BF2S Forums The BF2s girl-problems thread

Been a while since I've posted here.

So last night, My girlfriend and I joined a group of friends to see one of a series of free shows that happens every year in our city.
After the show, we were all just casually chatting, and a couple friends invited her to see the last (Saturday) show with them (it was one of their birthday's). She excitedly said yes and that conversation ended.

But here's the thing, I thought that her and I had agreed to go to the Saturday show just the two of us(we were going to go to the one before but she wanted to go with her dad), so when I heard her make brand new plans, seemingly completely forgetting ours, my heart totally sank and I was bummed out the rest of the night.

Later, when we were walking home, she told me to not be so sleepy and boring, and I told her that I thought we had plans for the Saturday show, and I was sad because she had completely forgotten.

She said that all she thought/knew was that we were going to the one BEFORE the last one together, and she wasn't going with her dad.
She then got really sad and stated that I pretty much ruined her otherwise good night by accusing her of (forgetting) something that she didn't do/knew she had agreed to and "holding it against her"(even though I've tried to reassure her that it was just a misunderstanding in my mind and I wouldn't hold it against her)

Stuff like this has happened before, where I would say something that accuses her of something that she doesn't believe she did, and usually she didn't, I was just being sensitive for whatever reason. In this situation it's just a

I tried to call her last night, but she said she didn't want to talk, she's been delayed in replying to texts and the ones she does send don't sound very happy/at ease.

She's working most of today, and by the time she gets off and has dinner I'll be busy so I won't be able to talk to her until at least 10 tonight. This has been killing me all day.

I think the problem is with how I approach situations like this, and I'm trying to stop myself from doing it but it's a different situation each time so i don't notice it until it's too late. Am I being dumb or is she being a bit too sensitive?

And third party advice would be appreciated.

16. Explain?

Sounds like she's just being an immature girl, and perhaps you're being too sensitive. Be tactful, but straightforward.

ghettoperson wrote:

No real explanation, I was just trying to get a feel for the situation a bit more. Things differ if you're 16 or 26. I dunno really, obviously in relationships you have to talk about stuff that bothers you, so do that. If she isn't capable of doing that without getting offended is it really worth your effort? You do have to phrase things sensitively, but you should be able to talk about your problems.

Well, but the Donkey does seem to suffer from insecurity/oversensitivity. I am getting the impression the problem is more with him than with her.

Donkey, obviously I would tell you to no be bothered by things so easily, but that won't work. It will eventually, but it takes time. In the meantime though, when you áre being oversensitive and might not be able to force yourself to feel otherwise, you cán change how you act on it. For example I think in this case, while you were right to mention it to her, I think your approach could have been better. You could have just asked her about it casually and found out it was mere miscommunication (as it seems to have been), without mentioning and/or showing your dissapointment.

"suffer from" D:

I know what you mean though, it's really something that I need to work on.

The reason this is such a big issue is that it has happened multiple times in the past, but those times it wasn't even a misunderstanding as much as me taking something she says the wrong way leading to a similar situation. It's always happened late night on the phone though so we were both tired and I guess sensitive about things like this. This is the first time it's happened when we were both fully awake and otherwise happy.

But I'll try working on the oversensitivity. Karma's to both. Thanks, guys.

She's gone on break and we're texting now, she seems fine. I apologized and tried to smooth things out last night, but we both went to sleep unhappy, would it be in my favor to bring up the situation and tell her I'll stop doing it? or should I just drop it and work on preventing future occurrences?
Since this has happened a couple times before, I don't want to sound like the same "I'll change, I'll be better" story over and over.

Ghetto: I guess the specifics of the nights and the story aren't as important, short story: I thought her and I made plans, when she made different plans in front of me for the same night, I got sad, brought it up in a bad way, she got sad, here we are.

Last edited by TheDonkey (2010-07-25 16:29:17)

Bevo wrote:

Nonono, don't verbalize that. It's... odd. Drop it, work on it personally.

This. If you bring these things up again it just tends to bring back the past feelings. You've just gotta learn to mellow out a bit. Both guys and girls hate being moaned at/overreacted to. If you can't learn to let things go she'll leave you.

You're 16, you shouldn't be oversensitive about anything, especially about girls.

Question : first 'serious' girlfriend?

As in a date, or casual, or what?

No idea. Probably something casual.  She asked if I wanted to come to the city that night.

A few months ago I'd certainly have said yes, but somehow I've made the switch that's she's totally not worth my time and it'll end up the same way every single time.

How exactly do you know if you've been friend-zoned?

Tetn1s wrote:

How exactly do you know if you've been friend-zoned?

Give details and we'll tell you.

One of the big factors is the use of "I love you" without the actual meaning coming across. Meeting up without anything happen; discussing things that wouldn't really be discussed with a guy a girl is interested in (like girl problems etc); asking if the guy has any girls on the go... etc etc.

Catbox wrote:

they are all nuts... the trick is to find the least nuttiest one.
Good luck.

Have you succeeded in such a quest?

Zimmer wrote:

Tetn1s wrote:

How exactly do you know if you've been friend-zoned?

Give details and we'll tell you.

One of the big factors is the use of "I love you" without the actual meaning coming across. Meeting up without anything happen; discussing things that wouldn't really be discussed with a guy a girl is interested in (like girl problems etc); asking if the guy has any girls on the go... etc etc.

Now that I think about it, it sounds like ive been friend zoned, but I never got a chance in the first place but ill post the story and see what you giys think.

K, My (twin) brother and I are currently volunteering at a place. When we first got there we found out another girl was volunteering there. Now the problem here is that I always have conservations with her with my brother present ( and I was the one that started most of them), so I never have been able to have a private conversation with her, except maybe one or two times. Its been two weeks since ive met her and i see her there everyday. I can tell she is more interested in me than my brother because she gives me more eye contact.

Now, im not sure if this sealed the deal ( with being friend zoned) but we; including my brother, are going to do something on thursday ( getting a bite to eat). I would think that it would be wierd if my brother didnt come along because she has talked with him almost as much as I have. We're then gonna walk to my house to hang out. Now should I try to get to get something out this before she leaves ( in 2 weeks)? Or did my brother break my chances of having anything at all? Ive never actually tried to get sonething out of this yet but thats because ive never had the opportunity to, and this is my best chance.

And none of those factors that you mentioned have happened yet.

Last edited by Tetn1s (2010-07-28 08:34:56)