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2009-07-19 14:16:49
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6686

Mekstizzle wrote:

If you reverse the situation/roles I bet she'd go ballistic if it was you and another chick

Fuck this I'm glad I'm single


(not really)
She would yeah, she said to one of her friends in the earlier months of our relationship that she's so glad for me, because I'm understanding about David (the creeper), when she knows that if I had a female in the same position she would never cope. But I guess because she has emotional issues and needs support, that's okay... but to be honest this entire last week has absolutely hammered me, mentally, and I feel pretty damn beat. Now she's going home and is going to hang out with him again, whilst re-evaluating the relationship and deciding whether or not I/we are worthy, and she's being pretty despondent by the phone, too. It's probably because I'm calling already on the first night apart, but her total lack of empathy and understanding for my own position - having to endure and ride through all of this whilst being left alone in our house together, completely alone and asking tons of questions to myself - is a bitch to deal with.

I think I need to turn this 'Oh fuck, why me in this shitty, unfair and unjust situation?' pity and sorrow into a stronger 'Fuck it, I don't deserve this shit, sort yourself out and recognise what I do for you and quit beating me up'. I should just go get laid with someone else and stop fussing over something that she has entirely taken into her own hands to either cull or nurture.

Last edited by Uzique (2009-07-19 14:18:47)

libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
2009-07-19 14:20:42
Peter
Super Awesome Member
+494|6618|dm_maidenhead
Took me about 2 months to realise being single is fun.
2009-07-19 14:22:11
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6686
I could probably just give up, quit and find someone else - even for some quick, rebound fun - in less than a week... screw 2 months.

But I think I'd have to realize that her being single is most certainly not fucking fun for the entire next 12 months when we're living together, because that would be one rough situation.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
2009-07-19 14:26:52
bennisboy
Member
+829|6862|Poundland
chin up mate, all you can do is get on with your life and see what happens. I know it completely sucks balls whats going on atm, but try not to let it get to you. N I know those lines were probably very relevant to you n your girl, but they are relevant to thousands, which is why people write poems n songs about them, you know that!

I'd be doing the same thimg in your situation, however, I'd be inviting some mates to stay at my luxury house for a weeks solid piss up to forget your troubles! Go on, you know you want to! Get on the phone to your mates n get em round!
2009-07-19 14:32:13
ghettoperson
Member
+1,943|6865

Uzique wrote:

'Fuck it, I don't deserve this shit, sort yourself out and recognise what I do for you and quit beating me up'.
That's pretty much how I'd deal with it. The only thing that's stopped me saying that so far is that you keep stressing her emotional issues, and of course the fact that you live together means it could get messy.
2009-07-19 14:39:10
..teddy..jimmy
Member
+1,393|6865
Sleep on it bro...Right now you're pissed and you may regret any rash decision. If I were you I'd give it a week, see how things evolve and if this guy ends up becoming totally unbearable sack it off. A boyfriend should never feel second best to another guy unless it's family. If it helps take a weeks break from her...don't call her and avoid her so you can re-evaluate/calm down minus her clouding your judgment. Also, I'd recommend having a good heart to heart with your mother who (I'm guessing) knows you well but also how and why girls tend to act like they do.
2009-07-19 14:43:26
ghettoperson
Member
+1,943|6865

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

take a weeks break from her...don't call her and avoid her so you can re-evaluate/calm down
This. By calling her you look weak and needy. Ignore her for a while, then she should call you or return back home and be ready to be more rational about the whole thing, or if it seems like after that time she's not going to move on the issue then it's probably time to move on, because as you said, you've gotta look after yourself first and you should not have to deal with that shit. It's not fair that she puts you through all this.

Last edited by ghettoperson (2009-07-19 14:44:36)

2009-07-19 14:49:06
BRiiNDED
Member
+137|6340

Uzique wrote:

Yeah, I know, but I know that on the objective scale I could find someone that is so much easier and less hassle free, and to be honest when it's starting to give me emotional 'issues' of my own, I need to look after the actual number one...
I dealt with my girlfriend breaking up with me by organising a couple of piss-ups - got hammered - and by asking a different girl to go cinema to says thanks for helping me through the 'break-up' period. Try it - it's legit.
2009-07-19 15:37:57
JakAttaK
csanva<3
+492|6542|England

ghettoperson wrote:

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

take a weeks break from her...don't call her and avoid her so you can re-evaluate/calm down
This. By calling her you look weak and needy. Ignore her for a while, then she should call you or return back home and be ready to be more rational about the whole thing.
This. '27 told me this when me and my girlfriend broke up. If you ignore her, and make it look like you don't need her, she'll get jealous. She'll forget about the other guy, and wonder why you're coping with it so well. Honestly, after the first day, you'll realise you actually don't need her to have a good time, and it won't be an act anymore. Talk with other girls and shit, give her a reason to be jealous and make her remember why she's with you. As soon as she realizes how much she's missing you, she's yours again.

By ignore, i don't mean blank her. I mean like. If she texts you, just answer with a couple of words, but wait for her to text you. All that shit. You probably know this Uzique
http://soundcloud.com/csanva
2009-07-19 15:56:34
Gawwad
My way or Haddaway!
+212|6901|Espoo, Finland
What Jak said.
2009-07-19 16:21:05
BRiiNDED
Member
+137|6340

JakAttaK wrote:

ghettoperson wrote:

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

take a weeks break from her...don't call her and avoid her so you can re-evaluate/calm down
This. By calling her you look weak and needy. Ignore her for a while, then she should call you or return back home and be ready to be more rational about the whole thing.
This. '27 told me this when me and my girlfriend broke up. If you ignore her, and make it look like you don't need her, she'll get jealous. She'll forget about the other guy, and wonder why you're coping with it so well. Honestly, after the first day, you'll realise you actually don't need her to have a good time, and it won't be an act anymore. Talk with other girls and shit, give her a reason to be jealous and make her remember why she's with you. As soon as she realizes how much she's missing you, she's yours again.

By ignore, i don't mean blank her. I mean like. If she texts you, just answer with a couple of words, but wait for her to text you. All that shit. You probably know this Uzique :)
Got given the same advice but by someone else. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't though. A lot of the time it does, but there is that rare, odd occasion. Don't totally rely on it.

Sorry Uzi, got to say this. I know you want as many opinions and ideas as possible on how to resolve your problem, but the only way you will figure this out is on your own, you're a smart guy - from what I can tell by your, for lack of a better word, essays when you post - so you should be alright. Just think things through, just not as much as you have been doing; loosen up (show her that you can be by yourself), don't think to much into ideas about what to do, and how to do it, and especially; don't go doing anything that will make it worse e.g. punching the 'creeper guy', sleeping with another girl etc.



All we can say really is:

Good luck, but we will help wherever we can.
2009-07-19 16:40:05
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6686
Yeah, you're all actually a bunch of lads, and wizened dons too for that matter, when I post something sincere and genuine! Thank ye, sires!

I know I can cope on my own, being single and being a playa is a field I've played for quite a long time, but it just isn't as fulfilling for me. I'd rather keep the relationship- but I definitely know what you mean by showing confidence, strength, not sucking up and appearing needy, etc. The only special consideration with her is her head-state; she needs a support system and doesn't have the emotional strength, courage or audacity to chase someone or something. If I stop showing that I'm interested or start seeming unaffected, she will probably convince her own mind to do something else that isn't as risky or potentially hurtful as chasing me, who seems no longer that bothered. I need to reassure her that I will and can be that support system that she so vitally needs-- she just needs to figure out and realize what I do for her, so she will come back. I agree that by chasing her I'm pretty much ruining things for myself, and looking as though I lack strength... but I guess it's about finding the balance between distance and solo-confidence, and keeping her aware that I'll still be her guy when she's feeling low and down.

I'm probably going to go home for the week, anyway. Get out of this house- it's massively expensive living here, and definitely isn't fun right now when she's not even around. Going to go home back to quiet little Cheltenham, escape the big bubble, get wasted with some of my life-long buddies, and forget all this shit. If she doesn't wake up and recognize that the small unhappinesses and small arguments are trivial in contrast with the real 'bigger picture', then it's her loss- she's stuck in the contract for 11 months and she'll be losing out, fucking bigtime!
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
2009-07-19 18:00:41
BRiiNDED
Member
+137|6340

Uzique wrote:

but I'm now driven to weep uncontrollably at the thought of losing that holiest of grail forever, whilst frantically masturbating into her used underwear in a psychotic state.
Oh, .
2009-07-20 01:53:51
..teddy..jimmy
Member
+1,393|6865

Uzique wrote:

get wasted with some of my life-long buddies, and forget all this shit.
After leaving my ex this solved all my problems.
2009-07-20 02:05:17
krazed
Admiral of the Bathtub
+619|6996|Great Brown North

Uzique wrote:

But she does have the neatest, cutest little poon
explain
2009-07-20 02:39:47
Uzique
dasein.
+2,865|6686
Hey, on her first day home now she is going out to Milton-Keynes shopping for the day with [Creeper]... surprise surprise!

And again it has turned back on me, this time with me being an irrational boyfriend and refusing to give her space . I only called her because I know she would get pissed off if I completely left her alone, and it just so turned out that when we were on the phone her plans and arrangements with the guy came to light- which provoked an "Oh, you said he wasn't going to be there for the whole week yesterday when we spoke" reaction from me- to which she got even angrier and said she just 'forgot' to mention it, they were only planning to go shopping for a few hours, she didn't think it was worth mentioning, etc. etc. So am I just a crazed, insecure fuckwit that is destroying my own relationship, or is she seriously taking the fucking piss? When I appeal to her and say "Put yourself in my shoes, imagine how all this looks and makes me feel, after everything that has happened this last week", but her standard parry-technique now is "Put yourself in my shoes, for once!"- as if I haven't been an understanding and caring partner for the duration of our relationship, just because now I'm getting spooked by her weird actions and strange turn.

This whole thing is starting to make me resent this chick, she's acting totally inconsiderately, and when it is to this extent, I start to stop giving a fuck about her own 'needs' and 'mental instability' really fucking fast. How would you guys feel, and how would you act? This week apart now was meant to be a pleasant week so she could sort her head out and be totally recharged to give 'us' the chance that we really deserve, and already on the first morning it's turned into some huge 'You're not giving me what I need!', because she can't provide me with the basic fucking courtesy of openness and honesty. Sad thing is, I wouldn't even be bothered about her plans and arrangements with this guy, she can do anything she needs to get herself sorted during this week for all I care, it's just the fact that she didn't care to clue me in about it, and basically lied straight to my face.
libertarian benefit collector - anti-academic super-intellectual. http://mixlr.com/the-little-phrase/
2009-07-20 02:59:17
krazed
Admiral of the Bathtub
+619|6996|Great Brown North
now she's just being selfish, emotional problems be damned

you're not an insecure fuckwit, you're sane. i suggest making him go to the store and never come back
2009-07-20 03:06:16
..teddy..jimmy
Member
+1,393|6865
Uzi take a break mate! Try and forget about her for a while and just avoid any contact with her because it sounds like both you and her need it. I know it's hard but you've got to try otherwise you'll be walking up and down your room obsessing about the situation which is not healthy for any relationship or yourself. Give your parents your phone and laptop and have them hide it.

Not meaning to sound harsh but I think you've got to chill out a bit. She probably didn't tell you because she knew you'd get annoyed and thinks that you don't trust her. I'd be equally pissed off but you've got to show that this isn't bugging you and that you're confident enough to know that she's your woman and some fuckwit isn't a threat.

DON'T CALL HER and go banter/get drunk with your old friends. It'll be a welcome break from women issues.

Last edited by ..teddy..jimmy (2009-07-20 03:07:34)

2009-07-20 03:49:30
nukchebi0
Пушкин, наше всё
+387|6540|New Haven, CT
It seems to be a mix between you being overly engaged and her being inconsiderate. It probably is a good idea to take a break with your old friends; forget her for the week as well. Simultaneously, though, it seems a bit iffy that she is "forgetting" to mention things she will be doing with him, when it is kind of obvious he is responsible for your relationship's problems. You do have a right to be concerned about that. You probably would have been better served by asking her in a cool tone, such as "Oh, I didn't know he was going to be there for the first day" (instead of sounding so concerned from the first conversation) but otherwise, it is a completely legitimate issue.

As a note to everyone here, the more I read this thread, the more I wonder how the majority of the male populace is not completely insane.

Last edited by nukchebi0 (2009-07-20 03:57:40)

2009-07-20 03:59:20
ghettoperson
Member
+1,943|6865

Uzique wrote:

Hey, on her first day home now she is going out to Milton-Keynes shopping for the day with [Creeper]... surprise surprise!

And again it has turned back on me, this time with me being an irrational boyfriend and refusing to give her space . I only called her because I know she would get pissed off if I completely left her alone, and it just so turned out that when we were on the phone her plans and arrangements with the guy came to light- which provoked an "Oh, you said he wasn't going to be there for the whole week yesterday when we spoke" reaction from me- to which she got even angrier and said she just 'forgot' to mention it, they were only planning to go shopping for a few hours, she didn't think it was worth mentioning, etc. etc. So am I just a crazed, insecure fuckwit that is destroying my own relationship, or is she seriously taking the fucking piss? When I appeal to her and say "Put yourself in my shoes, imagine how all this looks and makes me feel, after everything that has happened this last week", but her standard parry-technique now is "Put yourself in my shoes, for once!"- as if I haven't been an understanding and caring partner for the duration of our relationship, just because now I'm getting spooked by her weird actions and strange turn.

This whole thing is starting to make me resent this chick, she's acting totally inconsiderately, and when it is to this extent, I start to stop giving a fuck about her own 'needs' and 'mental instability' really fucking fast. How would you guys feel, and how would you act? This week apart now was meant to be a pleasant week so she could sort her head out and be totally recharged to give 'us' the chance that we really deserve, and already on the first morning it's turned into some huge 'You're not giving me what I need!', because she can't provide me with the basic fucking courtesy of openness and honesty. Sad thing is, I wouldn't even be bothered about her plans and arrangements with this guy, she can do anything she needs to get herself sorted during this week for all I care, it's just the fact that she didn't care to clue me in about it, and basically lied straight to my face.
This is what happens when you don't listen to the worldly knowledge of BF2s! Seriously though, listen to Teddy. He's quite the cutie too.
2009-07-20 04:20:52
krazed
Admiral of the Bathtub
+619|6996|Great Brown North

..teddy..jimmy wrote:

DON'T CALL HER and go banter/get drunk with your old friends.
this

nukchebi0 wrote:

As a note to everyone here, the more I read this thread, the more I wonder how the majority of the male populace is not completely insane.
i think we are? because we keep going back for more
2009-07-20 05:15:41
Winston_Churchill
Bazinga!
+521|6955|Toronto | Canada

The girl I had been dating the past two months broke up with me out of nowhere last night
2009-07-20 08:01:15
FFLink
There is.
+1,380|6907|Devon, England

Winston_Churchill wrote:

The girl I had been dating the past two months broke up with me out of nowhere last night
Wow, that sucks.

She say why..?
2009-07-20 08:06:14
Winston_Churchill
Bazinga!
+521|6955|Toronto | Canada

FFLink wrote:

Winston_Churchill wrote:

The girl I had been dating the past two months broke up with me out of nowhere last night
Wow, that sucks.

She say why..?
Not really, just that she still liked me but didn't feel the same 'spark' anymore
2009-07-20 08:07:14
FFLink
There is.
+1,380|6907|Devon, England

Winston_Churchill wrote:

FFLink wrote:

Winston_Churchill wrote:

The girl I had been dating the past two months broke up with me out of nowhere last night
Wow, that sucks.

She say why..?
Not really, just that she still liked me but didn't feel the same 'spark' anymore
That sucks

Taking it ok?

 

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