BF2S Forums Best Worst Joke

What's green but smells like red paint?

Green paint of course!!

What do you call a grass field on an orbital satalite.
A park in space

Yeah... math class is full of puns

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

/Win.

There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he owes thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump, Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder

"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas. The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump.

"Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It is Christmas; I will grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!"

"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you,

Father Christmas promises him that:

1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.

2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue with your work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.

3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit, you will have no outstanding bills.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man. "What is it that I can do for you?"

Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over.

After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water a little,

Father Christmas asks the man how old he is.

"36" replies the man.

"Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't you!?" Chuckled the fat gay bastard in fancy dress.

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
This line doesn't rhyme
Neither does this one

Hickory Dickory Dock
Your mom's a slut.

What's brown and sticky?


A stick!

What's green and has eight wheels?


Grass! I was just kidding about the eight wheels.





Hey, somebody ask me if I'm a tree.

B00MH3ADSH0T wrote:

dc_involved wrote:

Your mommas so fat that when I fuck her I throw a bag of flour in between her legs and aim for the wet patch!

Yes and your the one fucking a fat chick so the jokes on YOU.

Hahahah!

Your mommas so fat, she's fat.

SplinterStrike wrote:

A guy had his girlfriend over for the night. It got stormy out, so the guy's parents decided to let her stay here.
It was a small house, so the guy had to sleep in a bunkbed with his little brother.
The parents were having an argument, so Dad was on the couch and the dog on the ground.
Therefore, the guy had to sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend.

Not wanting to let an oppurtunity like this one slip by, they decided to have sex. But, they couldn't be noisy.
So they came up with this: "Say "lettuce" if you want to go faster, and "tomato" if you want to go slower."
After a little while, the guy's brother woke up to the squeaks of the frame and the sounds of
"_{Lettuce! Lettuce! Letuce! Tomato! Tomato! Tomato!}"

He then proceeded to say :
"Guys, can you stop making sandwiches up there? There's mayonnaise all over my face!"

You aren't fooling anyone stop using this joke as a excuse just to give head to your brother you are sick.

^^ i dont get it (at least someone is laughing at it even if it is only you)

R3v4n wrote:

snoogy_beef wrote:

why do you wrap tape around a hamsters stomach?

so it doesn't burst when u fuck it

yes, and just to clarify, Australians don't have sexual relations with hamsters

or dont we...no..no we dont

A police officer stops an old couple just to check if everything is OK.

"License and registration please???" says the police

"What did he say???" replies the old wife sitting next to her man.

"He want to see reg. and lic." says the old man

"Where are you folks from??" asks the police

"What did he say???" replies the old wife

"He wants to know where we are from!!!"  says the old man, and replies to the policeman " We are from Boston"

"Oh, I once had a shitty fuck in Boston, she laid there like a fish on the beach..." says the police

What did he say???" replies the old wife

"HE SAID THAT HE KNOWS YOU!!!" replies the old man

brome wrote:

Q: What's worse than finding two babies in a bin?
A: Finding a baby in two bins.

Q: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a maggot in it?
A: Rape.

Hilarious...

CameronPoe wrote:

Here's a good BAD joke:

Little Amy was running around the house of an evening when she burst into her parents room. Her mother had just got out of the shower and was drying herself. She was getting ready to go out to Bingo that night.

Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, what are those two things there!?'
Mother: 'Oh dear, they're my breasts, dear!'
Amy: 'Mummy, Mummy, when do I get breasts? When do I get breasts?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'
Amy: 'And Mummy, what's that furry stuff down there?'
Feeling awkward, Mother: 'That's my pubic hair, dear!'
Amy: 'When do I get hair down there Mummy?'
Mother: 'Oh kitten, you won't get them until you've grown up into a big girl, dear.'

Amy, her inquisitiveness sated, runs off down the hall and bursts into the bathroom. SHe is confronted with something she doesn't quite understand - her father is over the toilet, masturbating.

Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, what is that big purple snake thing there Daddy?'
Shocked Daddy: 'Er, that's my dick, dear!'
Amy: 'Daddy, Daddy, when do I get one of those, Daddy?'
Daddy: 'As soon as your mum goes to bingo!!!!!!'

Depraved.

awwwwwww thats wrong