well ill let sum1 else have a go 4 a bit, but i will b back!
What do you call 20 lesbians in a closet. LICKHERISH.
What is the difference between a rooster and a blond, the rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo, and the blond says any cock will do.
What is the difference between a rooster and a blond, the rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo, and the blond says any cock will do.
I have one but it's a little bit offensive. But if you want I can tell it anyway.
I can tell you an other now though, but it's just stupid.
A man died and was sent to hell. The devil himself came to meet the man and explained about the new nicer system, every person may now choose between three different types of tortue. Once you have made your choice you will keep on doing it for 1000 years.
The devil took the man to the first room where a man hung upside down being lashed by metal chains.
The man felt he didn't want to do this so they continued walking to the next room.
In there a man hung from the sealing, being lashed by whips. The man chose not to do this either.
In the last room a naked, disgusting old man was tied up against a wall and a young, hot blondine was giving him oralsex. The man said ''This looks like something for me, this is the kind of tortue I want!''
The devil asked ''Are you sure?'' but the man ensured him that this is exactly what he wanted.
So, the devil walked towards the hot young lady and said:
''Your're free to go now, I've found a replacer''
I can tell you an other now though, but it's just stupid.
A man died and was sent to hell. The devil himself came to meet the man and explained about the new nicer system, every person may now choose between three different types of tortue. Once you have made your choice you will keep on doing it for 1000 years.
The devil took the man to the first room where a man hung upside down being lashed by metal chains.
The man felt he didn't want to do this so they continued walking to the next room.
In there a man hung from the sealing, being lashed by whips. The man chose not to do this either.
In the last room a naked, disgusting old man was tied up against a wall and a young, hot blondine was giving him oralsex. The man said ''This looks like something for me, this is the kind of tortue I want!''
The devil asked ''Are you sure?'' but the man ensured him that this is exactly what he wanted.
So, the devil walked towards the hot young lady and said:
''Your're free to go now, I've found a replacer''
Last edited by Fabbi_Kanin (2006-04-29 06:26:01)
eww good tho
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this and told them this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs". "That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?" The judge asked the second boy. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs forever." "One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I said, 'This small circle is your asshole before prison....'"
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this and told them this big circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs". "That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?" The judge asked the second boy. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 150 people to give up drugs forever." "One-hundred-fifty people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I said, 'This small circle is your asshole before prison....'"
Lol i like it.
+ 1!
+ 1!
Hahahahahaha good one . I'm taking that to the bar tonight
+1zors
+1zors
lmao +1
Man this was funny
Just have to reward this, +1
Just have to reward this, +1
buhahahaha +10
DavidianCox wrote:
lmao +1
Muahahaha...very funny! Lucky I am that I've quitted smokin' dope!
+1 for that!
+1 for that!
drugs are bad m'kay
nice one hehe
+1 for the joke but -1 for not posting in the joke thread.
merged.
merged.
Whats the difference between a rooster and an attorney?
A rooster clucks defiance, an attorney fucks dah clients
A rooster clucks defiance, an attorney fucks dah clients
well heres an image
haha nice
nice
A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terrible, doctor, terrible."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"
The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.
"Well," the doctor continued, "Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won't notice a thing."
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor's office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
"How did it go?" the doctor asked.
"Terrible, doctor, terrible."
"Did it not work?"
"Yes," the old lady said, "It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I'd had in 25 years."
"Then what is the problem, ma'am?"
"Well," she said. "I can't ever show my face in McDonald's again."
In a school in texas, a teacher asks the class whos a bush fan. Every1 raises their hands except a boy named johnny, the teacher asks "why arent u a bush fan?" he answers "coz my parents are a kerry fan". the teacher furisously asks "lets say if ur mothers a moron and ur father was an idiot, what does that make u" little johnny answers "a bush fan"
dont -1 karma me, coz this is a joke, jokes are supposed to be offensive
Sixteen All-Time Biggest REAL Soldier Lies
1. "I put it in distribution."
2. "Your pay will be straight at the end of the month."
3. "I know I left it right here on the top of my desk."
4. "Of course I can read a map."
5. "It's on valid requisition."
6. "No Sir, I don't smoke dope!"
7. "He's in the motor pool."
8. "I have to go back to the rear."
9. "I don't give a d@!& if the General hears about this!"
10. "I need this for the old man right away!"
11. "I was here until midnight last night working on this!"
12. "I read the after action report."
13. "Sorry I'm late, but the Colonel called me just as I was about to leave."
14. "Give me your number and I'll call you back."
15. "This is a courtesy inspection."
16. "We're here to help you."
dont -1 karma me, coz this is a joke, jokes are supposed to be offensive
Sixteen All-Time Biggest REAL Soldier Lies
1. "I put it in distribution."
2. "Your pay will be straight at the end of the month."
3. "I know I left it right here on the top of my desk."
4. "Of course I can read a map."
5. "It's on valid requisition."
6. "No Sir, I don't smoke dope!"
7. "He's in the motor pool."
8. "I have to go back to the rear."
9. "I don't give a d@!& if the General hears about this!"
10. "I need this for the old man right away!"
11. "I was here until midnight last night working on this!"
12. "I read the after action report."
13. "Sorry I'm late, but the Colonel called me just as I was about to leave."
14. "Give me your number and I'll call you back."
15. "This is a courtesy inspection."
16. "We're here to help you."
Last edited by cyborg_ninja-117 (2006-04-29 08:33:56)
A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,'' I'd like to make a bet with you.'' The bartender replies, ''Sure I'm in a betting mood.'' So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can piss in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop. The bartender says, ''I'll take that bet.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything. After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?'' The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything. After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?'' The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $300 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''
rofl thats one of the best jokes ive heard