BF2S Forums Best Jokes You Know

A priest, who wanted to raise money for his church, was told there was a fortune in horse racing, and so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in some races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that he decided to buy a donkey instead. Although he had some doubts, the priest figured that he might as well enter the animal in a race just to see how it would do. To his surprise the donkey came in second.
The next day the headlines read: PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS
The priest was so pleased that he entered the animal in another race, and this time it won.
The headline read: PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.
The new headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop, and he ordered the priest to get rid of the animal. The priest gave the donkey to a nun in a nearby convent.
The next day the headline read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey. After several days, the nun finally sold the beast to a local farmer for $10.
The headline read: NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS
They buried the bishop the next day.

What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral??

One less drunk hahahaha

Dr0pped wrote:

Two Canucks out hunting and one accidentally shoot sthe other.

He grabs his cell phone and calls 911 in a panic:

Hunter:  (Frantically) We're hunting and I just shot my friend and I think he's dead!
911 Op: Calm down sir and get control of yourself.... Are you sure he's dead?
Hunter: Well, I THINK so....
911 Op: Well, First thing to do is make sure he's dead...
Hunter: OK...hang on

There's a pause... the operator hears a shot....

Hunter: OK, now what???

Read the whole thread, that joke was posted last week.


I went to the zoo yesterday and all they had was a dog.
It was a shit zoo...

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?"
The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said tot he first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" and the nun said "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water. When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent.

The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water."

The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in the holy water!"

Adams_BJ wrote:

Yo' mama so nasty, I asked what was for dinner and she spread her legs and said "Crabs!"

Yuk really really yuk! Still funny tho!

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

Do you know that Marriage is the worlds biggest cause of divorce?

And that 9 outta 10 constipated people couldn't give a shit!

So this trucker is driving through Alabama hauling a load of black bowling balls. While on the way two black kids are trying to hitch a ride and one of them has a bike.

He pulls over and tells them they can have a ride but they have to hop in the trailer since picking up hitch hikers is illegal so they jump in the trailer.

As he gets to the Florida border he goes to the weigh station in which one of the deputies says "hey do you mind if I inspect your cargo?"

The trucker says "sure".......only he just remembers that the kids are still in the back, hoping the cop won't notice.

All of a sudden the deputy runs back, screams to the driver ''TURN AROUND!!! TURN AROUND NOW!!!!!!".....the driver in a panic does.

After hearing the screaming the Sheriff walks over and asks the deputy "WTF was that all about?" To which the deputy replies "That guy was carrying a truck full of nigger eggs, two of them hatched and one already stole a bike!"

A joke I heard was funny to the british and Australians

What do you play womb with??

A wombbat.

Booo

I hope I spelled that right.

Now

Why is italy shaped like a boot??

You can't fit that much shit in a shoe.

hahahahahah

how do you get pickachu on a fire

poke im on

You bring all your friends, then I will come alone aswell

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while,
one guy looks at the other and  says, "I can't help but think, from
listening to you, that you're from Ireland "

The other guy responds proudly,  "Yes, that I am!"

The first guy says, "So am I!

And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin , I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I ! 
And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guy says,

"A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the
old central part of town"

The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So
did I!  And may I ask, to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers,  "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. I thought
you looked familiar.  Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers,  "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims,  "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon
us!  I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar
tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 me
ownself."

About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a  l o o n n n g  night tonight!!!!"

Vicky asks,  "Why do you say that, Brian?"

"The Murphy twins are drunk again."