Teabagging. The word alone instantly brings up an array of images and thoughts, be it sexual, humorous, or noobish, the word has for the most part been associated with instinctual fear of being inferior to another creature.
"Instinctual fear of being inferior to another creature". That is why I love it so. What better way to show someone that you have gotten the better of them, than to squat on top of their head repeatedly as they lay paralyzed on the field of battle? Frankly, there isn't another way. In this guide we will delve into the history of teabagging, through the rise of the art, and into the mind set of the present day warrior so that we may in fact understand and grasp...THE TRUE ULTIMATE POWER OF TEABAGGING.
Chapter 1: The History of Teabagging
Teabagging has been a part of battlefields since man first came together in organized warfare against each other. Ancient cave art found in parts of Africa eerily depicts the earliest known teachings of the technique. It is thought that teabagging was the earliest form of taunting, even out dating "the bird". The original purpose might have been to curse the fallen enemy soldier in his next life by making his last image in our realm a shot of someones butt-crack. A dirty one at that.
Fig 1-1, A group of early cave man soldiers are shown practicing the technique of crouch and stand.
Through and through the years the technique was passed down from generation to generation, eventually becoming as much of a mainstay in the military culture as the flanking maneuver. The tactic changed and evolved much like some people would say that humans did. It went from being merely a show of disrespect to being a show of superiority. This can be seen in early Peloponnesian drawings such as the one below.
Fig 1-2, An early soldier displays his superiority to his fallen opponet.
This trend would continue until modern day, in which time it would become as much of a beloved tactic as it would a hated one.
Chapter 2: The Art of The Teabag
Now, you may be asking yourself, "How can teabagging be an art? You just crouch on someone's face". When in reality you should be asking yourself why you are questioning this and why you aren't out practicing, because other people ARE and they will more than likely find you. Practicing sloppy teabagging is almost as bad as being teabagged yourself, not to mention you give teabagging a bad name when you do this. This fact alone is why it is important to learn the correct way of the teabag and develop your artistic signature for the move. There are 3 Golden Rules of teabagging that every skilled warrior must know and follow.
Golden Rule #1: Only teabag a deserving opponent. Never, ever, ever teabag a noob. Ever. This will give the noob the undeserved mind set that he has done something befitting the teabag, the mindset that he has done something to get the better of you which has warranted a teabag. There is no greater punishment to an unskilled warrior than to die alone and un-noticed on the battlefield. There is only 1 instance when this rule does not apply which can be found in Golden Rule #3.
Golden Rule #2: Do your teabagging with honor. Look your defeated opponent in the eye and swiftly dip your crotch into his face without fear or shame. Let your victim know who his better is before his life force drains away. If you followed Golden Rule #1, you are showing a deserving opponent that you are Superior and you killed them in the utmost confidence. Shameless hit and runs are not good, and chances are that bad karma will come back to get you. Without confidence you are not a warrior of teabagging stature.
Golden Rule #3: You must teabag a noob when the kill was a spectacular event. If you went to extraordinary means to kill a noob, it is your duty to show him in his last moments that you got the better of him and he was screwed to begin with. It's punishment for making you go to such extraordinary lengths to kill him. In ancient Roman times there was a story of a warrior who killed 30 soldiers singlehandedly, only to find the last soldier hiding in a tree. As the warrior approached, the soldier threw a spear at him and missed. The warrior plucked the spear from the ground, climbed the tree and impaled the cowardly soldier. The warrior then brought the soldier to the ground and teabagged him mercilessly and just before the soldier died the warrior looked him in the eye and said:
"This is for making me climb that tree, bitch."
Chapter 3: Teabagging On Today's Battlefield
Teabagging today has developed a rather bad reputation, mainly because of people not following the 3 Golden Rules. It is looked upon as a dastardly deed done by those without honor and skill. It has become the ultimate "fuck you" for soldiers across the world, especially noobs trying to get revenge for someone getting the better of them in a previous engagement. It is a sad development in the least. This brash form of fighting has ushered in a whole new era in teabagging, an era where it is "teabag or be teabagged". It is our job as the true warriors of Battlefield to put the noobs back in their rightful place....under our nuts. It is this development that has led to the almost total abandonment of Golden Rule #1. While the rule is meant to be followed whenever possible, there are some places in the world where you just have to say "Ahhhh to freckin hell with it!". In these situations, it becomes necessary to show your superiority, and I am here to show you the way.
Path #1: The whole enemy team a bunch of noobs? They have you in a rage? Teabag EVERYTHING. People, tanks, cars, ground defense, air defense, bombed out foxholes, EVERYTHING. It's your job to kill everything that moves, and since everything that moves has a noob in it, you HAVE to put them in their place, show them who is boss and make them think twice before they line you up in crosshairs. Teabag them until their body returns to the soil from which it came. Type things into the chat like "MMMmmm How these nuts taste bitch? More of where this came from in 15 seconds!" whenever necessary to get your point across.
Path #2: Selective and personal teabagging. Use this path when there is one noob on the other team who's noobiness oozes through the rest of his teams and saturates your boots with the foul stench of stupidity. Hunt this homo down and when you find him, kill him hard and kill him fast. Make your lethality known beyond a shadow of a doubt and install fear into his soul. Once he lies wounded position yourself accordingly, take his own weapon, point it at his face and unleash clip after clip into his head while feverishly teabagging him into oblivion. Make it your mission to hunt him and repeat this process as many times as physically possible.
Path #3: Sarcastic teabagging. This is probably the worst and most humiliating way to teabag someone. It's best to be a medic and once your prey has fallen, stand over your loot and shock paddle their face over and over while pulverizing their face with your baby makers. Make sure to throw med packs onto their face in a show of ultimate "up yours".
Path #4: The gang bang. Have a group of friends teabag the ever-living snot out of someone. The only thing worse than being teabagged is being teabagged by five people at once. Get a block party going in their face and taunt them by any means possible.
Path #5: Customized teabagging. Mix and match any or all of the 4 previous paths into one gigantic facial feast for the victim. Make sure as many people as possible witness it for utmost humility.
Thats all for now. You have now recieved formal training in the art of teabagging. Remember, the only people who oppose teabagging are usually the people being teabagged and the people being teabagged are the inferior soldiers. Do your part to combat the evil plague that are noobs and stop the spread of stupidity with the clever use of your testicles.
Have fun!
"Instinctual fear of being inferior to another creature". That is why I love it so. What better way to show someone that you have gotten the better of them, than to squat on top of their head repeatedly as they lay paralyzed on the field of battle? Frankly, there isn't another way. In this guide we will delve into the history of teabagging, through the rise of the art, and into the mind set of the present day warrior so that we may in fact understand and grasp...THE TRUE ULTIMATE POWER OF TEABAGGING.
Chapter 1: The History of Teabagging
Teabagging has been a part of battlefields since man first came together in organized warfare against each other. Ancient cave art found in parts of Africa eerily depicts the earliest known teachings of the technique. It is thought that teabagging was the earliest form of taunting, even out dating "the bird". The original purpose might have been to curse the fallen enemy soldier in his next life by making his last image in our realm a shot of someones butt-crack. A dirty one at that.
Fig 1-1, A group of early cave man soldiers are shown practicing the technique of crouch and stand.
Through and through the years the technique was passed down from generation to generation, eventually becoming as much of a mainstay in the military culture as the flanking maneuver. The tactic changed and evolved much like some people would say that humans did. It went from being merely a show of disrespect to being a show of superiority. This can be seen in early Peloponnesian drawings such as the one below.
Fig 1-2, An early soldier displays his superiority to his fallen opponet.
This trend would continue until modern day, in which time it would become as much of a beloved tactic as it would a hated one.
Chapter 2: The Art of The Teabag
Now, you may be asking yourself, "How can teabagging be an art? You just crouch on someone's face". When in reality you should be asking yourself why you are questioning this and why you aren't out practicing, because other people ARE and they will more than likely find you. Practicing sloppy teabagging is almost as bad as being teabagged yourself, not to mention you give teabagging a bad name when you do this. This fact alone is why it is important to learn the correct way of the teabag and develop your artistic signature for the move. There are 3 Golden Rules of teabagging that every skilled warrior must know and follow.
Golden Rule #1: Only teabag a deserving opponent. Never, ever, ever teabag a noob. Ever. This will give the noob the undeserved mind set that he has done something befitting the teabag, the mindset that he has done something to get the better of you which has warranted a teabag. There is no greater punishment to an unskilled warrior than to die alone and un-noticed on the battlefield. There is only 1 instance when this rule does not apply which can be found in Golden Rule #3.
Golden Rule #2: Do your teabagging with honor. Look your defeated opponent in the eye and swiftly dip your crotch into his face without fear or shame. Let your victim know who his better is before his life force drains away. If you followed Golden Rule #1, you are showing a deserving opponent that you are Superior and you killed them in the utmost confidence. Shameless hit and runs are not good, and chances are that bad karma will come back to get you. Without confidence you are not a warrior of teabagging stature.
Golden Rule #3: You must teabag a noob when the kill was a spectacular event. If you went to extraordinary means to kill a noob, it is your duty to show him in his last moments that you got the better of him and he was screwed to begin with. It's punishment for making you go to such extraordinary lengths to kill him. In ancient Roman times there was a story of a warrior who killed 30 soldiers singlehandedly, only to find the last soldier hiding in a tree. As the warrior approached, the soldier threw a spear at him and missed. The warrior plucked the spear from the ground, climbed the tree and impaled the cowardly soldier. The warrior then brought the soldier to the ground and teabagged him mercilessly and just before the soldier died the warrior looked him in the eye and said:
"This is for making me climb that tree, bitch."
Chapter 3: Teabagging On Today's Battlefield
Teabagging today has developed a rather bad reputation, mainly because of people not following the 3 Golden Rules. It is looked upon as a dastardly deed done by those without honor and skill. It has become the ultimate "fuck you" for soldiers across the world, especially noobs trying to get revenge for someone getting the better of them in a previous engagement. It is a sad development in the least. This brash form of fighting has ushered in a whole new era in teabagging, an era where it is "teabag or be teabagged". It is our job as the true warriors of Battlefield to put the noobs back in their rightful place....under our nuts. It is this development that has led to the almost total abandonment of Golden Rule #1. While the rule is meant to be followed whenever possible, there are some places in the world where you just have to say "Ahhhh to freckin hell with it!". In these situations, it becomes necessary to show your superiority, and I am here to show you the way.
Path #1: The whole enemy team a bunch of noobs? They have you in a rage? Teabag EVERYTHING. People, tanks, cars, ground defense, air defense, bombed out foxholes, EVERYTHING. It's your job to kill everything that moves, and since everything that moves has a noob in it, you HAVE to put them in their place, show them who is boss and make them think twice before they line you up in crosshairs. Teabag them until their body returns to the soil from which it came. Type things into the chat like "MMMmmm How these nuts taste bitch? More of where this came from in 15 seconds!" whenever necessary to get your point across.
Path #2: Selective and personal teabagging. Use this path when there is one noob on the other team who's noobiness oozes through the rest of his teams and saturates your boots with the foul stench of stupidity. Hunt this homo down and when you find him, kill him hard and kill him fast. Make your lethality known beyond a shadow of a doubt and install fear into his soul. Once he lies wounded position yourself accordingly, take his own weapon, point it at his face and unleash clip after clip into his head while feverishly teabagging him into oblivion. Make it your mission to hunt him and repeat this process as many times as physically possible.
Path #3: Sarcastic teabagging. This is probably the worst and most humiliating way to teabag someone. It's best to be a medic and once your prey has fallen, stand over your loot and shock paddle their face over and over while pulverizing their face with your baby makers. Make sure to throw med packs onto their face in a show of ultimate "up yours".
Path #4: The gang bang. Have a group of friends teabag the ever-living snot out of someone. The only thing worse than being teabagged is being teabagged by five people at once. Get a block party going in their face and taunt them by any means possible.
Path #5: Customized teabagging. Mix and match any or all of the 4 previous paths into one gigantic facial feast for the victim. Make sure as many people as possible witness it for utmost humility.
Thats all for now. You have now recieved formal training in the art of teabagging. Remember, the only people who oppose teabagging are usually the people being teabagged and the people being teabagged are the inferior soldiers. Do your part to combat the evil plague that are noobs and stop the spread of stupidity with the clever use of your testicles.
Have fun!
Last edited by Cougar (2006-06-16 09:39:46)
