What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
"Where's my tractor?"
Spoiler (highlight to read):
"Where's my tractor?"
damn it matt
I thought it was going to be a good joke.
I thought it was going to be a good joke.
And above your tomb, the stars will belong to us.
yeah, that's a waste of pixel
Clearly you people have no sense of humor.
I, for one, found it HILAROUS.
noice 
Here's one from RDX I think, it might have been from somebody else on the forum.
"How much coke does Charlie Sheen take a day?"
----
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men
"How much coke does Charlie Sheen take a day?"
----
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men
And above your tomb, the stars will belong to us.
^now that is quality
We're working on this computer game called Terra Nova, where you run around outside in powered battle armor with your squadmates beating people up.
One guy on the team is a junior programmer, who is a fine guy and an okay coder, but whose coding style isn't all that 'mature', as we say in the business -- the code often isn't very elegant or robust.
Anyway, he's working on this system for displaying data about your powered battle armor. There's a little 3-digit LED that shows the suit's temperature, and he's putting the temperature into string form for displaying there. So his code looks something like this:
temp_to_str (int temp)
{
char str[4];
sprintf (str, "%d", temp);
and so forth.
I tell him, "Hey, this is no good, because if the temperature ever goes over 1000 (or under -100), you'll overflow your string and the game will just totally crash without warning."
He says, "Oh yeah, okay, whatever, I'll fix it."
So I look back at the code a couple days later, to make sure that he's fixed it, and he has indeed changed the code. It now looks like this:
temp_to_str (int temp)
{
char str[4];
if (temp <= -100 || temp >= 1000)
fprintf (stderr, "WARNING: PROGRAM IS ABOUT TO CRASH!\n");
sprintf (str, "%d", temp);
One guy on the team is a junior programmer, who is a fine guy and an okay coder, but whose coding style isn't all that 'mature', as we say in the business -- the code often isn't very elegant or robust.
Anyway, he's working on this system for displaying data about your powered battle armor. There's a little 3-digit LED that shows the suit's temperature, and he's putting the temperature into string form for displaying there. So his code looks something like this:
temp_to_str (int temp)
{
char str[4];
sprintf (str, "%d", temp);
and so forth.
I tell him, "Hey, this is no good, because if the temperature ever goes over 1000 (or under -100), you'll overflow your string and the game will just totally crash without warning."
He says, "Oh yeah, okay, whatever, I'll fix it."
So I look back at the code a couple days later, to make sure that he's fixed it, and he has indeed changed the code. It now looks like this:
temp_to_str (int temp)
{
char str[4];
if (temp <= -100 || temp >= 1000)
fprintf (stderr, "WARNING: PROGRAM IS ABOUT TO CRASH!\n");
sprintf (str, "%d", temp);
Holy shit he put a warning there that the game was gonna crash without actually stopping the game from crashing! holy shit rotlflmaoftsifafhahahahahahahahahah!!!
PERTH - An SAS trooper collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in East Perth.
The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that a man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.
When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran towards the door.
Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.
Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe.
The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw... Injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.
One of the Troopers said, "He was a clumsy bastard."
The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that a man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.
When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran towards the door.
Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.
Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe.
The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw... Injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.
One of the Troopers said, "He was a clumsy bastard."
Make X-meds a full member, for the sake of 15 year old anal gangbang porn watchers everywhere!
I was feeling a bit down the other day so I got my muslim friend and dipped him in bleach
Spoiler (highlight to read):
That lightened mahmood
Spoiler (highlight to read):
That lightened mahmood
for a fatty you're a serious intellectual lightweight.
If I may, I would like to submit a video
Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”
Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
Client: “Open what?”
Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
Client: “My…my…?”
Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
Client: “My what?”
Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
Me: “An error message?”
Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.”
Client: “Move it?”
Me: “Yes. Move it.”
Client: “My e-mail!”
Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
Client: “Open what?”
Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
Client: “My…my…?”
Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
Client: “My what?”
Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
Me: “An error message?”
Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
Client: “Yes.”
Me: “Move it for me.”
Client: “Move it?”
Me: “Yes. Move it.”
Client: “My e-mail!”
lol
Tech support folks have such crazy patience.
And above your tomb, the stars will belong to us.
fuck you bf2s. stop trimming posts.
Last edited by AussieReaper (2011-05-05 17:41:53)
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £5 million."
"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £5 million."
"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."
Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!
noice
ROFL that was... amazing. +1AussieReaper wrote:
just go here and read the fucken story
http://loot-ninja.com/2007/08/23/a-lett … -albright/
"Raise the flag high! Let the degenerates know who comes to claim their lives this day!"
I'm not racist.
Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.
Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.
What's the difference between Jack Daniels and General Custer?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Jack Daniels is still killing indians.
Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench, when suddenly a guy jumps out of the bushes and flashes them.
Spoiler (highlight to read):
The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady couldn't reach.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Zero.
So, I locked my keys in my car outside the fucking abortion clinic!
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Turns out they get really pissed off when you go in and ask for a coat hanger
So two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
The dwarves were all in the hot tub feeling happy, so happy left.
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Jack Daniels is still killing indians.
Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench, when suddenly a guy jumps out of the bushes and flashes them.
Spoiler (highlight to read):
The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady couldn't reach.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Zero.
So, I locked my keys in my car outside the fucking abortion clinic!
Spoiler (highlight to read):
Turns out they get really pissed off when you go in and ask for a coat hanger
So two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
The dwarves were all in the hot tub feeling happy, so happy left.
noice
I have a funny joke:
In russia, some cows are fed marijuana instead of hay,
how you tell which ones are which are:
the normal cows go "Mooooooo", and the marijuana fed cows go "Whoaaaa"
Get it: surfers and hippies and all those guys go "Whoa, dude, totally man"
feel free to post jokes you guys have
In russia, some cows are fed marijuana instead of hay,
how you tell which ones are which are:
the normal cows go "Mooooooo", and the marijuana fed cows go "Whoaaaa"
Get it: surfers and hippies and all those guys go "Whoa, dude, totally man"
feel free to post jokes you guys have
yea that was a real dumb ass post