I've been busy reading his road tests (found here,and his columns) and i can't stop actually laughing out loud.
Here's a few choice quotes, actually take the time to read a few;
On TVR
Here's a few choice quotes, actually take the time to read a few;
On TVR
On the British ArmyJC wrote:
Beauty and love have no place in Britain. Which is why we are responsible for the most brutal and savage car of all: the TVR. An Alfa Romeo will try to woo you with poetry. A TVR will bend you over the Aga, rip off its kilt and give you one right there and then.
A Volkswagen will make you a lovely shepherd’s pie and light a fire to make your evening warm and cosy. Whereas a TVR will come home and bend you over the Aga again. A TVR would nick the lifeboat charity box on the bar, empty it then shove it up your jacksie. A TVR would fight for its life, its honour, its family and, most of all, its pint.
Put a TVR on Desert Island Discs and it would take a flamethrower and a selection of hits from Wayne County and the Electric Chairs. Then it would bend Sue Lawley over the mixing desk and make animal love until it broke wind.
On CrimeWhen asked recently if the British Army could cope, its new top man General Sir Richard Dannatt replied: “Just”. He can’t come out and say: “Are you joking?” Because this is not the army way. Even though he’s waging war on two fronts using US helicopters that shoot themselves down and Sea Kings that have a top speed of four if it gets hotter than 57C — which it does in Iraq, a lot — he still has to stiffen his upper lip and tell the world that everything is tickety boo.
On Climate Change and the ChurchDisturbing news from the courts last week. A homosexual who killed and ate his lover was sentenced to 30 years behind bars. Which means, after he gets out a week on Tuesday, he’s going to come round to your house, sprinkle you with some herbs and pop you in the oven.
Plainly, this is unacceptable and something must be done to keep cannibals out of our houses and our schools. But what?
Of course, I’m sure there are a great many people who think that if someone chooses one day to cook his best friend, he has demonstrated fairly clearly that he’s resigned from the human race and must be shot in the forehead immediately, like a useless horse.
However, I do not agree with capital punishment. I wish I did. Discharging 4m volts through anyone who has murdered, butchered or driven too slowly up the A44 would solve a great many problems, especially if carbon-neutral energy from wind farms were used.
Flick through 'em, keeps me entertained for agesThen we must ask how much old Rowan really understands about the implications and causes of global warming. He thinks that taking a holiday in Florida and driving a Range Rover caused the flooding in Tewkesbury this summer. But then he also believes it’s possible for a man to walk on water and feed a crowd of 5,000 with nothing more than a couple of sardines
Small hourglass island
Always raining and foggy
Use an umbrella
Always raining and foggy
Use an umbrella
