Have you ever been caught masterbating?

2007-04-16 13:50:22

#51

Ninja_Kid2002: Member; +119|6477|Floodsville, TN, (UK really)

Fact for you. When you hear some old beaten up house wives whinging about there fellas and saying "All men are wankers". Well I've got news for you:

They're not wrong!

(Tho I'd rather choke the pig than put it in a meat grinder like one of those smelly bitches. You know the hags I'm talking about. They call their husbands "useless" in public. I call it penis envy.)

2007-04-16 14:08:47

#52

Scorpion0x17: can detect anyone's visible post count...; +691|6976|Cambridge (UK)

Not as far as I know.

2007-04-16 14:14:58

#53

zeidmaan: Member; +234|6625|Vienna

when I was a kid I was home alone one day and decide to act all coll and stuff. So I took a cigarette and started smoking and wanking. The nicotine got me pretty good so I didn't hear my parents coming home
When they entered the room I got so confused I threw the cigarette away and continued mastrubating

2007-04-16 14:23:28

#54

scottomus0: Teh forum ghey!; +172|6847|Wigan. Manchester. England.

I have! About 3 times. Its fucking awkward i tell ya lol.

2007-04-16 14:29:46

#55

Canadian_Sniper_X: Member; +45|6699|Kamloops, BC Canada

davidonbf2 wrote:
null vote , still trying to figure why this thread or topic was started

Not everything has a reason. I'm trying to figure out why you came into this thread in the first place? It's not like the title is unclear as to what is contained in here.

2007-04-16 14:32:18

#56

Snake: Missing, Presumed Dead; +1,046|6776|England

I havent (yet).

A friend at school got caught once. For the remaining 4 years of school, he never once got called his real name. Just "Wank".

2007-04-16 14:43:43

#57

LaidBackNinja: Pony Slaystation; +343|6919|Charlie One Alpha

Superior Mind wrote:
Never been caught but had a really close call. A few months ago I was doing it in my living room which was really unusual for me, because I almost always do it in my locked room. My dad wasn't home and wasn't expecting him home until like maybe 6 or 7 in the evening. It was like 4 and I was done, but still had it out all covered with love mayonnaise, then I hear my dad opening the front door so I just dart straight into the bathroom. I ran so fast in fact that I left my pants in the living room. So after I wash up and leave the bathroom my dad was like "why were your pants in the living room?" So I was like "um...uh...um...". So then he says to me "did you have an accident?" So I was like "ya ya, I just couldn't make it in time." My dad's thick lol.

Wait, so having your father think you pissed your pants in front of the tv is better than him knowing you spanked the monkey?

Spanking the monkey = normal
Pissing your pants in front of the tv = not normal

"If you want a vision of the future, imagine SecuROM slapping your face with its dick -- forever." -George Orwell

2007-04-16 20:00:01

#58

Drakef: Cheeseburger Logicist; +117|6572|Vancouver

In America, you beat meat.

In Soviet Russia, meat beats you!

2007-04-16 21:11:18

#59

Donald O' Brien: Member; +104|6913

[TUF]Catbox wrote:
i have been caught mispelling... and i jerk off in public all the time...

Unfortunately, nobody caught your sly remark. Have some karma.

2007-04-16 21:42:41

#60

Catbox: forgiveness; +505|6926

soldevilla13 wrote:
Never been caught cause i don't masturbate. Masturbating is for guys who can't get any pussy....grow up and get out some more, you'll get some soon. =P

Its your story... tell it how you want... lol

I have had more sex than anyone deserves and still rub one out from time to time...
Bartending is the best job ever for getting laid.... lol

Love is the answer

2007-04-16 21:51:08

#61

NemeSiS-Factor: Favorite Weapon? Pistol; +29|6880|Everett, WA, US

Canadian_Sniper_X wrote:
Now I have a g/f, so I don't need to do it anymore anyways.

Liar. If you DID have a girlfriend you would know you have to do it just as much.

That or shes a complete whore.

2007-04-16 21:51:28

#62

Eugefunk84: Member; +48|6744

I.M.I Militant wrote:
nah never

for people who have been caught can you go into the story a little more what was said what was the fallout ETC?

ummm, haha. i was fappin it to interweb porn and my roommate walked in the door just as i was about to blow my load, so i shoved it into my shortsand just sat there pretending i wasnt doing anything, and he hesitantly walked into the room and got on his comp. needless to say, when he left the room i immediately changed my shorts. we nvr spoke of it

2007-04-16 22:03:55

#63

NemeSiS-Factor: Favorite Weapon? Pistol; +29|6880|Everett, WA, US

By the way, the only appropriate suggestion for masturbating is "Scalping General Custer."

2007-04-16 22:04:00

#64

Superior Mind: (not macbeth); +1,755|6902

LaidBackNinja wrote:
Superior Mind wrote:
Never been caught but had a really close call. A few months ago I was doing it in my living room which was really unusual for me, because I almost always do it in my locked room. My dad wasn't home and wasn't expecting him home until like maybe 6 or 7 in the evening. It was like 4 and I was done, but still had it out all covered with love mayonnaise, then I hear my dad opening the front door so I just dart straight into the bathroom. I ran so fast in fact that I left my pants in the living room. So after I wash up and leave the bathroom my dad was like "why were your pants in the living room?" So I was like "um...uh...um...". So then he says to me "did you have an accident?" So I was like "ya ya, I just couldn't make it in time." My dad's thick lol.
Wait, so having your father think you pissed your pants in front of the tv is better than him knowing you spanked the monkey?

Spanking the monkey = normal
Pissing your pants in front of the tv = not normal

Yup pretty much.

Last edited by Superior Mind (2007-04-16 22:05:09)

x

2007-04-16 23:05:52

#65

Ilocano: buuuurrrrrrppppp.......; +341|6877

2tuff wrote:
mKmalfunction wrote:
soldevilla13 wrote:
Never been caught cause i don't masturbate. Masturbating is for guys who can't get any pussy....grow up and get out some more, you'll get some soon. =P
Look kids! A virgin!!!!!!
Haha No shit.

ROTFLMAO!!!! QFT!!! As another poster noted, once you've had sex, you can't go 48 hours without cleaning the pipes one way or another...

2007-04-17 03:25:46

#66

Gillenator: Evils Bammed Sex Machine; +129|6604|Evilsville

Ilocano wrote:
2tuff wrote:
mKmalfunction wrote:

Look kids! A virgin!!!!!!
Haha No shit.
ROTFLMAO!!!! QFT!!! As another poster noted, once you've had sex, you can't go 48 hours without cleaning the pipes one way or another...

Correct!
Man, I couldn't do without it since I don't see my g/f everyday.

Owh, and never been busted by the way.
Had a few close call though.

2007-04-17 06:14:35

#67

mcminty: Moderating your content for the Australian Govt.; +879|6931|Sydney, Australia

LT.Victim wrote:
Some REALLY close calls..

Just enough time to stuff my package back into my pants.

Same here. It actually reminds me of a joke I heard a while:

Q. What the most sensitive part of your body during masturbation?
A. Your ears!

While the close calls aren't quite 'fun', the adrenalin they provide is pretty nice. It's like a roller-coaster without having to go to the theme park!

Mcminty.

2007-04-17 06:19:05

#68

hurricane2oo5: Do One Ya Mug !!!; +176|6974|mansfield

i decided to put my headphones on and listen to some music. i closed my eyes and began to shake hands with farmer palmer and his 5 daughters. after 5 minutes of thrashing i opened my eyes and i noticed a fresh ham salad sandwich and a nice hot cup of tea. i never looked my mum in the eyes ever again.

sorry mum !

2007-04-17 08:11:10

#69

max: Vela Incident; +1,652|6777|NYC / Hamburg

hurricane2oo5 wrote:
i decided to put my headphones on and listen to some music. i closed my eyes and began to shake hands with farmer palmer and his 5 daughters. after 5 minutes of thrashing i opened my eyes and i noticed a fresh ham salad sandwich and a nice hot cup of tea. i never looked my mum in the eyes ever again.

sorry mum !

haha. that is great

_{once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered, " give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.}

2007-04-17 08:14:00

#70

stkhoplite: Banned; +564|6689|Sheffield-England

thareaper254 wrote:
My friend got caught once, his mom walked in on him lol.

Haha same

2007-04-17 08:18:42

#71

gene_pool: Banned; +519|6831|Gold coast, Aus.

A few times

2007-04-17 08:34:21

#72

Surgeons: U shud proabbly f off u fat prik; +3,097|6699|Gogledd Cymru

never, there was this one close call in a lesson though , R.E. was always boring, btw that lesson rocked, plus once on the school bus on the way home when it was empty apart form the driver, close calls fucking well give you a rush

2007-04-17 09:13:30

#73

Canadian_Sniper_X: Member; +45|6699|Kamloops, BC Canada

NemeSiS-Factor wrote:
Canadian_Sniper_X wrote:
Now I have a g/f, so I don't need to do it anymore anyways.
Liar. If you DID have a girlfriend you would know you have to do it just as much.

That or shes a complete whore.

She's leaving for the summer. So ya...guess what?

2007-04-17 10:08:28

#74

{XpLiCiTxX}: Ohh skeet skeet; +143|6680|New York

Nope, door locks ftw.

2007-04-17 10:14:51

#75

KingCheese: Paul Scholes; +77|6794|England

If anyone caught me rubbing one out I'd jizz on 'em. Surely getting spooged on is FAR more embarrassing than being caught rummaging in ones pants...

"My best moment? I have a lot of good moments but the one I prefer is when I kicked the hooligan." - Eric Cantona.

Yes	25%	25% - 63
No	74%	74% - 181
Total: 244

BF2S Forums Have you ever been caught masterbating?

Poll

davidonbf2 wrote:

Superior Mind wrote:

[TUF]Catbox wrote:

soldevilla13 wrote:

Canadian_Sniper_X wrote:

I.M.I Militant wrote:

LaidBackNinja wrote:

Superior Mind wrote:

2tuff wrote:

mKmalfunction wrote:

soldevilla13 wrote:

Ilocano wrote:

2tuff wrote:

mKmalfunction wrote:

LT.Victim wrote:

hurricane2oo5 wrote:

thareaper254 wrote:

NemeSiS-Factor wrote:

Canadian_Sniper_X wrote:

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