been around what, a year and a half? Almost since the start? I've grown so integrated with the community, I've made such good friends over the forums, and over the game itself, it hurts so much just to go. Its like getting unplugged, so suddenly from the very source of constant fun and enjoyment. I'll only be around for a couple days more. Maybe until the weekend. Then the conspicious abscence will turn into a permanent one.
Things in real life are forcing me onto my knees, and I won't be around for much longer. I'm financially wrecked, I'll be jobless in 2 months time, and the bills are simply mounting up: Phone bills, electricity bills, water bills, medical bills. I dread opening the mailbox nowadays at home simply because of the bills bills bills.
Once my medical coverage ends with my current job contract, I'll be overwhelmed by the influx of those gigantic medical fees: for my right hand (Yes, I'm right handed, I have a busted MCPJ joint with 2 K-wires supporting now, and damaged/chipped knuckles for both hands). Knee: ACL torn through, badly repaired, no meniscus, badly fractured kneecap. Broken, unfixed nose and collasped sinus passages. Physiologically, that's it, but the psychiatric problems still haunt me, Clinically bipolar, Schizo and just, well. Emo Xanax, prozac, sleeping pills. Well.
No way in turning to my family for help, my mother just went through an incredibly expensive spinal operation (3rd/4th vertabrae etc. will not go into details). Parents have enough on their plate.
And I've lost the closest person in my life. No deaths, just, well, she's gone away. She was my sister, my best friend and my soulmate. Her soul is set free now, and mine is missing her's. She was born with wings to fly, to leave me behind on the ground. The mere thought of the time we spent together. It just tears me up from inside. No more pillar of strength and support. No one to hold in the darkest times. No one.
Killing myself isn't an option. Been there, done that, bought the fucking T-shirt and won the teddy bear. OD-ed, wrecked a car, hurled myself off 3 stories and rammed a blade into my wrist. What they say is true then, the wicked just don't die. But I'm past that stage now, I've just gotta see how to patch my life back together. Which won't be easy. I've got 2 charges in court looming, one for drug use, one for Volunteerily Causing Grevious Hurt (VCGH). I've already been in jail for a week months back, and it seems like more's to come.
I'm trying to purge my life of all that violence, drugs and alcohol, but its so hard.
I love this community, all the mods are (and will ALWAYS) be my very very good friends. I miss those days spent on mIRC bullshitting each other, laughing at and more importantly, WITH each other. Call me a no-lifer, I've got an active social life out there, but in this community, I've also had loads of fun, I've found part of myself here. I've made so many friends, unlike all the other communities (Quake, UT etc.)
My Last Word on BF2:
Call me a hypocrite, I don't care anymore. It doesn't matter anymore.
Have fun. Just have fun. Do unto others... (You should damn well know the rest). Feel the adrenaline rush, but not at the expense of others. For anyone on these forums that I have offended with comments on: SniperVideos/Snipers, Stats, playing a single map of choice, playing a single vehicle of choice, etc., I'm SORRY. Just have fun
Sadly BF2 has really been degraded due to the large amounts of seemingly meaningless complaints, but well, after adapting and changing to 3 entirely different patches of infantry combat, well, just adapt, and change everyone. I did it, you can too.
I've seen these forums since, what, forever. All the shakers, all the breakers, every single scandal, all the sagas. Well.. Seen it all. And I'll miss every moment of it. No more cynical bearz, no more pseudo-intelligent, but please, refrain from hijacking my thread. I've not been the best of all members, I haven't been the nicest of all people, but don't spit on my face as I go. Please.
I don't really know what else to say, so: (if I missed anyone, please, I'm sorry, post in this thread, drop me a PM, I'll edit and add you in by this week. While I'm still around) In no order of preference:
Chuy, the whole tf family (marco, voodoo, vireo, etc.), markimus, Tyferra, liquidat0r, mcminty, Sl4y3r, mikeshw, tthf, Burning_Monkey, TsinTzu, Coolbeano, Cyborg, DaReJa. SysTray, TMo, Bern, DonFck, Todd_A, usmarine, stryyk, Bush, Babyspinach, patton, Cougar, trig, kimmy, spawnofthemist, pitviper, orange_hound, alpha, VspyVspy, kn0ckahh, Kung Jew, maef, hilltop_skater, paranoid101, LaidBackNinja, joker8baller, Janis_Petke, E7IX3R, Spark, Vub, Towelly, kilroy0097, Superior Mind, Downy, Tetrino, R3v4n, Deadman, Marlboroman82, Mike<Eagle23>, oberst_enzian, T1g3r217, genius_man16, R3v4n, SaladForks, fatherted13, Jestar12345, oberst_enzian, T1g3r217, genius_man16, R3v4n, SaladForks, fatherted13, TheCanadianTerrorist, ExecutionerStyle , d3v1ldr1v3r13, Flaming_Maniac, DirtyMexican, PspRpg-7, TeK||drake666, GAIKIWARRIOR, YoBabysDaddy, =Robin-Hood=
Goodbye, Goodbye. I'll miss you guys SO BAD. :cries:
I'll appreciate it if anyone who considered me a friend would post a little, short testimonial to me in this thread
Last edited by polarbearz (2006-10-05 01:57:54)