Anti-Humour

2007-11-24 20:06:31

#1

TerrorisT²: Melbourne Shuffler; +214|6629|Gold Coast, Australia

Post all your anti-humour (lame) jokes here!!

I'll start off with a few:

An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can't talk.
The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

*Knock Knock*
"Whos there?"
"This is the police, we have a warrant for your arrest."

What did the homeless man get for Christmas?
Nothing.

Why did the little boy not pass his exam?
He didn't study

Why did the monkey fall from the tree?
It was reaching for a banana, but the banana fell. Monkies, being not as smart as humans, would chase the banana as it is subjected to gravity, rather than a logical and safer route, as climbing back down the tree.
The branch wasn't that high, anyway, so the monkey retrieved the banana and was thankfully unhurt from the event.
The monkey then gained nutrition from the banana.

2007-11-24 20:22:28

#2

[-DER-]Omega: membeR; +188|6830|Lithuania

This thread is worthwhile.
Not.

https://bf3s.com/sigs/fe717ed1eb823c939460a42f15bced7dd0057c51.png

2007-11-24 20:24:08

#3

nukchebi0: Пушкин, наше всё; +387|6327|New Haven, CT

I had a cow once.

It was a cow.

Edit: Although this is very funny when you think about how stupid it is.

Last edited by nukchebi0 (2007-11-24 20:24:42)

2007-11-24 20:35:59

#4

Skorpy-chan: Member; +127|6349|Twyford, UK

That's not anti-humour. Those are just failed attempts at humour. Anti-humour is funny because it's not funny, those aren't funny because they're not funny.

Now, what's funny because it isn't funny? Bad puns! Because, as we all know, a bad pun is it's own reword. And Yo Momma jokes, which are amusing because they're just stupid and out of place.
Your face is funny because it's stupid and out of place.

Closely related is black humour, which is funny because it SHOULDN'T be funny. For example, a man is depressed because his wife's divorced him, he's lost his job, and his golf game is slipping. He loads his handgun, fills his hipflask, puts a few fresh golf balls and a clean tee in his pocket, loads the clubs into the car, and heads off for one last round before he shoots himself in the head.
He plays the best game of golf in his entire damn life. Halfway through, his wife's lawyer calls to say that his wife is cheating on him, he can keep the BMW, and that she has a rather attractive young secretary that wants to talk to him about dinner. Haha! he thinks, maybe life isn't so bad after all!
So, he continues playing. Sadly, around the twelfth hole, a storm brews up. He pays it no heed, he's playing the best damn round in his life, he's gonna keep his beloved car, and he's upgrading to a newer model of bedwarmer. Three holes later, he's doing even better. Another two holes of sublime golf, he sets up for the last tee, swings up... And he jogs the handgun out of its holster. Slowly, he watches it land on his foot. He winces. Then it goes off, shooting him in the balls. His last thought before passing out is 'I hope they'll let me come back to the round once I'm recovered'.

2007-11-24 20:54:40

#5

some_random_panda: Flamesuit essential; +454|6394

Your sig's too big.

2007-11-24 22:39:17

#6

Spearhead: Gulf coast redneck hippy; +731|6693|Tampa Bay Florida

A man walked into a bar...
and drank some alcohol.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
How the fuck would I know

Last edited by Spearhead (2007-11-24 22:40:04)

2007-11-24 22:43:18

#7

TimmmmaaaaH: Damn, I... had something for this; +725|6443|Brisbane, Australia

Why does this thread fail?

Because it doesn't succeed.

https://bf3s.com/sigs/5e6a35c97adb20771c7b713312c0307c23a7a36a.png

2007-11-24 22:43:51

#8

MetaL*: Banned; +188|6161|Anaheim, Mexifornia

Watch "Mind of Mencia"

Every joke that comes out of his mouth would make it to this topic.

2007-11-25 02:58:11

#9

Mekstizzle: WALKER; +3,611|6625|London, England

Q: What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic boy get for Christmas?
A: Cancer

Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
A: Because she had no arms.

Q: What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Being shot in the head

Q: How do you make a mime yell?
A: Throw a brick at his face.

Q: What did the hobo get for Christmas?
A: Nothing.

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A: One is an edible substance and the other is a person who believes in Judaism.

Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing?
A: Someone shot him in the face.

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

Q: How many Mexicans can you get into a Mini?
A: Four adults and possibly a small child.

Q: What do you call a hispanic working at pizza hut?
A: An employee.

Q: What was the pirate movie rated?
A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

Q: What do you call a black guy in a convience store?
A: A customer.

Q: A blonde and a brunette jump off a building. Which one hits the ground first?
A: It depends on their weight and drag coefficient.

Q: How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on a bed?
A: Politely ask him to stop.

Q: Why are black people so good at basketball?
A: Because they practice.

Your momma's so fat, she bought an issue of Cosmo for an article on breast self-exams but became deeply depressed when bombarded by page after page of images perpetuating an impossible standard of beauty. That night she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep.

One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."

One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

/Thread

2007-11-25 03:10:40

#10

Raphi: Banned; +354|6262|Basel, Switzerland

So i herd u like me

and ur mother tu

2007-11-25 03:15:31

#11

Ty: Mass Media Casualty; +2,398|6778|Noizyland

A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
------------------
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.
---------------
What's green, has six legs and will kill you if it jumps out of a tree onto you?

A billiards table.

[Blinking eyes thing]
Steam: http://steamcommunity.com/id/tzyon

2007-11-25 05:41:26

#12

bennisboy: Member; +829|6650|Poundland

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It went down the road and turned into a field.

What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

2007-11-25 05:44:08

#13

naightknifar: Served and Out; +642|6565|Southampton, UK

bennisboy wrote:
What do you call a man with no shins?

Tony

Lold.

What happens if you throw someone with no legs and no arms into the sea?
They drown.

How are babies made?
Sex.

What do you call a chicken?
Chicken.

2007-11-25 06:04:21

#14

Nintendogamer: Member; +72|6591|Chelmsford, UK

---

Why did the puppy eat rat poison?

Because he was blind.

---

Ask me if I'm an orange.
Are you an orange?
No.

---

Q: How do you know it's bed time at Michael Jaskson's house?

A: When Michael Jackson is tired.

---

Q: What is hard, lasts forever, and is something girls love to have on their body?

A: A diamond.

---

Q: What did the hooker say to the priest?

A: That was a wonderful sermon. I look forward to next Sunday's church service.

---

2007-11-25 06:59:19

#15

Fenris_GreyClaw: Real Хорошо; +826|6523|Adelaide, South Australia

A guy walked into a bar and said 'Ouch!'

2007-11-25 13:51:39

#16

Sarrk: O-O-O A-O A; +788|6659|Brisbane, Australia

Three men walked into a bar in the Gaza Strip.

There were no survivors.

2007-11-25 13:53:33

#17

Darkhelmet: cereal killer; +233|6754|the middle of nowhere

TerrorisT² wrote:
Why did the monkey fall from the tree?
It was reaching for a banana, but the banana fell. Monkies, being not as smart as humans, would chase the banana as it is subjected to gravity, rather than a logical and safer route, as climbing back down the tree.
The branch wasn't that high, anyway, so the monkey retrieved the banana and was thankfully unhurt from the event.
The monkey then gained nutrition from the banana.

LOL!!

2007-11-25 13:57:04

#18

Microwave: _; +515|6659|Loughborough Uni / Leeds, UK

Oh noes, the anit-lulz turtle!

2007-11-25 14:01:27

#19

some_random_panda: Flamesuit essential; +454|6394

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

Answer:
One WALKED on the moon...

wait for it....

The other had sex with little kids.

Last edited by some_random_panda (2007-11-25 14:02:04)

2007-11-25 14:04:09