BF2S Forums Now that's what I call a shitty situation!

I've had a few near misses. but nothing like that

Well, Gray...sounds like your SFS malfunctioned. That's never good.

Long story, but worth it, IMO:

I was working on my first radar system...a brand-new 2Lt. We were on a beautiful Caribbean island whose local beer has a tendency to invalidate one's anal sphincter (didn't know it at the time).

After a night of beer-drinking and an early morning at the radar site, I was gazing out over the beautiful land and seascape, wondering "how did I get this awesome gig?"...and I suddenly had to fart. So I did. But that whole invalidated anal sphincter thing cropped up. No one was around, so I high-tailed it to the latrine and cleaned myself up as best I could, throwing away the tainted evidence of my incident.

As we're leaving the site in a two-car caravan (me and a couple others in the second car), a large van suddenly stops and blocks my car's progress. The first car continues on, unaware. Turns out it was a local news crew trying to figure out what we were doing at the radar site...which many of the locals think has something to do with communing with the Mothership or some such nonsense. Cleared up quickly and without further incident, and we proceeded back to the hotel.

At the hotel, the other part of the crew had already settled in for beer and sangria, awaiting our return. Upon seeing me, the E4 of the group asked "so...did you get the shit cleaned out of your drawers, eltee?" I stopped cold. No one had seen me...it couldn't possibly be that. He saw my face and said "Getting stopped on the road like that. I bet it freaked you guys out a little." (Turns out the local guy he had in his car knew what was going on and realized there was no threat, so they pressed on.) Once he said that, I could breathe a little again. We laughed about the van incident and continued the trip without incident.

When that E4 got out of the service, I shared what had actually happened. He shot beer out of his nose and laughed for a solid ten minutes.

I was in a club in Dundee one night, and I wasn't feeling perticularly brilliant, hadn't had anything to drink, just been on the water.

I threw up on a bus earlier that day but was determined to make it out at night, so I walked up to the pub to see my mates, had a couple of pints of water there, then went to my mates flat so they could continue drinking.

Walking about the club, I felt pretty ok, so me and a few others went out for a cigarette.

That's when it hit me, my stomach started getting really sore, and I knew it was gas, so I managed to eek out a little fart, then a little more, then all that I thought was 'OHSHI-'

What ensued was pretty embarassing... Imagine me, standing in a group of mates talking to some women,
'Guys, we need to go back inside, now'
'Nah hold on Cammy, it's cool'
'No, guys, NOW!'

They made no effort to follow me, so I went to the toilet myself, and whipped me kecks down, and there was nothing in them, thank fuck. The cheeks had done there job, and kept the shit off my boxers. So, so close.