HAHAHAH!! Gold. Pure fucking gold.Uzique wrote:
I farted once whilst my girlfriend was licking my rim.
Never again.
wat the fuck, is anybody else having issues with viewing the forum? It's...Not aligned right!?
Nature is a powerful force. Those who seek to subdue nature, never do so permanently.
yeah it's all over the place. Chuy is looking into it.
Blackbelts are just whitebelts who have never quit.
Shit just got serious.
Write that shit down.
Holy shit!
What the shit?
/i couldn't decide on which one to post
Write that shit down.
Holy shit!
What the shit?
/i couldn't decide on which one to post
ok, i thought it was just me, because for some reason, my mouse has this scroll wheel that changed the font size on another forum, and I come here and:
Nature is a powerful force. Those who seek to subdue nature, never do so permanently.
1) Hold the cntrl button on your keyboardIm_Dooomed wrote:
my mouse has this scroll wheel that changed the font size on another forum
2) scroll forwards or backwards on the mouse wheel
3) ???
4) Profit
omfglolololollolreally?AussieReaper wrote:
1) Hold the cntrl button on your keyboardIm_Dooomed wrote:
my mouse has this scroll wheel that changed the font size on another forum
2) scroll forwards or backwards on the mouse wheel
3) ???
4) Profit
never knew that tbhf
Nature is a powerful force. Those who seek to subdue nature, never do so permanently.
Ctrl + 0 to return to normal size.Im_Dooomed wrote:
omfglolololollolreally?AussieReaper wrote:
1) Hold the cntrl button on your keyboardIm_Dooomed wrote:
my mouse has this scroll wheel that changed the font size on another forum
2) scroll forwards or backwards on the mouse wheel
3) ???
4) Profit
never knew that tbhf
I sharted myself at work one day when I had a terrible stomach bug. I walked backwards until I made my escape.. which was almost immediately. Thank god I make my own hours.
btw this forum now officially knows something about me that no one else knows.
btw this forum now officially knows something about me that no one else knows.
Xbone Stormsurgezz
Oh god...you know Sawgrass Mills mall?Kmarion wrote:
I sharted myself at work one day when I had a terrible stomach bug. I walked backwards until I made my escape.. which was almost immediately. Thank god I make my own hours.
Me + first time at Cheesecake Factory + lactose intolerant = FUCKING BAD
o man. I'd be sweating brix if it happened in a mall.Poseidon wrote:
Oh god...you know Sawgrass Mills mall?Kmarion wrote:
I sharted myself at work one day when I had a terrible stomach bug. I walked backwards until I made my escape.. which was almost immediately. Thank god I make my own hours.
Me + first time at Cheesecake Factory + lactose intolerant = FUCKING BAD
Xbone Stormsurgezz
it was horrible...it was like Ben Stiller in Along Came Polly. I had to stop in like 5 bathrooms.Kmarion wrote:
o man. I'd be sweating brix if it happened in a mall.Poseidon wrote:
Oh god...you know Sawgrass Mills mall?Kmarion wrote:
I sharted myself at work one day when I had a terrible stomach bug. I walked backwards until I made my escape.. which was almost immediately. Thank god I make my own hours.
Me + first time at Cheesecake Factory + lactose intolerant = FUCKING BAD
I have stories about my stomach that could last an entire night..
I think of that movie everytime I hear these stories..lol
Xbone Stormsurgezz
But in a mall (it's a shopping centre, fuck your "mall" Ameircan lingo), you'd at least have clean pants to buy, and public toilets all around you.
Hank Azaria was the best in that movie
"Alo, ow are ou?"
"Alo, ow are ou?"
I can picture someone standing in line to buy new pants when the back end is blown out of the ones they are wearing. I'd ask to try them on first..lol.AussieReaper wrote:
But in a mall (it's a shopping centre, fuck your "mall" Ameircan lingo), you'd at least have clean pants to buy, and public toilets all around you.
Xbone Stormsurgezz
I remember.. didn't need the picture..lol.Poseidon wrote:
Hank Azaria was the best in that movie
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/cm/cosmopol … do-xlv.jpg
"Alo, ow are ou?"
Xbone Stormsurgezz
I love the dude who sharts in that movie. His speech at the end is epic.
Whoa... Can't believe these forums are still kicking.
this thread is disgusting
I can't believe this wasn't posted yet.
- globefish23
- sophisticated slacker
- +334|6335|Graz, Austria
Yeah, caffeine as well as nicotine are muscle relaxants.
One day I had to go for a dump, but thought that I could easily smoke another cigarette on my friend's balcony.
When I had to fart, some semi-diarrheic poop came out too.
I borrowed new pants, took a full shit on the toiled and continued smoking.
From that day on, I'm always going to the toilet if I feel the need, before smoking a cigarette and/or drinking a coffee.
Women get an enema beforehand to prevent that. That is, if the birth isn't too spontaneous.
One day I had to go for a dump, but thought that I could easily smoke another cigarette on my friend's balcony.
When I had to fart, some semi-diarrheic poop came out too.
I borrowed new pants, took a full shit on the toiled and continued smoking.
From that day on, I'm always going to the toilet if I feel the need, before smoking a cigarette and/or drinking a coffee.
Really that high?Ty wrote:
85% of women crap themselves during childbirth
Women get an enema beforehand to prevent that. That is, if the birth isn't too spontaneous.
That was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the original post.Ultrafunkula wrote:
I can't believe this wasn't posted yet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebw4etz_Vpg
Just beat me to it man.Ultrafunkula wrote:
I can't believe this wasn't posted yet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebw4etz_Vpg
Well I have been having similar issues lately.
When I wake up, the first thing I think off is doing a shit. I never had a problem farting in bed with previous long term girlfriends. I wasn't really that in to them so I had no problems blowing the arse trumpet in bed. As soon as I wake up I usually let the overnight build up of gas out straight away.
Well now I have a new woman. Just been seeing her 6weeks now and I'm not quite at the farting in bed stage yet. I used to just fart during the night as I slept I guess. But now I must have some kind of fart over ride because of her. So I wake up with a swollen gut of air every moring. Its so much air it can only be released on the toilet along with a tirade of shit and unbelievable fart sounds. Every morning is a nightmare. She likes morning sex. I wake up with her wriggling on top of me while I am busting for a shite. She is on top of my swollen gut putting pressure on my already stretched sluice gates. So I'm on the job, but all I can think of is "clinch, clinch clinch" the actual sex takes a back seat.
Trust me, when the time comes to release the man juice it takes Zen like mind control to not shit yourself at the same time. I have an en suite off my bedroom, but I can't go in there and make fart noises as she is like 4ft away. The bathroom is right above my bedroom so its out too. I have to run the length of the house to the toilet in the garage. At this point, getting onto the toilet and releasing the mother load is more pleasurable than any sex I have ever had.
Last edited by JahManRed (2009-06-12 03:50:57)
Much <3, Much <3Metal-Eater-GR wrote:
<3Ty wrote:
Well done everone... just well done. My opinions of you all just sank like the New Zealand dollar.
Closed
Edit: Downy too!? Dear God...
Editx2: FINE I'll re-open the bloody thing. Have your poo-themed fun.
OP: It happens to me when I get the "runs" (courtesy from White Castle's). It's like fook did I or did I not shite me drawers?
My Ex-wife crapped while giving birth to our son. It wasn't a big mess but it is something no one really tells you when you are preparing for giving birth.
Last edited by loubot (2009-06-12 04:18:48)
This made me lol soo much bahahhaSamBo:D wrote:
I shit my self in year 3 once during PE, unfortunately I also wet myself earlier so I was just wearing shorts and no pants at the time.
I didn't want to have to embarrassment of poo falling out of my shorts during a game of netball so I had to catch the few nuggets of poo that came out my bum. Now obviously I couldn't just carry them till I found a hiding place for it, people would see/smell me. So I had to eat it.
Didn't taste too good but it was worth it
Sunday Cricket
Often on a Saturday we all get back to the club house after our serious league game, get hammered and try and bribe 11 players for the next days ' Sunday Friendly fixture'. Big Gav was playing this one Sunday and we had gone to Ebbw Vale, where they are known for quality teas. All the locals come out to watch as we stumble still wrecked from our cars we travelled up in, quite often with sick bags that need dumping. We stick our kit on which is what we wore the day before and have a look at the opposistion in their bright white, ironed 'whites'. As they go through vigirous warm ups and think to ourselves 'Whaaa the fuck am I doing here?'
The locals are sat around the pitch on benches dressed fit for a wedding. We always try and bat first so we got another hour or two to recover from last night, this one day we were in the field after loosing the toss. Im opening the bowling, Big Gav is number 3 slip, half way through the 1st over, he farts, everyone around catches a wiff and gives it 'erghhhhh', he's about 18st and eats like his life depends on it, he's even worse with beer.
He feels the dampness, he gulps, 3rd man (behind him on the boundary) starts laughing his head off so much so I stop mid run up, and everyone turns to him and he's pointing to Gav. Gav's fart had followed through and his fat arse was brown, imagine a 3ft brown circle with white edges and you you got it. He didnt have anything else to wear so went to the showers, clean himself up and did the best job he could with his trousers.
The locals were disgusted, their chairman wrote to ours and we had a 4 year break from Ebbw Vale before they invited us back.
Often on a Saturday we all get back to the club house after our serious league game, get hammered and try and bribe 11 players for the next days ' Sunday Friendly fixture'. Big Gav was playing this one Sunday and we had gone to Ebbw Vale, where they are known for quality teas. All the locals come out to watch as we stumble still wrecked from our cars we travelled up in, quite often with sick bags that need dumping. We stick our kit on which is what we wore the day before and have a look at the opposistion in their bright white, ironed 'whites'. As they go through vigirous warm ups and think to ourselves 'Whaaa the fuck am I doing here?'
The locals are sat around the pitch on benches dressed fit for a wedding. We always try and bat first so we got another hour or two to recover from last night, this one day we were in the field after loosing the toss. Im opening the bowling, Big Gav is number 3 slip, half way through the 1st over, he farts, everyone around catches a wiff and gives it 'erghhhhh', he's about 18st and eats like his life depends on it, he's even worse with beer.
He feels the dampness, he gulps, 3rd man (behind him on the boundary) starts laughing his head off so much so I stop mid run up, and everyone turns to him and he's pointing to Gav. Gav's fart had followed through and his fat arse was brown, imagine a 3ft brown circle with white edges and you you got it. He didnt have anything else to wear so went to the showers, clean himself up and did the best job he could with his trousers.
The locals were disgusted, their chairman wrote to ours and we had a 4 year break from Ebbw Vale before they invited us back.