I do tech support for a certain hospital (that will be not be named) in a state in the east U.S. (which also will not be named). Some of these people......Jesus Christ.
We have a network outage, so we put a front end message up saying "The network is currently down. This will affect ALL programs, databases and applications including e-mail, webmail and the internet. You will not be able to use these resources until the problem is resolved."
1st call:
Them: Uhh yeah, this is Joe Snuffy, I heard something on the front end about the network being down but I;m not able to get into my e-mail.
Me:The network is down.
Them: Right, but this is an e-mail problem.
Me: Your e-mail is part of the network, which is not working right now.
Them: So I can't view e-mail?
Me: No, the network is down.
Them: So, what exactly is the problem?
Me: The network is down.
Them: Is there anyway I can fix it from my end?
Me: Not unless you know how to troubleshoot a server and/or find the dead node on the network.
Them: *click*
2nd Call:
Them: Hi, this is Bob Snuffy, I can't get into my ---- database.
Me: The network is down.
Them: Ok, I'll try a restart and call you back.
Me: No, the network is down, don't restart your...
Them: *click*
3rd Call:
Them: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY E-MAIL!?
Me: The network is down.
Them: I NEED MY E-MAIL, I AM A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON AND I NEED MY E-MAIL NOW!
Me: I understand, but this is a problem with the entire network, not with your specific e-mail.
Them: BUT THIS IS A SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCE, I CAN'T DO MY JOB! I NEED PRIORITY ON THIS!
Me: It's not special to you, this affects everyone. We can't bring you up until we bring everyone else up.
Them: I WANT MY NETWORK TO COME BACK BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE'S OR ELSE I WILL CALL THE DIRECTOR OF IT AND FILE A COMPLAINT.
Me: Ok. I will make this a priority ticket, then when we bring the network up, I will make sure that your internet appears before everyone else's.
Them: Ok, thats more like it. I don't mean to be a jerk but I am special, I need my internets before everyone else because I have very important work to do.
Me: I understand. I will make sure your internets come back first.
Them: Ohh and Bluetooth doesn't work either.
Me: I'll make sure they bring your telephone network back up first too.
Them: Ok!
Me: Bye!
*click*
Me: Jackass.
Call 4:
Them:(Extremly thick Russian accent) E-mail?
Me: Down.
Them: Ok.
*click*
Call 5:
Them: Yeah, I heard on the front end message the e-mail is down. My e-mail is down too.
Me: We know.
Them: Ohh. Can make e-mail up?
Me: What?
Them: Can you make e-mail work?
Me: Yes. Hang up, wait 20 minutes and it will work.
Them: Really?
Me: Yes.
Them: Ok, bye.
Call 5:
Them:(Jamaican Accent)Hello love, my computer be frozen, its not workin and I got no buttons.
Me: Ok can you restart the machine?
Them: The what?
Me: The machine, the CPU.
Them: You mean the screen?
Me: No the CPU, the big box that says Dell and you can put CD's into it.
Them: Ahh, you mean the boot box love?
Me: The CPU?
Them: Boot.
Me: THE CPU. The thing that ISN'T your TV screen.
Them: You think I don't know about computers! You talk all this nonsense, how old you be son? 21? I pressed the button! What!? 21?
Me: 22.
Them: Den you don't know nothin son. Talking this nonsense. Nothin.
Me: Then why did you call me when your computer broke?
Them: Shutup, it restarting boy.
Them: It working now.
Them: Have a good day love.
Me: Yeah.
*click*
Everyday.
We have a network outage, so we put a front end message up saying "The network is currently down. This will affect ALL programs, databases and applications including e-mail, webmail and the internet. You will not be able to use these resources until the problem is resolved."
1st call:
Them: Uhh yeah, this is Joe Snuffy, I heard something on the front end about the network being down but I;m not able to get into my e-mail.
Me:The network is down.
Them: Right, but this is an e-mail problem.
Me: Your e-mail is part of the network, which is not working right now.
Them: So I can't view e-mail?
Me: No, the network is down.
Them: So, what exactly is the problem?
Me: The network is down.
Them: Is there anyway I can fix it from my end?
Me: Not unless you know how to troubleshoot a server and/or find the dead node on the network.
Them: *click*
2nd Call:
Them: Hi, this is Bob Snuffy, I can't get into my ---- database.
Me: The network is down.
Them: Ok, I'll try a restart and call you back.
Me: No, the network is down, don't restart your...
Them: *click*
3rd Call:
Them: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY E-MAIL!?
Me: The network is down.
Them: I NEED MY E-MAIL, I AM A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON AND I NEED MY E-MAIL NOW!
Me: I understand, but this is a problem with the entire network, not with your specific e-mail.
Them: BUT THIS IS A SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCE, I CAN'T DO MY JOB! I NEED PRIORITY ON THIS!
Me: It's not special to you, this affects everyone. We can't bring you up until we bring everyone else up.
Them: I WANT MY NETWORK TO COME BACK BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE'S OR ELSE I WILL CALL THE DIRECTOR OF IT AND FILE A COMPLAINT.
Me: Ok. I will make this a priority ticket, then when we bring the network up, I will make sure that your internet appears before everyone else's.
Them: Ok, thats more like it. I don't mean to be a jerk but I am special, I need my internets before everyone else because I have very important work to do.
Me: I understand. I will make sure your internets come back first.
Them: Ohh and Bluetooth doesn't work either.
Me: I'll make sure they bring your telephone network back up first too.
Them: Ok!
Me: Bye!
*click*
Me: Jackass.
Call 4:
Them:(Extremly thick Russian accent) E-mail?
Me: Down.
Them: Ok.
*click*
Call 5:
Them: Yeah, I heard on the front end message the e-mail is down. My e-mail is down too.
Me: We know.
Them: Ohh. Can make e-mail up?
Me: What?
Them: Can you make e-mail work?
Me: Yes. Hang up, wait 20 minutes and it will work.
Them: Really?
Me: Yes.
Them: Ok, bye.
Call 5:
Them:(Jamaican Accent)Hello love, my computer be frozen, its not workin and I got no buttons.
Me: Ok can you restart the machine?
Them: The what?
Me: The machine, the CPU.
Them: You mean the screen?
Me: No the CPU, the big box that says Dell and you can put CD's into it.
Them: Ahh, you mean the boot box love?
Me: The CPU?
Them: Boot.
Me: THE CPU. The thing that ISN'T your TV screen.
Them: You think I don't know about computers! You talk all this nonsense, how old you be son? 21? I pressed the button! What!? 21?
Me: 22.
Them: Den you don't know nothin son. Talking this nonsense. Nothin.
Me: Then why did you call me when your computer broke?
Them: Shutup, it restarting boy.
Them: It working now.
Them: Have a good day love.
Me: Yeah.
*click*
Everyday.
