BF2S Forums The Scientific Laws of Battlefield 2

Utterly brillant and unbelievably hilarious yet unfortunatly true

219.  In any sort of aircraft, the skill of the other guy in there is inversely proportional to your skill, unless you are bad in an aircraft, in which case he sucks as bad as you do.

Also, any fighters (1-seaters) will be
A-be piloted by a dumbass
B-Being flown by an excellent enemy pilot
C-running you over

Pick the worst-case scenario.  It'll likely be true.

224.  There's always an enemy tank.

235. the more you plan out your advance, the higher the chance that you'll be killed by someone bunnyhopping with a DAO-12

236. if your squad leader decides defending is a good idea, you will spend the entire round waiting for the enemy to approach that flag while everyone else gets scores over 100. the very moment you go off, looking for the battle, the flag falls and your squad leader is pissed off that you let the squad down.

237. the first flashbang belonged to an enemy; the next three were eager teammates proving that they have SF too. you died because an enemy respawned after they'd all gone off, so he could see you trying to mount a tree in panic, and shot you in the face.

238. yes, the tank saw you.

239. if you check a ladder for claymores, and find one, and go back down, you will be unable to type "look out, there is a claymore up there" in time to stop your teammate being killed by it.

240. enemy vehicles show up as empty on radar to lure you close so that they can run you over more easily

241.  No matter how far away you spot it, lock on, and fire, the jet will always bomb your AA first.

242.  No matter how well planned and co-ordinated your assault is, some noob will always manage to gun down your entire squad-with a pistol.

243.  The previous statement is redundant-you will never get a good, co-ordinated squad in the first place.

244.  If by some miracle you do get such a squad, and the enemy team is fully competent, your commander will always call down artillery to kill one enemy you had to one bar of health.  He will survive, you will not.

245.  You will never reload quick enough

246.  When you have one ticket left, somebody will always try to knife an enemy tank.

247.  Admins will never administrate-rather, they will kick you from the game to get your jet.  Even worse, they will do so when you're already flying, and when the jet respawns, they will TK your buddy to get it.

248.  Every other clan is a model of efficiency, cohesiveness, strategy, and skill.  The instant you join, it will begin to resemble a flock of brain-damaged geese.

249.  The day before you get that last medal, your account will be banned after EA mixes you up with the hacking stat padder you reported.

250.  Noobs have a sixth sense which allows them to call on a special power to go halfway across the map to TK for a vehicle which just spawned.  They will then do something stupid like crash it or drive it into their own mine.

Edit:  251.  When in doubt, the noob gets the kill.  This goes for both enemy noobs killing you and for friendly noobs stealing your kills.

Last edited by starman7 (2005-12-12 19:51:23)

Wow. I haven't read this since the first post -- out of control!

254. If you hop on a server and the team you're on for the first round loses badly, if you want to win a game all night long either switch teams or leave.  I can't tell you how many times I've hopped on, had just a total wipeout loss, stuck with the same team, but even with people coming and going here and there ended up losing 10-15 rounds in a row.  It's uncanny.

255. No matter how much you wish it isn't true, all of the previous posts will prove themselves next time you logon and join your favourite server.

and you will all become noobs forever.

258) Blazin.Uk is the only person who can read thiese rules and not be affected by this.

259) You can only be great once you accept that the game is not for fun, and stop having fun, the moment you succeed at this you will start having fun again, and be back at square 1

260. If you drop bombs on an area with 32 enemies und one teammate, you will kill the teammate AND NOTHING ELSE!

Hi there!

At a german board someone posted this thread, and some users back here thought of more scientific rules for BF2. I translated them and i think its ok (and funny) to post it here... i didnt doublecheck it and there may most certainly be translation glitches, sorry for that. Also, the numbers arent correct because we started right after the first 50 were posted here and someone translated it. Have fun and regards from germany!

51. If you attempt to attack a chopper, be sure that you won´t suceed because he will crash into a wall/tree/ect. immediately
52. You´ll never win a helo dogfight because your enemy always prefers kuddling with your machine first
53. Gunners are pacifists by nature
54. Pilots with a gunner in their machine tend to show off their awesome skills by going too low, crash, and loudly complaining about the terrible lags on this server
55. If you fly over a friendly carrier to rearm, your Teammate will decide to take off by hovering
56. Grenade Launchers dont play any sounds
57. If 2 enemy tanks appear in front of you, you will be a supporter/medic
58. Your Teammates will shoot explosive barrels if you spawn near them
59. A Blackhawk is way better armoured than a T-90 Main Battle Tank
60. Wrecked Choppers only crash directly on yourself
61. If you plant C4 on an enemy tank an run away to detonate it, another teammate will have the same idea and run towards the tank
62. A Jet is very similar to a TV-guided Rocket in the way its used
63. Medics only show up to revive you if you died in the crossfire of 3 enemys and a tank
64. If you release a bomb on a spot with 32 enemys and 1 teammate on it, you WILL kill the teammate, and only him
65. When driving a tank, all enemys appearing will be ATs
66. While the enemy tank takes 4 direct hits in the back, your tank explodes instantly on half a hit
67. If you hold a friendly flag for 10 Minutes and decide to leave because no enemys show up, it will be taken by the other team 10 seconds later
68. A Badass special forces elite soldier, drilled for years and years to become the ultimate killing machine, will suffer lethal injury from a 7 feet jump
69. The explosive ordinance of a grenade launcher has an effective range of a couple of inches, leaving the enemy who fired it standing 2 feet away unharmed ... while you´re dead
70. You are THE ONLY living thing on this planet ever to have forgiven a TK
71. The second jet on the US Carrier always respawns only when you fly over it to rearm
72. In the first line, the supporter has the task to distract the enemy by amusing them
73. At the end of every round, the last man on your team will be a sniper bravely defending a roof/tree/hill from being taken by the enemy
74. Some teammates tend to mistake grenades for movement orders
75. Ambitiuos Snipers examime the cockpit glass penetration of their M95 right at the beginning of the round, in their own base
76. If you want to take off with a jet, be sure it will be deeply examined by 2-5 teammates WHILE taking off...
77. ... these fellas seem to have "Vote Yes" bound on LMB
78. VoIP always works on machines where you dont want it to, due to its users
79. Rumors say that DICE bought the AA-Sites from IKEA for good prices
80. Just when you managed to steal the enemy cobra right away under the enemys nose and you took it to your helipad, 5 Teammates will dance around it, you will lose control trying to evade an accident and crash it
81. If you join a game, you will be put in the team with no flags left
82. After that beeing happened, there will be a mapchance instantly
83. If you are being shot by your squadleader after spawning, his nickname will be freesy1 (seems to be an insider here :-))
84. Every time you´re killed by a grenade launcher, you won´t know where it came from
85. If you intend to shoot down an enemy jet, your 6 rockets will fly around the map, killing everything (including friendly choppers/jets) but the enemy jet. After trying to kill him with the cannon for 5 Minutes and returning to the airfield, you realize you´ve just wastet 5 Minutes of your life for nothing
86. On Karkand, there will be an enemy assault with a grenade launcher equipped on every corner
87. The most effective way to get yourself killed by an enemy jet is to operate an AA-Site
88. If you just managed to survice an enemy artillery strike on the flight deck, expect a bomb to be dropped on your head
89. If you were lucky an managed to survice that either, say hello to artillery again!
90. If you get the feeling that your team is outmanned by the enemy, take a look at the flight deck
91. If you decide not to behave badly (spawnraping ect.), be sure that someone else will do it for you
92. If you sneak on an enemy tank which looks in the opposite direction for 1 Minute, it will turn its turret around in the moment you´re close enough for planting the C4
93. If you´re the only teammate with balls and decide to go through that fence and kill the enemy, the other teammtate will not notice it and throw grenades over the fence, which will kill you but not the enemy
94. On longer boat rides, some teammate will start to fool around with its C4 out of boredom
95. The enemy cobra over your mainbase can´t be shot down, except by a jet (referring to #62)
96. Stationary guns are alway placed where they can be most ineffective
97. If they happen to be in a good position, the barrel will point to the opposite direction, which you didnt notice because its a clean 180° turn
98. If you kill an enemy at a flag, he will respawn right behind you
99. You get killed from a medipack someone throw at your vehicle

Last edited by Baron von Bierfreund (2005-12-22 06:24:28)