I still feel like writing and haven't got the desired negative karma so here goes another funny and useful guide that plays on the idiocy that fills the ranks of BF2. This includes most of the dummies reading this guide. (yeah...that means you, especially if you just opened this thread after purusing others stats) Reminder: hit the lil -1 at the bottom of my post and share your love....you idiot.
What is smurf-herding?
Well in light of the fact that 99% of the large public servers you go to are full of nubs imagine all of your team mates as a herd of (sheep, llamas, buffalo, rabbits) smurfs. They wander around aimlessly in voiceless obliviousness saundering to various morsels to chew on as they come up. Those morsels usually being smurfs on the opposite side.
As a smurf-herder imagine yourself as their shepherd who must guide these mindless creatures on the way to victory. You essentially get them to play as a team against their very will be it as weak as it is.
CLASSIC SMURF SQUADING UP
Most smurfs are solitary creatures who don't think about forming squads or for the most part joining them to take advantage of their benefits. This is especially evident in team-swapping servers that reset the squads at the beginning of every round. You will see that at the end of a round naught but two or three squads will exist. It is your job, smurf-herder, to show them and it goes like this.
To create a squad environment and virtually force them to work together do this little trick....Create a squad and invite the bottom five smurfs. When they start to fill up the squad quit and create another squad and invite the next five from the bottom. Rinse, wash, repeat. It takes only a moment and you will have created three, four, maybe five of them before you run through the list. Now you have a large selection of smurf spawn-points and possibly even some accidental teamwork.
SOLO SMURF HERDING
So you notice a solitary smurf has somehow lucked into a key position at the right time.....but ALAS...he is alone (and a smurf) and still truly useless. Make him useful by turning him into a spawn point. Make a squad and invite only him into it by highlighting his little blue dot and then clicking on the highlighted name on your recruit list. When {or if} he joins quit and rejoin to make him a squad leader. There...you just made an idiot into a strategic genious that not only got in proper position but also had the thought to enable his team to reinforce him. Good job smur....er... I mean shepherd.
COMMANDER....SMURF RUSTLER
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
Commanding an army of uselss voiceless mindless fps nubs can be frustrating but if you smurf-herd it can be an exciting exercise in psycology.
If one of your smurf-tanks is lagging behind and being meek and you want him to move up just leave a crate in front of him to make him move to it. You must do this were he can see it and not expect him to use the HUD, remember....he's a smurf. You can drop crates like a trail of breadcrumbs.
If a reasonably good player has taken the initiative in Karkand to avoid the gauntlet that is the Hotel and begin to approach the rear bases reward him with a UAV. Let the other smurflings know that you have done this because he is a good player and you are here to back your good players and like Pavlov says they will respond in time.
NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT
I usually coach my team not to throw themselves headlong on Karkand into the Hotel. When I find that the majority are doing this I continue to artie the center of the Hotel effectively breaking up their party. More importantly let them know that you are doing this on purpose. A light-hearted message to your herd like "everyone find a cp other than the HOTEL to attack. I am going to constantly artie that area and whoever is in it be it you or the enemy. FIND ANOTHER BASE IF YOU DONT WANT TO GET ARTIED"
Even the lowest of the low, the VOIPless, nubs will get the picture after a while.
Disclaimer: I know that the new patch will nix some of these tactics but am posting them anyways because I currently use them. Anyone who points this out in a following post is a blowhard....anyone who doesn't post this cause they read this disclaimer is either very bored or high for reading my useless guide to this point.
What is smurf-herding?
Well in light of the fact that 99% of the large public servers you go to are full of nubs imagine all of your team mates as a herd of (sheep, llamas, buffalo, rabbits) smurfs. They wander around aimlessly in voiceless obliviousness saundering to various morsels to chew on as they come up. Those morsels usually being smurfs on the opposite side.
As a smurf-herder imagine yourself as their shepherd who must guide these mindless creatures on the way to victory. You essentially get them to play as a team against their very will be it as weak as it is.
CLASSIC SMURF SQUADING UP
Most smurfs are solitary creatures who don't think about forming squads or for the most part joining them to take advantage of their benefits. This is especially evident in team-swapping servers that reset the squads at the beginning of every round. You will see that at the end of a round naught but two or three squads will exist. It is your job, smurf-herder, to show them and it goes like this.
To create a squad environment and virtually force them to work together do this little trick....Create a squad and invite the bottom five smurfs. When they start to fill up the squad quit and create another squad and invite the next five from the bottom. Rinse, wash, repeat. It takes only a moment and you will have created three, four, maybe five of them before you run through the list. Now you have a large selection of smurf spawn-points and possibly even some accidental teamwork.
SOLO SMURF HERDING
So you notice a solitary smurf has somehow lucked into a key position at the right time.....but ALAS...he is alone (and a smurf) and still truly useless. Make him useful by turning him into a spawn point. Make a squad and invite only him into it by highlighting his little blue dot and then clicking on the highlighted name on your recruit list. When {or if} he joins quit and rejoin to make him a squad leader. There...you just made an idiot into a strategic genious that not only got in proper position but also had the thought to enable his team to reinforce him. Good job smur....er... I mean shepherd.
COMMANDER....SMURF RUSTLER
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
Commanding an army of uselss voiceless mindless fps nubs can be frustrating but if you smurf-herd it can be an exciting exercise in psycology.
If one of your smurf-tanks is lagging behind and being meek and you want him to move up just leave a crate in front of him to make him move to it. You must do this were he can see it and not expect him to use the HUD, remember....he's a smurf. You can drop crates like a trail of breadcrumbs.
If a reasonably good player has taken the initiative in Karkand to avoid the gauntlet that is the Hotel and begin to approach the rear bases reward him with a UAV. Let the other smurflings know that you have done this because he is a good player and you are here to back your good players and like Pavlov says they will respond in time.
NEGATIVE REINFORCEMENT
I usually coach my team not to throw themselves headlong on Karkand into the Hotel. When I find that the majority are doing this I continue to artie the center of the Hotel effectively breaking up their party. More importantly let them know that you are doing this on purpose. A light-hearted message to your herd like "everyone find a cp other than the HOTEL to attack. I am going to constantly artie that area and whoever is in it be it you or the enemy. FIND ANOTHER BASE IF YOU DONT WANT TO GET ARTIED"
Even the lowest of the low, the VOIPless, nubs will get the picture after a while.
Disclaimer: I know that the new patch will nix some of these tactics but am posting them anyways because I currently use them. Anyone who points this out in a following post is a blowhard....anyone who doesn't post this cause they read this disclaimer is either very bored or high for reading my useless guide to this point.