Coolbeano
Level 13.5 BF2S Ninja Penguin Sensei
+378|6755

Well... title says it all.

A friend of mine recently got a small monkey; not sure exactly what kind i'll have to ask him later.

Our plan? Teach him how to smoke.

Yes, I know, old, tired, but old enough to make a comeback. I mean, when was the last time you saw a smoking monkey?


We're both taking SL Psych, so we thought we'd use some old fashioned classical and operant conditioning to teach her (the monkey) how to smoke.

What I need from you guys is:

What quality cigs to use?
- There are these cheap but really unhealthy Thai cigarettes... are monkeys more prone to illness from cigs than humans?

How should we go about the conditioning?
- We have a basic outline, but it's proving some challenges as smoking isn't a simple reflex.

What can we use from a monkey's instincts?
- As in, what are its natural stimuli that we can exploit?


This is going to be one kickass project.
Zimmer
Un Moderador
+1,688|6748|Scotland

Coolbeano wrote:

- There are these cheap but really unhealthy Thai cigarettes... are monkeys more prone to illness from cigs than humans?
Yes, they have smaller organs, but their bodies are basically the reproduction of ours, they are much weaker than us though. I would really watch out what you give them.

My opinion, dont do it, its cruel and down right stupid.
Paco_the_Insane
Phorum Phantom
+244|6637|Ohio
Im calling the spca on you!


just kidding.
Polux
H@x ?? No, just skill baby !
+73|6639|I smell corners
https://img167.imageshack.us/img167/4050/beta127zg9.gif
SysTray
"Generous mods" < Thats right Systray !
+180|6813|Delaware
It takes a human who smokes a pack a day most of their life to develop a type of caner. Limit the monkey's intake if you want it to have that kind of results.

Use a good brand, too. Nothing's worse than a sour monkey because his cigs suck.
Onidax
Member
+41|6485
Your a complete retard if you do this. Die
Zagaroth
Member
+0|6429
I would start the little fella on basic roll ups with a quality menthol filter, use a good tobacco like Old Virginia or Duma or summat.

When the monkey is fully able to roll their own, smoke and hack out good lumps of lung butter first thing in the morning, introduce them to a pack of ready rolled hardcore Marlboro's or Camels or whatever is really bad for them, and those around them.

After a couple of months, roll in the Cuban bad boys! Can you imagine how crazy a capuchin would look tugging away on a 12" Cuban cigar??

Further down the line, introduce small explosive squibs into the cigars. You know, the comedy ones you can get in joke shops. This would act as a smoking deterrent and comedy accellerant.

FRENZIED CAPUCHIN ASSAULT!!

Seriously though, as a non smoker this sounds like a bad experiment, what are the desired results? Will there be a control monkey? Will you be getting them to perform tasks before and after a ciggie?

Have you considered the children?? THINK OF THE CHILDREN!! Or don't....

Is it me or are Sunday's just great??

Last edited by Zagaroth (2006-12-03 07:24:37)

Zagaroth
Member
+0|6429
Oh dear, Onidax has lost his sense of humour....
Vampira_NB
Trying is the first step to failing
+76|6666|Canada Eh?
I think the Monkey would be a lot safer than humans cause chances are the monkey will not be inhaling.

As for cigarette brands, stay away from king size, and go after whatever the hell the lightest brand is
Smaug
This space for rent
+117|6569|Arlen, Texas
get em hooked on crack then cut em loose. little monkey bastard.
no, wait, use this, already smoking......

http://www.monkeygoods.com/product_info … cts_id/220
RedTwizzler
I do it for the lulz.
+124|6529|Chicago
It would be interesting to see if, after the monkey becomes conditioned to smoking (essentially, addicted), if you can get the monkey to quit. Since it doesn't understand the health repercussions smoking can cause, and, theoretically, likes the feeling smoking brings, it won't quit of its own free will. It would be man's will versus beast's.

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