BF2S Forums Best Worst Joke

$eXXXyCabbage wrote:

on the first day God created the world and rested     and the second day he created man and rested    on the third day he created woman and since then neith God nor man has rested

SkoobyDu wrote:

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

The father is first up – he’s carrying a bag which he opens and out trot a herd of geese. There’s about 15 geese in all and they’re fucking hungry let me tell you, oh yes. By now, obviously, the father is lying down on the floor gritting his teeth with his toes pointed – he’s also shuddering slightly. The geese are hopping over his face and naturally he is aroused by their sopping wet love boxes as they gently caress and feather his nose.

“Fuck box, fuck box, fuck box”, he whispers as he builds a steady pumping rhythm with his right hand. In his left hand he’s got some hair gel or something, I don’t know, doesn’t matter really.

He stands up and the geese flock around his privates like ducks flock around a child with bread. Only they’re not ducks – THEY’RE GEESE! And it’s not bread – it’s hot jets of salty wank juice ejaculating from his coughing knackers.

As you can imagine, the geese readily lap up the fluid – there’s plenty to go around.

Some of them are doing a cum swap.

At this point the mother enters and gets off with a few of the geese. She’s pretty laid back about it really. She spreads her legs and, on closer inspection, reveals a colony of whelks, barnacles and clams living around her bollocks. The geese peck at these but shellfish are pretty tough – tough enough to withstand a moderates goose attack anyway.

By now the agent is starting to get tired of geese but he needn’t worry - the father promptly slaughters all of them by cutting their necks.

He hangs them up on a rack and the children play naked in the blood as it showers down on them. Some of the geese, in their death throes, cough up the still-hot love juice that they lapped up only a few minutes ago.

The mother is going fucking mad with a chainsaw on the geese. There’s flesh, guts, beaks, feathers, shit and geese ankles flying everywhere. By now the daughter is completely pregnant from the hard trousering she’s just had administered from her brother. The wicked thing.

The show was going perfectly – a real rip-roarer. That was until it was the dog’s turn. For some reason the dog just got scared and wouldn’t move. It just sat there – weeping into its mittens.

Luckily the father acted quickly and took on the dog’s part as if it was his own.

He squatted down on the floor, put his hands between his legs and dragged himself across the stage wiping his itchy arse as he went. Marvellous!

It was the end of the show.

The family stood in a line and took a bow.

“But what was the encore?” I hear you ask.

Well, the daughter came back on and started singing ‘Tomorrow’, from the musical Annie.

The father shot the stupid fucking bitch right in the face.

“You know I hate that shitting song you total fuck”, he giggled.

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

snoogy_beef wrote:

why do you wrap tape around a hamsters stomach?

so it doesn't burst when u fuck it

JOJOBA wrote:

ive got a pretty harsh jewish joke.  donno if its been covered yet.

"how many jews can you fit in a car?

2 in the front, 3 in the back, and about 6 million in the ash-tray"