SuperJail Warden wrote:
Ken, Much of my life is within walking distance. You drove an hour and a half for a haircut. I can walk to my barber.
Uzique, it is an hour minimum. Sometimes two hours one way with traffic. I need to wake up at 4:30 AM to beat traffic to get to my job in NJ. If I shower and get ready in Pennsylvania I will get stuck in traffic for 2 hours. I need to be out of the house in PA by 5 AM to get back to my place by 6:30 to get ready if I commute on a weekday. Back home, I get out of bed at 7:30 on a weekday. I get home from work at 3:00, if I commute to PA after work I get there at 5:00. You lose hours to the road every day.
She moved from Princeton where her mom owned the home and she was the caretaker. She picked this place on the border because it was a new build and was cheaper than NJ stuff. This is a brand new house for $400ish. The average home in NJ, not even new average, is $550,000.
I don't mean to sound like an asshole but I have made big strides in the last year in my political stuff. I want to be a leader of the community where I live. Going to see my friends band back home isn't just a night out. It is townie networking. And this isn't the first thing I missed out on by being out here in Pennsylvania.
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I am better now
i get it, and that sounds pretty reasonable to me. perhaps you both have different needs - if only in the moment? couldn't you just have continued renting for a while, saving up together, with the aim of boosting that extra $100k? (i say it like it's nothing, but presumably it can be a game-changer for many couples).
if your career is firmly anchored a 2 hour commute away, yeah that's not ideal. in those sort of circumstances, in many other countries people would consider having a pied-a-terre nearby to where they work and stay during the weekdays. but i think we both know that if you kept a separate living arrangement for work-weeks, you would step out on your relationship repeatedly and walk all over the poor girl (no offence - men just have that dawg in them i guess).
if you aim to settle permanently in NJ, and this isn't just some temporary infatuation with the local potentates and jersey wop aristocracy you've encountered at the rotarian club or whatever, then you both really need to have a conversation about where you're actually going to fucking live, long-term.
Last edited by uziq (2026-01-18 06:23:00)