Given how many play BF2 to the exclusion of everything else, your ability to cope with many of life's challenges may be somewhat hindered. Therefore, here are some helpful tips from someone or other to help you get through the day:
1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, DO NOT PANIC. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
2. Do not buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
5. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.
6. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking at himble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
7. Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.
8. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
9. A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from going back to sleep.
10. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning; having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.
11. Do not waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to what you want to look at.
12. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
13. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
14. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
15. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bitches.
There, now off you go.
1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, DO NOT PANIC. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
2. Do not buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
5. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.
6. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking at himble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
7. Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.
8. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
9. A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from going back to sleep.
10. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning; having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.
11. Do not waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to what you want to look at.
12. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
13. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
14. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
15. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking thing in the first place, you fat bitches.
There, now off you go.