Announcement

Join us on Discord: https://discord.gg/nf43FxS
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+489|2767
Some of our infrequent visitors are parents while others might be destined to have kids. So in this thread, we talk about parenting.

To start off a parenting email I saw
I recently got engaged to a man who has two children from his prior marriage. The children are 7 and 9 and my fiancé has them part of the time, but they spend the majority of their time with their mother. At the beginning of our relationship, my fiancé set clear expectations: he wouldn’t introduce me to the children unless our relationship became serious; if it did, he would be making all parenting decisions. He said he’d had difficulties with his ex-wife around the issue of parental decision-making, and the conditions he set for us seemed reasonable to me.

It’s only now—when we are engaged and I have moved in with him, and he and I have spent time with his children—that something has come up that troubles me. When his kids stay with us, he buys separate, lower quality food items specifically for them. For example, we’ll have brand-name cookies for the two of us, and he’ll buy a box of store-brand cookies of the same type for the kids. If the kids get into the brand-name cookies, he’ll take them away and redirect them to the lower quality items he has on hand for them. Even when we get takeout, he’ll get something more expensive for us and a much cheaper option for them. I’ve asked him why (neither of us are financially struggling; we can certainly afford to feed the children well), and he says that since kids don’t have developed palates yet, there’s no point buying the more expensive stuff for them. But I see them looking at what we’re eating, and it makes me feel awful. I’ve told him how I feel and he dismisses it, although he says if I don’t want to do this with our own future children, he won’t. (I am not entirely convinced of this. I think there is a chance he will treat them too like second-class citizens just because they are children.) He has been very clear about boundaries: I am to stay out of all choices he makes about his own kids.

But I want to insist that he stop doing this. I don’t want his children to grow resentful of us and not want to spend time with us and their future siblings. Now I find that I am seriously questioning our future together—I’m filled with doubt over what I see as a serious character flaw. Is this normal behavior that I just haven’t come across before? Am I overreacting? I think about my own childhood, when my mother—a single, working-poor woman—made sure her kids had the best she could afford even if it meant that she had to go without.
Is this child abuse? I have an aunt who was a bit of a food Nazi. She wouldn't let her kids have any junk food. 2 out of 3 of them turned out fine. Is this parent teaching self control and thrift or is he abusing his children?
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+1,915|5819|USA

It sounds petty and weird, not at all disciplinary. I think this chick probably shouldn't have kids with the guy. "They haven't developed their palates yet," the heck. I feel bad for the kids that have to visit them. A little humiliating being given crap while your dad and his girlfriend dine like kings. Do they have to sit at a smaller, dumpy table in the dining room? Will the treatment continue after they get stepsiblings? Will their dad treat the stepsiblings the same?

I think his ex is being "punished" through their kids.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+489|2767
I have an exciting new series for DF and Newbie to hate watch with me: John Stossel youtube videos.

"PaRtIcIpAtIoN TrOpHiEs"

I have at least 50 TKD medals and trophies. The first one I ever got was a "PaRtIcIpAtIoN TrOpHiE" when I was 9. So these video complaining about "PaRtIcIpAtIoN TrOpHiEs" is personal.

At the drug rehab center I work at in southern Utah, I always make sure to compliment and boost up the patients. I don't think it is hurting anyone to tell them good job passing their drug test. The drug addicts eventually have to go into the real world someday and are on their own. While they are with me, I might as well treat them nicely. The drug rehab center is paying me for my time anyway. I don't get angry drug rehab counselors.

Finally, the Social Justice Warrior lady actually seems really cool. I think she won the video at 7:30.
DesertFox-
The very model of a modern major general
+763|5732|United States of America
I purposely avoided clicking on the last one to not mess up my youtube recommendations. For work there's a training where we've had to watch a lecture on youtube recently, and the recommendations in the sidebar normal clickbait things but also Ben Shapiro and some evangelist channel.
KEN-JENNINGS
I am all that is MOD!
+2,920|5679|949

Participation trophies were instituted by our parents. It wasn't the kids forcing them. Boomers need take some fucking accountability.

That video is so silly. It's the feigned concerned tone of the narrator for me.
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+1,915|5819|USA

I don't know how someone can put on a suit and tie and then get in front of a camera complaining about gradeschoolers getting a gold star or whatever.
uziq
Member
+405|2500
we do not have participation trophies. i prefer the stiff upper lip and years of psychological, if not sexual, abuse at school.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+489|2767

KEN-JENNINGS wrote:

Participation trophies were instituted by our parents. It wasn't the kids forcing them. Boomers need take some fucking accountability.

That video is so silly. It's the feigned concerned tone of the narrator for me.
Youth activities are expensive. I assume a good deal of participation trophies were given out solely to get parents something physical to show for putting in the time and money with their kid.
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+1,915|5819|USA

Just to be fair: from a certain point of view, not throwing yourself out the window of your high rise at the slightest failure is pretty wussy by ye olde standards. We need more suicides, not less. /s

To be fair: the concern that kids may not learn how to handle failure, or not being praised for every small success, is probably valid to some extent. But I don't know if discontinuing 6th place karate medals (or leading your argument with "wussification") is exactly brilliant. Maybe more focus on lab, where failure is an opportunity to try again, would help some people develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Parents shuffle kids from after school activity to after school activity, live vicariously, blame kids for being "wussified" by easy accomplishments. wtf ever.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+489|2767
, what a cool daughter
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+1,915|5819|USA

My recommends have gone absolutely haywire since I cleared Youtube history and paused. Three pop-py space docs, two gun videos, and a home intrusion breakdown. Is there some meta connection between those and a girl commenting on a dead animal?
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+489|2767
The raccoon girl is getting pushed by reddit. That is probably what those other people have in their recommendations.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+489|2767

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2021 Jeff Minard