Normally I would just let this thread die.. but I just can't... I don't really care if anyone replies to this... I just need to get it out.
I'd much prefer it if you could keep your comments more Postive rather then negative and make me feeling even more like shit...
So heres the situation..
It's currently spring break. I always go down to California during spring break with me family. I would have invited Lindsey to come with me, but at the time my mom was planning and booking, me and lindsey weren't even official yet.
So i'm in SoCal right now, Lindsey is at home in BC Canada..
One of my good friends called Jamie (Male).. and when I say good, I considered this guy like my brother.
He wasn't going anywhere for spring break. But on sunday.. the 16th? he went to Kelowna for one night, about 4 hour drive from where we live to UBC Okanogan for a tour of the campus..  He wanted to check it out because he might go there next year after he graduates.
I left Saturday to come down here.. First to vegas, then to my grandmas house, then to my other grandparents house.
I'm currently in Palm Springs Cali, at my grandparents house. Its the first it I've gotten Internet Access or anything. So its the only time I could talk to Lindsey. I talked to my friend last night on MSN.. Asked him about his trip to Kelowna etc.. He said it was a blast, and he made mention that he only went by himself.
I also talked to a few of my other friends and asked them about Lindsey.. They all told me the same thing, that they haven't talked to her at all over the weekend, they tried calling her, her house.. he sister just said she went away for a few days.. I was kinda confused at this moment because I knew she wasn't planning on going anywhere..
I then talked to Lindsey briefly this morning on MSN before she had to go out Grad Shoe Shopping with her mom. Just talking about my trip etc and what shes been up to.. She made no mention of her little dissappearence over the weekend.. Even after I sent her this message on facebook. 
"I talked to Anda and Marie on MSN and they said you've dissappeared the last few days... I hope everything is alright..."
I didn't really think anything of it until tonight, when I started talking to Marie on MSN again.. Shes like "I talked to Lindsey.." i'm like ".ohh.. and?" shes like "she was in Kelowna"
At this point.. I'm like 
WTF. She went with Jamie to kelowna, and didn't say a word about it to me at all?
Right about when I'm ready to fucking smash something, Lindsey comes online MSN.
I'm not mad that she went, more so that her and him were keeping it a secret from me because they knew I'd get mad. 
Don't fucking do something that you KNOW is gonna make me mad.
Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.
  
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
heyz
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
...
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
... ?
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Did you go with Jamie to Kelowna?
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
yeah...
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
are you mad?
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
So then why didn't any of you tell me
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
iwas gonna tell you
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Yes.. I'm mad, because you kept it a  secret
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
omg i was gonna tell you...iwas just so excited to talk to you this morning
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Well Jamie wasn't gonna tell me
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Because I asked him yesterday how the trip was
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
and if he went by himself etc..
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
and he said yay
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And then he starts giving me all this BS about how if I'm mad that hes hanging out with you alot
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And I told him
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
"No... just don't do anything you wouldn't want me doing with jess etc..
"if you have to ask if I would get mad for you doing it,,, then don't do it"
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
I'm not mad at you for going... I know your probably bored to hell at home.. the fact that I'm mad at is niether of you even hinted at mentioning it
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
im really sry babe, its not like anything happened tho
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
I know nothing happened..
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Jamie loves jess to much for that.. and I hope that you love me too much too..
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
But how would you like it if I had to find out from someone else.. when I had enough time to talk to both of you, especially jamie
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
ido love you so much, and i should have told you this morning but i wasnt even thinking bout that...just the fact that i got to talk to you
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Well I talked to jamie for like an hour
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
About like Random stuff too.. and he didn't tell me at all
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And I messaged you on facebook like saying
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
"I talked to Anda and Marie on MSN and they said you've dissappeared the last few days... I hope everything is alright..."
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And you never responded to that
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
You didn't tell anyone where you went
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
cuz it was last minute
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And mare said you wouldn't tell her who you went with to Kelowna, even when she asked
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Its just argghh... How would you feel?
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
i didnt terll her cuz i knoe she'd talk to anda and she'd fuck make up shit
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
I don't like this
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
ur rite it was shitty of me, 
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
..just wanna let you knoe im acctually scared rite now
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Ya.. well so am I
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
You know why
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
because when Scott went away.. I started hanging out with you more and more
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And thats exactly what Jamie is doing now
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And I know Jamie has feelings for you.. The only thing thats stopping him is Jess and Me
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
im not hanging out with him anymore...
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
"You can do whatever you want.."
..."You'll just have to face the consquences"
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
oops
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
 
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
well im prepared to suffer...b/c i love you
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
If you have to keep something a secret because you think I might be mad, then you shouldn't be doing it in the first place....................................................your rite 
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
tyhough i was going to tell you
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
The only reason I'm scared/mad is because i've worked so hard for this.. You put me through over a month of absolute hell to get where I am right now.. I would have just gave up if I didn't love you soo much. I couldn't give up, even when everyone in my life was me too. Because I knew if i gave up, then I was giving up on a part of my life, my future..
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
I love you, and what hurts the most is thinking that I won't be with you, because I want to be with you, I need to be with you
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
And then you go and do something like this, niether of you tell me, and I find out from Marie of all people.. Is just kinda like WTF?
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
but you are with me, you will be with me, and will always be with me
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
But then why are you putting me through hell again
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
ididnt mean too....
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
But you did
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
..igtg know sister needs comp...but just knoe that ilove you 
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
I love you too..
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
im so so sorry, 
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
<3
®ýªñ - In Cali   says:
Don't worry about it.. just don't do it again
.: ŁiиdSеY says:
well im gonna worry...the whole wekk cuz i hurt you...and im upset b/c of it
I'm too lazy to remove all the smiley faces and shit, if they even show up..
So what the fuck should I do? I want to text Lindsey something to let her know that like.. everything is alright, cause I don't want her to worry about it. But I don't know where to begin..
Its kinda shitty that I'm in Cali, shes in BC.. over 1700 KM away or something like that.. If I was at home, I'd just go over to house and talk to her myself, but Its kinda hard, and I don't get back for another week....
FUCK ME... This is why I didn't want to go away in the first place.