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uziq
Member
+492|3002
yeah, that's sad. show some appreciation for the prof. their working conditions are shitty.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
He would still have a wife if he majored in STEM
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
uziq
Member
+492|3002
if he was an engineer and made a good salary above the national graduate average, he'd not only have a wife but several mistresses.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
If a girl puts that she likes True Crime and/or horror movies in her dating profile do you think she would like to watch some war porn after you have been dating for awhile?
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
DesertFox-
The very model of a modern major general
+791|6235|United States of America
Mac, I just wanna say thank you to you and your ilk for making me seem comparatively so much more attractive by comparison.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
Are you though? Need to gas yourself up by comparing yourself to other men? Female behavior. You again out yourself as a secret gay.

All I am doing is reading dating profiles and judging women by the content of their character.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
The soldier's wife and me.

She is still officially married though they are not together. She says she is divorced and doesn't want to get back together with him at all. She considers herself a single mother. She lives with her parents, sister, and her child. The father has supervised visits but I am not sure how often. I am not 100% sure the kid's name. She doesn't refer to him by name. She just refers to him as "the kid" or "the baby." When I reconnected she said she was available but when we met she confessed she is "talking to someone." and can't date me right now. She still went back to my place and we had sex the same day. We hanged out again the next day whatever. She took this picture of us together and sent it to me but told me not to post it to Facebook. So I posted it here since I can't show anyone else in my life. The guy she is with is on facebook too and has his relationship status as "in a relationship" and would obviously be sus if I tagged her. She doesn't have a relationship status which should be a red flag for that guy. She cucked two men with me. It doesn't make me feel good knowing that. It takes a lot of messaging to get her to meet up and spend time. She says she is taken and we can't be together and will make it hard to fool around with but will eventually give in.

She has a lot of red flags. She is 31 and has a kid. She is unemployed. She apparently is a regular at the bar to the point where she said hi to some dude who came in with a friend. She vapes marijuana which is detrimental to finding employment. She talks a lot about how hard things are for her as a single mom and how hard life has been on her for so long. She complains she doesn't have any friends. The guy she is with doesn't sound stable at all. He makes me seem like a good catch. Perplexes me how she will cheat on the loser men she is official with but won't leave them. Like I said, it doesn't gas me up knowing I cucked this guy since he is beneath me. It is like I am the cuck.

My mind is telling me she is doing me a favor by not dumping the dude and going "all in" on me like I said I would do for her. Maybe smart on her end since I would eventually upgrade to a person more together and free if one came along. I wonder if she considers that? The girl is a train wreck but at the same time I have strong feelings for her since we grew up together. I knew her since I was 14. She is also Puerto Rican. Kid or not, she looks beautiful with her dark hair and eyes.

I match pretty girls on Facebook dating but don't have the energy to follow up on it since it is so much work starting over new with a stranger. At least I am not an incel.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
uziq
Member
+492|3002
eesh, that 2nd paragraph. yes, that's quite a series of red flags. do you need an air traffic controller to help you guide this one in, or what?
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
I could have saved her if she didn't marry the soldier and have a kid. Could have given the girl a better life.

edit: That actually reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend from back in the day when he visited the hometown from Florida. I mentioned how I regret that I didn't get to hook up with the above girl's best friend in high school who I had a big crush on but I was not good with girls back then. My friend said "you got lucky. That girl got heavy into drugs. She would have dragged you down with her".

Last edited by SuperJail Warden (2022-04-17 01:47:44)

https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
uziq
Member
+492|3002
i understand your position and feelings here. that's a tough one. it's the call of your own milieu, 'settling down' with the nice local girl, the high-school sweetheart ...

however, it sounds like that ship has in some ways sailed. you could still have a nice life together. but at this point it's no longer "could have given the girl a better life" and more like, at least temporarily, giving yourself a worse one. do you wanna drag a woman out of the local barscene, avoid her angry military ex around town, bump into her other bar dalliances, and, most importantly, help raise her son ...? it's not impossible to find happiness this way; but there's definitely easier paths for an elligible young bachelor like yourself, stepping out on his new culinary journey.
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,797|5656|eXtreme to the maX
According to people I know who get involved with other people:

The key is to not think you're going to change someone or radically improve their life.
If they're a fuckup they're going to stay a fuckup, if they have a tendency to go take drugs or go to bars and get wasted that tendency won't go away.
Most people just repeat their life over and over without much thought or effort to pull themselves out of it and no amount of pulling by anyone else will do it

If you think its worthwhile to share your life with someone else its your decision, going in with unrealistic expectations will lead to problems
Русский военный корабль, иди на хуй!
uziq
Member
+492|3002
i think that's totally incorrect and not helpful. plenty of people turn a page in their life and move on, become other people, adjust themselves to different lifestyles.

it's true that there's a type of person who will keep repeating their mistakes, normally inherited ones or inflicted via trauma, over and over in an endless loop of self-destruction. but just as many people mature, gain emotional maturity/insight, attend therapy or do necessary personal work, etc, and break out of that pattern.

the idea that someone who is caught in a negative pattern of bar-hopping and being lost can't ever break out of it is just the sort of pessimistic, miserabilist blague one would expect from a person who is ... well, let's say no more. people can and do change from that shit all the time. the important point is that it would take a lot of investment and, most importantly, patience from macbeth on that front. one true dictum here is that nobody can be 'saved', and that they have to want to change their life themselves.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
Step one of getting saved would be for her to dump the boyfriend and not be so hard to take convincing out. I never met the guy she is with but we went to high school together too apparently. I don't remember him. I don't think he attended university or has a good job. He still lives at home because "he can't afford to move out". "Didn't you just move out?" asked Newbie; "yes but I could afford to move out whenever I wanted" Macbeth replied.

More red flags from this girl...she said likes dating guys who are dumb and not smart. She feels like she can't keep up with men who are smart. She has a BA in Philosophy and a nurse certificate. We were talking about philosophy while she drank her vodka and lemonade around the time of the picture. If she wasn't high all the time, she could probably be resourceful. She mentioned that living with her parents and sister and the 'the kid' is rough because, from how it sounded to me, the others might be critical of her habits and mothering. She calls her child "the kid". She doesn't have photos with him on her facebook. I don't think she ever wanted to be a mother. She certainly doesn't like it. She also vowed never to get remarried. I think she mentioned getting thrown out of the house by her parents. I didn't implore further. She also smokes cigarettes.

I know it is plainly obvious that I should instead focus on sending Facebook Dating messages but I am sure at least some of you guys would understand what it is like seeing a hot even if troubled girl look at you with you know lust and desire. And it is like that every time with her. Things get intense quick.
https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2021/05/angelina-jolie-girl-interrupted-1.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=1024

I am supposed to drive her to Target Monday though we haven't talked since Friday. She, red flag, doesn't have a driver's license because she had a DWI around the time we first hooked up before she married the soldier. She doesn't ask me for money or support but I was going to buy her whatever she needed when we got there. Shopping at Target is better than buying her drinks at the bar since I was going to get laid out of it anyway. I don't like bars and drinking anyway.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,797|5656|eXtreme to the maX

uziq wrote:

i think that's totally incorrect and not helpful. plenty of people turn a page in their life and move on, become other people, adjust themselves to different lifestyles.

it's true that there's a type of person who will keep repeating their mistakes, normally inherited ones or inflicted via trauma, over and over in an endless loop of self-destruction. but just as many people mature, gain emotional maturity/insight, attend therapy or do necessary personal work, etc, and break out of that pattern.

the idea that someone who is caught in a negative pattern of bar-hopping and being lost can't ever break out of it is just the sort of pessimistic, miserabilist blague one would expect from a person who is ... well, let's say no more. people can and do change from that shit all the time. the important point is that it would take a lot of investment and, most importantly, patience from macbeth on that front. one true dictum here is that nobody can be 'saved', and that they have to want to change their life themselves.
You've contradicted yourself and said I'm right.
Русский военный корабль, иди на хуй!
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,797|5656|eXtreme to the maX

SuperJail Warden wrote:

Step one of getting saved would be for her to dump the boyfriend and not be so hard to take convincing out. I never met the guy she is with but we went to high school together too apparently. I don't remember him. I don't think he attended university or has a good job. He still lives at home because "he can't afford to move out". "Didn't you just move out?" asked Newbie; "yes but I could afford to move out whenever I wanted" Macbeth replied.

More red flags from this girl...she said likes dating guys who are dumb and not smart. She feels like she can't keep up with men who are smart. She has a BA in Philosophy and a nurse certificate. We were talking about philosophy while she drank her vodka and lemonade around the time of the picture. If she wasn't high all the time, she could probably be resourceful. She mentioned that living with her parents and sister and the 'the kid' is rough because, from how it sounded to me, the others might be critical of her habits and mothering. She calls her child "the kid". She doesn't have photos with him on her facebook. I don't think she ever wanted to be a mother. She certainly doesn't like it. She also vowed never to get remarried. I think she mentioned getting thrown out of the house by her parents. I didn't implore further. She also smokes cigarettes.

I know it is plainly obvious that I should instead focus on sending Facebook Dating messages but I am sure at least some of you guys would understand what it is like seeing a hot even if troubled girl look at you with you know lust and desire. And it is like that every time with her. Things get intense quick.
https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2021/05/angelina-jolie-girl-interrupted-1.jpg?quality=90&strip=all&w=1024

I am supposed to drive her to Target Monday though we haven't talked since Friday. She, red flag, doesn't have a driver's license because she had a DWI around the time we first hooked up before she married the soldier. She doesn't ask me for money or support but I was going to buy her whatever she needed when we got there. Shopping at Target is better than buying her drinks at the bar since I was going to get laid out of it anyway. I don't like bars and drinking anyway.
OK good luck, in three years you'll wish you'd got a cat.
Русский военный корабль, иди на хуй!
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
I don't want to own a bunch of cats, cat man.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,797|5656|eXtreme to the maX
You only need one, maybe two.
Русский военный корабль, иди на хуй!
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,024|6322|USA

@mac, IMO you, a dalliance, are not going to "fix her." I'm all for friendship with benefits or whatever but do you really want to be the side guy? What happens when you find your "real girl."
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,797|5656|eXtreme to the maX
Worst case scenario - she could do a runner and you could get lumbered with 'the kid', then you could be stuck with him until he's 15 and Uncle Jay can convince him to join Ivanka's army and get on the program to fund high school.

The Irish technician in my last job spent more time fighting with his ex over who wasn't going to have the kid than anything else.
She only wanted him for the welfare payments and booted him out the day they stopped. The technician booted him out shortly after. Kid could be dead for all I know

Or this could be you
https://coleandmarmalade.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Adbuls-Cats-Bambi1.png

Last edited by Dilbert_X (2022-04-17 05:10:26)

Русский военный корабль, иди на хуй!
unnamednewbie13
Moderator
+2,024|6322|USA

Those animals look so bewildered when posed with like that. Very uncomfortable holiday card material.
SuperJail Warden
Gone Forever
+610|3270
Like I said it gets intense quick when we get together.
https://i.imgur.com/xsoGn9X.jpg
uziq
Member
+492|3002

Dilbert_X wrote:

uziq wrote:

i think that's totally incorrect and not helpful. plenty of people turn a page in their life and move on, become other people, adjust themselves to different lifestyles.

it's true that there's a type of person who will keep repeating their mistakes, normally inherited ones or inflicted via trauma, over and over in an endless loop of self-destruction. but just as many people mature, gain emotional maturity/insight, attend therapy or do necessary personal work, etc, and break out of that pattern.

the idea that someone who is caught in a negative pattern of bar-hopping and being lost can't ever break out of it is just the sort of pessimistic, miserabilist blague one would expect from a person who is ... well, let's say no more. people can and do change from that shit all the time. the important point is that it would take a lot of investment and, most importantly, patience from macbeth on that front. one true dictum here is that nobody can be 'saved', and that they have to want to change their life themselves.
You've contradicted yourself and said I'm right.
i think your reading is 100x more severe and pessimistic than mine. i think people are quite adaptable and can change surprisingly quickly with a change of scene/milieu. but it does take that primary effort and a will to change.

everything you say about people and interpersonal relationships makes you sound like an edgy teenager. it’s like one comedy movie, idiocracy, has had the same influence on you as a religious text. it’s kind of pathetic lol. most people move past that ‘people = shit’, ‘human beings suck’, etc, phase a roundabout the time they put away their slipknot hoody.
uziq
Member
+492|3002
also, re: macbeth’s last contribution.

you really need to decide whether you want to invest in the girl or not. at the moment you are comfortably sliding into ‘side guy’ territory. it will get old.
Dilbert_X
The X stands for
+1,797|5656|eXtreme to the maX

uziq wrote:

but it does take that primary effort and a will to change.
Which is what I said.

everything you say about people and interpersonal relationships makes you sound like an edgy teenager. it’s like one comedy movie, idiocracy, has had the same influence on you as a religious text. it’s kind of pathetic lol. most people move past that ‘people = shit’, ‘human beings suck’, etc, phase a roundabout the time they put away their slipknot hoody.
Idiocracy is as valid as any religious text.
Русский военный корабль, иди на хуй!
uziq
Member
+492|3002
i disagreed with this part.

If they're a fuckup they're going to stay a fuckup, if they have a tendency to go take drugs or go to bars and get wasted that tendency won't go away.
Most people just repeat their life over and over without much thought or effort to pull themselves out of it and no amount of pulling by anyone else will do it
as i said, it's much too pessimistic and reflects on you tbh. 'if they're a fuckup they're going to stay a fuck-up' ... i'm sorry, but what?

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