A Priest, a Nun, and a Rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this? A joke?"
Last edited by Kung Jew (2006-04-03 10:13:04)
that's so retarded... hahahahahahahah.Kung Jew wrote:
A Priest, a Nun, and a Rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, "What is this? A joke?"
edit:
@Boomer. Are you from OCC? Orange County Choppers? Cause i have seen your pics and yur name fit right into that 'street'. lol. no offense. Do you even ride choppers?
Last edited by Poncho (2006-04-03 12:11:31)
Another quick one for the fellas-shaggyp wrote:
quick joke for the fellas:
q: why do women fake orgasms?
a: they think we care.
Whats the difference between a woman and a refrigerator?
The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
hahaha negative Poncho, i live in So. CAl. I'm guessing you saw the sword on my back and thought that hehe And no, I don't ride choopers... my father kinda scarred me for life when I was little, riding on the back of his..Poncho wrote:
@Boomer. Are you from OCC? Orange County Choppers? Cause i have seen your pics and yur name fit right into that 'street'. lol. no offense. Do you even ride choppers?
@ mason... cheese n rice man, that was hilarious.
So a Priest is walking near the wharf, when he notices a fisherman with a pole pulling in a ton of fish. The priest stops and asks the fisherman how the fishing is going. The fisherman replies "Great! Wanna try?"
Well the priest gives it a go, and not too long after putting the line into the water, he hooks a huge fish. As he pulls it in the fisherman exclaims, "That's a huge sonofabitch!"
The priest looks aghast as the fisherman realizes his faux paus. Quickly stuttering out an explanation, the fisherman calims, "That's the name of the fish. It's called a 'Sonofabitch'. You know, tuna, flounder, sonofabitch..."
The priest believes it, and takes his fish back to the church kitchen and begins to wash it. He is washing it off when a nun happens by and says, "That's a big fish!"
The priest replies proudly, "It's a Sonofabitch!"
The nun slaps the priest for cursing. "No, No, No." He quickly states. "It's called that. It's a fish called a sonofabitch."
As they laugh over the misunderstanding, the priest asks. "I caught the sonofabitch, why don't you clean it? Then we can cook and eat!"
She agrees and starts the cleaning process when the cardinal walks by. "Nice fish!" He exclaims. "What do you call it?"
Both the priest and the nun look up in unison and say. "It's a sonofabitch!"
The cardinal takes a deep breath and prepares to scold them when the nun begins to explain that the name of the fish is sonofabitch.
Then the nun says, "Since the priest caught it, and I'm cleaning it, why don't you cook it? Then we could all eat this wonderful fish."
The cardinal agrees and warms the oven. He proceeds to cook the fish and all three are about to sit down to a great meal, when..... The doorbell rings.
It's none other than the pope. Overjoyed by the unexplained visit by the big guy himself, the priest, the nun, and the cardinal ask if the pope would like to join them in a great meal provided by the Lord and his helpers.
The pope agrees to dinner and sits down to a huge fish, and great dinner table. "What is that magnificent fish?" asks the pope.
The priest, the nun and the cardinal all proudly say in unison, "It's a Sonofabitch!!"
There is silence as the pope looks around the table at three beaming faces.....
Takes off the pope hat... kicks his feet up on the table... and says...
"You know... you fuckers are all right!"
Okay, okay, so it's a long joke and kinda crappy, but so is my Monday. I'm sick, at work, and I really need the bf2s joke community to pull together and give me some laughs today. So I guess this is a shout out at boomer, mason, poncho, marconius, and everybody else to help me out. Keep Joke monday alive!!!
KJ
ps All references to the pope and any other characters in this joke are are fictictious and purely coincidental. No actual fish were harmed in the making of this joke. Wardrobe for the pope provided by Edna Mode.
Well the priest gives it a go, and not too long after putting the line into the water, he hooks a huge fish. As he pulls it in the fisherman exclaims, "That's a huge sonofabitch!"
The priest looks aghast as the fisherman realizes his faux paus. Quickly stuttering out an explanation, the fisherman calims, "That's the name of the fish. It's called a 'Sonofabitch'. You know, tuna, flounder, sonofabitch..."
The priest believes it, and takes his fish back to the church kitchen and begins to wash it. He is washing it off when a nun happens by and says, "That's a big fish!"
The priest replies proudly, "It's a Sonofabitch!"
The nun slaps the priest for cursing. "No, No, No." He quickly states. "It's called that. It's a fish called a sonofabitch."
As they laugh over the misunderstanding, the priest asks. "I caught the sonofabitch, why don't you clean it? Then we can cook and eat!"
She agrees and starts the cleaning process when the cardinal walks by. "Nice fish!" He exclaims. "What do you call it?"
Both the priest and the nun look up in unison and say. "It's a sonofabitch!"
The cardinal takes a deep breath and prepares to scold them when the nun begins to explain that the name of the fish is sonofabitch.
Then the nun says, "Since the priest caught it, and I'm cleaning it, why don't you cook it? Then we could all eat this wonderful fish."
The cardinal agrees and warms the oven. He proceeds to cook the fish and all three are about to sit down to a great meal, when..... The doorbell rings.
It's none other than the pope. Overjoyed by the unexplained visit by the big guy himself, the priest, the nun, and the cardinal ask if the pope would like to join them in a great meal provided by the Lord and his helpers.
The pope agrees to dinner and sits down to a huge fish, and great dinner table. "What is that magnificent fish?" asks the pope.
The priest, the nun and the cardinal all proudly say in unison, "It's a Sonofabitch!!"
There is silence as the pope looks around the table at three beaming faces.....
Takes off the pope hat... kicks his feet up on the table... and says...
"You know... you fuckers are all right!"
Okay, okay, so it's a long joke and kinda crappy, but so is my Monday. I'm sick, at work, and I really need the bf2s joke community to pull together and give me some laughs today. So I guess this is a shout out at boomer, mason, poncho, marconius, and everybody else to help me out. Keep Joke monday alive!!!
KJ
ps All references to the pope and any other characters in this joke are are fictictious and purely coincidental. No actual fish were harmed in the making of this joke. Wardrobe for the pope provided by Edna Mode.
Last edited by Kung Jew (2006-04-10 06:59:11)
LOL. I loved it KJ!
WAHAHAHA LMAOKung Jew wrote:
ps All references to the pope and any other characters in this joke are are fictictious and purely coincidental. No actual fish were harmed in the making of this joke. Wardrobe for the pope provided by Edna Mode.
So a young woman is walking around the forest near her house when she comes across a wounded rattlesnake. The rattlesnake looks at her and says, "Please, please help me! If you don't help me....I'll die."
The woman looks and the snake will indeed die without her help. So she takes the snake home with her and cares and feeds for it until it's better. When the snake is better, she keeps the snake as a pet and carries it around with her.
One day the snake fatally bit her. As she lie there dying, she turned to the snake and asked. "Why did you bite me after I took care of you?"
To which the snake replied, "Look bitch, you knew I was a snake right?"
The woman looks and the snake will indeed die without her help. So she takes the snake home with her and cares and feeds for it until it's better. When the snake is better, she keeps the snake as a pet and carries it around with her.
One day the snake fatally bit her. As she lie there dying, she turned to the snake and asked. "Why did you bite me after I took care of you?"
To which the snake replied, "Look bitch, you knew I was a snake right?"
Haha. BTW +1 For KJ for These Jokes.Kung Jew wrote:
So a young woman is walking around the forest near her house when she comes across a wounded rattlesnake. The rattlesnake looks at her and says, "Please, please help me! If you don't help me....I'll die."
The woman looks and the snake will indeed die without her help. So she takes the snake home with her and cares and feeds for it until it's better. When the snake is better, she keeps the snake as a pet and carries it around with her.
One day the snake fatally bit her. As she lie there dying, she turned to the snake and asked. "Why did you bite me after I took care of you?"
To which the snake replied, "Look bitch, you knew I was a snake right?"
I will turn Your Tank into Nothing again If You Show Up Next Saturday!!!!!
Ahhh Monday's at the office.....
So an old man wakes up on his 100th birthday. He sits on the edge of his bed in the sunlight and places his feet flat on the bedroom floor. He stretches his arms, yawns, and then begins to lovingly rub his legs.
"Legs..." He says, "legs, today you are 100 years old." and he rubs his legs.
While rubbing his legs, he takes notice of his hands. "Hands... Today you are 100 years old." The old man proceeds to stop and appreciate his hands with a delicate rub and inspection.
Suddenly the old man looks down at his crotch and a sorrowful look crosses his face.
"Well old buddy," He says. "If you'd have made it, you'd have been 100 years old today..."
So an old man wakes up on his 100th birthday. He sits on the edge of his bed in the sunlight and places his feet flat on the bedroom floor. He stretches his arms, yawns, and then begins to lovingly rub his legs.
"Legs..." He says, "legs, today you are 100 years old." and he rubs his legs.
While rubbing his legs, he takes notice of his hands. "Hands... Today you are 100 years old." The old man proceeds to stop and appreciate his hands with a delicate rub and inspection.
Suddenly the old man looks down at his crotch and a sorrowful look crosses his face.
"Well old buddy," He says. "If you'd have made it, you'd have been 100 years old today..."
"Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers."
I shoulda made this into a church sign, but I'm too lazy to do the legwork.
KJ
I shoulda made this into a church sign, but I'm too lazy to do the legwork.
KJ
Last edited by Kung Jew (2006-05-08 08:15:08)
What is the difference between a J.A.P. and a freezer?
You have to plug a freezer in.
KJ
P.S. For all you goys out there, J.A.P. stands for Jewish American Princess.
You have to plug a freezer in.
KJ
P.S. For all you goys out there, J.A.P. stands for Jewish American Princess.
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the chin.
KJ
On a side note: Yeah, I realize I'm the only poster here this monday. In my defence, I'm stuck at a job with nothing to do and no games to play. I've already gotten to the destructive state of boredom. Where you try to blow up shit, and generally test the physical limits of objects local to you. (my stapler and that desk top will never play the piano again) If any of you are stuck as well, I urge you to post a funny here before you start obnoxiously destroying you and your coworkers personal objects...
Kick his sister in the chin.
KJ
On a side note: Yeah, I realize I'm the only poster here this monday. In my defence, I'm stuck at a job with nothing to do and no games to play. I've already gotten to the destructive state of boredom. Where you try to blow up shit, and generally test the physical limits of objects local to you. (my stapler and that desk top will never play the piano again) If any of you are stuck as well, I urge you to post a funny here before you start obnoxiously destroying you and your coworkers personal objects...
A husband and wife are lying in bed one night and the wife turns to her husband and asks him,
"Honey, what do I do to let you know that I wanna have sex?"
To which he replies, "Easy dear, just grab my penis and give it a solid tug. I'll know what that means."
She ponders this for a moment, then asks, "Well what should I do to tell you I'm not interested in having sex?"
With a smile he says. "Just do the same thing 50 or 60 times."
KJ
"Honey, what do I do to let you know that I wanna have sex?"
To which he replies, "Easy dear, just grab my penis and give it a solid tug. I'll know what that means."
She ponders this for a moment, then asks, "Well what should I do to tell you I'm not interested in having sex?"
With a smile he says. "Just do the same thing 50 or 60 times."
KJ
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on US 95 south, just outside of Washington.
Nothing is moving north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton.
They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. "
"We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "on average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon."
Nothing is moving north or south.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?" "What's the hold up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton.
They are asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. "
"We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "on average how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon."
Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
learned about the history of Valentine's Day. And, "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? "
Thelma's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock?
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.
"Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
learned about the history of Valentine's Day. And, "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? "
Thelma's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock?
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place and tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.
Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.
"Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
It is Halloween and a little Johnny decides to dress up as a pirate, so he has his pirate's hat and his pirate's sword, he has a patch over his eye, the works.
He walks up to a door, rings the door-bell, and a lady answers and says, "Hello, what a cute little pirate, but where are your buccaneers?"
The little boy points to his head and says, "Under my buccan hat."
He walks up to a door, rings the door-bell, and a lady answers and says, "Hello, what a cute little pirate, but where are your buccaneers?"
The little boy points to his head and says, "Under my buccan hat."
In a pub in Ireland, O'Malley walks in and orders three pints o' beer. He takes the pints to the back table and sits in silence as he drinks his beer. When finished, he takes the glasses to the barkeep. The barkeep says, "Why don't you order them one at a time? Your beer will stay colder longer."
O'Malley replies that he is drinking one beer for him and one for each of his brothers who are abroad studing in the US. He orders them together because they remind him of being together with his siblings.
This goes on for years. He becomes a regular and is always seen at the same time ordering the same 3 beer pints.
One day, O'Malley comes in and only orders 2 pints. A hush falls over the pub, as patrons watch O'Malley take two pints to the back and sit in silence as his slowly sips. When O'Malley is done drinking, he is stopped by the barkeep.
The barkeep, realizing the meaning of the missing pint, says, "I'm terribly sorry about your loss, drinks are on me tonight."
O'Malley shoots him a quizzical look and asks, "My loss?"
The barkeep states, "I just noticed that you only ordered two pints instead of three. I logically assumed that you'd lost a brother."
O'Malley laughs and says, "Nah, I dinnah lost a brother, I just quit drinking."
KJ
O'Malley replies that he is drinking one beer for him and one for each of his brothers who are abroad studing in the US. He orders them together because they remind him of being together with his siblings.
This goes on for years. He becomes a regular and is always seen at the same time ordering the same 3 beer pints.
One day, O'Malley comes in and only orders 2 pints. A hush falls over the pub, as patrons watch O'Malley take two pints to the back and sit in silence as his slowly sips. When O'Malley is done drinking, he is stopped by the barkeep.
The barkeep, realizing the meaning of the missing pint, says, "I'm terribly sorry about your loss, drinks are on me tonight."
O'Malley shoots him a quizzical look and asks, "My loss?"
The barkeep states, "I just noticed that you only ordered two pints instead of three. I logically assumed that you'd lost a brother."
O'Malley laughs and says, "Nah, I dinnah lost a brother, I just quit drinking."
KJ
6 reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat
was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael,
He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood
on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table
was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow
a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat
was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown
up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael,
He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood
on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table
was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
Last edited by Darth_Fleder (2006-05-08 12:47:49)
Jed and Cletus are sitting on their front porch watching a nasty gale blow through. Suddenly, a beautiful blonde appears outta the storm, drenched in a tight white T-shirt. she claims to be stranded by a flat tire and requests for a place to shack up till the storm is over. The two rednecks, happily oblige her request for shelter and set her up in the one room barnhouse with them. That night while up waiting for the storm to end, the blonde approaches Jed and Cletus and says she'll sleep with them both in exchange for putting her up for the nite. She has one condition.
"You must wear these condoms or I'll get pregnant!!"
Well Jed and Cletus don the propolactics and proceed to have their fun. The next morn, the storm clears and the woman finds her way back to civilization.
A year passes, and Jed and Cletus find themselves on the porch again. Jed turns to Cletus and asks, "Cletus, you 'member that woman that dun needed that help 'bout a year ago?"
"Yup." says Cletus.
"You 'member bout how we had to put them thingys on our cocks?"
"Yup." says Cletus.
"You reckon you care at all if that lady gets pregnant or not?"
"Nope." says Cletus.
"Well you think it's okay to take em off now?"
"You must wear these condoms or I'll get pregnant!!"
Well Jed and Cletus don the propolactics and proceed to have their fun. The next morn, the storm clears and the woman finds her way back to civilization.
A year passes, and Jed and Cletus find themselves on the porch again. Jed turns to Cletus and asks, "Cletus, you 'member that woman that dun needed that help 'bout a year ago?"
"Yup." says Cletus.
"You 'member bout how we had to put them thingys on our cocks?"
"Yup." says Cletus.
"You reckon you care at all if that lady gets pregnant or not?"
"Nope." says Cletus.
"Well you think it's okay to take em off now?"
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to
salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE
THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him."What in the world is the matter with? You think
I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
"I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"
her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to
salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE
THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him."What in the world is the matter with? You think
I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
"I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving!"
Is yer paw home?" the farmer asked.
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with paw."
"How 'bout your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "He went with maw and paw."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. You would have to talk to Pa about that, he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard".
"No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?
"No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with paw."
"How 'bout your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "He went with maw and paw."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment. You would have to talk to Pa about that, he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard".
Last edited by Darth_Fleder (2006-05-08 13:50:27)
Have you ever started a game on a fresh server only to realize that you were the shark in a tank full of Newbie minnows? Then this joke applies to you.
A young bull comes running up to his dad who is standing on top of the hill overlooking the herd.
"Dad! Dad! Look at all those hefers down there! Can we run down there real quick and fuck one?"
The Bull slowly turns to his prodigy and says,
"No son. Let's walk down there and Fuck them all."
KJ
A young bull comes running up to his dad who is standing on top of the hill overlooking the herd.
"Dad! Dad! Look at all those hefers down there! Can we run down there real quick and fuck one?"
The Bull slowly turns to his prodigy and says,
"No son. Let's walk down there and Fuck them all."
KJ
Joke Tuesday??
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make theguy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.