fredskov9
a proud father
+29|6385|denmark
we have been together for 2 years and just got a small boy(6 weeks old)and earlier all was great.but now its like she has gone crazy,all what i do is wrong,and she always SCREAM at me.(she is 25 and I'm 34)I've been thinking lately if i can live like this or what.i love my son more than anything in the world.but do i have to take the abuse every day so he can have 2 parents.i love my wife but I'm not in love with her anymore.. what should i do EDIT/she is from Poland  so after a divorce she would go there,so seeing him would be soo hard

Last edited by fredskov9 (2007-11-26 11:44:09)

suomalainen_äijä
Member
+64|6394
Divorce
Ilocano
buuuurrrrrrppppp.......
+341|6895

1.  Post-partum syndrome.

2.  Is she a stay-at-home mom taking care of the child 24/7?  Who is waking up at night to feed/change the baby?

3.  If both of you are working, who spends more time taking care of the baby?
jord
Member
+2,382|6906|The North, beyond the wall.
I grew up with separated parents and I turned out alright...


Oh, that might not be the most convincing argument.
Balok77
Member
+28|6376
yeah by the sounds of it mate your wife is probably just having a hard time getting used to the new baby,

if not you should go down the counseling route rather than keeping your feelings to yourself
tupla_s
.
+455|6820|Finland
Maybe you should try talking to her and let her know what you feel. If she isn't ready to change her attitude after that either you have to try to live with it or divorce if it comes to that.
fredskov9
a proud father
+29|6385|denmark
she is a stay at home mom.i work night,and when i wake up il take him after i had my coffee.but ca fifty fifty EDIT>she is from a different country than me(poland)so seing him would be very hard.

Last edited by fredskov9 (2007-11-26 11:41:35)

SEREVENT
MASSIVE G STAR
+605|6336|Birmingham, UK
Looks to me like its stress thats doing it, but i wouldn't know.
G3|Genius
Pope of BF2s
+355|6854|Sea to globally-cooled sea
it's hormones.  my wife is pregnant right now, and she's friggin impossible, too.

you have to put up with the shit.  Talk to your dad.  He'll tell you your mom was the same way.  Your brother will also tell you the same thing about his wife.

It's a woman thing...a necessary evil   miserable creatures from birth to death!  /mostly joking
Stingray24
Proud member of the vast right-wing conspiracy
+1,060|6673|The Land of Scott Walker
Congrats on your son, fredskov9!  I understand exactly what you're going through, man, so I hear ya on the insanity. If your bride wasn't like this before your son arrived, it is almost certainly some form of post-partum depression.  Some women experience it worse than others.  Even if she's not having depression from her hormones re-balancing, she probably feels overwhelmed, inadequate, scared that she won't be a good mother.  And if you're like me, you were feeling overwhelmed, tired, and scared you won't be a good father. 

My wife did the same things after each of our 2 kids were born.  All your bride's anxiety usually ends up being aimed at you because you're the only adult she sees and can express things to.  She's probably just needs to express her feelings and in her current state she doesn't have a better way.  Doesn't make it right and no, you don't deserve the abuse.  All you can do is help her as much as you can and communicate with her as good as you know how.  Whenever you can, give her a chance to get out of the house and be an adult.  If your bride is like mine, she'll really appreciate it. 

It is not easy to man up and stay, but your son needs his father.  Things are hard in the beginning with losing sleep and the stress of being a new parent, but it does get better.  Hang in there, man.  The people suggesting divorce in here probably aren't married and immediately look to the easy way out.  Many times love is sticking around even when things suck and the relationship takes work.  Sometimes it's that way even after the kids get older because relationships take consistent attention.  Romance and warm fuzzies are good, but they aren't love, they're a byproduct of love. 

I just got through a period in my life where I felt the same way you do.  I loved my wife deep down, but I didn't like her very much so it felt like my love was dissolving.  Our marriage almost died and we were days from divorce.  But I made a decision that I wasn't going to let things fall apart.  Hard as it was to swallow my pride, I took a hard look at myself rather than pointing at what she was doing.  I'm not saying that's what you're doing here, just sharing my situation.  When I was honest with myself I found things I could do better and my bride responded to those changes and the effort I was making.  Doesn't happen overnight, but keep at it.  Your marriage and family are worth fighting for.  Best of luck man.  Thus endeth this book of a post.   Feel free to PM me if you want.  Be glad to chat.

Last edited by Stingray24 (2007-11-26 15:38:49)

FEOS
Bellicose Yankee Air Pirate
+1,182|6639|'Murka

Stingray24 wrote:

Congrats on your son, fredskov9!  I understand exactly what you're going through, man, so I hear ya on the insanity. If your bride wasn't like this before your son arrived, it is almost certainly some form of post-partum depression.  Some women experience it worse than others.  Even if she's not having depression from her hormones re-balancing, she probably feels overwhelmed, inadequate, scared that she won't be a good mother.  And if you're like me, you were feeling overwhelmed, tired, and scared you won't be a good father. 

My wife did the same things after each of our 2 kids were born.  All your bride's anxiety usually ends up being aimed at you because you're the only adult she sees and can express things to.  She's probably just needs to express her feelings and in her current state she doesn't have a better way.  Doesn't make it right and no, you don't deserve the abuse.  All you can do is help her as much as you can and communicate with her as good as you know how.  Whenever you can, give her a chance to get out of the house and be an adult.  If your bride is like mine, she'll really appreciate it. 

It is not easy to man up and stay, but your son needs his father.  Things are hard in the beginning with losing sleep and the stress of being a new parent, but it does get better.  Hang in there, man.  The people suggesting divorce in here probably aren't married and immediately look to the easy way out.  Many times love is sticking around even when things suck and the relationship takes work.  Sometimes it's that way even after the kids get older because relationships take consistent attention.  Romance and warm fuzzies are good, but they aren't love, they're a byproduct of love. 

I just got through a period in my life where I felt the same way you do.  I loved my wife deep down, but I didn't like her very much so it felt like my love was dissolving.  Our marriage almost died and we were days from divorce.  But I made a decision that I wasn't going to let things fall apart.  Hard as it was to swallow my pride, I took a hard look at myself rather than pointing at what she was doing.  I'm not saying that's what you're doing here, just sharing my situation.  When I was honest with myself I found things I could do better and my bride responded to those changes and the effort I was making.  Doesn't happen overnight, but keep at it.  Your marriage and family are worth fighting for.  Best of luck man.  Thus endeth this book of a post.   Feel free to PM me if you want.  Be glad to chat.
QFT
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
― Albert Einstein

Doing the popular thing is not always right. Doing the right thing is not always popular
MERCFLF8
Member
+9|6772|uk
well i have been there and done that, sorry to say but me and my son's mother are no longer together. we both tried but couldnt get along. but the most important thing is to be there for your son. if it come's to divorce have you thought about getting custody of your son. not sure how it work's in denmark but here in the state's more and more dad's are getting custody. dad's are just as important as mom's. also here in the state's in a divorce/custody proceeding the parent can prevent the other from leaving the state where the divorce took place, something to look into just incase. bottom line is, if you can fix it do so no matter what it take's. take care and the best of luck to you
Ilocano
buuuurrrrrrppppp.......
+341|6895

FEOS wrote:

Stingray24 wrote:

....
QFT
I couldn't have said it better myself.  Speaking from experience too.  This is not the time to go 50/50 on housework and taking care of the kids.  Seriously, at this time, as hard as it may be, you need to take on 100% and just allow your wife some rest and free time.  Send her out with her girlfriends while you stay home and mind the house.  It has to be done.  Swallow your pride and just take all the screaming she gives.  Hug and comfort her as much as you can.  She can't help her state now, what with post-partum hormones all out of wack.  It'll eventually get better.
I'm Jamesey
Do a Research Noob
+506|6361|Scotland!

deeznutz1245 wrote:

suomalainen_äijä wrote:

Divorce

cheat

Hunter/Jumper wrote:

buy the book " Porno for women " try and acomplish 2 or 3 things a day or get 2 - 18 year old girlfreinds instead.
So you guys read "debate and serious talk" and decided that meant "try your lame jokes here" ?

Congrats on the son Fred, hope it gets better.
Vub
The Power of Two
+188|6723|Sydney, Australia
Hang in there, and your relationship with your wife can only get stronger.
fadedsteve
GOP Sympathizer
+266|6719|Menlo Park, CA
Divorce her ass as the relationship has obviously disolved. . .

Then hire a lawyer get a divorce and get sole custody!! You shouldnt have to live like that, dont sacrifice your happiness just because you share a child together.  That broad can go back to Poland empty handed as far as your concerned!!

The worst thing you could do is get caught cheating and give her ammo to say your a swinging bachelor and not a good father!!

Last edited by fadedsteve (2007-11-27 00:01:25)

MajorHoulahan_MASH
Member
+31|6950
Congrats  with your newborn son!
You are both adjusting to new roles in life and  in your relationship: being a father and mother.
Thats a big change in life for parents who have their first child. And it brings stress, thats a given, but also joy.

Make the well-being of your son the nr 1 priority in your life now, and as/if your wife will notice, she will calm down hopefully.
edit: make your hands dirty, meaning: change those dipers, and prepare the milk bottle !
Usually after about one or two years you are both "adjusted" to your new roles, and you will find more time to improve the relationship  with your partner again.
Hang in there.

Last edited by MajorHoulahan_MASH (2007-11-27 00:50:32)

Lai
Member
+186|6379
If she has a real post-partum depression, things would probably be much worse. It's a biological thing; the women suffering from it don't care about anything, not even their child and some even hate their newborn child, become violent and a danger to their child. The woman in question usually ends up in a clinic, but as far as I know there is no proper standard treatment since it's a hugely underestimated problem and ill-developped field of medical research.

If you think she is suffering from a post-partum depression, ask some familymembers and (her) friends, and get help. But if she just screams at you she's probably just a bit stressed out; has she gotten enough sleep lately? Bear it I'd say, since your son was just born 6 weeks ago, it'll pass. If it doesn't, talk to her (and others); getting a child can have a huge (negative) impact on anyone and it rarely is their fault, the child's or anyone else's.

If you would divorce her, which I as yet would not reccomend, and she returns to Poland, you'd probably could get the custody over your son. But in any case,.. you only ever truly realise what you miss, when it's gone.
I'm Jamesey
Do a Research Noob
+506|6361|Scotland!

fadedsteve wrote:

Divorce her ass as the relationship has obviously disolved. . .

Then hire a lawyer get a divorce and get sole custody!! You shouldnt have to live like that, dont sacrifice your happiness just because you share a child together.  That broad can go back to Poland empty handed as far as your concerned!!

The worst thing you could do is get caught cheating and give her ammo to say your a swinging bachelor and not a good father!!
What the fuck?

...

She's most likely going through some form of depression, that doesn't give anyone the right to yank her child away and send her packing back to her own country.
usmarine
Banned
+2,785|6990

Married...pfffftt.

80% of the people I know who have been married are divorced.  And I am currently banging a married chick.  Why do you people still get married?
klassekock
Proud Born Loser
+68|6815|Sweden

usmarine2005 wrote:

Married...pfffftt.

80% of the people I know who have been married are divorced.  And I am currently banging a married chick.  Why do you people still get married?
Because we want to.
Nappy
Apprentice
+151|6458|NSW, Australia

hang in there dude, dont leave its not worth it!

things will get better

and people, seriously fuck off with your divorce-cheat-whatever comments this is d&st

Last edited by Nappy (2007-11-27 03:31:27)

G3|Genius
Pope of BF2s
+355|6854|Sea to globally-cooled sea

usmarine2005 wrote:

Married...pfffftt.

80% of the people I know who have been married are divorced.  And I am currently banging a married chick.  Why do you people still get married?
I don't understand why you are proud of that...  that's not sarcasm...  I can see how you have no desire for commitment, but to "bang" someone else's spouse is mocking the commitment of two other people, and it also mocks the institution as a whole.

Broken families are tough.  I don't think there is anything to be proud of if you are contributing to that...

Last edited by G3|Genius (2007-11-27 06:22:23)

Parker
isteal
+1,452|6622|The Gem Saloon
do not divorce.
trust me.
fredskov9
a proud father
+29|6385|denmark
first i want to thank all of you for the positive feedback,it really helped me find out what i have to do.i talked to her,and promised i would be 110% committed to my family.i will do what it takes bec i still love her,and i wont take the easy way out.. THANKS again guys

Board footer

Privacy Policy - © 2024 Jeff Minard