What would you think of this situation?

2008-06-23 13:24:11

#1

stratozyck: Member; +35|6633

I have a friend thats very beautiful and intelligent (she's an Astrophysics PhD candidate). While I would be lying if I said I wasn't interested in her, I can be honest and say that it probably wouldn't work out so I probably wouldn't pursue her even if she were single.

She's had a boyfriend for 5 years now, and its her first relationship. She is incredibly naive about guys.

What would you think about their relationship, and him if I told you that:

They've been living 9 hours driving time apart for 2 and a half years now. He has yet to come visit her once. Not once...

While they've been together for 5 years, he won't have sex with her because he's afraid to get her pregnant. She is willing to...

Recently, they went on a vacation to Virginia. He took his parents. Let me say that again. They hadn't seen each other in a while, and he took his parents. I need to repeat this a few more times. He took his parents to go see his girlfriend. Took his parents... took his parents... sink in??

The pictures I always see of them together are always interesting. He looks like a gay guy afraid to touch a girl. The most recent one, he doesn't even have his arm around her. He is on one end of the picture, she on the other. She looks happy, he looks scared of her.

Summation, won't have sex with her, takes his parents to go see her, doesn't come visit her.

She is a good friend, and this is killing me. Its against my rules to get "involved" in someone else's relationship, but it pains me to see her thinking like she's going to marry this guy. I am pretty sure he is gay. Any guy that would refuse to have sex with this girl is a gay guy.

I am to the point where I am not going to talk to her anymore because it makes me laugh/angry so much. On the other hand, I almost want to stick around and see if my prediction holds true.

What does everyone think?

I should mention they are both 26.

Last edited by stratozyck (2008-06-23 13:27:41)

2008-06-23 13:26:26

#2

HurricaИe: Banned; +877|5962|Washington DC

i've always thought the arms-around-each-other thing in photos was the epitome of fail, but I guess that can be waived with women.

Stick around, she might end up dumping him (or he might turn out to be a psychopathic killer and get locked up for life). Then, you strike.

2008-06-23 13:27:48

#3

stkhoplite: Banned; +564|6480|Sheffield-England

Stay around

2008-06-23 13:29:17

#4

Mekstizzle: WALKER; +3,611|6622|London, England

If she's unhappy she'll do something, just leave it, it's not your game right now. No point breaking something up like that just for yourself (even though you think/know she'll be happier with you)

Well, that's my opinion.

Guy seems like a wank though*, not sure why she's still with him. But girls are like that. They're fucking like that.

*Not bad-boy/hardman wank, just a general wanker

Last edited by Mek-Stizzle (2008-06-23 13:29:39)

2008-06-23 13:29:49

#5

Zimmer: Un Moderador; +1,688|6757|Scotland

Is it true love? Is that how she describes it? Then leave it. If she doesn't talk about him and lives her own life, then talk to her.

Also, pics or it didn't happen.
_{It had to be said}

2008-06-23 13:31:27

#6

Mekstizzle: WALKER; +3,611|6622|London, England

Zimmer wrote:
Also, pics or it didn't happen.
_{It had to be said}

I'd never ever post a picture ever of any girl I know to Zimmer, ever. Especially if I liked said girl.

2008-06-23 13:31:50

#7

ghettoperson: Member; +1,943|6650

Pics are needed for the forum to make an accurate descision.

2008-06-23 13:32:03

#8

i g: Banned; +876|5865|GA

pics?

if you are close enough friends with her, tell her the dude is a fucking tool and that she can do better. see where it goes from there.

2008-06-23 13:34:07

#9

2tuff: Positive Karma Here!; +357|6777

If she wants sex, you give it to her.

2008-06-23 13:35:38

#10

stratozyck: Member; +35|6633

Mek-Stizzle wrote:
Zimmer wrote:
Also, pics or it didn't happen.
_{It had to be said}
I'd never ever post a picture ever of any girl I know to Zimmer, ever. Especially if I liked said girl.

LOL yeah I'm not posting pics.

She always talks like she's in love to everyone else, like she's trying to convince everyone else.

I am trying to force myself to leave it alone. I know thats what I should do, just let it be. But on the other hand, I think she deserves a guy that would drive 9 hours to see her a few times a year at least. When my dad was engaged to my mom he drove from Alabama to Boston once a month - at least. Sometimes, he did it two or three times. Same with the girls I know of that are engaged to guys that actually want to be around them - they'll drive to go see them.

I think mostly I wanted to see whateveryone thought just to see if I wasn't crazy for thinking she's in a bad relationship.

2008-06-23 13:36:43

#11

CaptainSpaulding71: Member; +119|6358|CA, USA

if he is indeed gay, this 'relationship' could be a perfect alibi until he actually comes out to everyone.

take the girl out to dinner. be a nice friend to her. once she realizes that you can be more of boyfriend material, then she'll make the decision and dump the dooshbag. since she isn't engaged, everything is on the table in my book. if she really loves the guy, then she will decline your advances. if so, be a friend and/or move on.

edit: wait...you mentioned in your first post that this was her first relationship. that's why she acts this way! since this is all she ever knows about relationships, she fears being alone. it actually can be quite intimidating to be out on the dating scene after being in a relationship for such a long time (to her defense). however, as a PhD candidate, this means she's what like 25/26 or so? so practially her whole college career she's been with one person. how does this happen these days?

Last edited by CaptainSpaulding71 (2008-06-23 13:40:09)

2008-06-23 13:46:09

#12

Ultimatrox: Member; +38|6234|Netherlands

insert penis and thrust

2008-06-23 13:49:51

#13

stratozyck: Member; +35|6633

CaptainSpaulding71 wrote:
if he is indeed gay, this 'relationship' could be a perfect alibi until he actually comes out to everyone.

take the girl out to dinner. be a nice friend to her. once she realizes that you can be more of boyfriend material, then she'll make the decision and dump the dooshbag. since she isn't engaged, everything is on the table in my book. if she really loves the guy, then she will decline your advances. if so, be a friend and/or move on.

edit: wait...you mentioned in your first post that this was her first relationship. that's why she acts this way! since this is all she ever knows about relationships, she fears being alone. it actually can be quite intimidating to be out on the dating scene after being in a relationship for such a long time (to her defense). however, as a PhD candidate, this means she's what like 25/26 or so? so practially her whole college career she's been with one person. how does this happen these days?

The odd thing is, I don't feel I should say anything because while we are good friends, I don't think I am good enough for her. I don't mean to put myself down, but she's never done anything illegal in her life... I certainly have. She's a virgin.... I am not... she goes to church every week... I am pretty sure I would melt if I went in.

It bugs me because everything you say is right, she is very scared to be alone. She will be 26 in a few months, and she's been with him for over 5 years.

I am torn because I don't think I can continue being friends with her without saying what I think. On the other hand, commenting on others' relationship is a big no no to me. I've thought he was odd for about a year now and said nothing. But as someone's friend, when you get past a certain point I feel I need to be honest with her, or there is no friendship. I am #3 on her MySpace friends (out of 68 - #1 is her bf, #2 is her roomate), so I am unsure if its ok for me to say anything about her relationship.

Last time I said something to a friend about her boyfriend, she never spoke to me again. She did break up with the guy though. I think this is one of those things that even if your right, your wrong.

2008-06-23 13:52:59

#14

i g: Banned; +876|5865|GA

stratozyck wrote:
I am #3 on her MySpace friends (out of 68 - #1 is her bf, #2 is her roomate)

you really should have left that part out

2008-06-23 13:55:11

#15

stratozyck: Member; +35|6633

Eye-GiZzLe wrote:
stratozyck wrote:
I am #3 on her MySpace friends (out of 68 - #1 is her bf, #2 is her roomate)
you really should have left that part out

LOL yeah... I have 13 people on my myspace so Im not a myspace freak.

Oh yeah... the reason why I can't go for her is... uh I slept with one of her friends and she doesn't know that. This was about two years ago... I think that if I were with her, her friend would come out of hiding and tell her just to get at me...

2008-06-23 13:57:18

#16

ghettoperson: Member; +1,943|6650

stratozyck wrote:
Eye-GiZzLe wrote:
stratozyck wrote:
I am #3 on her MySpace friends (out of 68 - #1 is her bf, #2 is her roomate)
you really should have left that part out
LOL yeah... I have 13 people on my myspace so Im not a myspace freak.

Oh yeah... the reason why I can't go for her is... uh I slept with one of her friends and she doesn't know that. This was about two years ago... I think that if I were with her, her friend would come out of hiding and tell her just to get at me...

Ahh man that bit cracked me up as well.

2008-06-23 14:26:31

#17

CaptainSpaulding71: Member; +119|6358|CA, USA

stratozyck wrote:
Eye-GiZzLe wrote:
stratozyck wrote:
I am #3 on her MySpace friends (out of 68 - #1 is her bf, #2 is her roomate)
you really should have left that part out
LOL yeah... I have 13 people on my myspace so Im not a myspace freak.

Oh yeah... the reason why I can't go for her is... uh I slept with one of her friends and she doesn't know that. This was about two years ago... I think that if I were with her, her friend would come out of hiding and tell her just to get at me...

hhhaa. this happened to me one time. i walked into a room at a party in college and there were like 5-6 girls sitting chilling in a circle there and they came to the conclusion themselves that i had been with each one of them. talk about feeling awkward.

you can combat this by simply being forthright about your past relationship with her friend. then, there's no shock.

same with your self-perceived checkered past. everyone has skeletons in their closets. don't let that limit you. focus on what you have accomplished and good deeds you do - that's what really matters. today we focus so much on the negatives.

good luck!

2008-06-23 14:36:31

#18

stratozyck: Member; +35|6633

CaptainSpaulding71 wrote:
stratozyck wrote:
Eye-GiZzLe wrote:

you really should have left that part out
LOL yeah... I have 13 people on my myspace so Im not a myspace freak.

Oh yeah... the reason why I can't go for her is... uh I slept with one of her friends and she doesn't know that. This was about two years ago... I think that if I were with her, her friend would come out of hiding and tell her just to get at me...
hhhaa. this happened to me one time. i walked into a room at a party in college and there were like 5-6 girls sitting chilling in a circle there and they came to the conclusion themselves that i had been with each one of them. talk about feeling awkward.

you can combat this by simply being forthright about your past relationship with her friend. then, there's no shock.

same with your self-perceived checkered past. everyone has skeletons in their closets. don't let that limit you. focus on what you have accomplished and good deeds you do - that's what really matters. today we focus so much on the negatives.

good luck!

Thanks! I am still hesitant because this feels like steering right into an iceberg of drama. The friend of hers that I slept with was a one night (well two night...) stand type thing, and I know she would think less of me because of that.

Still, I keep telling myself to let it go. I am about to move to another town (to go for my PhD) anyway. I bet when I get there I will meet like ten girls that are just as good and single.

2008-06-23 14:36:59

#19

kylef: Gone; +1,352|6494|N. Ireland

Just because he doesn't want to have sex with her doesn't mean he doesn't care / is gay. Maybe he wants to wait until he is married? Nothing wrong with that ...

2008-06-23 14:40:06

#20

TrollmeaT: Aspiring Objectivist; +492|6674|Colorado

Just be her friend & listen, nothing more.

2008-06-23 14:45:01

#21

shadowcell_01: How 'bout dem Cowboys?; +45|6546|Flower Mound, TX

You should never be allowed to say a girl is beautiful and not post a pic on her... That is like.... breaking man law.... (quick someone go right that one down!)

2008-06-23 14:48:29

#22

CaptainSpaulding71: Member; +119|6358|CA, USA

stratozyck wrote:
Thanks! I am still hesitant because this feels like steering right into an iceberg of drama. The friend of hers that I slept with was a one night (well two night...) stand type thing, and I know she would think less of me because of that.

Still, I keep telling myself to let it go. I am about to move to another town (to go for my PhD) anyway. I bet when I get there I will meet like ten girls that are just as good and single.

i'm sure once you get into your PhD thesis research phase, you won't have much time for anything else. what field is it in? do you have a topic yet?

2008-06-23 14:49:13

#23

blademaster: I'm moving to Brazil; +2,075|6646

hahah took his parents part has not sunk in yet! need to repeat it little more hehehe
man slam that ass while ur still young I was gonna do one of my best friends gf lolz but decided not to it was very tempting since he was flirting with other chicks so I was like I might as well do her, lolz but nothing happened

Last edited by blademaster (2008-06-23 15:02:45)

2008-06-23 15:01:59

#24

jay_courage: Alive in a sea of mediocre; +131|5960|Carnoustie

dude obviously has no idea, hang about coz when she gets dumped (after the guy discovers females ain't for him) she will need your support. stick around if your are truly her friend oh and man law: rule 1 must be up held

Last edited by jay_courage (2008-06-23 15:04:37)

I Friggin Love The Nhs

2008-06-23 15:04:49

#25

Metal-Eater-GR: I can haz titanium paancakez?; +490|6273

Im in the almost exact situation as the OP...except her boyfriend is a very very good friend of mine.

So...lets get this all out

Shes a very good friend of mine .Helped them(my mate and her) to get together,and I realised how much I loved her only when I saw her with him.She always been very open to me,told me everything that troubled her,and I was always there for her.To make a long story short,she told me last week that she wasnt feeling the love anymore,so she was planning on ditching him.

you may say go go go and you will be right,but my friend is still in love with her,and he will be for a very long time.If I get together with her,it wouldnt look nice would it?Stealing your best mates girl.He just wouldnt forgive me for that.After all,hes a very good guy.Always helped me with my stuff,and so did I.

so bf2s,shall I go after her,or just let it go and not ruin a friendship?Im currently flirting with a bunch of girls so I could MAYBE take my mind off her for a little,but maaan shes so perfect

BF2S Forums What would you think of this situation?

Zimmer wrote:

Mek-Stizzle wrote:

Zimmer wrote:

CaptainSpaulding71 wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

Eye-GiZzLe wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

Eye-GiZzLe wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

Eye-GiZzLe wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

CaptainSpaulding71 wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

Eye-GiZzLe wrote:

stratozyck wrote:

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