These, my friends, are my views on how to be the "best" player in BF2 and the commandments to remember while you are storming the front lines.
The First Commandments is all about teamplay.
1) Thou shalt punish thy teammates regardless of foul play or nay.
What this means is that if you ran out in front of their speeding jeep, ran in front of them while they were raining bullets down on their enemy, or was hiding behind your enemies during a firefight and got shot by them or anything along those lines, PUNISH THE TEAMMATE THAT SHOT YOU! Make sure that you do this as many times as possible during a single round.
The Second Commandment is for all the Lone Wolves.
2) Thou shalt ignore thy surroundings in favor of shooting anything that twitches.
Make sure you camp in one spot... never, ever leave that spot. The ONLY reason you should ever leave your carefully chosen camping spot (typically looked highly upon in games like UT2k4, SoF2, Qake3, F.E.A.R., name a first person shooter and ask how much people love their campers =] ) is if artillery is raining down upon your head. If it moves, shoot it. Teammates, Enemies, Jeeps, Tanks, APC's (which does not, despite popular belief, stand for Alone Piloting Crap-head), or anything that may remotely resemble another player. Provided you actually hit something.
The Third Commandment is for Commanders.
3) Commanders shalt not actually command units.
Commanders are supposed to be up in helicopters and jeeps and out capturing points and totally disregarding their teammates needs. What are people who lay around thinking? Why on Earth would you just lay there and devise battle strategies and do useful things like give your troops orders, what's the point!? Other than the nifty star on the map that represents you, you get the special ability to kill more teammates by dropping bombs on their heads at any given time. Drop supplies on your teammates! Nearby isnt close enough, they cant use it for cover if its over there, but if you drop it on them, they can be healed, have their ammo stocked, and use it for cover all at the same time! So be sure to drop supplies ON your teammates.
The Fourth Commandment is for Squad Leaders.
4) Thy commander is mentally deficient.
The commander gives you orders to ignore, not to follow! Never follow commander orders, you'll die. If you listen to the commander, you'll lose the game, hell will freeze over, and you won't be able to punish people for killing you if they were on your team, don't forget to keep running in front if other teammates at every opportunity!
The Fifth Commandment is for Pilots.
5) Always fly by thyself.
Never, EVER, take people with you in a transport helicopter, this is not its purpose. Transport helicopters are to make sure that you are a big target, not for transporting troops to other flags! Flying is always ment to be done solo, that's how it was designed by the Gods of Electronic Arts. Those other spots in the planes and helicopters? There for 2 reasons, looks, and to convince other players to hop on board so the enemy can shoot you and your idiotic teammates down for more points! Although, there is a third, much more valuable feature. PUNISHING LARGE AMOUNTS OF TEAMKILLS! One person just killed 4 of you with a tank, what a great way to dish out some punishments!
The Sixth commandment is for Tank drivers.
6) Fire thy cannon into thy enemies hordes.
Shoot at all close-quarters battles! Did a jeep full of your teammates just run up and jump out and start mowing enemies down left and right? HELP THEM OUT! Make sure you fire between you and your enemies, that way they can punish you for teamkills after they tell you that you're retarded.
The Seventh Commandment is for Medics.
7) If thy teammates fall in battle, resuscitate thy neighbor.
When you die, you are given a countdown. This is an excellent time to consider being a medic! See the guy hit the ground beside you? Revive him! Despite all of the gunfire and missles and grenades and C4 and hellfires and ground-pounders falling from planes, revive him! preferably when all of these go off sequentially, ensuring you can get the most points for reviving your teammate! Then run in front of him when he opens fire, if he hasn't already pointed his gun at you. Then punish him for a teamkill!
The Eighth Commandment is for server Admins.
8) Banish thy players per skill.
Find that one of your players are doing too well? BAN THEM! Find that one of your players is not much of a team player and won't join a squad? BAN THEM! Do your players jump and duck and roll and sprint to avoid being shot? BAN THEM! Does one of your players keep getting teamkills because the people around him arent paying attention and running in front of him, INCLUDING YOURSELF? BAN THEM!!!
The 9th Commandment is for Special Ops AND Engineers.
9) C4 is thy friend.
Make monuments to your favorite actor! Turn an ordinary Jeep into a fast-and-furious high-speed bomb! Devise secret strategies to prevent enemies from using the poorly accessible bridge(s) and make him use the far more effective land-bridge to an easier point by BLOWING UP BRIDGES! Landmines are good for this too, because then you can keep everything from being used, your defensively and strategically placed Landmines and C4 detpacks can keep even the digital oxygen from leaving your base! Keep everyone at a standstill, this might get hairy!
And Finally, the 10th Commandment.
10) Thou shalt never forgive, unless you're stupid.
PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!!!
PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!!!
PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!!!
THAT is the sole purpose of this game, to punish others for their idiocy. Make sure that you run in front of your teammates while they are firing and make sure they do the same for you! This is the biggest purpose of this game. Forget teamwork, that is for sissies and pricks, FRAG'EM! TEAM KILL! Always cause hate and discontent, and make people hate playing. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE THERE FOR! And, if you are really into teamwork, MAKE SURE TO GET YOUR TEAMMATES TO ALL RUN IN FRONT OF THE SAME GUY! Squad up and convince your well-trained squad to stand on your teammates C4! GREAT PLAN!
I should have thought of that myself!
Follow these rules closely, and you too can become a top player!
-_-
*Convinces self that people don't already actually follow these rules.*
The First Commandments is all about teamplay.
1) Thou shalt punish thy teammates regardless of foul play or nay.
What this means is that if you ran out in front of their speeding jeep, ran in front of them while they were raining bullets down on their enemy, or was hiding behind your enemies during a firefight and got shot by them or anything along those lines, PUNISH THE TEAMMATE THAT SHOT YOU! Make sure that you do this as many times as possible during a single round.
The Second Commandment is for all the Lone Wolves.
2) Thou shalt ignore thy surroundings in favor of shooting anything that twitches.
Make sure you camp in one spot... never, ever leave that spot. The ONLY reason you should ever leave your carefully chosen camping spot (typically looked highly upon in games like UT2k4, SoF2, Qake3, F.E.A.R., name a first person shooter and ask how much people love their campers =] ) is if artillery is raining down upon your head. If it moves, shoot it. Teammates, Enemies, Jeeps, Tanks, APC's (which does not, despite popular belief, stand for Alone Piloting Crap-head), or anything that may remotely resemble another player. Provided you actually hit something.
The Third Commandment is for Commanders.
3) Commanders shalt not actually command units.
Commanders are supposed to be up in helicopters and jeeps and out capturing points and totally disregarding their teammates needs. What are people who lay around thinking? Why on Earth would you just lay there and devise battle strategies and do useful things like give your troops orders, what's the point!? Other than the nifty star on the map that represents you, you get the special ability to kill more teammates by dropping bombs on their heads at any given time. Drop supplies on your teammates! Nearby isnt close enough, they cant use it for cover if its over there, but if you drop it on them, they can be healed, have their ammo stocked, and use it for cover all at the same time! So be sure to drop supplies ON your teammates.
The Fourth Commandment is for Squad Leaders.
4) Thy commander is mentally deficient.
The commander gives you orders to ignore, not to follow! Never follow commander orders, you'll die. If you listen to the commander, you'll lose the game, hell will freeze over, and you won't be able to punish people for killing you if they were on your team, don't forget to keep running in front if other teammates at every opportunity!
The Fifth Commandment is for Pilots.
5) Always fly by thyself.
Never, EVER, take people with you in a transport helicopter, this is not its purpose. Transport helicopters are to make sure that you are a big target, not for transporting troops to other flags! Flying is always ment to be done solo, that's how it was designed by the Gods of Electronic Arts. Those other spots in the planes and helicopters? There for 2 reasons, looks, and to convince other players to hop on board so the enemy can shoot you and your idiotic teammates down for more points! Although, there is a third, much more valuable feature. PUNISHING LARGE AMOUNTS OF TEAMKILLS! One person just killed 4 of you with a tank, what a great way to dish out some punishments!
The Sixth commandment is for Tank drivers.
6) Fire thy cannon into thy enemies hordes.
Shoot at all close-quarters battles! Did a jeep full of your teammates just run up and jump out and start mowing enemies down left and right? HELP THEM OUT! Make sure you fire between you and your enemies, that way they can punish you for teamkills after they tell you that you're retarded.
The Seventh Commandment is for Medics.
7) If thy teammates fall in battle, resuscitate thy neighbor.
When you die, you are given a countdown. This is an excellent time to consider being a medic! See the guy hit the ground beside you? Revive him! Despite all of the gunfire and missles and grenades and C4 and hellfires and ground-pounders falling from planes, revive him! preferably when all of these go off sequentially, ensuring you can get the most points for reviving your teammate! Then run in front of him when he opens fire, if he hasn't already pointed his gun at you. Then punish him for a teamkill!
The Eighth Commandment is for server Admins.
8) Banish thy players per skill.
Find that one of your players are doing too well? BAN THEM! Find that one of your players is not much of a team player and won't join a squad? BAN THEM! Do your players jump and duck and roll and sprint to avoid being shot? BAN THEM! Does one of your players keep getting teamkills because the people around him arent paying attention and running in front of him, INCLUDING YOURSELF? BAN THEM!!!
The 9th Commandment is for Special Ops AND Engineers.
9) C4 is thy friend.
Make monuments to your favorite actor! Turn an ordinary Jeep into a fast-and-furious high-speed bomb! Devise secret strategies to prevent enemies from using the poorly accessible bridge(s) and make him use the far more effective land-bridge to an easier point by BLOWING UP BRIDGES! Landmines are good for this too, because then you can keep everything from being used, your defensively and strategically placed Landmines and C4 detpacks can keep even the digital oxygen from leaving your base! Keep everyone at a standstill, this might get hairy!
And Finally, the 10th Commandment.
10) Thou shalt never forgive, unless you're stupid.
PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!!!
PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!!!
PUNISH PUNISH PUNISH!!!
THAT is the sole purpose of this game, to punish others for their idiocy. Make sure that you run in front of your teammates while they are firing and make sure they do the same for you! This is the biggest purpose of this game. Forget teamwork, that is for sissies and pricks, FRAG'EM! TEAM KILL! Always cause hate and discontent, and make people hate playing. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE THERE FOR! And, if you are really into teamwork, MAKE SURE TO GET YOUR TEAMMATES TO ALL RUN IN FRONT OF THE SAME GUY! Squad up and convince your well-trained squad to stand on your teammates C4! GREAT PLAN!
I should have thought of that myself!
Follow these rules closely, and you too can become a top player!
-_-
*Convinces self that people don't already actually follow these rules.*