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you look like you’ve lost weight.  looking good dude.

first spring in japan.



have spent quite a lot of downtime in taiwan, too. very under-rated place.











japan really is everything you hear about and then some.









and, of course, obligatory sex tourism.

Wait, Japan has sex tourism?

Dilbert_X wrote:

Wait, Japan has sex tourism?

southeast asia gets the sex tourism (including from wealthy japanese and koreans). but we know you have issues making distinctions between east and southeast asia.

yes, taiwan has really good easy-drinking lager. the famous '18 day beer' is probably my favourite, but they're all surprisingly good quality. of course, korea and japan don't struggle for those convenience store lagers/bbq beers, either ... maybe it's the weather in taiwan that makes it hit different. i'd finish work of an evening, get the ferry across the harbour to the beach, have some beef noodles from a small mom & pops place with 3 small tables, and then be on my merry way ... not a bad life!



not to say it's all beer drinking thesedays, though. i measurably expand when i drink too often. thankfully there's lots of great coffee and food in japan almost every single day and every where you look.

i did get pretty burned up on that day cycling around the lakes of mt. fuji. mostly on my hands. classic mistake when riding a bicycle all day.

i recommend it.

honestly, i was on a kind of hedonic treadmill dealing with grief in my 20s. i slept with a whole lot of women in the UK, and then an order of magnitude more in asia. i just kind of got bored of dating and constantly chasing tail? after my ego had been stroked with bagging a dozen 10/10s, and as soon as i had sufficiently proved to myself that i could settle with just about anybody i wanted (i was hooking up with a princeton phd classics professor who teaches at korea's most prestigious university for a while, there was a wonderful ivy'd life opening up in front of me, rich with possibility ... and innumerable tedious dinner parties), it just kind of scratched that itch and turned off that compulsion, you know? i'm not claiming i'm a supermodel or anything, but i've never been lonely and never wanted for female company. i just kind of ... glutted myself, and then had enough.

now it's nice to just stay in, be a little bit domesticated, spend my money on simpler pleasures and new memories with an all-round good person. maybe not the same thrills as being with the merciless ice-cold killer queen with 100k instagram followers who gives you athletic sex and keeps you constantly on your toes ... i had my fun with those, and decided to get off the ride. too many loops on the rollercoaster can make you sick. (at one point, when i was staying in taiwan for a few months, a japanese girl who has about 70 million views on her solo PH channel and was making 5 figures a month on her OF flew ... to me, to stay with me for 2 weeks. she fell in love with me there. i could have had sex with a literal solo-amateur pornstar for the rest of my life and lived off the fat of her simp army.) but all those enticements get old.

just to state it as baldly as possible, i've sampled pretty much every type of woman, from every continent, race, ethnicity, religion, class and profession, walk of life, whatever. my count is well up into the middle 100s now. at one point in korea, in those fervid post-pandemic days when everyone was re-emerging into public after months/years of isolation, i was sleeping with 4-5 women a week. sometimes 2 in one day. it felt like running a dental practice or something. i just had enough of that. there is nobody out there now that is going to pique my interest that much. i already know ahead of time how it's gonna go, how the chase will play out, and how it'll all feel.

i genuinely believe anyone can grow out of that phase of life after a while. it's not particularly deep or nourishing. it's a young man's game and i got to the end credits. that's okay with me. "no ragrets" etc etc. as regards to your quandary with 'so much choice': yeah, there will always be someone else you're compatible with and feel attraction to. it is endless. that goes for her side of the bargain, too, though; in fact, it's probably objectively easier for the woman to meet and be carried off with someone else. they seldom have to initiate it or express an interest. that girl whose shoulder you're continually looking over when lusting for someone else probably has more options than you do, dingbat. you decide to be with someone because you're building something worthwhile. you can't really do anything about the fact there's probably about 15,000,000 other women alive on planet earth right now you'd happily partner with. are you going to stay in the casino your whole life, tugging on that dopamine-lever at the slot machines?

Last edited by uziq (2025-01-02 13:03:46)

i was pretty hung up on my second really serious long-term girlfriend, the danish girl. she was the whole package, for me. my brother's accident forced us apart (by making me totally emotionally unavailable and basically, ultimately a bad boyfriend and someone unable to reciprocate support). it was all wrapped up in my general grief and loss and rampant self-pity for the longest while. time really is the only thing that can heal certain separations. bummer.

i think every guy needs a period of indulgent bachelorhood. thesedays, it can eat up most of one's 20s even just getting educated, qualified, and established in a career. you'd have to be insane after spending most of your youth grinding at examinations and earning peanuts in the internship/underemployment gyre to NOT then have a period of flourishing and zero-responsibilities enjoyment. ESPECIALLY if you're living near a major metropolitan area and that whole lifestyle is easily within reach. in this, guys obviously get more of a biological timeframe in which to roam and sow wild oats than women. even into their 40s i think a guy can carry off bachelorhood (within reasonable constraints) and still ultimately take an off-ramp to a good and fulfilled life.

chasing people is addictive, because it's giving you an ego-boost when they indicate even a passing interest, and the dopamine levers are going up and down and the seratonin sunshine is flooding your brain. it's not particularly deep, though. most people welcome a little bit of friendly flirting and positive attention (again, WITHIN reasonable limits; not the creepy or pestering kind). but if you're not getting a little wiser each and every time you have a hook up, you really have to be basically simian. there's only so many nubile, lissome, impressionable young 20-somethings you can sit opposite at a dinner table or in a nook at a bar and play that game with. it does get fucking old. it's like grinding karkand 24/7 infantry servers or something. you're spamming nades, lay by the ruined APC at spawn, you're racking them up ... but you should really know fucking better after hour 2000.

again, i'm not claiming to be some sort of andrew tate pick-up artist maestro here. i just reached age 35 and realised i had objectively spent a lot of time, money, and effort chasing tail. it was great fun. but i also met a really great girl, and there's never going to be a time when life screams at you "hey! idiot! this is the one!" you have to apply a little bit of executive function and reflection to where you're going, year on year. i think, somewhere, at the back of my mind, i always knew i had a few years more of partying left in me before it got to weird/sad/depressing/pathetic territory (i look very young for my age; i have a job that comes with lots of social kudos, particularly with literate arty women; i have lots of financial freedom, etc.). but if you don't have those cutoff points in the back of your mind, you are again basically living life as an ape.

e: you may only karma this person once in 24 hr etc.

Last edited by uziq (2025-01-03 01:54:46)

settling down with someone doesn’t mean being an NPC. settle down with someone who isn’t interested in marvel movies or inane slop. they’re really not that hard to find. i almost exclusively dated people who were simpatico with me when it came to being into lit/movies/arts etc. you can easily find a partner who wants to explore galleries with you, or take a hike, on weekends, rather than some suburban lithium housewife. you’re being a bit too drastic in your A/B thinking. 

i didn’t live or date on a campus - not after graduating anyway - but i did live in the centre of a university city, yeah.  basically the same thing. but it’s not like i hung out at student bars or spots like that. all my meetings and dates flowed quite organically from being a part of a local music scene or cultural niche, etc. if you’ve got your bachelor basics lined up, it’s pretty easy to date and find the right one for you even without (or pre-) dating apps.

Last edited by uziq (2025-01-03 02:01:59)

cinematic