I'm writing this post because I feel that my self examination as to the recent weeks would be well recieved by a select few members who were feeling the same as I was durring my time of "leaving."
3 weeks. A time period that seems so miniscule. 3 weeks. I had wanted to leave.
3 days. A time period even more miniscule than the first. 3 days, thats all it took for me to come crawling back.
I'll take the time to apologize here, again. I didn't intend to mislead anybody, or anything of that sort. I wasn't seeking attention, rather I was seeking an end to my problems. Many of you suggested that I only come back in moderation. I should have listened.
That first day of "giving up the internet" was hell for me. I wasn't busy, sat down to check emails normally and realized what had transpired the day before. I sat back, logged off, and went and got alot of things done. Chores, yardwork, etc. 3 PM, I come back inside to find the computer open, and myself with nothing to do. "It's been only one day, you can browse." So, without logging in, I browsed the site. For almost 2 hours. Dinner, followed by a family movie, then bed. And the process repeated itself for the next two days. Until I logged in. And I felt horrible at first for doing so. But it also hit me that what I was doing was right.
The day I left, I un-installed everything gaming from my PC. BF2, TDU, Star Wars, xfire, everything. 3 days later, it was back. Except for BF2.
Why?
I've gradually gotten sick of the game. It's lost its value in my hands. With over 600+ hours played on 5+ accounts, I'd finally had enough. My love of the game was gone, and with that went my drive to play and improve myself. With that gone, I began to become a worse player. I'll admit it was bad enough that I was getting beaten by players that in the past would have feared me in game. It was a sad time, very damaging to my ego (which as most of you know, was pretty big. "bigmack's ego > you" kind of thing). But being without BF2 is a blessing. My gaming time has gone down durastically. Even when I play TDU, it's only for a half hour at a time. Then I get up, and do something else.
But why did I return to the community?
Because I loved every minute of it. I loved everything that goes on here. It makes me laugh, makes me feel proud to be a part of it. BF2s is a special place. You guys make it that way. I'm glad to be a part of it. Hell, when I was "gone" I couldn't look away. Too many good things going on here.
So what's it like with no BF2 and little time gaming/being on BF2s?
It's exactly what I wanted. I was just too full of emotion to see it earlier. Like it nor not, this has become a part of my lifesyle, my personality. I can browse the forums, have some laughs, play some online games with you guys, and talk it up on xfire. All for limited ammounts of time. I make more plans now. I do more things. I get out, laugh, have fun, get closer to friends (and particularly my girlfriend), enjoy times with family, etc. I've found the "happy" medium, it's exactly what I wanted. I can keep in touch with you guys, but live the life I want to live.
So for those who were feeling the same as I did (I won't mention names, you know your identities), I hope this helps out a bit. If it's what you want, it is by no means hard to do. If you felt like I did, that you were slipping away from yourself, give it a shot. I hope this helps, or was at least interesting to read for some of you.
To sum it up:
Gaming in moderation + forums in moderation = more time for RL.
=win.
3 weeks. A time period that seems so miniscule. 3 weeks. I had wanted to leave.
3 days. A time period even more miniscule than the first. 3 days, thats all it took for me to come crawling back.
I'll take the time to apologize here, again. I didn't intend to mislead anybody, or anything of that sort. I wasn't seeking attention, rather I was seeking an end to my problems. Many of you suggested that I only come back in moderation. I should have listened.
That first day of "giving up the internet" was hell for me. I wasn't busy, sat down to check emails normally and realized what had transpired the day before. I sat back, logged off, and went and got alot of things done. Chores, yardwork, etc. 3 PM, I come back inside to find the computer open, and myself with nothing to do. "It's been only one day, you can browse." So, without logging in, I browsed the site. For almost 2 hours. Dinner, followed by a family movie, then bed. And the process repeated itself for the next two days. Until I logged in. And I felt horrible at first for doing so. But it also hit me that what I was doing was right.
The day I left, I un-installed everything gaming from my PC. BF2, TDU, Star Wars, xfire, everything. 3 days later, it was back. Except for BF2.
Why?
I've gradually gotten sick of the game. It's lost its value in my hands. With over 600+ hours played on 5+ accounts, I'd finally had enough. My love of the game was gone, and with that went my drive to play and improve myself. With that gone, I began to become a worse player. I'll admit it was bad enough that I was getting beaten by players that in the past would have feared me in game. It was a sad time, very damaging to my ego (which as most of you know, was pretty big. "bigmack's ego > you" kind of thing). But being without BF2 is a blessing. My gaming time has gone down durastically. Even when I play TDU, it's only for a half hour at a time. Then I get up, and do something else.
But why did I return to the community?
Because I loved every minute of it. I loved everything that goes on here. It makes me laugh, makes me feel proud to be a part of it. BF2s is a special place. You guys make it that way. I'm glad to be a part of it. Hell, when I was "gone" I couldn't look away. Too many good things going on here.
So what's it like with no BF2 and little time gaming/being on BF2s?
It's exactly what I wanted. I was just too full of emotion to see it earlier. Like it nor not, this has become a part of my lifesyle, my personality. I can browse the forums, have some laughs, play some online games with you guys, and talk it up on xfire. All for limited ammounts of time. I make more plans now. I do more things. I get out, laugh, have fun, get closer to friends (and particularly my girlfriend), enjoy times with family, etc. I've found the "happy" medium, it's exactly what I wanted. I can keep in touch with you guys, but live the life I want to live.
So for those who were feeling the same as I did (I won't mention names, you know your identities), I hope this helps out a bit. If it's what you want, it is by no means hard to do. If you felt like I did, that you were slipping away from yourself, give it a shot. I hope this helps, or was at least interesting to read for some of you.
To sum it up:
Gaming in moderation + forums in moderation = more time for RL.
=win.