Pages: 1

 

2007-04-15 21:44:14
stratozyck
Member
+35|7082
This is a question in desperate need of a positive answer.  Is there anyone out there in their late 20s or 30s that has overcome serious mental trauma to lead normal lives?

I lost my mother and recently a brother.  I've been abused in a number of ways when I was younger.  I never thought it was an issue until I went to college.  It was there I saw how I developed along vastly different lines than most other people.  I don't make friends.  I meet a lot of people, but when it comes to a certain point I feel they are a threat and the friendship has to be ended.  I've had sex before but when people touch me I generally want to flinch. 

Im sure there are lot of people in internet land that will flame me, but oh well.  No one knows who I am on here so its whatever.  Does anyone have any idea what the hell to do?  I've been to counseling, been on anti depressants, tried Jesus and all that junk...  I still do not trust people further than I can throw them (which isn't very far). 

This is on my mind a lot lately as I stand to make a decent middle class income yet I am pretty sure the rest of my life will be a steady decline into insanity.
2007-04-15 21:48:25
maffiaw
ph33r me 傻逼
+40|6871|Melbourne, AUS
Keep at it bro,
be an optimist. If it helps, see a shrink.
I don't know what it feels like, but i sympathise.
2007-04-15 21:49:38
aj0404
It'll just be our little secret
+298|6800|Iowa...
i really don't know what to tell you man,i don't know enough about that stuff.if it's any consolation i'm sorry for you loss and i wish you the best of luck for the future.
2007-04-15 21:51:59
Scorpion0x17
can detect anyone's visible post count...
+691|7216|Cambridge (UK)
Forget anti-depressants, unless you're clinically depressed. Forget Jesus.

You yourself are the key to getting better. You clearly want to change and that is a good start. Take things easily. You need to learn to trust and to love both yourself and others. Counseling should help - keep it up.

Oh, and you're unlikely to decline into 'insanity' as such.
2007-04-15 21:52:58
Mitch
16 more years
+877|6975|South Florida
do you have other family near by you'd like to visit maybe?
Or maybe you need a vacation?
Or maybe you need to realize that life is too short to screw around and be depressed or sad all the time?
Death is inevitable so live while you can.
15 more years! 15 more years!
2007-04-15 21:56:26
stratozyck
Member
+35|7082
Thank you, I try to be an optimist, I really do.  I saw the movie 300 recently and I try to think of those men - fighting against all odds to the death.  I know if I go down I want to go down fighting.

Its hard to explain, but I don't want sympathy.  I want to be the typical jerk on the street you can hate with every fiber of your existence and not know why.  Heh...

If theres anyone else going through things I can tell you what has helped me to this point:

Find a hobby and grab on to it.  I read a lot, play video games, learned to play guitar... Drugs and alcohol do not help.  It helps to believe in some sort of God... though I still associate churches with funerals and don't think I want to step into one every week. 

I guess the reason I am posting this is I met someone recently (not like a love thing) and they immediately asked me if I lost my mother because I acted like it.  I just think... after all those years of trying to look and act like it never happened is it that freaking obvious? 

Oh well thanks for your support and I shall continue to fight negative thoughts.
2007-04-15 21:59:21
Scorpion0x17
can detect anyone's visible post count...
+691|7216|Cambridge (UK)
How old are you strat' ? and when did you lose your mother?
2007-04-15 22:04:29
stratozyck
Member
+35|7082

Scorpion0x17 wrote:

How old are you strat' ? and when did you lose your mother?
I am 23 now. 

Honestly, not having a mother doesn't bother me.  It really doesn't.  What bothers me is my brain somehow reacted to all that by closing up to the world.
2007-04-15 22:06:59
stratozyck
Member
+35|7082
I need to clarify something... So many people think I sit around and miss my mother.  Thats not it. 

The number one emotion that has dominated my thoughts over the years is not sadness - it is absolute anger.  I get angry when I see others talking to their mothers like they were their servants.  I get angry just in general.  In short I know I am not a very pleasant person to be around as I act like freaking Hitler in his damn bunker.

Imagine Stalin in every day life.  Thats me.  Constantly paranoid everyone is trying to hurt me and having the desire to preemptively hurt them first.  Imagine what that would do to your social life.

Last edited by stratozyck (2007-04-15 22:11:56)

2007-04-15 22:11:47
Scorpion0x17
can detect anyone's visible post count...
+691|7216|Cambridge (UK)
I take it you lost your mother when you were quite young?

Your brain's reaction to the hardships you have been through is perfectly normal and natural. You have lost or been let down by those that you once trusted and so you now trust no-one. It will take time, and it won't be easy, but with the right help (both from good friends and from professionals) you will learn to love and trust again, and you will get better.

EDIT: The anger is also perfectly normal.

Last edited by Scorpion0x17 (2007-04-15 22:12:49)

2007-04-15 22:16:19
stratozyck
Member
+35|7082

Scorpion0x17 wrote:

I take it you lost your mother when you were quite young?

Your brain's reaction to the hardships you have been through is perfectly normal and natural. You have lost or been let down by those that you once trusted and so you now trust no-one. It will take time, and it won't be easy, but with the right help (both from good friends and from professionals) you will learn to love and trust again, and you will get better.
Oh yeah, I was 6. 

Professionals make me feel sick.  Ok I know the things I said earlier might imply that, but I don't feel sick.  Its only when I look at my personal life going to shambles that I feel I am doing the wrong thing. 

I am sure things will be ok, I have the will.  Its just sometimes like when someone can read my past from looking at me it really bothers me.

In an unrelated note, in the unlikely event I take over the world who wants to be my Minster of Security?  Its an easy job it just requires no ethics and a heavy boot.  Heh... no really I am for human rights...

Last edited by stratozyck (2007-04-15 22:17:30)

2007-04-15 22:30:55
Scorpion0x17
can detect anyone's visible post count...
+691|7216|Cambridge (UK)

stratozyck wrote:

Scorpion0x17 wrote:

I take it you lost your mother when you were quite young?

Your brain's reaction to the hardships you have been through is perfectly normal and natural. You have lost or been let down by those that you once trusted and so you now trust no-one. It will take time, and it won't be easy, but with the right help (both from good friends and from professionals) you will learn to love and trust again, and you will get better.
Oh yeah, I was 6. 

Professionals make me feel sick.  Ok I know the things I said earlier might imply that, but I don't feel sick.  Its only when I look at my personal life going to shambles that I feel I am doing the wrong thing.

I am sure things will be ok, I have the will.  Its just sometimes like when someone can read my past from looking at me it really bothers me.
It sounds like you're heading in the right direction. You've recognised that you have a problem and you want to change the way you are. That is the biggest hurdle.

Do seek professional help - the way you have been treated by people in the past will make that hard, but they are there to help.

It sounds like this friend you mention is particularly perceptive. If you feel you can trust them, talk things through with them. It may be a cliche, but it is true, that 'a problem shared is a problem halved'.

Also remember you are not alone. You may find joining a 'self-help group' helpfull - where you can meet and discuss your issues with other people that have been through similar experiences.
2007-04-15 23:40:02
ATG
Banned
+5,233|6979|Global Command

stratozyck wrote:

I need to clarify something... So many people think I sit around and miss my mother.  Thats not it. 

The number one emotion that has dominated my thoughts over the years is not sadness - it is absolute anger.  I get angry when I see others talking to their mothers like they were their servants.  I get angry just in general.  In short I know I am not a very pleasant person to be around as I act like freaking Hitler in his damn bunker.

Imagine Stalin in every day life.  Thats me.  Constantly paranoid everyone is trying to hurt me and having the desire to preemptively hurt them first.  Imagine what that would do to your social life.
I had a pretty fucked life, so I feel ya.

Things go in cycles, good times and bad.

Remember what Abe Lincoln said;
" a man is as happy as he makes his mind up to be. "

Rock climbing turned my life around. Look death in the eye, you'll figure out life is better, even when it's hard.
2007-04-15 23:51:03
Parker
isteal
+1,452|6844|The Gem Saloon
my dad left when i was a kid...havent seen him for over a decade.
am i better for not having a drunk in my life that would have fucked shit up anyway? dont know, dont really know why it goes through my head either....what i do know is it caused abandonment issues with me that are still present this day. i was lucky to find a wife that will put up with it and help me at the same time. she helps, my knives help, video games help, books help. i am truly my worst enemy, and my head is my arch rival.
good luck man. and remember, sometimes life is just one fucking hardship after another........but dont get down on yourself, persist and persevere.
2007-04-16 00:05:24
Varegg
Support fanatic :-)
+2,206|7260|Nårvei

I don`t have any personal references other than a friend that never had a father and lost his mother when he was 17, he snapped after moving in with his drug infested aunt and uncle and became a druggie himself shortly after - he was pretty fucked up for some years and it wasn`t easy being a good friend for him.

He often received a beating from his mother allthough that stopped when he got older obviously since he started fighting back !

He received treatment and medication for his depression witch lead to his drug abuse in addition to the fuckheads he moved in with.

Around 22 i think it was he moved out and went for 6 mnd`s to a institution for his drug abuse and have since been quite okay, he is today 35 have a steady job and wife + kids.

All is possible my friend but only you can decide what direction you want to take in life, if you want to i`m sure you will make it okay and using the heroes from 300 as an example is a good reference to fight even though the odd`s may be against you !

Good luck and dont give up - ever
Wait behind the line ..............................................................
2007-04-16 00:30:45
Nyte
Legendary BF2S Veteran
+535|7202|Toronto, ON
Here's advice from a god himself:

You are what you say you are.
Alpha as fuck.
2007-04-16 01:37:04
konfusion
mostly afk
+480|7000|CH/BR - in UK

I recommend a therapist - I'm serious. It's not that I don't think you can do it on your own. I just think it helps.

-konfusion

 

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